advice needed on my first mm/f three way

[axlton]

after two years of marriage, my wife and I are considering having a three way with another man. I'm bi, but was only recently (after very gradualy working up to it) able to tell my wife of this.

Now she is turned on by the idea of watching me with another man, very turned on. And i must admit as a bi guy having a mm\f three way is kind of the ultimate fantasy for me, one that sadly has never been fulfilled.

what i'm concerned with in this, is, well jealousy. since love is involved, i'm afraid that she may get jealous with me being with someone else. The person we're most likely to choose isn't bi but gay, and would only be there for my sake, so jealousy on my part isn't going to be an issue. My wife also likes the idea of the person we choose being gay as well, as she says she doesn't really want to be the another man, and a bi guy might expect to be with her as well as me. Now my wife has assured me that she doesn't think it will be an issue, however, it's a concern that is in the back of my mind.

my question is, have any of you been in this type of situation before and what would your advice be. How do we avoid any potential jealousy, or, if you have any other advise for this type of thing it would also be appreciated.

[newbiguy09]

Axlton,

I have been in a situation similar to this, but almost in reverse. My wife had a guy that she was hot for. We talked and I told her if I was going to explore my bi side she, then she could do the same (not bi :().

She mentioned I was bi to the guy and peaked his interest. We ended up having a mmf three weeks later. In my mind it was really hot, but the wife was caught off guard when it came to me actually touching him (no to mention so was he). Once they both just let go, and stopped worrying about who was male and female, the fire was stoked to a raging fire.

If I can give you a couple of words of advice. Really think about this, and keep talking with you wife. Many times we will compromise ourselves, to make our loved ones happy. Make sure she is really ok with it.

If you decide to proceed, include your wife. I'm not suggesting that you try to get the gay guy to have sex with her. Instead, I would recommend you take a little bit of time on your wife, then the guy. Spread your time to both of them. Make her feel like she is apart of the adventure as well. This will help cut down the chance of her getting jealous. We would all like to say we won't be jealous, but the truth is if you love someone there is going to be jealousy. I know I was initially jealous watching my wife kiss the other guy.

And most of all, both of you need to keep and open mind. Let the moment take over. If you can both do that, I promise it will be some of the hottest sex you've ever had.

[welickit]

If there is any doubt, back out. Plain and simple. There is no room for doubt in this type relationship. You obviously question her word when she says she is OK with it. Give it time and lots of OPEN DISCUSSION with your wife. Not discussion about her, discussion about you and the doubts you have. Having a spouse doubt you is like a kick in the balls........but you need to address the issue.

[tlcmich]

I'm sort of in the same boat as you, so I will be following this as well.
If your wife is turned on by YOU having a playmate, then maybe she could be turned on by having her own playmate as well. That would make things equal for both of you and less chance of jealousy. A bi-couple might be perfect.
Good luck!!

[axlton]

well as far as my wife having a playmate, i don't think that's gonna happen as she say's she's not bi herself... However we did have a much more open (though brief) conversation about it tonight. She says the fact that i'm bi in no way changes the way she feels about me, that she loves me just the same. and that alone abated most all my fears in this. It's something we're gonna try and if any issues pop up then well it's something we won't be doing again.

So whether it works out for the best or doesn't go as well as i hope, i still know that we will be able to work through this and be ok.

[Boats]

Go for it Axleton,
About twenty or more years ago we had aM/M/F thing going for a couple years and during the play my wife pushed my buds head down and put my cock in his mouth. It was only for a minute or two but I thought it was hot as hell. Well that was before i found out I was Bi. Now the wife won't have any more threesomes and I am really ready to explore my Bi-ness. She don't know I'm bi. I would love to have a 3sum with a Bi guy and gal and be able to lick that pussy with his cock in it and than pull out and suck him a while and than be able to clean her out after he cums. I just wish the wife would play again but I just don' see that happening. Get it while you can

[ckman314]

GOOD TOPIC: I recently came out too my wife two years ago and the conversation has sparked and turned into bedroom dirty talk and role play of having another bi male or bi couple in the room with us. So far its just talk but it seems too really turn both of us on. It seems the issue is with you and not her so I would go for it once your in the heat of the moment your gonna enjoy try having her dictate what you do with the guy this way your taking her commands then you wont have to be worried about her being jealous because its what she wants too see from you and the other dude.

[jtisbi]

Good thread, and thanks for everyone's input as I'm looking into experiencing my first mmf 3some.

[open2both]

She's a KEEPER!!!
Go for it!
Life is for the living and your wife gave you a FANTASTIC "green light."
Ride 'em, cowboy!:three:

[tlcmich]

I agree 100% with 'open2both'! Your woman is giving you the chance of a lifetime and the guy you choose will be one lucky dude! Hope he appreciates it enough.
Don't forget to tell us how it goes!!

[axlton]

k, well my wife and i will soon be moving to the dallas\ft.worth area, and will be looking to try this once we get down there and settled into our new house. if any of you are from there and interested in possibly helping us explore some new sexual territory drop me a private message and we can get to know each other a bit. :bibounce:

[*pan*]

being bi and at one time having 2 wives and doing a 4 some with another bi. my advice and this is only me. there should be no thought of jealousey, that will inhibit you and spoil the moment. you must be your self and she must understand that there is a part of you that she cant satisify. my wife accepts this. and has participated in the past but now is uninterested in parcipitation. in sexual encounters we tend to make love to the person were with but she should understand it wont affect your relationship with her. it's all about the trust. the first time is always the rockiest. how you react with her afterwards is just as important to reashure her that all is the same between you. most people fear loosing their mate to another. jealousey creeps in and the doubts take hold. be open and truthful with her about your feelings while reassuring her of your love and committment to her. a lie or omission can ruin a relationship quicker then anything. this as usual is only my opinion. wish you the best on your journey with many blessings. pan/|\

[littlerayofsunshine]

If I might offer some advice. If you worry. Put a plan in place for after the event. A ceremony so to speak of reconnecting and rekindling with your love. Discuss with her beforehand, something she would enjoy that would help make everything all better. That way, she can enjoy the watching of you getting/giving pleasure and know she still has something else just for her to look forward to. :2cents:

[erosbydesign]

It's this type of discussion that makes me love this site! Plenty of great comments that I agree with in this thread. Great idea to have a place/ celebration afterwards.

For me, the first time with my ex-girlfriend and I was amazing but we had to work out what we were feeling afterwards. Watching her kiss him was exciting but seemed a little much at the time. We set a couple of ground rules up front that helped - I would be inside her first, he couldn't cum in side her the first night, etc. We of course had the rule to only play together.

It took a lot of build up but when the moment is right - we were right there.

[MrBisex]

Sounds like your wife is one to keep.

I would probably go for a bisexual man, and let him please her as well, just to keep everything in balance.

The jealous thing, one thing you can do is to use it as dirty talk while you are having sex only her and you, and then keep an open conversation about whether you like it or not and if there was anything in it that could make your jealous.

One thing is talking and fantasize about it, another thing is to carry it out in life.

But it sounds like there are some good stuff coming your way :-)

[bijohnmpls]

I have been in both the couple situation and been the 3rd. MMF is honestly the hottest sex for a bi man, but as mentioned in the other posts, emotions always play a factor. My girlfriend and I decided to have a sex party with two other guys. We had a great time with them all night long. A couple of days later, I found out that she was meeting up with one of the guys from the party. I have to admit, I was jealous and hurt. I talked to her about it and she told me I was free to meet up with who ever I wanted and we had an 'open' relationship. That didn't really work out well for me. I didn't mind if the two of us were together with another guy, but I did not like her meeting up with the other guy without telling me.

This experience led me to meet up with Bi married couples. and I always insisted that we meet up together, which worked well. Surprisingly though, how many times I would get called by the guy or women to meet up one on one. I always declined, which usually ended the relationship.

I hope this helps.

[trentino]

Yes ! Wonderful. I'm in the same boat. It's hard to talk about, to discuss the subject, not to mention to find the time to communicate. My wife expressed to me, also, after my delayed coming-out, that she thinks it would be sexy to see me with another man (she also has no lesbian leanings, but has expressed interest in opening-up our marriage). She loves the gay porn films I've given her, we had wonderful sex one night after watching one together.

As far as jealousy is concerned, I intellectually realize that it is a useless, harmful emotion, but it's not often easy to manage our feelings even if we know that we are being unreasonable.

I'm just chiming-in to give you some moral support in hopes that we both can realize our sexual desires while maintaining the absolute trust (as absolute as possible) required for a compassionate, if not blissful, partnership

good luck !:bigrin:

[xp243]

I'm in the same boat just recently out to wife after almost 30yrs of marriage I love her very much she is my soul mate. Like you its just dirty talk in the bedroom about having another guy do a 3way watch some bi porn to get the idea going and toys help. Maybe someday will go to the next step.