validation

[DiamondDog]

Does anyone else here get annoyed that it seems like they need to validate their bisexuality to others?

[Flounder1967]

Please Explain

[DiamondDog]

Please Explain
well, I'm not out about being bisexual to most people but I've tried to explain it to my het friends and they don't "get it". Some of them think I'm gay when I tell them about it.

Or lots of them think that it's just a 'phase' or 'confusion'. A lot of people (even family members) think that I'm 100% heterosexual when it's like well, I grew up thinking that but I don't think that straight men have the type of erotic dreams I have about men, would have sex with men like I have, or would get all emotionally/sexually attracted to both genders like I have.

I don't mind the ambiguity but it can get tiresome when you tell someone how you really are and they put you in a box and don't keep an open mind when you try to educate them about how you really are.

Today my mom told me I should compartmentalize my sexuality and I got angry at her and told her how an ex friend of mine did that with his sexuality and wound up doing some fucked up stuff and how I wasn't going to do that.

[DiamondDog]

Please Explain
Also, here's a link to an article I found that explains a bit of what I'm writing about. I didn't write the article but I do recognize what the author is writing about.

http://world.std.com/~khvastun/fence/007burden.html

[Driver 8]

Yeah, it seems to me that people - lesbians more than straight women, but you get it all around - have this unbelievably narrow definition of "bisexual," and they start out by assuming that you aren't. If a lesbian heard some other woman was a lesbian, she wouldn't say "Oh, but you haven't been with a woman," but if you're bisexual ...

"Oh, but you haven't been with both men and women, have you?"
"Oh, but not relationships?"
"Oh, but not as many relationships with men and women?"

.... et cetera. And eventually they find some reason that you don't really count.

I've decided to stop having these questions, and respond to the first comment along these lines with "What a thing to say." They're the ones who are out of line, and I don't have to indulge them.

(I know some people feel that answering these questions is a kind of bi activism, but I've concluded that no one who takes that rude, dismissive tone is open to education ... or, if they are, they can start by getting educated about the fact that it's not their place to run around checking other people's orientation.)

[woolleygirl]

Wow what an article. I see what the author is saying we as a bi are put into a non grouping because we are attacted to both men and wemon. I as a woman almost fear telling loved ones "Hey I am attracted to woman and men" fearing they will go " oh you have been with another woman you have done that.

As a Bi :bigrin: woman I don't know I am still learning what it means to be Bi I have never put a definition on being Bi so thus Validation doesn't seem to matter to me I guess. :2cents:

T

[Lisa (va)]

I don't get annoyed over it, then again i prefer to say I'm open instead of out. I don't hide it but I don't go around shouting it to the world either, it's just a small part of me. There are many qualities in a person other than their sexual preferences.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[DiamondDog]

I don't get annoyed over it, then again i prefer to say I'm open instead of out. I don't hide it but I don't go around shouting it to the world either, it's just a small part of me. There are many qualities in a person other than their sexual preferences.

Lisa
hugs n kisses
that is how I view my sexuality, it's just a small aspect of myself.

[innaminka]

Does anyone else here get annoyed that it seems like they need to validate their bisexuality to others?

In a word "No"

I am confident in who I am and what and who I do.

[moonlitwish]

Ha ha I'm still trying to 'validate' it to myself. The only thing I know I am is not straight. And it definately doesn't help that I've gone from a heterosexual relationship to a homosexual one. Or that the homo relationship is much more satifying than the het one ever was. Does this mean I'm really a lesbian? Or (to reference another thread) a 'transitional bisexual'? I'm happy, so it doesn't really matter, but it would be nice to know... Especially since if I don't know, how on earth am I gonna explain it to anyone else? (btw I operate on a don't ask don't tell, ask get told the candid truth policy)

[CherryBlossom74]

Sometimes we worry, but mostly it's because we have yet to have intercourse in a same-sex fashion and worry what others will say...almost like we aren't card carrying members of the Bisexual organization or something.

But then we ended up looking at it like this:

It was hard for us to find people to fall in love with, we aren't looking for one night stands or flings, so why would we be in such a hurry to have meaningless sex despite how much we like the idea of getting it on with both sexes? it's just stupid. It will happen if it happens. I have loved men, though they never knew it. She has wanted women and been aroused though she restrained herself...those restrictions are gone now so when next the events occur we WILL be able to handle our feelings in a meaningful, passionate and exciting way. :flag1:

So don't worry about validating yourself to anyone, it's wasted time and effort. Adrienne and I are learning fast here to get comfy in our own skins, thanks to many of the members here. Just hang around and listen to their wisdom, it's purely Balm from Gilead for your troubled soul.

[littlerayofsunshine]

I outed myself to my husband before we ever got married. So he has always known. Some of my family know and I made a webpage that declares it. I haven't come across anyone who has berated me yet. But I have spoken to some bi women who have said that lesbians have ragged them for not chosing one sex or the other.. I personally feel that people who want the world to be open minded to them shouldn't be closed minded to those who are basically in the same situation. We are who we are born to be and it's not necessarily a choice involved. I have liked girls since I was 8 years old, but have loved boys since puberty. This is who I am..

[JohnnyV]

I stopped giving a shit about explaining my sex history to others one day, not too long ago. I was reading a Dan Savage column -- one of his primitively sarcastic rants again "ex-gays" -- and it dawned on me that people who judge and nitpick other people's sexuality are stupid.

Only narrow and unintelligent people are interested in questioning the choices I've made in my sex life. Why would I try to rationalize what I do to someone narrow and unintelligent?

And if they're too dumb to understand me the first time they find out about me, why would they understand it on the second or third time?

The best validation is finding happiness for yourself.

J


well, I'm not out about being bisexual to most people but I've tried to explain it to my het friends and they don't "get it". Some of them think I'm gay when I tell them about it.

Or lots of them think that it's just a 'phase' or 'confusion'. A lot of people (even family members) think that I'm 100% heterosexual when it's like well, I grew up thinking that but I don't think that straight men have the type of erotic dreams I have about men, would have sex with men like I have, or would get all emotionally/sexually attracted to both genders like I have.

I don't mind the ambiguity but it can get tiresome when you tell someone how you really are and they put you in a box and don't keep an open mind when you try to educate them about how you really are.

Today my mom told me I should compartmentalize my sexuality and I got angry at her and told her how an ex friend of mine did that with his sexuality and wound up doing some fucked up stuff and how I wasn't going to do that.

[Nara_lovely]

No, I don't get annoyed, nor feel I am 'validating' myself.


If there are questions, discussions or responses...I understand it as a healthy part of communication (that goes out the window with abuse or rudness by the way...but goes for any topic!)


One radio show I heard awhile ago said [paraphrased]: if people are afraid of your differences, it is their beliefs being challenged. Rather than think through where they are at, they will attack what challenges their comfort zone.

Ohhh for everyone one day, to be secure enough!