Is Rdy2Go a bad guy?

[rdy2go]

Many of you who know me know that I am a str8 man, if you don't know me you now know I am a str8 man. You also know that I have never put down anyone because of the way they choose to live their lives. I figure if I can live my life my way, then you can live life your way, I don't care if you are straight, gay, lesbian, bi, or trans. That just never bothered me. I pick the people I talk to based on whether or not I like the person, or they like me (the person). A friend of mine who has recently come out as gay and I were talking. Now this guy is proud of himself for coming out, and that is fine. I am proud to be straight, so he can be proud to be gay right? For me that should be all there is to it, but Noooooooo! Since this guy came out, he is on a cusade doing things he never did before, gay pride, walking down the street holding hands with his man, kissing him in public, the whole deal. again fine, it doesn't bother me, but what did bug me was this : he asked me how many gay friends I had. I told hime the truth, as far as I knew just him. Before I could finish my statement he launched into this tirade about me being anti gay and a biggot, and everything else, how I looked at life with blinders on, and just on and on. I patiently listened until I could take no more and told him to shut the fuck up. yeah I'm a meanie, lol. I then proceeded to explain in my calmest voice that the reason I only have one gay friend is that he is the only one who ever told me he was gay. I just don't ask my friends that question, I could have 50 gay/lesbian/bi friends and not know it because it just isn't important to me, what is important is that my friends and I get along, have a few laffs and enjoy each others company. I told him at the end of the day thats what is important, and I was sorry but I would not have a gay buddy for the sake of saying I have a bunch of GLBT people on my facebook that I don't like or talk to in "real life!" As I said, to me it's the person that counts, always has been. He went a little nuts and told me he wouldn't talk to me until I went out and found some gay men to hang out with. I said then I guess we won't be talking anytime soon huh? To which he replied that I was anti gay. I said nope, I'm not anti gay but right now I'm anti you. he stormed off. So, am I a bad guy because I pick my friends based on the person and not the team they play for?

[slipnslide]

Know what I love? Paragraphs.

[falcondfw]

Definitely not. You are definitely not a bad guy.

I put your ex-friend in the class of many people who give up smoking. Once they quit, they become RABID and decide EVERYONE in the world needs to quit smoking. They totally get in the face of anybody they see smoking and they distance themselves from friends who still smoke. That is their right, but kinda stupid in my opinion.

In your friend's case, instead of giving up smoking, he gave up being straight. So now he gets in the face of all his straight friends and calls them homophobic and refuses to be seen with them until they either announce they are gay or they have a sufficient number of gay friends. Again, his right, but kinda stupid in my opinion.

[rdy2go]

Know what I love? Paragraphs.Man! I was ranting... lol.... there are no paragrphs in Rdy-speak!

[Gearbox]

:bigrin: A friend of mine came out as gay one night while drunk at a club. He turned from this gentle considerate lovely man into a raving queen!:eek:
That's all we heard, gay this, gay that! A few times I nearly said "Shut up and get over it!". But he's still the same gentle lovely man we always knew. It's just that it's a Hell of a relief to come out for many, and when they do, they are obviously high on self acceptance.:)
(Good for them!!!)

Your not a nasty man! You just didn't ride the phase out with him very well. They calm down after a bit when it gets 'old news'.:rolleyes:
He was probably trying to fight prejudice where there is none. Self empowerment can do that sometimes.

Alls well with my friend. He still thinks I'm straight and haven't had more men than him. I'm NOT stoking THAT fire!!:bigrin:

[Long Duck Dong]

rd, ya not bad at all.......

I used to get so much flak when I was working as a barman / doorman at a LGBT bar cos I would talk with everybody, regardless of sexuality, but some people had issues with the fact I would talk with lesbians or gay guys.....or cos I was not taking sides

I enjoyed talking to people, not sexualities.... hell I talked with some white power / storm front guys when we were on the Civil union march and they were there supporting the anti LGBT crowd, and yes I copped abuse from some LGBT people.......

my friends respect the fact that I will talk with people as I have a interest in learning about others points of view..... its the same attitude I have here in the site, I may disagree with people, but I want to hear what they have to say and why......

so if not having enuf gay friends, makes you bad, rd.... I must be the baddest person in the site, cos i talk with my *foes* including the anti LGBT crowds

[SJ37AndSteph]

Rdy2Go i can say this as well ur not a bad person u and i havent talked alot but when we have talked u have always been a great person to talk to never seen u as a bad person..

[DuckiesDarling]

Rdy, hon, you already know your my fave Canadian. I have found your posts funny and you are a hoot in chat. And I do admire the way you handled it, seems your friend acted like a child with a toy he wanted everyone to admire. It's a shame but coming out can be a pretty traumatic time for most people and that might be why he acted the way he did. Hopefully, time and distance will change his feelings about you.

[Darkside2009]

Your friend was behaving like a fool, hopefully it is just a phase of him being zealous as he has only come to terms with it himself.

You do not have to account to anyone for your choice of friends, that is your decision and your decision alone. It is a bit like having someone tell you what you should eat for dinner, just as silly.

Perhaps he was expecting you to reciprocate his coming out gesture by you telling him you were homosexual too. Misery loves company.lol

Anyway, losing such a bigoted friend would seem to me to be no great loss.

[Yoyome100]

Rdy you're fine. Sounds like your friend hasn't quite come to grips with his sexuality. Good luck.

[darkeyes]

Rdy you're fine. Sounds like your friend hasn't quite come to grips with his sexuality. Good luck.

... actually sounds like he's fallen in2 bad company an' taking advice which an ounce of common sense tells is bollox... I suggest u have a wee word in his shell likes an' tell him u will always b there for him when he stops actin' like a prick...

.. bad guy? No hun.. but one who is hurtin' inside I think..:)

[Realist]

This is sad.........

Few things hurt more than a friend turning on you.........especially when their ire is not justified.

I was wondering if he is susceptible to modifying his true feelings, in order to fit in?

As others have stated and, without knowing more about your friend, I believe he may be under the influence of his new cronies. From what you've said about your relationship before this, I wouldn't think he'd come up with those statements by himself.

New converts will often say and do things they normally wouldn't, in order to become part of the "in-crowd". (whether or not they really are that sold on the idea)

Hopefully, he will figure out who his real friend is and appreciate your being there for him.

[**Peg**]

no. :bigrin:

[elian]

Your gay friend may be very excited about being able to celebrate something that he previously felt ashamed of. Sometimes friends do carry on. I don't think it's unreasonable to say to your friend, "That's great, I'm really happy for you but can we talk about something else for a while?" I'm sorry there was some serious miscommunication, sounds as though your friend may not be the most mature person emotionally just yet..have to learn to listen as well as we talk.

In a perfect world where everyone was valued and treated equally we wouldn't NEED special parades and those other things. People in the minority would understand their own self worth and maybe people in the majority wouldn't take it for granted.

I usually see editorials in the paper around here every once in a while when a gay story makes the news, "I don't mind if they are gay, but why do they have to rub it in my face?!"

Fair question, I guess my response would be that the adversaries of LGBT people either intentionally or unintentionally try to isolate LGBT people, some of them try to demonize gay people or condemn LGBT lifestyle.

Some adversaries say being LGBT a choice, but I don't think that anyone would willingly risk their life, respect in the community, family, friendships, employment, property or personal freedom just to CHOOSE to be LGBT. I mean, I could choose to be celibate, but that could potentially take away a fundamental part of being human..I'm not sure whether or not I could be truly happy being celibate and it's unfair to force that decision on another human being through shame or cohesion.

Young LGBT teens in particular may feel as though they have no safe person to confide in and be demoralized to the point that they start considering suicide.

I'm glad for your friend, but I can understand why you did what you did, I don't think it was out of line, but regretful that there wasn't as much listening going on as talking. For him to go out and DEMAND that you meet like 10 gay guys is just silly IMO..although he probably doesn't view it that way. You could apologize to him, and then mention that you're happy for him, but you'd like to talk about some other topics too. To say "I'm anti-you" - someone who has been hurt in the past would probably take that badly as a personal insult..

[drugstore cowboy]

TL;DR (too long didn't read) try writing in paragraphs as well.

I got the gist of it, just ignore your friend he's angry at himself since he's spent most of his life either in denial or in the closet about his sexuality. If he still says that you're being homophobic remind him of this.

However this does beg the question if you're a straight/hetero guy why are you on this site?

[Diva667]

Many of you who... bad guy because I pick my friends based on the person and not the team they play for?

No, you aren't a bad guy. If that is indeed your measurement for friendship.

I wonder what the conversation looked like from the other guys pov, though.

You say that you get why it's important and maybe why it was hard for him to come out? It isn't about being proud of his sexuality, it's about being able to be himself despite the tide of people assuming him to be straight.You say it's ok that he holds hands and kisses his boyfriend, but it sounds as if you're upset that he has changed. He is now able to do those things that he longed to do when he was closeted. Some are great (kissing your guy) some are so-so (gay pride) and some are not so great (telling his friend (you) that they need to have more gay friends.)

He is finally able to grow up and become a fully functioning adult in society.

[tenni]

I knew a gay man who said that when he first came out, he became hypersexual. Sex, Sex sex sex :eek: He said that a lot of gay men that he knew reacted the same way. After a year or so, he slowed down. It sounds like your friend has become hypergay:bigrin:

I think that you are chosing your friends similar to most us. Time will tell if your friend "tones it down". It is obvious that sexuality does come into play for this guy as far as being a friend. I don't think that a person needs to be "proud" of their sexuality though. It should just be a feature of you.

Wouldn't it be nice if people didn't feel that they need to say that they are proud to gay etc.? That indicates that at one point they probably thought less of themself. That is unfortunately the real world. Sometimes gays and bisexuals feel the need to be with their own sexuality.

Did you tell your gay friend that you hang out on a bisexual website? Do you think that would change his view of you? I wouldn't worry about it though if I were you. His words have made an impact on you though or you would not have started this thread.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

He went a little nuts and told me he wouldn't talk to me until I went out and found some gay men to hang out with.


Seriously?? Oh Puleeese. How selfish and pioused is that? You were just fine until he found this tidbit of information, right? That was so wrong of him, Hon. Hope he comes around and sees that what he said was childish and immature.
And it doesnt Matter why you are here with us, there are many non-bi folks here, and we are all friends. Same could be asked of the Gay folks that are here. If they are Gay, whey are they on a Bi-site?
Matters not. We're all here on the same boat. ;)

Hope your friend winds down a little and sees you for the friend that you are....:}
Cat

[rdy2go]

An update to this..... The person who I have written about in the original post called and apologized. I thought it was great. He wanted me to meet the guy he is with. I thought about it for a second, and figured it would be a good idea. You know, to show him how I didn't hold a grudge, and that I was cool with him being gay etc. So we arranged to meet for a drink at my favourite watering hole. He did make a smart assed remark about being glad I wasn't afraid to be seen in public with a gay guy, but I let it slide. I figured he was just joking anyway, lol.

All I am going to say about this meeting is that these two were trying to set me up. It started out fine. As we sat at the table my "former' (yes former) friend insisted that I come home with him and his partner and have oral sex. The reason being, I would understand his lifestyle if I tried it. I declined and told him I wasn't into it. Let's just say the conversation went to Hell a fter that so, I left. So how does a blowjob allow you to understand a whole life style?

this case is closed

[elian]

Wow rdy, sounds like he wanted to be more than "just friends" with you after all - are you sure your friend didn't confuse the word "intimate" with "intimidate" ?? I don't think I would appreciate someone trying to motivate me to have sex by making me feel guilty. He really shouldn't take your refusal personally.

Maybe he honestly doesn't know that "straight" means you aren't sexually attracted to men at all? Just like "gay" means you aren't sexually attracted to women?? <shakes head> - It wouldn't be the first time I've had a crush on a straight person, unrequited love sucks but it's not any different than a straight guy who really likes a girl only to find out she's already taken or not interested at all.

I wouldn't take it personally it just sounds like he's not that mature yet.


An update to this..... The person who I have written about in the original post called and apologized. I thought it was great. He wanted me to meet the guy he is with. I thought about it for a second, and figured it would be a good idea. You know, to show him how I didn't hold a grudge, and that I was cool with him being gay etc. So we arranged to meet for a drink at my favourite watering hole. He did make a smart assed remark about being glad I wasn't afraid to be seen in public with a gay guy, but I let it slide. I figured he was just joking anyway, lol.

All I am going to say about this meeting is that these two were trying to set me up. It started out fine. As we sat at the table my "former' (yes former) friend insisted that I come home with him and his partner and have oral sex. The reason being, I would understand his lifestyle if I tried it. I declined and told him I wasn't into it. Let's just say the conversation went to Hell a fter that so, I left. So how does a blowjob allow you to understand a whole life style?

this case is closed