Bi Desires

[BradNDallas]

Hello everyone. I was hoping to get some opinions. I am a 34 yo married male. I grew up in a small town where being gay or bi was looked down upon, all my life I have had feelings and a desire to be sexual with another male. My wife and I married young pretty much right out of high school. Both of us were virgins when we got married so neither of us had much time to explore our sexual side. After the birth of our second daughter my wife had an affair, the affair was a hard thing for me to get over but now our relationship and marriage are much better, but the affair has left me really wanting to exlplore my "bi desire" just one time. Any advice? I know cheating is wrong and I know the cocsequences but I feel at this point in my life I really want to do this.

[cumplay]

Hey Brad, do you both watch porn? Ever watch bi porn? Did you ever discuss fantasies with her, like her with another woman just to broach the subject? This keeps her in the loop, you can guage how she feels about the subject, you're not cheating and maybe she'll want to be involved.

[falcondfw]

Brad,
First, I think cumplay's advice is good.
Second, did you go to counseling after your wife's affair? From your description, you seemed to have no problems dealing with your interests until your wife had the affair. Your family situation has been dealt with and solved and that is impressive. I am not sure how I would react in that situation. I know it would take me a long time to deal with.
But even though the family situation has been dealt with, now all of a sudden the bi desires are very strong. I honestly think that while you have dealt with the marriage and family on the outside, you really need to deal with the inside. The mental and emotional.
I am sure it wasn't your intent, but if you re-read your post, your now strong desires and willingness to act seem almost like a revenge thing. Or a "you had your turn and hurt me bad, now it is my turn and I want you to feel the same pain I did."
I know I am playing amature shrink and I don't know you, but I think you really need to examine why the desire is so strong now that she had the affair, when you were able to handle it before the affair.

[BradNDallas]

Brad,
First, I think cumplay's advice is good.
Second, did you go to counseling after your wife's affair? From your description, you seemed to have no problems dealing with your interests until your wife had the affair. Your family situation has been dealt with and solved and that is impressive. I am not sure how I would react in that situation. I know it would take me a long time to deal with.
But even though the family situation has been dealt with, now all of a sudden the bi desires are very strong. I honestly think that while you have dealt with the marriage and family on the outside, you really need to deal with the inside. The mental and emotional.
I am sure it wasn't your intent, but if you re-read your post, your now strong desires and willingness to act seem almost like a revenge thing. Or a "you had your turn and hurt me bad, now it is my turn and I want you to feel the same pain I did."
I know I am playing amature shrink and I don't know you, but I think you really need to examine why the desire is so strong now that she had the affair, when you were able to handle it before the affair.

Thanks, but I really dont want to hurt her at all. I have always wanted to experience this but I have always push the feeling back, after the affair it almost like i dont care about pushing the feeling back anymore I want it and Im going to try it, but again if she or anyone else is going to get hurt I wont do it. We have watched pron many time together and her feelings on bi or gay acts are much less understanding than mine.

[cuttin2dachase]

It's a moral question for sure, Brad, but from what you've said it's similar to my experience, only I did not know I was bi before it all happened. My 1st wife enjoyed 3somes with me and other men and actually coaxed and encouraged me and him to initiate play with each other to fulfill her voyeuristic fantasies. It was a big step for me but strangely, I enjoyed playing with and sucking men's cocks and having my cock sucked and played with by men as she watched and fucked herself furiously with her vibrator, after which she would join and have her nympho way with both of us ! It was very hot ! After several more hot mfm 3somes with her and other men, I was hooked on mutual cocksucking....the sight of a man's naked body and his cock became arousing to me and I became curious about meeting men alone to explore without her being present. I did not act on it for fear of her finding out and being hurt about it...until after I discovered HER wicked, naughty secret ! Whenever she wanted a 3some, she had no problem lining up a man who was bi and game. She had asked if it was OK with me if she chatted with and teased and had cybersex with men she met online when I was away on business. We had done it together at home before and that is how we 1st started meeting bi men together. I told her it was OK so long as she could find dates for us that way. Her "plan" was to tease men online and tell them if they wanted meet and fuck her in real time, I would need to be present and participating too. We would meet him at a sports bar or restaurant. She and he and I always hit it off right away and she would always hurry us through dinner and drinks because she could not wait to get her boytoys home and in bed (neither could I wait to see what the evening held in store!). Part of the thrill for me was to see her get in his car and I'd then follow them home in our car, knowing she was playing with and/or sucking his cock and getting him (and her)warmed up. A couple of times our "date" slipped up and said things which hinted to me that he had been with her in our home before. The clincher was when I discovered emails she had sent to them telling them she could not wait to fuck them and suck them again and that she was going to enjoy sharing them with me next time ! I realized then that she had cheated on me with them as a condition for getting them to meet them us. I knew she loved me and would not ever leave me for another man but I also knew she was an insatiable nympho who would always crave other men in her/our bed so I went along with it and did not confront them. We used condoms with other men and I was confident she would play safe without me....she didn't know I knew...Figuring that turnabout is fair play and perhaps maybe wanting revenge, I began seeking and meeting other women, bi men and swinging married couples in my business travels and occasionally locally when I suspected she was off playing instead of "visiting out of town" with her sister. I wouldn't have done it if it hadn't been for her deceit. I did not feel guilty about "cheating" nor was I jealous of her at all because I loved her only and I was only having extramarital fun too...as she was doing when I was away! We were both very highly sexual and both of of us should have seen it coming. I forgave her, turned my back to it and enjoyed all the fringe benefits. We had so much more great sex together and with others. We split up over her financial irresponsibility which was escalating, not her or my sexual escapades. It was only after we were divorced that I told her I knew about all her secret boytoys and admitted that I had played around too.

[dorayme73]

Brad,
First, I think cumplay's advice is good.
Second, did you go to counseling after your wife's affair? From your description, you seemed to have no problems dealing with your interests until your wife had the affair. Your family situation has been dealt with and solved and that is impressive. I am not sure how I would react in that situation. I know it would take me a long time to deal with.
But even though the family situation has been dealt with, now all of a sudden the bi desires are very strong. I honestly think that while you have dealt with the marriage and family on the outside, you really need to deal with the inside. The mental and emotional.
I am sure it wasn't your intent, but if you re-read your post, your now strong desires and willingness to act seem almost like a revenge thing. Or a "you had your turn and hurt me bad, now it is my turn and I want you to feel the same pain I did."
I know I am playing amature shrink and I don't know you, but I think you really need to examine why the desire is so strong now that she had the affair, when you were able to handle it before the affair.

You nailed it sir! My immmediate thoughts after reading the script were the same.

[tenni]

"We have watched pron many time together and her feelings on bi or gay acts are much less understanding than mine."

Brad
Will you expand on this statement?

[slipnslide]

Your "just one time" makes it sound like this is more about revenge and evening things up more than it is about your sexuality.

You two have been through enough. Let it go and focus on your marriage.

edit: I just saw that others are thinking the same.

[dragon4181]

[QUOTE=falcondfw;209161]
I am sure it wasn't your intent, but if you re-read your post, your now strong desires and willingness to act seem almost like a revenge thing. Or a "you had your turn and hurt me bad, now it is my turn and I want you to feel the same pain I did."
QUOTE]

It's perfectly understandable if this is your motivation, and i'm guessing that's just a part of it though, it is tough when there is betrayal in a relationship, and you go through all kinds of emotions, and adding your bisexuality to the mix is even more frustrating for you. If you want the marriage to work you have to be open and honest about everything no matter how much it hurts, it's the only way you can move forward without damaging yourself and your relationship

Just my opinion

[Gearbox]

The way I see it is that you both married too young and didn't explore sexuality - as you have stated.
Your wife wasn't taking revenge when she cheated, and your craving to explore/cheat isn't about revenge either. Although her affair has giving you a reason to feel less guilty about cheating. Who'd blame you?:tongue:

I'd have a chat about MUTUAL free reign to explore sex outside the marriage before you even think about 'getting away with it'. It sounds as if by cheating you'd hurt yourself too, and you can't dodge THAT bullet!
Give discussion a go!;)

[Realist]

I agree wholeheartedly with Gear Box and Dragon!

During my 2nd marriage I cheated with both genders and, although I kept it up for some time, it ate at me until self-loathing and paranoia nearly consumed me. I never really loved my wife, but no one deserves being treated like that.

You have an opportunity to resolve this issue by sitting down and discussing your feelings and desires. Revenge should never enter the equation! This is the time for you to be open and honest, instead of sneaking around in the shadows.

It may be difficult at first, but one way, or another, I feel you should do what you feel is the right thing for both you and your wife.

Only you really know what is right for you and these opinions are mine alone. But, I've been there and done that, so I felt compelled to discuss what I'd do, if I was in that situation again.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[othercat]

you probably wont be satified until you eventualy do it. the desire is probably not going to go away. all i can hope for is that you find a way yo do it with out any one being hurt. it sounds like it is a very stong desire. encourging you may not be appropriate but like i said, your probably not going to be satisfied until you do it.