here for our enjoyment, not your pleasure

[Long Duck Dong]

a group of my LGBT friends regularly meet at a local pub ( not a LGBT bar ), for fun, drinks and socialising..... its a casual group, and most of them are not into the casual sex scene... but a disturbing trend is starting to emerge for them..

they are beginning to notice that they are often hassled for quickie sex while out on the town, by strangers wanting casual sex in the toilets at the local bar, and started to find that they are getting more and more abused when they politely refuse.....

one of my friends has the classic surf body and looks, is attractive and poly.... so he attracts a lot of attention, but he is getting sick of being seen as good for a quickie.....something he is noticing, happens in other towns that he travels to as well.... and he is just one of a few of the group that are growing tired of constantly being hit on....

unfortunately its getting to the point that the group are thinking about shifting to a private home cos of the unwanted attentions.... and while some of them are fine with casual sex, they too have said that its getting so annoying that they can not even go out for a drink with friends without being expected to sneak into the toilets cos somebody wants to have a BJ etc etc

after a lil investigation, it came to light that the local LGBT support group was circulating a rumour about my friends gathering at the bar, that it was in fact a LGBT hook up group... part of a on going vendetta cos the LGBT support group was not attracting members while my friends group was very popular....

as a few of my friends said, its a emerging pattern in many social gatherings that you go to them, you are liable to be hit on a lot... and insulted if you say no....... and that it is getting to the point that its becoming more difficult for some of the people in the group to come out as lgbt, as they are facing the same BS.... the same misunderstanding that being LGBT, means that you will sleep with anybody whenever sex is offered or wanted.......

as a number of members of this site have noticed, you go to the chat and you will get hit on, or PMed even if you say not interested on your profile

what part of here for our enjoyment, not your pleasure, do people not understand about the LGBT, or are we just automatically labelled as available 24/7 for others pleasure, when we say we are LGBT ???

[Jobelorocks]

It is very annoying when people do this to the LGBT community. I have had it happen a lot on this site (when I say in my profile that I am not here for that) and it does get tiring. I do not know why people assume since I am bi (not to mention my husband and I are swingers) that we will have sex with anyone and everyone who offer and think that we are always on the prowl. The fact of the matter is we are really just normal people and most of the time we just live "normal" lives. We are generally not looking to hook up and just because I am out drinking with a group of people does not mean that I will make out with your girlfriend for all the guys enjoyment.

[BiBedBud]

This is an unfortunate trend…

It is certainly unwarranted….

I can see how this unwelcome attention is unnerving….

People abusing you for turning them down is definitely un-called for…

If it rises to the level of harassment, it may very well be unlawful….

However….

Given that we live in a world where more than a few of us are unhinged, it can’t be entirely unexpected.

Please understand: I’m not saying you all should cower in the closet, just that perhaps you might find advantages in changing the way you do things. Perhaps you’d be better able to enjoy yourselves if you rotated the bars/pubs you met at, announcing the locations using a ‘telephone tree’ instead of a public notice online or wherever. It might also be wise to take some more precautions, security-wise.

It is an unfortunate, unwarranted, unwelcome and unnerving trend that is definitely un-called for and maybe even unlawful. But, it can’t be entirely unexpected (especially in a small town in a somewhat sexually repressed country – which would seem to be everywhere).:2cents:

[Long Duck Dong]

the trouble is its a small town, and well the group has built up a rep with the bar and the bar staff, and cos its known they meet there, they have helped a quite a few people that are closeted LGBT and looking for friends and support, so moving bars etc, is a good idea but at the same time, a bad one...

when I used to do barman / doorman work at a LGBT bar, it was not uncommon to see a lot of males specially, go to the toilets in the bar for a quickie and it was not a issue, it was normally consensual and they were both going there for the same thing..... nowadays, its changed.... often the attention is unwanted and a few guys have said how the changing of rights and the ability of the LGBT to be out and proud is great, but some of the conduct of some people has got worse and there is less respect for other people than there used to be..... and a lot of the time, its males that are doing it.....

honestly over the last 10 years, I have noticed in NZ, that some of the gay males are the worst offenders for it.... there used to be a public toilet block in my town and it became known as a gay guy haunt, and there was often stories about males going there to have a piss and being sexually assaulted..... the council pulled it down in the end, after complaints from the LGBT and the general public, about the behievour there of some gay males....

for the most part, the bi males around town, are a lot more respectful of others... and when they make contact with the group, in the bar, with the desire for sex, its normally discreet and they respect a * no thanks but yes we can hook up later in the week * answer or the guys go out of the bar to where ever..

its just a shame that there is some people that think that LGBT rights include the right to have sex with whom they feel like, when they feel like it...... cos it can ruin a good night out

[welickit]

Our group was having very much the same issue a year or so ago. It ended when the owner of the lounge became aware that he was going to have a loss in his pocket book if he didn't take action. Weekend evenings were the worst times. He finally hired a bouncer to just keep an eye on things. If someone was reported for being obnoxious they were warned about their conduct. A few were kicked out and a couple of them totally banned. It only took a short time for things to return to normal. One other thing that helped was the fact that the owner didn't want the police being called in. He much preferred to handle the issue internally. The police were never actually called but the possibility of doing so was voiced very clearly for his benefit. :bipride:

[darkeyes]

Just do wot me best m8 dus at such times wen interrupted by sum rite dicks... "Sorry babes... Im willing but am HIV an have a bad dose of the clap.." Me usually chips in wiv "Now eff off and find a bus to jump in front of..". She always was much nicer'n me...;)

[BiDaveDtown]

Just tell them no thanks. I've been in GLBT/gay bars before alone and with my wife and had men and women proposition us and we'd just tell them no.

I have also had men hit on me in all sorts of places but again I just told them no thanks.

[Jobelorocks]

Some people don't take no for an answer though or they make a big fat ruckus if you say no... It is rather annoying when that happens.

[BiDaveDtown]

Some people don't take no for an answer though or they make a big fat ruckus if you say no... It is rather annoying when that happens.

That's when you either ignore them, tell them no again, or if you have to tell them "Get away from me I'm not interested in you."

[Jobelorocks]

Doesn't always work out that way, especially if alcohol is involved. Sometimes a bouncer or cops are needed to get them to leave you alone.