failure to admit sexuality

[foreverbi]

Has anyone here had trouble admitting their sexuality to their friends? When I was in high school I had a very close friend that was my J/O buddy. We also "practiced" trying to suck our own dicks, of-course both we failed miserably. I wanted so much to suck his dick, but I was afraid he did not share my feelings & would tell all our friends at school that I was a "queer" (this was in the '60's when Gay just meant happy). I later DID suck his dick & he mine, but this was 10-15 years after high school & it was HIS idea. He gave me my first mouthful of cum & I gladly swallowed it as I had waited so long for this happen. When I think of all the years I wasted it makes me want to kiss my own ass.

I wondered if anyone else on this forum failed to act on their true sexuality because they were afraid of what MIGHT happen. Please let me know I am not alone.

[Jobelorocks]

When I was in Jr. High I had a similar experience. I was at a friends house and she asked me if I ever thought of doing stuff with another girl. I knew she wanted to experiment with me and I wanted to with her, but I said no because I was so afraid people would find out. I went to a Baptist school so it would have been very bad for me. I went to a performing arts high school and I started some mild play with girls there and it moved up from there.

[Gearbox]

In my 20's my 'gay side' was almost a 'phantom limb'. But the older brother of a friend was like a booster injection on legs.:tongue:
He wasn't what you'd call 'Handsome'. But he was definitely SEXY AS FUCK (and a sexual predator in hindsight).
When I visited their place (they lived together), the older brother would taunt me with stories about his very eventful sex life with women.
He'd tell me that it turned him on to talk about it with me, and he'd show me the obvious bulge his long thick cock made in his jeans.
He said a few times "I'll take the shit, if you take the pain!".:eek:

I was scared to death!:( I wanted him badly, but I just couldn't deal with it. I used to masturbate before going to their place just so I had a chance of thinking straight (pun intended).
I had bi sex in childhood but had socially buried that in early teens and was fine with just girls. But around him I was frighteningly gay. I think I scared myself more than he scared me.:rolleyes:
What a waste!!!

[xercisecoach]

I never even thought of men as a sexual partner up until a few yeaers ago and I was going thru my separation. my ex wife stopped having sex with me for about 3 1/2yrs and I started surfing the net and seeing and then leaerning about so many various sexual pleasures. I was only late last year that i had my first makeout session with a guy at a club... during our session he reached into my pants and started stroking me, i had never had another man do that and it felt amazing so i reciprocated and couldn't believe how much i loved the feeling of a hard cock in my hand.
from there i haven't had full on sex with a guy but i think about it everyday and can't believe that I never did it earlier. I have now also made out with a really sexy crossdresser and most definitely had sex with her. I have really spread my comfort zone and am now looking to suck another man....

[elian]

Yes, to both friends and self when I was younger. We were all full of hormones then. Being kissed out of the blue by what I thought were straight boys 2-3 times in high school left me dumbfounded. A few of the senior guys actually picked me up and carried me to class one day, that was confusing but loved the attention - had a crush on a few of them too but in the rural school where I grew up you wouldn't dare admit something like that.. There were a few other encounters, but most of therm I didn't dare actually do anything, they were good friends I didn't want to lose and I was already bullied enough.

Failure to admit to self? Well I knew I was different, didn't like being competitive but any same sex encounters I had always left me feeling dumbfounded. Later, actually thinking about the possibility made me depressed because all of the people around me only used the words "gay", "queer' and the obvious word "faggot" as derogatory slur.. At that time I was fixated on men, and still am to a large degree but I'm starting to warm up to women too. When I was growing up I thought of women as sisters, and after watching my mom get beat by her boyfriends I never figured for a lot of years that I could do much in the "dominant" role of a hetro relationship but I could be wrong..

Finding this site helped me realize that there is a whole spectrum of gender and sexual identity..which reminds me a lot more of how nature REALLY works instead of the shortcuts humans take by always thinking that something has to be exclusively one way or the other.

[innaminka]

I beleieve the hardest person to come out to is yourself.
Self-denial of sexual preference is so easy - admission is so hard.

"I'm not gay/bi/whatever. I am just curious." ha!

forever - you are not alone.

[sammie19]

I have mentioned how I knew I was bisexual and the kiss which woke me up from the sleep of ignorance. But I had never thought of being in denial before that. I was young silly and boy mad. I couldnt have known it could I?

Or could I? For two years I sat in a class and just made eyes at the prettiest and sexiest art teacher you could imagine. I had the most enormous crush. Even although I loved the subect and the freedom of expression it allowed me, for my first two years at high school every passing month saw me more in dreamland for that four periods every week.

Miss Lenihan was her name and whenever in her presence my concentration went gaga. Eventually my mother. also a teacher at school decided that my crush was too distracting and had me moved into another class which I never enjoyed near as much, but at least my grades improved.

Its more than 10 years on, and even now her influence is felt. I have never changed the hair style I modelled on hers, adore pink fabrics which she always seemed to wear, and even have a silver pendant which I bought cos it was the same as hers.

Now looking back, maybe I was in denial, but not conciously so.

[foreverbi]

I guess the thing that makes me maddest (if that's the right word) is that it now seems as though he was sending me hidden (or not so hidden) message's. We usually had the "town queer" give us a b/j, but on nights that he could not be reached (he was a busy man on the weekends) my pal & I would practice trying to suck our own dick. We both knew this was not going to happen & I wanted nothing more than to suck his dick & if he returned the favor, that was entirely up to him. WHY-OH-WHY didn't I just jump over the front seat of the car take his dick in my mouth do all the things that I liked our "Queer" friend do to me & let the chips fall where they may. When I think of all the years we had wasted & can never get back Who knows how my (and his) life might have changed. I miss him dearly & I think I still love him. I just know I would like to meet up with him again. Who Knows?:male::flag4::(

[Moonlight_BHI]

This is a little embarrassing, but I was in a relationship with a girl who wanted to do things but I was too chicken to take the chance. Still regret it to this day

[jackbirdjay]

I 2 had a j/o buddy in jr high school. We started about age 14. One hot night we went skinny dipping. Don't know or remember how we started but we ended up watching each other jerk-off. We did it all though high school 2. We never ever touched each other but I wanted to but was scared. It was in the 70's not as open like now. One night he was tired and really didn't want to jerk but I talked him in to it. He was having trouble getting hard. I said need a helping hand. He got so mad told me to go fuck my self what are u gay. So I made a joke saying I was only kidding. If he would have asked I would have been on my knees in a flash. I finely did get to suck my first cock at age 20 and not his.