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View Full Version : I Screwed Up Again...



Nadir
Aug 1, 2011, 4:42 PM
Well, until recently I was dating this marvelous girl I had met on Facebook. She was really great. A female,bisexual,punk,vegan feminist (you might want to read that one again...), who was sixteen years my senior (she was thirty-eight). We met at a party on the beach one night and instantly we hit it off (although she told me she was rather dissapointed that my male friend couldn´t have stayed for the night with us too, as she liked him as well). We had sex that first night at her home, and some nights later, at my home too. She was incredible in bed, I was rather enthralled by her. And she seemed to be my intellectual equal on most things, that made me very attracted to her not only because of her good looks and her abilities in bed, but also as a human being.

And then, I screwed up. Badly.

You see, my interest in guys have been growing lately, so I had started to flirt and talk with guys online to see if they were interested to meet me. Anyway, she found out. She was not surprised I was bisexual (I never mention or disclose this to my potential partners, especially women, as I did it once to a girl and she reacted very, very badly...), but rather the fact that I had not mentioned it to her. She took this as a sign of mistrust, and then spent the next few days avoiding me, until we sort of "made up".

However, shortly afterwards, we had another argument (notice a pattern here? I do...). She has had bad experiences with men. Very bad experiences. Her father molested her when she was young, and an ex-boyfriend used to cheat on her and was emotionally abusive towards her. That was one of the things that made her to swear off guys for a while when assuming a lesbian identity. And I seemed only to make the situation worse. There were also many family tragedies happening on her home at the time. Her aunt had been diagnosed recently with cancer. Her mum and her are at each other´s throat constantly (even if I have met her mum and she is a reasonably cool person). Her brother also has been diagnosed as HIV-positive. She really had a whole history behind her, and clearly, I was just one recent arrival on her life who was making things even more complicated.

The reason of our argument and "break up" (sort of) happened at a party in a friend´s flat, where we were celebrating my birthday (I was turning 23), and then, after dancing for a little bit and taking a small supper, we just sat to watch a movie on TV. Everything was cool, everything was superb. And then, I touched her breast. She had made clear to me that she did not like to be touched unless she told me so. And then she got mad at me. But I was drunk. It was my birthday. We were just watching a movie in the dark. Besides, I dunno why she was so mad, when she is the one who always sugests having threesomes with both my male and female friends...

Anyway, I am breaking up with her. I will try to find a girl who is my age, who does not have a bad history with men, who is bisexual, and who is open-minded enough...

Shit, Im screwed... this is going to be tough.

Long Duck Dong
Aug 1, 2011, 5:14 PM
lol..... miss / mrs right is out there somewhere..... now if she had a neon sign over her head it would made things a lot easier on you....lol

and I wish your lady friend the best of luck on her path and journey, finding peace in herself.... some of them never do... cos they were never at peace with themselves to start with and need the inner turmoil and conflict in themselves to feel complete

Gearbox
Aug 1, 2011, 6:23 PM
She denied access to her breasts while watching a film in the dark on YOUR BIRTHDAY?:eek:

Yeh! Kick that one to the curb!:bigrin:

hgf33
Aug 1, 2011, 6:34 PM
It doesn't sound like you screwed up. Yeah, it's dishonest that you didn't tell her you were bi, or that you were flirting with someone behind her back, but it's not as if you were an exclusive couple. Besides, it's pretty presumptuous of her to think that it's ok for her to be bisexual and want to sleep with you AND another guy, but that it's not ok for you. It's sad that she's been through so much, but she shouldn't expect you to walk on eggshells or be anything but your genuine self. I think you made the right decision to move on. It sounds like you're a pretty decent guy who has good intentions, so I have faith you'll find someone! :) Best of luck to you!

dolphinboy1984
Aug 1, 2011, 6:34 PM
Her past sounds incredibly traumatic.

The likelihood is that she would need a lot of time and patience invested into her for you two to have something close to a stable relationship.

Unless you feel overwhelming love for this person, then you are correct to move on.

Nadir
Aug 2, 2011, 10:17 AM
She denied access to her breasts while watching a film in the dark on YOUR BIRTHDAY?:eek:

Yeh! Kick that one to the curb!:bigrin:

Already did, mate, and I have never felt more free in my entire life. I feel like going to a party...

Nadir
Aug 2, 2011, 10:22 AM
It doesn't sound like you screwed up. Yeah, it's dishonest that you didn't tell her you were bi, or that you were flirting with someone behind her back, but it's not as if you were an exclusive couple. Besides, it's pretty presumptuous of her to think that it's ok for her to be bisexual and want to sleep with you AND another guy, but that it's not ok for you. It's sad that she's been through so much, but she shouldn't expect you to walk on eggshells or be anything but your genuine self. I think you made the right decision to move on. It sounds like you're a pretty decent guy who has good intentions, so I have faith you'll find someone! :) Best of luck to you!

Thank you for your kind words :) I try to be the most decent I can. However, you are quite right about walking on eggshells. With she, I always had to be extremely careful about what I was going to do or say, she was always chiding me or arguing with me because of something. She was always criticizing my clothing style, the fact that I ate meat (sorry, but I take very seriously my role in the food chain...). I mean, yeah, it was pretty dishonest, but, as I told her, it would have been pretty dishonest if I had never told her at all. Besides, we were never an "exclusive couple", we were always talking about bringing someone else (a male/female person or even another couple) on the picture. The fact that she wanted to sleep with my (male) best friend turned me off because basically I have known him since elementary school, and he is very,very,very straight...

hgf33
Aug 2, 2011, 11:10 AM
Wow, she sounds like a "gf" I had last year... Lol!

Well anyway, you're better off. Go have fun! :bigrin:

dbltrbl69
Aug 2, 2011, 11:41 AM
Danger, danger Will Robinson...move along, there's nothing more to see... Too much baggage...find someone who brings more fun and less drama

Pasadenacpl2
Aug 2, 2011, 12:10 PM
The first sign should have been hervgetting on about eating meat.

Pasa