Swinging Back

[bikiniman]

For the last few months I have been feeling predominantly homo-sexual, thinking and fantasizing mainly about having sex with men. As a result my sex life with my wife whom I love very much has fallen away. I worry that this swing in my sexuality is permanent but suspect it is not based on past experience.

I am keen to resurrect my sex life. How do you swing back to your hetrosexual side? Do just have to wait for it to happen naturally or can you make it happen? If so how?

[Long Duck Dong]

ok.... there are a few options... and it depends on how best, works for you

if the option of role play with toys, something that can create a middle ground for you...... and I am talking about strap ons, domination and submission type role reversal...... or the possible of a male partner plus your wife......

even a change in the time and place that you make love with your wife, can cause a shift or expansion of your desires back to a heterosexual / bisexual middle ground.....

you love your wife greatly, so it sounds like its not a emotional shift, as much as it is a sexual one, and based around your previous posts, there is a possibility that you may develop a emotional attachment to partners of both genders.....

some people do have short spans as a more homo / bisexual / hetero sexual desire and like the desire for a cheese burger, once sated, can settle down......

one bit of advice, is also talk with your wife about the problem, its good to let her know that the issue is not her, shes doing nothing wrong and while she may have not said anything, she may have noticed the shift / change in you.... and our partners are the ones that matter most at this stage, as when we * shift * back, they are the ones we still love, desire and want to be with, so it can be important to communicate with them about these issues......

[sparkster86]

As Long Duck points out, it may just be that you are having a strong craving for bi/gay sex, especially if its been awhile since you have had any. I myself notice that my desires for one gender, or the other, or both, can fluctuate from time to time.
Also, as LDD said, my wife can pick up on it sometimes, and even though she understands that it isn't anything wrong with her or her fault at all, it can bother her a little. It does help to reassure them that its not their fault at all.
Nicely said LDD with the cheeseburger simile, I have actually used similar examples when explaining this kind of situation to my wife, how someone craves different things now and then.

[bikiniman]

Thanks Long Duck Long and Sparkster for your advice.

It is purely a sexual shift/swing and not an emotional one.

I am sure my wife feels unattractive because of my apparent lack of interest in sex with her. It is hard to explain though that it is not her, that I am just craving sex with a man at the moment?

I like the suggestion of changing venue and time and will give that a go. On a longer term basis I will try to find some middle ground as suggested with role play and toys.

[Long Duck Dong]

glad i could help......

the not feeling wanted issue with the wife is a harder area to work with.... do you know any ladies in the forum that you can PM and talk with... that may help..... if the ladies do not post in this thread with advice

[tenni]

I think that there may be pieces of information that you have not clarified.

Have you had sex with men or kept this as a fantasy by using dildos etc.?
How much have you communicated to your wife about your same sex needs?

If you have not actually had physical sex with a man, your need may be peeking with such intensity that no amount of accommodating your wife will stop this urge.

Some men are capable of maintaining their same sex drive with cross gender sex drive on a more equal basis but if you want dick..you want dick. I don't think that you can "fix" your sexual attraction and trick it back to a primarily opposite gender sexual attraction. It is who you are. You need to be honest with yourself first. Denying who you are sexually attracted to is not good for you imo. You can not be a good lover to her if you are denying your own needs. Be honest with her. More importantly be honest with yourself.

[Gearbox]

I wouldn't advise you to even attempt to submerge ANY part of you. That IMO is never a healthy 'fix me up'.

If your relationship and the needs of your wife is the priority, then yes, go ahead and try to change who you are and what you feel to suit.
But you are obviously NOT suited to the sexual needs of the relationship and your wife in reality as it's currently laid out, and visa versa.:(

Like it or not, even if this swing isn't permanent, it's likely to come back again. How you deal with it is your prerogative, but treating it as an unwanted side of you that needs to be fooled/pussy footed around is not healthy IMO.
You are you, and that's that!:)

Would it be out of the question to actually have sex with another man?

[bikiniman]

Thanks for the feedback Tenni and Gearbox.

To answer your questions. I have never had sex with another man and have attempted to satisfy my desires through fantasy, use of dildos and porn. The same sex urge is strong and has not gone away. So yes it may be that my desires are peeking and can only be satisfied by another man.

I have communicated some of this to my wife but she is not aware of the depth of my same sex desires. At this point having sex with another man is out of the question and would probably destroy our relationship. I need to progress the conversation with my wife significantly further before I could raise this topic.

I do not want to change or deny who I am, I enjoy being sexually attracted to men and women. I just want to achieve a better balance. MAybe this is only possible if I satisfy my same sex needs?

[tenni]

A better balance?

I think that I have an idea as to what you mean but from what you have written there is no balance. It is an unfulfilled need at the moment. I suspect that each bisexual man has his own level of intensity of a need for same sex action. Some seem to post that they can satiate their need via sex toys and having their female partner fuck them with a strap on etc. On the other hand, some need cock ...a real cock...and a real male body up against their own. You may discuss this with you wife and see if she is willing to use a strap on. If that satiates you, fine. Personally, I have no need to be penetrated as I want a real male body to interact with my body on several physical levels in a sensuous way. Athough you may see same sex action as purely physical it may also be a need for physical intimacy with another man.

Continue discussions with your wife and continue reflecting on your own needs. The swing for me has slowed down but I know that it is there. You are at the age where a lot of bimen find the need increases and needs fulfilled. Your same sex needs have come forward perhaps after years of being hidden. I do not claim to be a counsellor and I'd suggest you to be careful of any poster claiming to be a counsellor. Another option is to explore your sexuality with real bi friendly counsellor in your real world.

[Long Duck Dong]

Thanks for the feedback Tenni and Gearbox.

To answer your questions. I have never had sex with another man and have attempted to satisfy my desires through fantasy, use of dildos and porn. The same sex urge is strong and has not gone away. So yes it may be that my desires are peeking and can only be satisfied by another man.

I have communicated some of this to my wife but she is not aware of the depth of my same sex desires. At this point having sex with another man is out of the question and would probably destroy our relationship. I need to progress the conversation with my wife significantly further before I could raise this topic.

I do not want to change or deny who I am, I enjoy being sexually attracted to men and women. I just want to achieve a better balance. MAybe this is only possible if I satisfy my same sex needs?

if I may be as so bold to ask.... in what role would you enjoy being with a male.... as the top or the bottom, in your fem clothing or not

the reason I ask, is often, it can give you a opening with your partner, that can at times, make coming out more, a easier thing to do, as your partner has a better basis to work with.....

does your wife know and understand about your wearing fem clothes as that can help with a opening for the strapon sex, and in turn, provide a platform for adding a male to the mix if its something you both want to look at more seriously......

generally, as a rule, ladies can be more accepting and understanding if they feel that they are involved on some levels and aspects... its a shared partner thing that is very healthy in relationships and even if the female partner is not interested in participating with the actual sex, the sharing of the clothing to wear, choosing the right partner etc, can be very empowering.....

your wife sounds to be a lady that is understanding and unsure, more than having reservations and concerns..... and it also sounds like she may be the type that would be able to relate and communicate better on a equal level situation with you

[bikiniman]

Tenni/Long Duck Long,

In answer to your questions my sexual need is for physical intimacy with another man. Being fucked by my wife wearing a strap-on would be great but would probably not fulfil this need.

Whilst I would prefer to be the bottom I have no great desire to have sex with a man whilst wearing feminine clothing. In fact I would like to have sex with my wife while wearing feminine clothing. Wearing feminine clothing is more about sexual attraction to women for me.

I guess I will continue discussions with my wife and take it slowly and hopefully progress to a point where I am able to fulfil my sexual needs to be with a man. I guess there is no easy fix and its about being open and honest about your needs/desires which is really hard.

Thanks for your advice.