Why are we who we are?

[Realist]

During conversations with 3 bisexual friends, and my GF, a question arouse that was; "Why are we bisexual...why not straight, or gay? Were we influenced by others, and would we have been straight if some event did not turn us..........or would be be bisexual, no matter what?"

All of us had some experience that we thought helped us developed into bisexuals.

I was seduced by an older male neighbor, soon after I turned 14. I loved that old man and how he made me feel.

Another fellow's brother began teaching him "sex education" at an even earlier age. Like me, he felt completely natural being intimate with his brother.

The 3rd one was encouraged by his GF to have sex with her male acquaintance, when he was in high school. They were in a poly-relationship for over 20+ years.

In her early 20s, my GF was enticed to be with a boyfriend and other girls, during a couple of incidents, but she didn't like having a lover chosen for her. She feels she did develop a desire to be with another female, because of those incidents, however. Later, she had a relationship with a girl, who she met on her own, and it was one of her most rewarding relationships. She does not know if she would have been attracted to women, if her BF had not insisted she join him in 3-somes, earlier.

Luckily, none of us were raped, or coerced into being sexually involved. We each, except for my GF, agreed that we were comfortable with the initial results, and our lives since. My GF is comfortable being bi, now.

But, I know, from talking to others and listening to some members, here, that everyone isn't as lucky as we were. Some are still dealing with guilt and remorse because of their less-than-stellar past. I had a few issues with guilt, myself, but grew out of it in my early 20s.

Does anyone feel that they might not have turned out bisexual, if some person, or event, had not encouraged them, or forced them, that first time?

The ones I've known, who's early sexual experiences were not something they initiated themselves, asked for, or were forced into, have often lead to sad, tragic lives.

Personally, I love being bisexual. I have loved both genders and had some remarkable relationships during my life.

Would anyone care to reply with their own experiences?

[Jobelorocks]

Well I can remember having an attraction to girls and boys since a pretty early age. I remember wanting to kiss other little girls like boys kissed girls and for them to be my "girlfriend". I was always more attracted to males and growing up in an Evangelical Fundamentalist group, I was told from an early age that same sex attraction and acts were bad. So I just stuck to chasing the boys. I thought at that age, I must be straight because I am more attracted to boys and I had no clue that there was such thing as bisexuality.

In Junior High I found out about bisexuality and it dawned on me, "That must be what I am." I felt really guilty about it and it was still taught to me that being gay or bi was a choice and it was bad. I had my first same sex sexual encounter around 13 or 14 with a friend at a sleepover. I wanted girls really bad, but I dared not pursue it further. Throughout High School I had minor encounters here and there with friends and the same in college. It wasn't until I married my husband that I decided to live a swinging and bisexual lifestyle.

Now I am happily out to most of my friends and my husband, but still have yet to come out to my family and I haven't really decided if I will or not. I don't feel like there was a particular incident that "turned" me bi, just each incident showed me that I liked both genders.

[darkeyes]

I dont know Realist babes... not for sure.. I don't question it.. I just am.. and bloody glad of it too...:)

[pepperjack]

During conversations with 3 bisexual friends, and my GF, a question arouse that was; "Why are we bisexual...why not straight, or gay? Were we influenced by others, and would we have been straight if some event did not turn us..........or would be be bisexual, no matter what?"

All of us had some experience that we thought helped us developed into bisexuals.

I was seduced by an older male neighbor, soon after I turned 14. I loved that old man and how he made me feel.

Another fellow's brother began teaching him "sex education" at an even earlier age. Like me, he felt completely natural being intimate with his brother.

The 3rd one was encouraged by his GF to have sex with her male acquaintance, when he was in high school. They were in a poly-relationship for over 20+ years.

In her early 20s, my GF was enticed to be with a boyfriend and other girls, during a couple of incidents, but she didn't like having a lover chosen for her. She feels she did develop a desire to be with another female, because of those incidents, however. Later, she had a relationship with a girl, who she met on her own, and it was one of her most rewarding relationships. She does not know if she would have been attracted to women, if her BF had not insisted she join him in 3-somes, earlier.

Luckily, none of us were raped, or coerced into being sexually involved. We each, except for my GF, agreed that we were comfortable with the initial results, and our lives since. My GF is comfortable being bi, now.

But, I know, from talking to others and listening to some members, here, that everyone isn't as lucky as we were. Some are still dealing with guilt and remorse because of their less-than-stellar past. I had a few issues with guilt, myself, but grew out of it in my early 20s.

Does anyone feel that they might not have turned out bisexual, if some person, or event, had not encouraged them, or forced them, that first time?

The ones I've known, who's early sexual experiences were not something they initiated themselves, asked for, or were forced into, have often lead to sad, tragic lives.

Personally, I love being bisexual. I have loved both genders and had some remarkable relationships during my life.

Would anyone care to reply with their own experiences?

I have memories of sexual experiences around age 5&6; was seduced by an older boy who manipulated me into sucking him; also molested by a pedophile; the event traumatized me; I wound up w/my 1st hernia; when I was 17, hitchhiking, got picked up by a travelling businessman who took me to a motel & sucked me; married very young & had a wife who sucked & swallowed; at some point I got curious about the giving side; watched a lot of porn after my divorce; oral sex always got me really hot; took a young gay guy home who approached me one evening; we got naked in my bed & curiousity got best of me & I took him into my mouth; he loved it; new, different; the urge kept returning; have had cocks I liked & didn't like; guess our life experiences shape us; I think in psychology that's called "imprinting".

[goldenfinger]

What will be will be, there has to be some kind of balance in life, otherwise life will be too boring.

BUT,,,,as I'm not overweight and never has been, i have lately descovered small "man boobs" appearing, so maybe it all has to do with hormones, just meant to be that way. :eek:

[pepperjack]

What will be will be, there has to be some kind of balance in life, otherwise life will be too boring.

BUT,,,,as I'm not overweight and never has been, i have lately descovered small "man boobs" appearing, so maybe it all has to do with hormones, just meant to be that way. :eek:

yin yang; " in all things there must needs be an opposition." for every action there is an equal & opposite reaction:rolleyes:

[sammie19]

Like Fran, I don't know the answer to the question. Nor do I have any angst about not knowing the answer. I can pinpoint the exact moment, the date, time and place, my true sexuality was awaked and what brought it about, but not the reason.

Unlike Fran, like so many of us, I went through hell about the thing which had so changed the way I saw life, and how I saw people of my own sex, but for all that, I never questioned that I was bisexual from that very first second. It was something I was going to have to live and deal with and with a few bumps along the way have done so.

Whether many of us ever know the reason I am not quite sure, but I ask another question? Do we truly need to know why? Other than out of curiosity I don't.

Whether my sexuality is genetic or environmental, or learned because of my feelings for one person I have no answer. The only reason we need to know the answer as far as I can see is if we want to change what we are out of some sense of shame or sin. That to me seems to be the remit of those who are prejudiced more than ourselves.

I don't question it, and would like to know why, but if it is something which is never revealed, I will remain quite content.

[Hephaestion]

As others, sexually I am what I am and have been that way for as long as I can remember. I don't question it nor do I seek to change it.

[EastCoastKelly]

I'm straight but I did experiment with another female at about 13 years old. In fact, I had my first orgasm when another girl was giving me a back rub. (We were both naked and in her room during a sleepover). After 13 though, I really was only interested in sex with guys and to this day, I have 0% interest in women for anything but friendship.

My bi dh was molested by an older boy when he was about 12. He doesn't remember if he had any feelings for guys before that, but he felt incredible guilt over the molestation yet his desire to be with guys after that was pretty intense (and as you can imagine, it was very confusing!)

[tenni]

It is interesting to read thoughts on why a person believes that they are bisexual but I think a more important issue to learn to accept and be comfortable with your sexuality.

It seems to me that the question "why" is often asked when we are rejecting or experiencing difficulty with our sexuality. (not all the time though)

I don't know why I am bisexual. As far as early sexual exploration happening between same sex experiences I suspect that a lot of people have that experience....more than admit it publicly in society. People put same sex experiences behind them for years and then it resurfaces.

I'd also be concerned about finding the "why" and then society tries to fix it. I like the idea that bisexuals don't need to be fixed. We are and it is ok to be bisexual being promoted more in society.

[drugstore cowboy]

Why does any of this matter?

It's like questioning why you are right or left handed, why you have the color eyes you do, or other aspects of yourself.

[Wrenn]

Maybe it doesn't matter why but I'm finding this thread interesting none the less.

[Gearbox]

I wonder that if I didn't explore with both m&f in childhood, would I KNOW that I'm bi now. Or would I even be bi?:rolleyes:
Just glad that I am though. Straight men miss out on some great sex IMO.:bigrin:

I also wonder about those 'Pretty boys' and body builders that 'turn gay/bi'.
Could it be that they expand their views of sexual attraction to same sex because they have an attraction to themselves?
They learn that it's OK to appreciate the male form etc.:rolleyes:

[RiverGuy]

I think I was always dual attracted. But, early in my life (in childhood) I found it easier to explore my sexuality with boys. The reasons for this were complex and having to do with social norms and how I viewed them. I used to feel that only guys were really into sex and that girls only gave in to sex in order to hook a guy into marriage, baby manufacture, etc.... I had my head stuffed up my arse early in life and have been slowly pulling it out ever since.

At present, I'm involved in a committed polyamorous relationship with my guy partner, Kevin (15+ years going!), and am exploring a "romantic" relationship with my best friend, M... (female). I call her "Faraway Sweetie," 'cause she lives twelve hundred miles away (by road). We met online. Now we talk almost daily by phone. We started out as email buddies.

I'm getting on a plane soon (within weeks) to see Faraway Sweetie.:tongue:

[Realist]

At about 5, or 6, I had a buddy my age, who liked to hug me and we'd kiss. He was chubby and had little boobies like a young girl. He liked them and let me touch them....I always liked breasts; I didn't care who they were on!

I was crazy about him and when we were together, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We were doomed...we were too indiscreet!

My mother saw us up in a tree, kissing. She screamed at me that I was going to hell, if we did that again! That scared the hell out of me...for about 10 minutes! Later, my dad told me that boys don't kiss boys. (Mom had ratted me out!) Boys, if they're not strange, or evil, he said, only kissed girls.

Well, I liked half of that conversation, anyway! So, I guess I've always been bisexual, but it was confusing to me why I could kiss girls, but not boys. That made me want to kiss boys even more!

But, they told the boy's mother not to bring him back for me to play with.

Shortly after that incident, my cousin Judy taught me how to French kiss...we called that making love, back then. She also wanted to see me kiss her neighbor boy, we all thought that was fun! He was a pretty good kisser, but I think Judy edged him out.

He and I asked her if she would kiss a girl? She said she would, if there was one around who she liked. Seemed perfectly natural, to me. (In college, Judy fell in love with one of her female professors and lived with the lady for the rest of her life)

Judy and I were allowed to be alone a lot. Our parents weren't worried, then, about me being with a girl...they only got nervous when I was alone with a boy.

Judy and I played in the pines, swam naked, and explored our bodies. I got to watch her breasts grow from little bumps to almost maturity. She let me touch them...they were nicer than Tommy's!

Was I bisexual because Tommy let me play with his chubby little breasts? What of Judy's encouragement to kiss her neighbor? Some might think she was a bad influence on me, but it never felt wrong to me. I couldn't see any evil in anything we did, with her or her neighbor.

At 13, an older neighbor began seducing me. He was gentle and open, never pushy, or disrespectful. No grown-up ever treated me like that...I liked him, trusted him. He explained things that were huge unknowns to me, that no one had ever answered for me before. I know, he was probably a pedophile, but I was ripe; I needed "something", I just didn't understand the big deal about why sex was so mysterious. Why were people so compelled to "sleep" with each other...why did I want to?

Then a day, or two, after I turned 14, the seduction reached it's climax. He gave me my first orgasm.

I would have been willing to do anything, by then! I didn't know what was going to happen, but I was ready for it. He'd explained orgasms to me, but I had no idea how earth-shattering they could be! They were even better when I learned how to give them, too! I would have been OK with either gender, any age, as long as they'd show me that illusive, mysterious, "thing" that I felt the need for.

Was I bisexual, now, for sure?

Did being seduced make me bisexual?

I don't think so, I'd been preparing for that moment my whole life......then, I began to understand what it was all about! But, there was much more to learn..............

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol We is who we is, Darlin..:};):bigrin::cool:
Silly Cat.

[sammie19]

lol We is who we is, Darlin..:};):bigrin::cool:
Silly Cat.

I was speaking to a friend in a pub yesterday and this subject popped into my head. So I asked her. Being very matter of fact she said "Because I'm nobody else. Mummy and daddy got it together, did it, and a little tadpole won a race, nipped into an egg, and 9 months later there I was. Anything else is a product of genes, environment and education."

[R. R. Wayne]

In the past 10 to 12 years of my active interent useage I had discovered and had sex with a LOT of married men who are having sex with other men because their wives have shut down. Sure, some are looking just to be given a "free" blowjob. But most of them enjoy male with male sex and eagerly participate. Quite a few of them have told me that they really enjoy male sex and look forward to it. Many of them admit to having bi-sexual feelings for a long, long time -- often going back to their childhood years.

What I am wondering is if these guys had an active married sex life if they would not have chosen this path?

Final thought. I believe there is a huge segment of the male population who ae engaging in same sex acts because the marriage has gone firgid.

[sterculius]

I'm not really sure how I should classify myself. My earliest sexual experiences with another person were as a young teenager with my best friend Larry. We started out by masturbating together, then giving each other handjobs and eventually, blowjobs. Although I was a year older, and taller and stronger than he was, his cock was much bigger than mine and we both quickly realized that I loved sucking it and getting him to cum in my mouth. What began as a mutual exchange eventually evolved into me willingly becoming his own personal cocksucker and I would blow him almost every day and often two or three times the same day. I never had any desire to kiss him or engage in any other sort of sexual act other than to suck his cock. I never thought of myself as being gay or even bisexual. I've always loved women and I love having sex with women but I'm also a confirmed cocksucker.

[Allenshezar]

I think that "why" we're the way that we are is one of the most important questions we can ask about bisexuality. I became this way through asking those questions. I grew up with the classic anti-gay high school mentality and I remember having feelings of quite strong revulsion towards the idea of two men having sex. At age 15 I don't think I would have imagined myself being the person I am today, at 30. But, over time we question our society, our habits, why we act in the way that we do and I came to understand that issues of gender and sexuality were about being broad and openminded and that I didn't believe in the confines of gender as society imposes it upon us and I opened my mind up to possibilities .... possibilities I haven't explored yet, but ones that excite me rather than repulse me these days!

[innaminka]

lol We is who we is, Darlin..:};):bigrin::cool:
Silly Cat.

perfectly put.

My life has been a journey - with different stages.
I have no rhyme or reason as to why - it just has been.
I never suffered trauma or molestation during childhood - my siblings are totally "normal" (ugh!!) and both my daughters appear completely hetero. (One certainly is!!!)


I am just on this train called life - and in doing so I've had a helluva lot of fun, without Toooo much mental grief.
My preferences I now see as a plus, and make me who I am.

[void()]

I am who/what/how I am, always been, always be. Folks argue over nature and nurture and get blind to maybe it is both. I wanted to make love my buddy when thirteen. We screwed and held one another all night. He was a nice first lay. The next week I did the same with a girl. She too was nice. I faced the same problem faced in third grade.

I wanted a boyfriend and girlfriend, one each. We could be sexual and romantic, friends. I have had merely friends of both genders. I have had lovers of both genders. One I'm not too sure about, may have been a butterfly person, we were good friends bordering on lovers. I see nothing wrong in this. Society sees it wrong. I like who I like, love who I love.

What does it matter? I am the same me, same average human being. Feel as though I do have a choice, hehe, guy or girl tonight? don't feel me being queer or straight is a choice though. I'm half queer, half straight. There I chose fer ya!

My choice is to not choose and by default have both or all three as life may dish out. Love is love, you take it where and how you find it. Never know when it'll flee. Born this way, not really nurtured unless you count Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street, "be who you are. Be you." Thank you Jimmy Page for Cookie Monster and Grover.

I am me you see. Take me or leave me, still me.

[Hypersexual11]

Hey Realist. I know this is an old thread but still interesting. One thing that stands out with a lot of bisexuals is childhood sex. I posted the question "What were your childhood sexual experiences?" in this forum and in a very popular swinging site. The difference was like night and day. A majority of the swingers on the other site are bi women and straight men. I suspect most of the bi women are just "bi-comfortable". The point is that I got a ton of childhood sex stories from us bisexuals and zero from the swingers. Many replies, no sex as young kids though. Looking at a recent poll taken here, I think that many of us tag ourselves bisexual when in reality, we are just really horny and pretty open minded. And have been since very early. I think it is a chemical imbalance, but one I love!