I find guys too easy and girls too difficult.

[dseven]

Hi everyone, well I'm kinda having a problem here, so I've been seeing this guy, I actually saw him 4 times, (the night we met and three more times we had sex). We have a strictly "friends with benefits" relationship, he's cute and a nice guy, but altough I care for him as I care for all my friend's well-being, I don't think that if that he wasn't so damn hot, I would see him that much, so I decided to make it fully physical, and he's okay with that so we are having fun.

The problem is not this guy, but that I find approaching and getting girls really difficult, it's not that I can't get girls, I mean, the other night I went out and I got three girls in a single night (and 2 guys), it was a gay club, but still... I had a very hot moment with one of them, so we made out for a while, she was really turned on. So when I was leaving she said "well, but aren't you gonna at least give me your facebook page?" so I gave it to her, she added me, and I started talking to her, at first it was going great, but then when I asked her out (after like 20 minutes of conversation), she kinda told me she was dating a guy, and some bullshit that I don't believe. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you?? you were saying "hi cutie" one moment and the other you were saying "hey, I'm dating a guy"... I just need to understand...

I mean, there's a stupid social protocol that I have to follow in order to prevent the girl of being creeped out by me??

With guys is so simple, there's no stupid games or stuff, I mean, I don't know if it's my natural confidence of seeing them just as sexual objects or what, but I have an incredibly high success rate with guys and a low success rate with girls. I mean, yeah, I can make out with a girl in a club, but what if I wanna have sex with her? maybe be fuck buddies? or maybe even a LTR??

I feel like I'm so dissapointed by girls, that I'm loosing interest in them, it's like I see a cute girl and it's like "no, why bother...."
I need to feel loved by a girl, to feel appreciated by one, to see a girl emotionally attached to me. And of course, this goes without saying, I would be attached too.

I need to know, how to prevent myself from creeping out girls. Because I'm sick of it, I'm one of those guys that could make almost any woman happy, while being happy himself. But I don't know why, but girls are usually cowards who are just scared of living their lives to the full and experiencing. They are closed minded, prejudists and alltogether full of problems.
But still, they smell soo good and their skin is really soft and they have beautiful smiles and they just make you feel like you are in a fucking cloud...

Well, I'm rambling. Can someone explain me why this keeps happening to me??? I'm 20 by the way.

Hugs
Dseven.

[cornholejoe]

guys just like sex but girls like more they tend to be looking than more than just sex

[bigi56]

I'm not sure about that. The guys I contact all want to give me an email address and the never respond to the email. I may not be much, but I want sex as mu
Ch as the next guy and what else is this about?

[DuckiesDarling]

You know, what I got from that post is that you met someone at a gay club, you hit it off, got facebook page then she blew you off sometime in the future. Hon, why don't you try meeting girls at other clubs besides a gay club? There seems to be a strong possibility that she went there to experiment and "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" syndrome kicked in. There are a lot of women out there that not only will accept a man being bisexual but also be turned on by that fact. Don't give up, just broaden your search area for girls and I'm sure you'll find one in no time.

[dseven]

I also get girls in regular clubs, but in a smaller degree, ther are usually much easier in gay clubs. But I don't think that this was the case for two reasons: She goes there a lot, cos she is quite the fag hag and she asked for my facebook page, I didn't even asked her name. So I'm asking, why would you ask someone's facebook page if you are then not going to do anything about it??
It just doesn't make any sense...

[sammie19]

I dont know if I am right, but I think it goes back to when we were most primitive and when humans were no more than animals. Like much of the animal kingdom, males had to impress in some way and there was so much competition for a mate/mates.

Women are more choosy and I think it goes back to those days. It's a remnant of ancient mankind's mating rituals. We are much less discerning now but there is still within the human female more of a need to be impressed by the opposite sex than there is within the male.

Don't ask me to get into the instinctive need for good genes, because I think I understand it, but how much in this day and age with contraception easily available plays its part when there is no intention to get pregnant I don't know, but while I don't intend to have children as yet, a recent experience brought home to me that I view men differently for attraction and pleasure than if I was considering having a child.

[bityme]

With guys is so simple, there's no stupid games or stuff, I mean, I don't know if it's my natural confidence of seeing them just as sexual objects or what, but I have an incredibly high success rate with guys and a low success rate with girls. I mean, yeah, I can make out with a girl in a club, but what if I wanna have sex with her? maybe be fuck buddies? or maybe even a LTR??

I feel like I'm so dissapointed by girls, that I'm loosing interest in them, it's like I see a cute girl and it's like "no, why bother...."
I need to feel loved by a girl, to feel appreciated by one, to see a girl emotionally attached to me. And of course, this goes without saying, I would be attached too.

I need to know, how to prevent myself from creeping out girls. Because I'm sick of it, I'm one of those guys that could make almost any woman happy, while being happy himself. But I don't know why, but girls are usually cowards who are just scared of living their lives to the full and experiencing. They are closed minded, prejudists and alltogether full of problems.
But still, they smell soo good and their skin is really soft and they have beautiful smiles and they just make you feel like you are in a fucking cloud...

Well, I'm rambling. Can someone explain me why this keeps happening to me??? I'm 20 by the way.

Hugs
Dseven.

At 20 years old, you are still learning.

Your success rate is higher with guys because your expectations are completely different than they are with girls. You are only looking for a satisfying physical encounter without commitment.

You define the difference yourself. With girls you seek to be appreciated and have an emotional attachment. That is a lot deeper than what you want from a guy. I probably means you are also more selective with girls. I would think that you have a much longer list of things you want in or expect from a lady to develop this emotional attachment (often called "love").

Is it possible that with women you are actually going through a detailed interview and testing process to find your "soul mate" or "life partner?"

The girls a doing exactly the same. The young lady you speak of may very well be dating another guy at present. The fact that she is out flirting and giving you crossed signals merely indicates that whoever she is dating doesn't fulfill every expectations she has on her "Husband-to-Be Checklist." A young lady will stay with a 75 percenter until she finds an 80 percenter or higher. Their interview and evaluation process may take time.

What happened was you got high enough marks the first night to make her "Deserves Further Investigation" list, but not enough to top her current boyfriend and justify a change. Her examination of your Facebook page will give her more information about you which in turn may, or may not, give you more positive marks. If her research about you reaches a "positive attribute level" approaching that of the current boyfriend she may consider a no-commitment date to get to know even more about you. Your score will have to be equal to or greater than the current boyfriend to justify a second date or an evening between the sheets.

Your expectations are much lower. You would be satisfied with a female "Fuck Buddy" until you find the appreciation and emotional attachment you want. But you probably wouldn't want that if you were already "dating" a girl that satisfied part of your "Wife-to-Be Checklist" unless the new girl was close to the present one or you were sure you could maintain the "Fuck Buddy" without the current girlfriend finding out. Girls are usually not that callous.

Guys are raised to be self-sufficient. They take more chances on things that might be destructive of their relationships because they know they have to take care of and support themselves and eventually their family.

Most girls are still raised being told that they have to find a man that will take care of them and eventually their children. The general attitude is that it is the man's responsibility to be the provider.

Think about the expectations. Who is expected to pay for all, if not the majority of the dates? Who will be the bread winner? Who will stay at home and raise the kids? Who will do the cooking and cleaning? How does your culture and upbringing generally answer these questions?

You will probably find that a few girls are party animals. They are attracted to the "Bad Boys." They will be a "Fuck Buddy" to one or more of the "Bad Boys" they are attracted to. But once they decide they want more in life than they can provide for themselves, the "Husband-to-Be Checklist" comes out and they start interviewing. The closer they get to an acceptable checklist score, the more apt they are to drop their attraction to the "Bad Boys" and start looking for "PointDexter" or the "Nerd" who previously wouldn't have had a chance for a date but now is showing signs of success and greater possibilities of being a better provider.

At age 20, you don't need a relationship with the emotional attachment yet. Play the field; have fun. Concentrate on planning and working for your own career. If you want a female "Fuck Buddy" forget about the girls your age. (I'm making an assumption here that you are more "PointDexter" or "Nerd" than you are "Bad Boy," but you are not yet career establish or on track yet to get higher scores.)

Until you are on track or established in your career, if you want interaction with the ladies, look for the MILF or COBRA; the 40 year old lady who wants the secret or non-commitment "Fuck Buddy."

When you are finally on track or established in your career and you can get high score as a prospective provider. generally at 25 to 30 years old, you can go back to the 20 to 25-year-old girls who have their "Husband-to-Be Checklist" activated. You'll blow the guys their age out of the water and have your pick of the litter. Sound callous? It is, but that's life. To be successful with girls your own age, you need to be either a "Real Bad Boy" or a very successful "PointDexter" to get the appreciation and emotional attachment you are thinking about.

Good Luck & Enjoy the MILFs,

Pappy

[tenni]

DSeven
You are not the only bi man regardless of age who is aware of the dilemna of options and the different behaviour of men and women. It really depends upon what you want. You have fairly clearly described the options but perhaps not cleared it up in your own mind as to what you want. Are you capable of having an emotional "relationship" with both men and women? You seem to be more open with the possibility with women than men. If you are capable of both physical and emotional attachment to both men and women, then why does it matter if women are giving you a harder time?

Look towards team men rather than team women. Team men may have its issues if you are looking for a relationship beyond fuck buddy though. Some men who have been in a relationship with a woman for decades and the relationship ends decide to switch teams for similar reasons that you describe.

As someone stated if you are not looking for a woman to bear your children and want to be with a woman, look to the older open minded woman and enjoy.

[dickhand]

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus !

[Jobelorocks]

As a woman, I find that many guys are too pushy which just comes off as creepy. I try to be polite and let them down gently, but I find the men who pursue me tend not to be the sort who take no for an answer (but most men I am not interested in, I am pretty darn picky). I find that women will back down when I even send them the subtle clues that only women tend to understand).

Being a woman I get substantially more men hitting on me then women, so I get the pick of the litter. Women may have second or third choices on the back burner that they string along, so if the one they really are most interested in doesn't work, they have back ups. I know I have done it in the past, but now, I just hold out. But then again, my husband is so freaking hot, that I don't find the prospect of doing other men as enticing as doing other women.

[dseven]

Well, to sum up, I don't think I can fall in love with a guy really, at least not now, I don't even think I know what "love" truly is, since I've never had a LTR, but well, I think I've been in love with a few girls, but never really felt anything but sexual arousal for guys...

And really, I'm not going to fuck a 40 year old woman, it's just not gonna happen, my limit is 25 maybe. But well, you are right, I'm a nerd, but I'm kinda learning to be a bad boy, step by step.

But really, I blame all the fucking heterosexual society that makes girls this way, they are all afraid of everything, they say "Oooh, I want a nice guy that cares for me, and loves me and whatever" but then when a nice guy appears (i.e. "me") they just prefer the dumb son of a bitch that's going to cheat on them. I mean, are you fucking retarded?? What's wrong with you??...

I leave you with two thoughts:
Most girls are partially guilty for the machism, since they support it instead of fighting it, they wanna be dominated by an "alpha male", who's gonna support them and take care of them, instead of being independent and looking for an equalitarian relationship.

Humans don't wanna be happy, if they are happy, then there's nothing to feel self-pity or unjustified sadness for... Gosh are we dumb...

Hugs
Dseven.

[darkeyes]

Well, to sum up, I don't think I can fall in love with a guy really, at least not now, I don't even think I know what "love" truly is, since I've never had a LTR, but well, I think I've been in love with a few girls, but never really felt anything but sexual arousal for guys...

And really, I'm not going to fuck a 40 year old woman, it's just not gonna happen, my limit is 25 maybe. But well, you are right, I'm a nerd, but I'm kinda learning to be a bad boy, step by step.

But really, I blame all the fucking heterosexual society that makes girls this way, they are all afraid of everything, they say "Oooh, I want a nice guy that cares for me, and loves me and whatever" but then when a nice guy appears (i.e. "me") they just prefer the dumb son of a bitch that's going to cheat on them. I mean, are you fucking retarded?? What's wrong with you??...

I leave you with two thoughts:
Most girls are partially guilty for the machism, since they support it instead of fighting it, they wanna be dominated by an "alpha male", who's gonna support them and take care of them, instead of being independent and looking for an equalitarian relationship.

Humans don't wanna be happy, if they are happy, then there's nothing to feel self-pity or unjustified sadness for... Gosh are we dumb...

Hugs
Dseven.

There are a few germs of truth in what you say however unpleasantly you say it.. but mostly babes. we have a saying over here... you are talking out of your arse... this is 2011 not 1951 or 1911..

[sexytxcpl_lookn4girl]

guys just like sex but girls like more they tend to be looking than more than just sex

girls are confusing but its becuz we want u to kno who we r and what we r about before you ask us out and we might kiss u and tease u a little while in a relationship but it just pushes us back to who we belong with sorry most of us are bitches including myself u just gotta find one that's not unless of course u like bitchy and scandalous

[dafydd]

think that some bi men get exhausted with the expectation of being the stronger one in the relationships with women. bi men i know aren't afraid to acknowledge that relationships with guys appeal because they feel able to break down and not feel guilty or weak. care for ur bi men. its very difficult to be everything to everyone

d

[Maggot]

You may be creeping women out by a combination of overly cocky attitude and desperation. Think Howard - Big Bang Theory.

Harsh words I know, but over the years I have seen this many, many times with young men.

As others have mentioned above, women are highly tuned to subconcious signals - and you may well be giving off the "I want a wife/house keeper/cook/child minder/laundress/nurse" vibe far more obviously than you think you are.

You need to take a step back and take a big bite of humble pie young man. Someone giving off "I am Gods gift to women" signals is likely to get the heave ho, quicker than you can say Jack Robinson.

As and when some young lady decides you are the one she's going to marry, you will no doubt be a great husband. Until then, you need to chill out and try plain, old fashioned friendship first, then work up to potential fuck buddy status after all, that is where the Friends bit of Friends with Benefits comes in.

I think you're cutting yourself short a little ruling out women over the age of 25 for recreational sex. 30 - 40 year olds are up for it, know how to the get the most out of it, and are frequently hotter than 20 somethings - after all, we don't have hang ups that the average 20 something has - age does have it's benefits.

[dseven]

Look, the desesperation, is a true thing, but the cocky attitude? Not at all, in fact, when I engage on the cocky attitude is when I appeal most to women. I don't want a wife/house keeper/cook/child minder/laundress/nurse, I just want a girl with whom I can have a relationship, fall in love and eventually plan a future together, of course I wouldn't mind a fuck buddies relationship either. I'm open to the oportunities.

But to be honest, all I see in women is that they wanna be dominated kittens that need a strong alpha male to run to when they are feeling weak or vulnerable, which is all da fucking time. And I'm sorry, but that just pisses me off, I'm not a fucking alpha male, I couldn't care less about my masculinity and I'm emotional and caring and at the same time strong-willed. I see things in a very simplistic way, I either like or dislike a girl, if I like her, then I'll probably wanna get with her, in any way possible. If I don't like her physically and/or I feel like she might be feeling down about herself, I might also do something with her, it's just because I can't stand to see people suffer.

Where are the strong women?? Where are the feminists??
Cmon, I'm more of a feminist than most girls...

But well, I guess I don't make the rules and I have to play by those rules if I wanna at least get some sex...

And when I say I would make almost any woman happy, I mean it, I care about people, I go the extra mile for them, I'm emotionally open, supportive, understanding, open-minded, faithful, honest and also I'm attractive and have a nice 20-22 cm cock.

Dseven.

[DuckiesDarling]

Okay break it down, DSeven. First you are making lots of assumptions about women, that they want men to be strong and in charge, they shouldn't expect a man to have a feminine side, they should all be interested in you regardless of what place you meet them.

They are wrong assumptions. Not all women want men to be strong and in charge but not all of those women who don't want that are feminists or lesbians. Most women actually do expect a man to have a sensitive side as well as a strong masculine side, sensitive does not equal feminine, it just means someone who is tender. You say you are that way but you post as if you are God's gift to women as well.

If you want it, work for it, hon. Start, as has been posted, with looking for friendship before you look for the whole package. You are young, you have a long time to find someone who is perfect for you, but you also need to be perfect for her. It's a challenge.

So as I said earlier, start by going to other places besides a gay bar and when you do meet someone take it easy. Start with a phone number not a facebook page.

Now make a list for yourself, your ultimate goal. Then write down what you need to make that happen and then what you need to make happen to make what you need to happen to make your ultimate goal. Get the picture? Smaller pictures first then the big picture will come in focus.

[tenni]

"The young lady you speak of may very well be dating another guy at present. The fact that she is out flirting and giving you crossed signals merely indicates that whoever she is dating doesn't fulfill every expectations she has on her "Husband-to-Be Checklist." A young lady will stay with a 75 percenter until she finds an 80 percenter or higher. Their interview and evaluation process may take time."

"Being a woman I get substantially more men hitting on me then women, so I get the pick of the litter. Women may have second or third choices on the back burner that they string along, so if the one they really are most interested in doesn't work, they have back ups."

.................................................. ............
"A friend's nephew has been bragging to him about keeping two women on a "leash"....A big scene erupted as the girls quickly understood what a player the guy was."
.................................................. ..............

Ok...so in the last quote from the Just Due thread referred to the young man getting his "just due" for being a "player" with two women that he was dating. In the first two quotes, why is no one calling these women "players"? That is what they are. That is what the young woman did to dseven.

Double standard for sure....:rolleyes: Shouldn't people be all over these player women's ass too? :bigrin:

[AmbiguousDude]

I think you're cutting yourself short a little ruling out women over the age of 25 for recreational sex. 30 - 40 year olds are up for it, know how to the get the most out of it, and are frequently hotter than 20 somethings - after all, we don't have hang ups that the average 20 something has - age does have it's benefits.

As a 41 YO guy I don't rule out any woman young or older for recreational sex but I too find myself in the same situation as dseven.....someone please tell me where and how I find a female just looking for NSA?!?!

[mikey3000]

There are a few germs of truth in what you say however unpleasantly you say it.. but mostly babes. we have a saying over here... you are talking out of your arse... this is 2011 not 1951 or 1911..
:) I thought I was the only one who was turned off by his BS. He can have all the 20 y/o girls he wants. I'll stick to the 25 and up crowd.

[Realist]

When you limit yourself, you may miss out on something more wonderful than you ever expected!

[*pan*]

hmmm interesting. i find that most straight woman will accept a bi guy before straight guys will. maby she is dating someone. maby she just wants to be friends to chat. i find woman like to chat with bi men guess bi men converse with woman better i dont know. my problem is finding guys, woman are no problem even when i tell them im bi. so i dont think thats the problem. it's easy to pickup woman being bi but picking up men is where i have a problem. some gays dont like bi's, and how do u know who is gay or bi when your not in a meeting place. guess i was never very tactiful with words when it come to meeting guys. as usual this is only my opinion and i wish you all many blessings : pan/|\

[elian]

Dseven, I mean no disrespect but you are still learning (as am I) so your frustration right now is to be expected. The girl you spoke with was probably telling you the truth, she's probably already dating another guy but wanted to get to know you anyway, maybe wanted to check you out (IRL and on facebook) but that doesn't mean she's going to sleep with you. You may end up with her as a friend and that's as far as it will go.

Women really do look for commitment and romance. Some men do too, but at the end of the evening those of us men who just don't want to sleep alone may choose to go home with someone anyway.

There is a bit of a double standard in society, men are ENCOURAGED to sleep around as much as possible, but women who sleep around are, well let's just say - "not virtuous". So society says anyway. Also, if a woman sleeps with a man there is SOME potential that she may become pregnant, so is it any wonder that a woman would be more "choosy" about who she will sleep with?

Men, well if it weren't for that pesky HIV and a few of us really WANTING a monogamous relationship we'd probably sleep with damn near anyone..

It's a quick 'n dirty summary but I hope I got it mostly right anyway

[sammie19]

Dseven, I mean no disrespect but you are still learning (as am I) so your frustration right now is to be expected. The girl you spoke with was probably telling you the truth, she's probably already dating another guy but wanted to get to know you anyway, maybe wanted to check you out (IRL and on facebook) but that doesn't mean she's going to sleep with you. You may end up with her as a friend and that's as far as it will go.

Women really do look for commitment and romance. Some men do too, but at the end of the evening those of us men who just don't want to sleep alone may choose to go home with someone anyway.

There is a bit of a double standard in society, men are ENCOURAGED to sleep around as much as possible, but women who sleep around are, well let's just say - "not virtuous". So society says anyway. Also, if a woman sleeps with a man there is SOME potential that she may become pregnant, so is it any wonder that a woman would be more "choosy" about who she will sleep with?

Men, well if it weren't for that pesky HIV and a few of us really WANTING a monogamous relationship we'd probably sleep with damn near anyone..

It's a quick 'n dirty summary but I hope I got it mostly right anyway

Elian, what you are saying is much what I was saying in my post earlier in the thread minus your talk of double standard which I agree with 100%. We are a bit more picky in just the way you say for reasons I mentioned, but we like our fun too. Most of us hope love and romance comes along but it isn't essential for us to have that fun before it does.

[elian]

Thanks for your insight sammie. I am glad that women like to have fun too - it's a healthy way to look at it..the world would be pretty lop-sided and schizophrenic if we all waited to get married before having sex, etc..

For those people that choose to have that abstinence goal, it's admirable but marriage is supposedly "forever" and how do you know what you want without experience? I guess you're just supposed to love someone that much and the sex comes secondary..

[darkeyes]

Thanks for your insight sammie. I am glad that women like to have fun too - it's a healthy way to look at it..the world would be pretty lop-sided and schizophrenic if we all waited to get married before having sex, etc..



Am not a great one for buying a car wivout a test drive Elian!!!. Nev kno wot kinda dog ya mite end up wiv.. tee hee:tong:

[dseven]

I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a bit frustrated, I feel like girls don't appreciate me, it's like I feel like no girl will ever even consider being in a relationship with me, I know it's stupid, but the truth is that I feel alone, even though I'm never alone. I want to feel that a girl wants me, in any way, I mean, that she would let other men pass to be with me. I'm not asking for much, really, but dunno... It feels like I'm damaged and faulty and don't know how things work. But it makes me really angry that I have to learn to play "the game" (yeah, I lost), in order to get to know someone, everyone is so full of shit and prejudices.

I feel like most people are close minded idiots who don't really wanna live life to its full, they limit themselves, and I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about everything. I've been fighting against my own prejudices for a long time, and so far I'm winning, but I feel like most people have a long way to go.

Well, anyways it was a harsh week and also I "broke up" if you will with my fuck-buddie and that kinda hit me harder than I would've expected.

Hugs
Dseven.

[caldura]

na...Bityme hit it right on the head.

[Gearbox]

Maybe THAT'S where your going wrong? You want ANY girl to come along and make you a bf that stands out from the crowd.
Most girls I've know wanted to be the 'special one'.:tongue:

[elian]

It will get better Dseven :)

[Maggot]

dseven - You are neither damaged or faulty. You are young, we've all been there (or are going through it). The women you want to connect with are young, and just as uncertain as you are.

You've just broken up with a fuck buddy. So, give yourself a little space to get over it, dust yourself down and try a different game plan. Try going to other clubs (as suggested above), try something completely different - evening courses, amateur dramatics, dance classes, the library.

Strong women can often be found in evening classes, picking up books at the library etc.

[dafydd]

Strong women can often be found in evening classes, picking up books at the library etc.

...and looting during riots, whilst their husbands sit patiently in police cars.