Bidar

[DiamondDog]

Is there is a social construct known as "bidar" like how gay/lesbian men and women use the social construct known as "gaydar"?

If there is bi dar do you think that you have it?
I am just curious to see if others seem to have this kinda intuition.

I get hit on by lots of men who most people would think are heterosexual because they are married but they are really in the closet or "down low".

Or almost all of the women I've really been into, or who were into me, turned out to be bisexual.

I've picked up tricks (one night stands/hookups) in gay bars that were bisexual too.

I don't mean to disrespect anyone that's gay or lesbian but I see "gaydar" as a social construct since I guess over time you know the signs or get intuition on how to tell if someone is gay or lesbian. Or perhaps some people are just good at reading others?

[jedinudist]

I think there must be some validity to the idea. Back in High School, nobody dared come out of the closet - small country town, Heavy on the redneck population, and allot of homophobia and queer bashing.

However, oddly, most of my buddies turned out to be gay or bisexual. Sometimes I didn't find out until years later. We just seemed to hang out together (intially assuming each one of us was the ONLY non-heterosexual in the group). However, over time (with drinking, parties, skinny dipping, etc.) most of us were able to discover we weren't the only ones. We formed a tight-knit group and had an absolute blast.

I've gotten "impressions" of some people as being bisexual or gay, and have gotten impressions of people that led me to believe it was very unsafe for that person to know about my sexual orientation.

I think it's prob mostly subtle things we pick up on without really knowing it.

But, I firmly believe it's real. It's just not foolproof.

:)

[woolleygirl]

[QUOTE=married_bi_memphis]I think there must be some validity to the idea. Back in High School, nobody dared come out of the closet - small country town, Heavy on the redneck population, and allot of homophobia and queer bashing.

I came from the same kind of town. You left things unsaid. I don't think that there is a bidar for me but there could be with others though. But Memphis is right it also depends on the situation you never know. :tongue:

T

[JohnnyV]

I don't believe in gaydar or bidar. I think it leads to too many self-fulfilling predictions and wishful thinking. Once we decide Mr. X is bi/gay, everything he says and does seems to confirm it. If he's evasive, he's in denial. If he's okay with discussing sexuality, he must have some firsthand experience....

I still believe in Kinsey's proportions, which would imply that about 45-48% of men and somewhere between 20-30% of women have bisexual tendencies, although of varying levels, obviously. It's probably just natural odds that the original poster runs into so many bi people. The fact that he's open about it probably encourages people who would otherwise never mention it, to share the information with him.

J
:2cents:

[CherryBlossom74]

I still believe in Kinsey's proportions, which would imply that about 45-48% of men and somewhere between 20-30% of women have bisexual tendencies,

I'd have to disagree. His methodology was new and imperfectly applied. He encouraged them to act differently in order to test his ideas, and the groups of men he gathered were more "handpicked" than random...as the women were more random in the gathering. I'd like to see this done again, not because I don't think there are Bisexuals out there, just more or less because I would like to see better methodology implemented to remove any and all bias.

[Avocado]

My fiancee is straight and she has a gaydar. She admits to not having a bidar though, and I certainly don't! I don't believe in the Keynsian scale, I see myself as 0% straight and 0% gay.

[JohnnyV]

I'd have to disagree. His methodology was new and imperfectly applied. He encouraged them to act differently in order to test his ideas, and the groups of men he gathered were more "handpicked" than random...as the women were more random in the gathering. I'd like to see this done again, not because I don't think there are Bisexuals out there, just more or less because I would like to see better methodology implemented to remove any and all bias.

I think the problem is not where Kinsey found his samples but rather how you plan to define sexuality in the first place. Kinsey was interested in sexual activity. In the 1940s, men involved in institutions -- prisons, schools, camps, armies, etc. -- where they were kept away from women from long times, were rampantly involved in same-sex activity. So it inflated his numbers. Today many men aren't placed in that kind of isolation, and it's easier to have sex with women, so the activity is reduced.

But the capability of same-sex activity is still there in men, so I find the 1948 study useful. It's not perfect, but it's as close to a broad sampling as we can get. To do the same study today would be impossible, because homosexuality is such a widely discussed topic that you wouldn't be able to get the same candid uncensored answers from people.

:2cents:

[Roan's Man]

Pardon my ignorance, but what's "bidar" and "gaybar?"

[Roan's Man]

Oops, "gaydar," I know what a gay bar is.

[KevsBi]

Pardon my ignorance, but what's "bidar" and "gaybar?"


The ability to detect if someone is gay or bi.

Personaly I find it quite easy to detect a truly gay man or woman, at least around here, by their mannerisms and the way they present themselves.
But I find it very difficult to detect bisexuals. :2cents:

[Roan's Man]

Thanks, Kev.

[canuckotter]

I don't necessarily know that someone's bi, but I do seem more likely to be friends with bisexuals. It could just be coincidence, but it's happened often enough that if I find that I'm really getting along well with someone, I end up coming out to them just to see if they come out to me -- and I'm usually right. :) I actually started a thread about it not too long ago. :bigrin:

[Rainahblue]

Definitely an interesting concept, but I don't believe in "bidar" any more than I believe in "gaydar." I think that people allow you to see certain aspects of themselves. If they want to flaunt their sexuality, they will. Otherwise, sure you can guess, but you may never know. I think it's funny when you come out to someone who you expect to shock and instead they confess," You know, I've always wondered what it would be like with..." :kay:

[innaminka]

Definitely an interesting concept, but I don't believe in "bidar" any more than I believe in "gaydar." I think that people allow you to see certain aspects of themselves. If they want to flaunt their sexuality, they will. Otherwise, sure you can guess, but you may never know.

I have a number of lesbian friends - they swear that Gaydar exists.
Its not a flaunting of one's self or sexuality.
Its almost that corny 70's term - "the vibes." (how Donald Sutherland!!)
But they believe that they know, or at least have suspicions about whether a woman is a lesbian.
It doesn't happen all the time, and there is the odd, embarrassing miss.....! oops :eek: but at the same time, they swear it works.

Evidently I project something (those damn vibes again ...!!!) and I have been hit on by far too many women for it to be coincidental. Evidently I "ooze" lesbian tendencies.
I am in the dark as I am definitely bi, dress very conservatively, have never been to a gay rally in my life and don't inhabit gay bars .... but......

I posess no gaydar whatsoever, however.

[Byfluga]

Sure there is such a thing as a bidar!

I recently had a thing going on with a guy, and when after some time I told him that I was bisexual, he said "What is it about me?!? Every girl I have ever dated turn out to be bisexual". He said that he doesn't go for bisexuals on purpose.
So he has a somewhat of a bidar, though not bisexual himself. He fits well with bisexual girls, which we probably detect in som way (not really a bidar...a "bi-friendar"? ;). We like him and he likes us.

I can often tell that people are bisexual somewhat by their attitude...a mix of the 'gay vibe' (which is maybe a slight feeling af androgony?) and an openminded attitude, which homosexuals, might or might not have:
While there are probably narrowminded, one-tracked bisexuals outthere, it feels like being bisexual opens people's minds for the possibility of looking past dualism (= either/or thinking; the notion that two contrasting opposites is all that exists) in other parts of life too.
Not nessessarily liberals, but surely more tolerant of the possibility of other truths. And that is something you can feel.

I wasn't myself entirely sure of the statement above, but being abroad I found that queers were a lot easier to detect there. Homosexuals stand out a lot, since gender roles are fiercely held in place most places, and even a little difference from the norm is quite appearant.
Bisexuals stand out too, since their tolerance were more obvious against the backdrop of traditionalism. Add the gay vibe, and you have them.

Now, is not perfect, but I think it works more times than can be attributed to coincidence. (and my friends tend to ask me what I think, if they think someone is homo-/bisexual).
I must say though, that I only look for the identified bisexuals. People that 'do' bisexuality, rather than 'being' bisexuals (you know what I mean, right?) might be more difficult to detect.
Actually I might miss homo-/bisexuals that identify a lot with traditional values (though I doubt there is a lot around here *waving my national flag*), but I 'm quite good at detecting the rest.

Feel free to disagree with me, but it works for me, have never any problems in tracking down bisexuals :tongue:

[Sparks]

Some folks have it and some don't. If your in a gay bar, the thought is moot. Do I have bidar? Yes I do. And, it's usually out of the blue when I least expect it. And, of course I go for it. It's all about sharing.

[CountryLover]

I have excellent bi/gaydar when it comes to men. I haven't quite sorted out how it works, but it's very very accurate even for closet cases. There just seems to be a "click", a recognition of ...-family-....we make eye contact and we both know. :bibounce:

Women can be more of a puzzle. We're raised in US society to be more demonstrative and more "connected" with our girlfriends and that can be very misleading. I'm getting better with it, but I can't depend on it at all.

[Long Duck Dong]

gaydar / bidar / lesdar.....lol i have them all

in my eyes it comes down to a couple of things

one... a unconscious understanding of body language.....you don't have to study the art of reading body language to be able to read it

two....a clear mind... its simple a case of data in, data out.. and anybody that uses a computer, knows that you can't use a computer that well if you are overloading it and its the same as your mind

three... energy and the aura.... i leave this one up in the air cos not everybody belives in this kind of stuff..... but a persons emotional and mental states of mind are easy to feel and pick up on and thats basically part of the aura
a simple trick is to get somebody you know and trust to stand in the center of a room.... get them to think loving caring thoughts then after a minute or two walk slowly towards them.....you feel a soft warmth around them......then try it with them thinking angry pissed off thoughts and try walking towards them
you can clearly feel the difference.... and regardless if energy or auras exist in your mind.... you can feel the difference

and my favourite... the old saying * birds of a feather flock together * :tong:


does gaydar / bidar / lesdar truely exist......its a matter of option and belief

[Rainahblue]

I have a number of lesbian friends - they swear that Gaydar exists.
Its not a flaunting of one's self or sexuality.
Its almost that corny 70's term - "the vibes." (how Donald Sutherland!!)
But they believe that they know, or at least have suspicions about whether a woman is a lesbian.
It doesn't happen all the time, and there is the odd, embarrassing miss.....! oops :eek: but at the same time, they swear it works.

Evidently I project something (those damn vibes again ...!!!) and I have been hit on by far too many women for it to be coincidental. Evidently I "ooze" lesbian tendencies.
I am in the dark as I am definitely bi, dress very conservatively, have never been to a gay rally in my life and don't inhabit gay bars .... but......

I posess no gaydar whatsoever, however.


I think that it is flaunting, intentional or subconscious. To be more specific, I mean the "display proudly" definition of flaunt, rather than the ostentatious meaning. In my personal experience, there are just some people who are confident and proud enough of their sexuality to have it radiate from them, meaning to me that they don't care who knows or suspects. :bipride:

For me too, I find that assuming that someone is a certain anything just from a "vibe" often leads to embarrassing errors, so I never risk it. :tong: