Low Sex Drive

[averagejoe]

What do you do when your sex drive is much higher than your partner's? I could really use a few tips here.

So the guy I'm seeing takes Propecia which is well known for killing libido - including his. On the other hand, I weight lift, and it generally increases my libido quite a bit.

He lives an hour away, so I usually only see him on the weekends. Usually on Friday nights, he's horny and will jump my bones as soon as he gets me alone. After that, he's not horny in the slightest for at least a week. I feel like I have one chance, and if either of us gets off too soon, it's totally wasted.

So I've brought this up several times, and we've sort of compromised. I usually end up jerking off before I see him and while I'm around him, and even if he's not horny, he'll lie there and let me have fun with him while he watches TV. It's not ideal, but at least we're both meeting in the middle. He's seriously trying, and so am I.

Without asking him to give up his drug, do you guys have any tips on getting him in the mood or helping him increase his sex drive? I'm trying to be more romantic, but it doesn't seem to be working. (But at least it makes him happy) Or do you have any tips for me on dealing with my desire for more sex?

In my head, I'm also comparing him to my last partner. She always wanted sex more than I did. I know this is a bad habit, but I can't help it.

[slipnslide]

If that's who he is, that's who he is. Don't be trying to change someone for your own sexual satisfaction. That's awful.

[averagejoe]

If that's who he is, that's who he is. Don't be trying to change someone for your own sexual satisfaction. That's awful.
It's not really who he is. It's the drug mostly. He says the same thing. He's even considered stopping it, but I don't want him to. I know it's important to him (even though I hate it)

Besides, I really like him and he likes me despite (all of) our differences. Are you telling me I should totally ditch him just because his sex drive is low? Or should I totally starve myself of sex for him? I'm looking for ways to meet in the middle here. What's wrong with trying to find ways to turn someone on?

[Long Duck Dong]

ok, I am a asexual which means I lack a sex drive.... and yes there are options available..... both medical and homeopathic that can help artificially stimulate the libido....

cos he is using propecia, I would talk to the doctor about using alternative medicines such as horny goat weed etc, which are not a pharmacy drug and is less likely to cause side effects.... the idea is to counter balance the propecia, not replace the libido.... so that way, he is ready to go at the weekends when its needed, and not fiding that hes horny as hell half way thru the week and dead as a dodo at the weekends....

ideally you want a option that works when needed....and can be taken before sex..... and horny goat weed can have the effect in some people that it can last to up 24 hours, IE you take it friday and wake up saturday morning with the boner from hell

[ErosUrge]

In my head, I'm also comparing him to my last partner. She always wanted sex more than I did. I know this is a bad habit, but I can't help it.

First of all, I just have to address that the enjoyment and desire to be fulfilled sexually is NOT a bad habit. Unless it is a detriment to your daily living and interferes with priorities that are a necessity to your daily living. I think it's healthy that you have a sexual appetite and even if it is one that happens more than most people, you should be pleased. Everyone has their level of intensity and desire for sex; some more than others, some less than others...some much more than others, some much less than others.

I don't know how you will resolve this with him as drugs are a detriment to libido. I just went through that the first 4 months of this year with a woman who's sex drive was practically non-existent and when it was active, it was over quickly and the sex was lacking a lot. She had no interest in resolving the issue and a person has to be willing and wanting to resolve it....

I wish I knew the answer other than what I've just pointed out but really don't know any other way.....I wish you the best just the same.

[lizard-lix]

I just looked at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finasteride

Wow, all that risk for hair???

Good luck on a solution, maybe LDDs suggestions will help..

If it were me, I'd shave my head and be done with it, the cure may be worse than the ill..

[love1234]

Lifting weights could help him. Heavy sets where you really strain work the best for getting your body to produce testosterone. Taking ZMA they say boost testosterone like a third? Its just B-6, Magnesium and Zink. There is also Tribulus Extract again a natural product. You can get them cheap from vitacost.com

It would be best if he just got off the drug but these might help. Most normal MDs it seems are clueless about natural stuff unless the learned it from customers.

[BiDaveDtown]

Have him talk to his doctor?

[gfofbiguy]

I just looked at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finasteride

Wow, all that risk for hair???

Good luck on a solution, maybe LDDs suggestions will help..

If it were me, I'd shave my head and be done with it, the cure may be worse than the ill..

The drug is not only for hair loss, but also for benign prostatic hypertrophy (if you had read a little more into the wiki link you posted, you would have seen that). I agree with BiDaveDtown, he should talk to his doctor. There may be something else he could take, or something he could take in addition to that, for whatever reason he is taking Propecia.

[averagejoe]

Yeah, it's for hair. It's kind of a big insecurity for him though. I told him I wouldn't even care if he was bald, but I don't feel like it's my place to try and get him to stop taking it or switch. You know what I mean? That would be selfish.

The drug suggestions are good. But I'm also wondering if anyone in the same situation has any other ideas. I already figured out PDA kind of turns him on. Personally I hate it, but secretly grabbing him in public helps him get in the mood a bit. That's pretty much all I've found so far.

And thanks for sharing Eros. That made me feel a little better. It's pretty much the exact same, except he's actually making some effort to compromise.

[JennyKent]

There are several people why women and men having low sex drive either they are not satisfy in having a sex with you and I think they are want to do other experience, healthy diet and exercise also affect sex drive of a men or women.

[maxtor]

my drive was low so i had a blood test to test for my testostrone and it was low as i had thought. i was tired a lot of the time and the doctor told me that low test would cause that. i had to go see an endo doctor and he prescribed injections of testostrone every two weeks. it took about 2 months but really started taking effect and now i am horny all the time and can have a hard cock in just no time and i am 59 but perform like i did when i was 30 so you might try that. it done me good!!



What do you do when your sex drive is much higher than your partner's? I could really use a few tips here.

So the guy I'm seeing takes Propecia which is well known for killing libido - including his. On the other hand, I weight lift, and it generally increases my libido quite a bit.

He lives an hour away, so I usually only see him on the weekends. Usually on Friday nights, he's horny and will jump my bones as soon as he gets me alone. After that, he's not horny in the slightest for at least a week. I feel like I have one chance, and if either of us gets off too soon, it's totally wasted.

So I've brought this up several times, and we've sort of compromised. I usually end up jerking off before I see him and while I'm around him, and even if he's not horny, he'll lie there and let me have fun with him while he watches TV. It's not ideal, but at least we're both meeting in the middle. He's seriously trying, and so am I.

Without asking him to give up his drug, do you guys have any tips on getting him in the mood or helping him increase his sex drive? I'm trying to be more romantic, but it doesn't seem to be working. (But at least it makes him happy) Or do you have any tips for me on dealing with my desire for more sex?

In my head, I'm also comparing him to my last partner. She always wanted sex more than I did. I know this is a bad habit, but I can't help it.

[12voltman59]

It is hard for us as non-medical people to know what is up with your buddy---it could be purely a medical thing relating to the side effects of that drug he is on, it could be age, other medical conditions known or unknown----it would take his doctor to determine that---and then you do have to add the mental aspect of his make up---perhaps he has always been this way in terms of the way he approaches sex with that being more of the way he has learned to have and deal with sex and this doesn't have anything at all to do with his physical health.

NO matter what---I don't think that you can really do anything about it--other than simply accept that for whatever reason, your buddy's sexual aspect "is what it is," you have to simply deal with it and work with what is before you.

[want2havefun]

I just went through that the first 4 months of this year with a woman who's sex drive was practically non-existent and when it was active, it was over quickly and the sex was lacking a lot. She had no interest in resolving the issue and a person has to be willing and wanting to resolve it....


I think you just described most low sex drive people that I have ever known of.
Typically, at least in the marriage world, the lower drive person has no serious interest in adjusting or changing anything. They are getting all they want. Its the higher sex drive partner that is left in the cold. Often the low drive partner is either oblivious or just doesnt care that much. If you have a low drive partner that is an exception to this you are lucky.

[fredtyg]

-it could be purely a medical thing relating to the side effects of that drug he is on, it could be age, other medical conditions known or unknown----it would take his doctor to determine that---and then you do have to add the mental aspect of his make up--

Good point. I often wonder why my sex drive seems so low as I don't have that strong testosterone driven sex drive I used to have. But I've wondered how much of that can be contributed to mindset? I was with a guy last year who really got me going. Way past the point I thought was still possible for me.

As an aside, I used to drink a lot. I probably still do by some people's standards but it's much less than I used to. I used to think drinking had at least something to do with my low libido.

Funny thing was, I had to cut back on my drinking because of my blood pressure. I expected, or at least hoped, that my libido would bounce back some from less drinking. I was surprised to find my libido drop even lower after I slowed down. Go figure.

I'd like to see what my testosterone level is and, if it's real low, think about getting testosterone shots. Anybody know about how much those would cost?

[BiBedBud]

X-POST

Re Thread Named "Need advice pls"

SxyStar,

I have not read this whole thread, but I think some good points were raised above. I'd like to add a couple of (arcane) points, hoping they don't conflict too much with what's beens said above....

In any relationship, there are things we can do as individuals, and things that we rely on our partners to do. He's got to want to address the situation himself, for him to do anything about it. Now, you can do things yourself, and you can do what you can to encourage him to do things, but you've got to be clear in your own mind, about the difference between the two.

More specifically....

If he's concerned about his sex drive, he can do things to improve it, if he wants to. For example, if it really does come down to a testosterone thing, working out more, particularly lifting weights or doing other exercises that seriously max-out muscles (as opposed to cardio-intensive exercises), might help bring-up his hormonal level. Hopefully, this would rebalance his hormones sufficiently well, to where he'll want to work-up a sweat with you. At the very least, this would help him to handle stress better, and that can't be a bad thing.

Something you can do on this score: I remember reading years ago, in a scientific-type publication, that gentle fondling of testicles actually increases testosterone production. Therefore, you should play with his balls more.

For goodness sake, do whatever you can to reduce the amount of arguing, unless you're the type of couple that does a lot of arguing, and then you work it out of your systems by bumping uglies.

Something else: Overexposure to certain chemicals, known as 'xenoestrogens' can counteract the male hormone testosterone. These chemicals are chock-o-block full in plastic items, which I'm sure you're aware, are found everywhere. So, if your man is drinking out of plastic vessels, or eating foods that are heated in plastic containers, swap all of those out for non-plastic containers. If he's playing with a soft-plastic sex toy (that's not silicone), throw it out and get him a silicone one. Basically, do everything you can to get him away from plastic -- because it might just be a case of hormone distruption.

GOOD LUCK!
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Last edited by BiBedBud : Today at 3:38 PM. Reason: PS: Just to be clear, if you were mine, I would spend so much time going down on you, you'd come to miss my conversation!