Am I nuts or Should I just Shup up.

[woolleygirl]

I know this may be repeditori(i suck at spelling) but as a female, new to being bi, how does a girl know when she has the right relationship with another girl. This for me is hard cause I am married and when I first told him he was ok with it as long as he got to be there and participate.
I want a friend as well as a lover but how do I know if I am just being selfish in wanting her all to myself? I do love my hubby I don't want to do anything to hurt him so I have been as open as I can with him and I am willing to share this experience with him but.................... Am i nuts or should I just shut up.


Thank you for any comments

Theresa

[moonlitwish]

In my experience, sharing doesn't work unless all people are committed equally. Every time I was out with my girl, hubby sat at home and cried. At home alone with hubby? She was mighty depressed. In the bed together all at once? They came to hate one another. If you are equally attracted to both sexes then this might work for you. Maybe part of the problem was that I am not. Who can tell. Good luck on this. It can be a hard road to follow.

[innaminka]

....This for me is hard cause I am married and when I first told him he was ok with it as long as he got to be there and participate.
I want a friend as well as a lover but how do I know if I am just being selfish in wanting her all to myself?

Theresa

Maybe the selfish one is your hubby?
I rather think he sees this as a chance to get his rocks off with a voyeur experience and have a free shag without guilt.

My advice is to determine the level of your bi-ness alone 1:1. Then and only then can a 3rd be included.

Otherwise its just group-shagging.

[moonlitwish]

My advice is to determine the level of your bi-ness alone 1:1. Then and only then can a 3rd be included.


yeah you need to find someone you trust to explore your sexuality in reference to women. Make sure it isn't a fantasy that you don't really want to fulfill. Lots of people have this problem. They freak out when it comes down to doing the deed with the same sex. Others (like me) find out they enjoy it WAAAYY to much and kinda lose interest in hetero sex. I say try for a 1:1 first so you can evaluate your reaction without dealing with his reaction at the same instance. You'll get a truer response.

[Mrs. Taz]

its also normal to not want your man included, atleast all the time, and he needs to try and understand that.

[Michael623]

There have been several threads lately on this subject and I apologize in advance if I offend anyone with this statement. But will someone please tell me the difference in being alone with someone of the same sex versus being alone with someone of the opposite sex. If I were to let my wife, by the way she isn't bi, have a woman without me there why shouldn't I also let her have a man by herself? I am not getting it! Help!

Michael

[midlifecurious]

Well, Michael, in my view if you desired to be with another man in our marriage (m/f) that would be experiencing something I, as a woman, could not give you. My dynamics certainly are not the same as a hot guy now are they?! Same for a woman, if I desire to be with another woman, you would not be able to supply me with those needs of a beautiful shapely woman with all the accessories now would you. So if I decided to have sex with another man, that would be cheating on you. You have all the parts I desire for a male partner to have great sex with. I want to faithful to my husband, no other guys for me. But I'll keep searching the right girlfriend.

Hope that helps.

[Michael623]

I am bisexual and certainly understand the desire for having sex with a male. That I don't need an explanation of. You are saying that because a man can't give you what you desire in a woman then it's ok to have a relationship outside your marriage and he should underrstand and accept that. What if your husband is hetersexual and likes women with big boobs and yours are small? Since you can't provide that then it's ok for him to have a relationship with a large busted women without you included?

[canuckotter]

What if your husband is hetersexual and likes women with big boobs and yours are small? Since you can't provide that then it's ok for him to have a relationship with a large busted women without you included? She still has boobs though. :)

Some bisexuals seem to have very different tastes in men vs women. Let's take your hypothetical man here... He's really into big boobs but his wife has small boobs. So, OK, his wife doesn't fulfill his every fantasy, but he's still pretty satisfied. But if he's bi, and his tastes in men are different from his tastes in women, then no matter how much sex he has with however many women of whatever type, he's still never going to satisfy his urges to sleep with a man. A strap-on isn't the same as a cock, no matter how butch the woman wearing it is.

Anyway, back to the original topic... woolleygirl, this is something you and your husband need to work out. He might feel threatened by you sleeping with a woman and wants to make sure that he stays involved... He doesn't want to share you and risk losing you. Some guys get over that, some guys don't; humanity's pretty possessive by nature. ;) It is entirely natural for you to want to experiment with women on your own, as many people here will attest. But if your husband's not comfortable with that, then you've got to make a choice... Do you let him keep participating, even though it doesn't work out? Do you stop sleeping with women altogether? Do you leave him? Do you sneak around behind his back? Do you simply dictate that you will be occasionally sleeping with women and leave the next move to him? I don't recommend the last two, by the way.

I don't think your husband's looking for a guilt-free shag, as innaminka suggested; I think it's a lot more likely that he's theatened by you wanting to sleep with women, and feels inadequate. Men are taught from an early age that we are to be the providers; we have to make sure that anything our family needs, we can get for them. That's especially true in the bedroom -- if you want something more, then your husband is obviously doing something wrong or is physically inadequate to fulfill your needs. Or at least, that's probably what he's unconsciously thinking. He's probably terrified that you're looking for something else as a prelude to leaving him because he can't satisfy you. If you want to win his approval for sleeping with a woman, you'll need to find a way to soothe those fears and make him understand that he's still wonderful and you're still in love with and attracted to him, but that you want something that he's not physically capable of providing and that you have no intentions of leaving him to find it.

It may be that he'll never accept that, which is his right. He's allowed to have his own opinions and attitudes, just as you're allowed to have your own opinions and attitudes. If he can't accept that you want to stay married to him but still be allowed to sleep with other women, then you have to make a potentially very hard decision -- give up a part of yourself (your sexuality), or give up another part of yourself (your husband). I hope for your sake that either it never comes to that, or that you're more like me and don't have any more problem giving up sex with people of the same gender than you did giving up sex with the opposite gender.

[Michael623]

I still haven't heard why it's ok to have a relationship with someone of the same sex when you are involved in a monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite sex. In fact i don't get why it's ok when you are involved in a monogamous relationship with someone of the same sex. To say that because it's with someone of the same sex makes it ok is something I can't agree with you on. You are saying that if it's with someone of the same sex your partner MUST understand and accept it and I say no way. To be open and honest with your partner is a must. But you need to end that relationship if you want sex with someone else regardless if they are of the same sex or not, if your partner says no.

[woolleygirl]

Thank you all. Well in our case I have big boobs and he likes smaller :tong: . No it isn't a free shag that he is after i don't think :confused: . We have been together for 9 years and married for 6 years. He is fine with me wanting another girl, it attracts him more to me in fact. I will talk to him and let him know thank you canuk. Micheal I have no problem with sharing him cause I know that he loves me or we wouldn't still be together. He is still discovering his bi side cause he has never had the opportunity too, with me I am getting the opportunity to be with other females. The one thing I will NOT I repeat will NOT do is go behind his back to be with another female. :) .

I just wish I could do it with ful concent but that may take time.

Theresa

[canuckotter]

You are saying that if it's with someone of the same sex your partner MUST understand and accept it and I say no way. I think the only person saying that is you, Michael. The rest of us are saying that some people aren't satisfied with a single gender, and for them, they have to make a choice between staying with the monogamous partner or having other partners. Everyone's made it clear that cheating is a bad choice. In any event, this isn't a discussion for this thread. If you want to move it to a new thread, I'll join you there.

woolleygirl, I hope everything works out for you and your hubby! :)

[curvy_girl]

I still haven't heard why it's ok to have a relationship with someone of the same sex when you are involved in a monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite sex. In fact i don't get why it's ok when you are involved in a monogamous relationship with someone of the same sex. To say that because it's with someone of the same sex makes it ok is something I can't agree with you on. You are saying that if it's with someone of the same sex your partner MUST understand and accept it and I say no way. To be open and honest with your partner is a must. But you need to end that relationship if you want sex with someone else regardless if they are of the same sex or not, if your partner says no.

For me...and us, meaning my hubby and I...he's straight, I'm Bi. Anyway, I know that I love being with a woman alone...and he's been in the know about it and there are no problems. It's okay because she can give me something he can't. Another bond or closeness to another person, exciting feelings that are different than the ones I get with him. Neither person is better and there is no competition...both are very different. He and I are in a monogamous relationship with each other, there is love there. If he asked me tomorrow to only be with him, I would. I guess that unless you are in the situation, you can't really understand.