How to FInd a Man for My Wife and I to Share ?

[trentino]

After all the fantastic feedback regarding how to come out as bisexual to my wife, I thought I'd ask another question to see what you all can come up with.
So, I came out to my wife and after a bit of an initial shock and after much discussion, she announced to me that she was okay with it :) She has no lesbian leanings whatsoever, but I think it would be really hot to share her with another man in a three-way situation. For the past couple of days I've been poring over bi and gay dating sites, but not to much avail ... does anyone have any advice for how we could find a willing and eager participant for my wife and me ? How about going about picking someone up, at like say a gay bar (a personal fantasy of mine). Well, at any rate, any thoughtful comments are much appreciated - thanks !
:three:

[1bimmwis]

Is she ready to take this step?

[csrakate]

Is she ready to take this step?

Very good question! I suggest that you have some open and honest communication with your wife BEFORE you concern yourself with finding someone. What sounds good in fantasy doesn't always translate well in reality. Not only will she be allowing herself to be with another man, she will also be subjected to seeing you with one as well. You better make sure she is on board....otherwise it will be an experience you both will regret.

[trentino]

Thank you for the input 1bimmwis and csrakate ! To answer your questions, if she isn't ready to take the step, she HAS expressed interest in doing so ! Earlier we discussed opening our relationship to new experiences, and she definitely finds the idea exciting. But, you're right; reality is far different from fantasy. I told her I would love to fuck her while she sucks off another guy, and all combinations possible in that array, and she seems to find that exciting too ! So, I guess I'm just doing some preliminary work before actually attempting the feat !

By the way, it's nice to have a woman's perspective for the first time !
Thanks again :)

[Jobelorocks]

Well you may want to try swinglifestyle.com . There are not a whole lot of bi guys, but there are some. They have free accounts and paid ones as well. So it is worth a try.

[csrakate]

Sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to do by discussing it. She does sound rather open minded but make sure she is really ready before you take the big step. Might I suggest that you and your wife work some of that fantasy into your sex life for a bit first....use some toys....talk some trash....get all hot and bothered and see where it takes you! While it isn't a perfect substitute for having that additional person in your bed, it can sure be a hell of a lot of fun! LOL!

[1bimmwis]

Great idea, Kate. Talking kinky or fantasy sex can lead to reality. I think straight women love to hear about male bi-sexual activity. You choose how
graphic you want it to be and see how she reacts. But after you're finished, and the passions have cooled, then ask her how she might feel doing a mfm.

[Realist]

I agree with Kate.

I also think your wife may be much more apt to take it slower than you.

Ladies often want more than a roll in the hay and she may feel the need to build some trust and compatibility, with a potential participant, beforehand.

Be patient, as the results can be a remarkable experience!

If handled improperly, the first attempt may be a disaster, too!

I would encourage her to proceed at her own speed...rushing her could turn her off, forever!

One other thing to think of....you both need to look within yourselves to see if there's a chance that jealousy might become a factor! The slightest seed of jealousy can grow at a frightening speed! I know!

[trentino]

Wow ! Loads of fantastic advice ! Yes, I love the idea of working the fantasy into our sexlife. To tell the truth, I would really love to hear more about HER fantasies, but honestly, she's a little shy to reveal at the moment.

I've tried sharing porn with her, previously straight and incidentally-lesbian stuff, but her tastes are very particular. She did like a Taormino Rough Sex episode featuring Sasha Grey, but after showing her some "feminist porn", (which she didn't take to at all) she all but threw her hands up and said, "Why don't you just get some gay ?"

As far as jealousy goes, I think that I would be the last person to enjoy cuckolding, but damn if every time we discussed it my cock got rock hard in my pants ! Personally, under the proper and open and communicative conditions, I think that I would be fine with her sexual exploration with other men, with me present or not. But again, you really never know until you try it. The most important thing to me is in that situation would be emotional honesty and openess - for me sexuality can be something like a sort of enjoyable avocation.

For her, however, she's already mentioned that the news of my bisexuality has left her a bit insecure, but, in her words, in a good way (!) Yes, hard for me to understand as well, but she told me that it sort of lends a sense of danger and heightens the excitement.

Thanks for the links and ideas folks, thanks

[csrakate]

Wow ! Loads of fantastic advice ! Yes, I love the idea of working the fantasy into our sexlife. To tell the truth, I would really love to hear more about HER fantasies, but honestly, she's a little shy to reveal at the moment.

I've tried sharing porn with her, previously straight and incidentally-lesbian stuff, but her tastes are very particular. She did like a Taormino Rough Sex episode featuring Sasha Grey, but after showing her some "feminist porn", (which she didn't take to at all) she all but threw her hands up and said, "Why don't you just get some gay ?"

As far as jealousy goes, I think that I would be the last person to enjoy cuckolding, but damn if every time we discussed it my cock got rock hard in my pants ! Personally, under the proper and open and communicative conditions, I think that I would be fine with her sexual exploration with other men, with me present or not. But again, you really never know until you try it. The most important thing to me is in that situation would be emotional honesty and openess - for me sexuality can be something like a sort of enjoyable avocation.

For her, however, she's already mentioned that the news of my bisexuality has left her a bit insecure, but, in her words, in a good way (!) Yes, hard for me to understand as well, but she told me that it sort of lends a sense of danger and heightens the excitement.

Thanks for the links and ideas folks, thanks

One word of caution about insecurity and exploration. Make sure your wife is comfortable with the mere thought of man on man sex....If she isn't, seeing it for the first time may be hard for her to take....and seeing it taking place with YOU may be even more difficult. That's one of the reasons I suggested the use of toys. As Realist said, she may want to take it slower than you do....and if done correctly and at the right pace, you can help her slowly "embrace" your bisexuality and everything that goes with it. This way she won't be threatened by it....she will feel a PART of it!

Best wishes to you both in this journey. Keep talking....keep loving.....but keep honest!

[trentino]

Oh yes, thanks again Kate. We have used a variety of toys. One of our favorite actives is when she plays with my ass ... she prefers her fingers, but when she slammed me with a strap-on a few times I could tell that she got super hot. Literally sweating. She asked for gay porn, although, come to think of it, I've never asked her if she's actually seen any. That being said, we had a look at a friend of ours' gay erotica art website last night. She finds it hot (Chub fetish and abstract poetry) but although the technique is good, not my thing. I'm excited to see how this all evolves and I'll keep you posted.

PS - thanks for the e-mail and the offer and advice ;)

[trentino]

One word of caution about insecurity and exploration. Make sure your wife is comfortable with the mere thought of man on man sex....If she isn't, seeing it for the first time may be hard for her to take....and seeing it taking place with YOU may be even more difficult. That's one of the reasons I suggested the use of toys. As Realist said, she may want to take it slower than you do....and if done correctly and at the right pace, you can help her slowly "embrace" your bisexuality and everything that goes with it. This way she won't be threatened by it....she will feel a PART of it!

Best wishes to you both in this journey. Keep talking....keep loving.....but keep honest!

Thanks again Kate, I just wanted to give you an update:

You're right - I had just assumed that she had already seen gay porn, but, the other night when I queued-up a vintage film I enjoy, I asked her and she revealed that in fact she never had actually seen any gay porn at all.

We started the film and I just watched her face. She was riveted. I was laying next to her, naked and hard. We fast-forwarded to my favorite scene, and we watched together as she stroked my cock.

She commented, which is interesting and something I never condisered, that the two guys having sex onscreen were "just like us". In that, she meant that the sex play was pretty standard and similar to our own amorous tanglings, just different in that there were two men ! One partner sucks a dick, kissing, licking, stroking. Analingus, ass-fucking (in our case, vaginal and strap-on and of course, cunnilingus).

Soon, she turned of the film half-way through the scene, asking me if I "wanted some". We went on to have a marathon sex session (I had jerked-off previously during the day and was thus able to last the duration without coming) including her sodomizing my ass with our biggest dildo.

A feature that had gone missing from our sexlife was passionate kissing. I think that all of this discussion about sexual fluidity has reignited that practice for us gusto - wonderful !

Afterwards, I asked her about her fantasies. She was shy, but I persisted, gently. Eventually she told me that one of her biggest turn-ons was visualizing a gay rape scene from the fictional prison life tv series "Oz"!

All that to say that I think that things are going well thus far ; ) Thanks again for your support and understanding.

[dickhand]

Try www.adultfriendfinders.com . It has worked well for me .

[cumplay]

I think the gay bar idea is great. She will then be able to take a peek into this lifestyle without having to jump in. She will also be able to talk with people/prospects without the need to commit. Break the ice so to speak. Then, if you both find someone you agree on well... Jobelorocks also had a great idea in swinglifestyle.com.

[wrbi01]

Try www.adultfriendfinders.com . It has worked well for me .

I second this vote.:bigrin:

[love269]

You might also want to take a look at Bisexualplayground.com. I've met some great folks there. Of course, like all sites, there are some jerks.

[welickit]

You asked how "you" find a man to share. Finding a guy to share would seem to us like fantastic starting point for getting your wife actively involved. Find the guy together. Go people shopping. You can do it anywhere, in a store, at the beach a night club. Check out the guys and discuss which ones you both are attracted to. Striking up a conversation will probably be much easier for her than you. Just the process of people shopping can be a big turn on........even if you don't Mr. Right the anticipation and doing it together will make both of you ready for each other.

You can always leave your watch at home and approach a prospect to ask the time. You could ask for directions or any number of things. Another big help is learning about body language. Just our :2cents: but we certainly wish you luck.:bipride:

[trentino]

Great great advice Welickit !!

[P H Stone]

Try www.adultfriendfinders.com . It has worked well for me .

There are many men interested in meeting couples like us - don't be detered by anyone listing themselves as 'straight' - because almost all of them will be willing to be sucked by another man who brings his wife along for sex.

Just list yourself as bi-curious or bisexual and be honest in your initial correspondence with anyone who interests you.

My hot wife likes kissing a man while I am sucking his cock and usually I clean off his cummy cock after he has unloaded in her - she sometimes joins me in this.

Be yourself - relax and enjoy! The people you will meet playing this way will be interesting and fun to be around.

[SoFlaPolyCouple]

Interesting topic. I was in exactly your shoes about 4 years ago. We had no idea how to go about meeting a 'playmate'. We tried CL and some swinger's web sites; some we paid for, some we didn't. My advice is this: Don't waste your money on a paid swingers site. Bi guys are VERY hard to find on those and there's no better chance of meeting a suitable playmate there than on CL. The problem with CL is there are so many fakes and spammers you have to be patient and weed them out.
Swingers parties and clubs are NOT the way to go as bi guys are usually not welcome. Keep in mind that the overwhelming majority of swinging couples are either looking for a bi female to join them or they are full swap.
We haven't tried going to a gay bar to pick up a guy, but I imagine it won't be any more difficult than trying to meet someone on CL.
The first time my wife and I 'shared' a man, she got so turned on watching me suck his cock she jumped me.
Good luck.

[cuttin2dachase]

You 2 seem to have come to a decision already. You both want to try a bi mmf 3some! It is not very hard to meet bi men who want to please you both and be pleased by both of you, however it can be hard to meet bi men to whom you are both physically and sexually attracted. Be open and honest, set your/her groundrules/limits, agree on them and go for it ! It is quite erotic and fun to plan such an encounter together. Be patient ! My advice would be to stay away from gay meat markets/ cruiser bars and seek the man/men you both want through online means...and thru sites which are geared to bisexual swingers. Place personal ads or reply to others' personal ads. If you have to weed through 100 replies to your ads or through 100 others' ads which appeal to you both in order to meet just one bi man you are both comfy with, then so be it..the anticipation and excitement can only grow until you do meet the right male partner.

[want2havefun]

In my opinion it is much harder for a guy to find a couple to play with than the opposite. Not sure why any couple would find this difficult.

[Multi_Nerdgasmic]

This thread is a great idea, my wife and I just started seriously looking for a bi guy, we had discussed adding a third previously, but decided to go for it!

Yeah, it's also re-ignited our sex life; my wife is a lot more open sexually than I traditionally am, she's known she's basically bi her whole life, whereas mine is a more recent discovery. That means she def enjoys the idea of another man fucking me, and so do I. :)

Anywhoo, some good resources here to check out. Thanks to those who posted them.

[CuriousInChicago]

In my opinion it is much harder for a guy to find a couple to play with than the opposite. Not sure why any couple would find this difficult.

seconded. i'm a dime a dozen.