NWMtnHawk
May 22, 2006, 9:15 PM
My first bisexual encounter was with a casual friend in my last year of high school, (1976), and it was almost purely because we were horny teenagers without any woman available for us to have sex with so we "improvised"; it was a clumsy, awkward, and uncomfortable experience and pretty much a one-time thing riddled with guilt and denial and shame. Pure sex, no emotional attachment.
My second time was approximately 10-12 years later, with my very best and closest, long time friend from jr. high and high school, (different high school), and we were in our late 20's-early 30's. We had numerous sexual get togethers between just the two of us, over the course of a few months; we both performed oral, and he had me "top" him and although I attempted to be a bottom, he was too large for me to bottom for him. Again the lack of female sexual partners played a large part in the start of our "exploration", but not completely. We were both curious about sex with another man. In part his refusal to accept and come to terms with our being bisexual, but mostly his drinking finally pushed me away from any continued intimacy with him. I told him that I loved him like no other friend I'd ever had, but I could no longer stand by and watch him self destruct with the booze. It was a very painful decision, and I moved cross-country a short time after-never saw or spoke to him again after I moved away. A few years later I found out, much to my sorrow but not my surprise, that he had drank himself to death.
My third and most recent encounter was in 1998. My gal and I met a married bi couple, (m/f), online and after six months of online chatting and such we met in real life. We've become close friends, and had a number of get togethers with all four of us in same room sex, all combinations. Unfortunately we live a fair distance apart, and have conflicting work schedules, so our get togethers are infrequent and spread apart time wise. They have since had a grown child move back in with them and had a grandchild, so we haven't been together in a sexual sense for over 4 years now.
None of my family or co-workers knows of this side of my sexuality. My girlfriend of 14 years, (lived together for the past 10 years), is one of only two women that know I'm bi. The other is my best friend and his wife, (both straight). They actually asked me and I told them the truth, scared as hell but I told 'em the truth. They respect me for my honesty, and they accepted this as just another instance of me being "brutally honest" with them. Great folk, and my gal and I love them like nobody's business. They are our closest and dearest friends. My g/f and I talked long and in depth before we made the decision to step into this as a couple; I made it clear that I wasn't looking to replace her, and that she wasn't lacking in sexually fulfilling me as a woman. I don't look for sex with a man/men alone without her. I've never had a man "top" me, but it's something that I'm curious about experiencing if I ever happen to meet the right guy and the right circumstances present themselves.
I've had some dark moments emotionally, and self-esteem-wise over this issue of my sexuality. Without my gal walking along with me through this third bi-sexual experience, I might never have taken that step into self-acceptance and self-discovery; the soul searching and realization of my bi side might not have come to me as it has. Without her support and love, I might never have come to accept being bi, might have been in denial for who knows how long.
Also the Internet has had a hand in this as well; the hundreds of thousands of other bi-sexual men, (and women), out there that I'd never have been aware of without the Internet. I had no idea how many of us there are out there until the Internet opened my eyes to their existence.
So now here it is, 2006, and at 48 years old, I'm a registered member of a bisexual web site, and talking openly and honestly, (admittedly only on that web site, and only to my gal), about my being bisexual, and my experiences with bisexuality. My oh my, the times have changed, how I've changed. Whew!
My second time was approximately 10-12 years later, with my very best and closest, long time friend from jr. high and high school, (different high school), and we were in our late 20's-early 30's. We had numerous sexual get togethers between just the two of us, over the course of a few months; we both performed oral, and he had me "top" him and although I attempted to be a bottom, he was too large for me to bottom for him. Again the lack of female sexual partners played a large part in the start of our "exploration", but not completely. We were both curious about sex with another man. In part his refusal to accept and come to terms with our being bisexual, but mostly his drinking finally pushed me away from any continued intimacy with him. I told him that I loved him like no other friend I'd ever had, but I could no longer stand by and watch him self destruct with the booze. It was a very painful decision, and I moved cross-country a short time after-never saw or spoke to him again after I moved away. A few years later I found out, much to my sorrow but not my surprise, that he had drank himself to death.
My third and most recent encounter was in 1998. My gal and I met a married bi couple, (m/f), online and after six months of online chatting and such we met in real life. We've become close friends, and had a number of get togethers with all four of us in same room sex, all combinations. Unfortunately we live a fair distance apart, and have conflicting work schedules, so our get togethers are infrequent and spread apart time wise. They have since had a grown child move back in with them and had a grandchild, so we haven't been together in a sexual sense for over 4 years now.
None of my family or co-workers knows of this side of my sexuality. My girlfriend of 14 years, (lived together for the past 10 years), is one of only two women that know I'm bi. The other is my best friend and his wife, (both straight). They actually asked me and I told them the truth, scared as hell but I told 'em the truth. They respect me for my honesty, and they accepted this as just another instance of me being "brutally honest" with them. Great folk, and my gal and I love them like nobody's business. They are our closest and dearest friends. My g/f and I talked long and in depth before we made the decision to step into this as a couple; I made it clear that I wasn't looking to replace her, and that she wasn't lacking in sexually fulfilling me as a woman. I don't look for sex with a man/men alone without her. I've never had a man "top" me, but it's something that I'm curious about experiencing if I ever happen to meet the right guy and the right circumstances present themselves.
I've had some dark moments emotionally, and self-esteem-wise over this issue of my sexuality. Without my gal walking along with me through this third bi-sexual experience, I might never have taken that step into self-acceptance and self-discovery; the soul searching and realization of my bi side might not have come to me as it has. Without her support and love, I might never have come to accept being bi, might have been in denial for who knows how long.
Also the Internet has had a hand in this as well; the hundreds of thousands of other bi-sexual men, (and women), out there that I'd never have been aware of without the Internet. I had no idea how many of us there are out there until the Internet opened my eyes to their existence.
So now here it is, 2006, and at 48 years old, I'm a registered member of a bisexual web site, and talking openly and honestly, (admittedly only on that web site, and only to my gal), about my being bisexual, and my experiences with bisexuality. My oh my, the times have changed, how I've changed. Whew!