any woman feel the same way?

[synn000]

I read the other post concerning "any other guy feeling the same way", and so I want to pose a similar question:
I am happily married, and only after several years of marriage I discovered my bi side. I love my hubby, and we have done the 3some and couple thing, but is it selfish for me to want a relationship with a woman that does not involve my hubby? He does know I am bi, but is more of the camp of "let everyone have fun", but I really would like to experience a woman alone, with consent because I would never go behind his back (again). I did cheat on him with a woman, and she was just a horrible person and not only was it not worth it at all, but I hurt him, which is not my intention-ever. So, I am here stuck in a sort of limbo because I have not gotten the courage to talk to him about for fear of what he will say, either that he does not like the idea, or that all of us should be involved (3some, couple, etc).
Is there other women in a similar position? I don't want a committed relationship with another woman, but I would like a friendship with benefits. So, girls (and guys if their wives/GF are bi and have "friends) how did you approach the subject with the hubby? any advice??

[MrsAmanda]

Hi

I dont think its selfish to want to explore a relationship with another woman not including your hubby, provided you talk to him about it first. I understand where you are coming from. A lot of times, when a man is involved, women will hold back some of their desires/feelings. Maybe if you and hubby agree on this, it will allow you to discover more fun and exciting things to do that DO include your hubby. Just my opinion. :) Best of luck!

[OralBradley]

While I am not another woman, you still might like my thoughts on the subject. First, I think that openess and honesty are of prime importance in any close relationship.
Having said that, I would add that all couples have and need some areas of privacy (not the same as secrecy) and wanting private times with a same-sex friend or lover are in that category. It is also good that you can share some mutual non-exclusive sexual times with each other.
For my own part, I dearly wish that my wife and I could share a bisexual male lover, but that is not to be. We once looked, but she is no longer interested, though she is still aware of my longing for a male lover. Except for the quite serious health issues involved, she would be happy for me to have one.

[jenniferhell@hotmail]

as long as you discuss the issues you have and are open and onest with your hubby and are onest with yourself like my hubby and i we are in the same situation i do not want to share and he dose not want to share eather go with ur feelings hun they will gide u :flag4: :bigrin:

[Michael623]

Would it be the same if your husband asked you if he could also have a relationship with a woman, without commitment? A friendship with benefits, Without you there of course.

[CountryLover]

I'm very blessed to have the setup that you're wanting. My girlfriend is married to a wonderful man. We've enjoyed threesomes on occasion, but usually he'll take the kids and go visit Grandma and let us have our privacy for the evening. It's all done completely above board, no sneaking around.

She and I also have a monthly date, Girls Night Out. We go to the movies, or our favorite gay coffee house, just to hang out and enjoy our friendship.

Thankfully our kids mesh well so we do a lot of kid things together also, birthday parties and such.

It's a truly beautiful arrangement, one I've been hunting for since I first understood my bisexuality 12 yrs ago.

My suggestion is to talk to your husband, perhaps show him this post? Tell him it's not a lack on his part, but that women NEED the companionship of another woman once in a while, sexually or otherwise. I DO strongly recommend that you keep it completely open and not hidden from him in any way. As someone said earlier, privacy is NOT the same thing as secrecy.

Good luck ;)

[CountryLover]

and Michael, it's NOT the same thing at all. I was totally surprised to see your response.

[innaminka]

I am happily married, and only after several years of marriage I discovered my bi side. I love my hubby, and we have done the 3some and couple thing, but is it selfish for me to want a relationship with a woman that does not involve my hubby? He does know I am bi, but is more of the camp of "let everyone have fun", but I really would like to experience a woman alone, with consent because I would never go behind his back (again).

Personally speaking, and i repeat personally, I now completely separate my bi activities from my husband.
I have never wanted 3'some or swapping. I have really only ever wanted 1:1 both m/f and f/f.
I had an almost open affair with another woman, and despite my hubby knowing and acceeding to my bi-ness, it almost detroyed us (funnily, more damaging than a hetero affair I'd had years earlier)
Now, I keep my f/f "activities" very much to myself. I'm sure Dean knows, but its something that is just never raised.

Just my personal accomodation of myself. Others are quiet different.

[EroticEve]

undefined
Personally speaking, and i repeat personally, I now completely separate my bi activities from my husband.
I have never wanted 3'some or swapping. I have really only ever wanted 1:1 both m/f and f/f.
I had an almost open affair with another woman, and despite my hubby knowing and acceeding to my bi-ness, it almost detroyed us (funnily, more damaging than a hetero affair I'd had years earlier)
Now, I keep my f/f "activities" very much to myself. I'm sure Dean knows, but its something that is just never raised.

Just my personal accomodation of myself. Others are quiet different.

[EroticEve]

undefined

Sweetie, and I call you sweetie with affection, not with indiffernce or claim of possession to your body, mind or soul. You have every right to define your limits as an individual. Please do not let your mind be for rent to any religion or govenrment or culture or organization or to any male or female person who may subjugate you as an individual who can not make your won decision.

YOU HAVE A LEGAL RIGHT TO DEFINE WHAT IS ACCETABLE TO YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL AND AS A WOMAN (SINCE YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAY GET PREGNANT OR INFECTED WITH A DISEASE!

What I mean is this, and I speak from my own many years of struggle and experience. You do not have to define yourself on anyone's terms, only your own. Your wants and needs and desires as a woman and as a human being are your own.

Let me be more specific and share a little here. I went throught the "Am I gay or staight thing", Mind you, back then, the bi thing was unheard of. Yes, there was the option to be bi, but it was not really an option as both the gay and straight community rejected bi's as being one of two things, they were traitors to the gay community or they were confusted people, in denial, who could not make up their mind.

What I found as I tried to live straitght, then gay, then striaght again, then, finally, got into the swinging lifestyle and became fully bi, and got into contact with those who supported that lifestyle, It was then that I came to peace with things. I now play with men and women and couples without shame, and I have a lot of uninhibited fun. But even in the swinging lifestyle where most all women are bi, there are issues and people must define their boundaries.

I understand here, you partook in fthis forum as wanting to venture on beyond this to play, not as a female swininging, but as an individual who feels that she wants to have a more one on one realationship with a woman. Actually, I have found that his happens a lot and is more frequent than those in the lifestyle like to admit. Irreconcilable differences is the reason, but us gals can chalk it up to the fact, not in all cases, but in most, that several women in the bi and swing lifesytle are going through changes which can define them as, in fact, lesbian, not bisexual or bi curious or bi playful, or whatever it is called, as there are, in fact, different levels of acceptance. I wish the best of luck to you. Some people are just gay, or predomiately gay, for the most part, and if you wish to be with a women, olnly, then you should explore that on your own. They have a lesbian coming out support group at the gay and lesbian center on center street in Hillcrest. You may contact them at San Diego LGBT Center at www.thecentersd.org (that is in San Diego, but they can contact you to your nearest LGBT center in your area.) If you are in San Diego or nearby or need help with other numbers, they may be able to help you. Please call the center at 619-692-2077. PLease identify youself as not bi, but as a woman with woman/lesbian only issues who wants to have relationships with women only and ask for thier help with counseling and support groups that may help you come to terms with your struggle to be who you are. In fact, bi sexuals are not at all the same as lesbains and gays. There is a big differnece from realizing you are gay from being bisexual. In many respects, the biseexuals have it worse, as both the stright and gay communities have discriminated against them as being either promisuous/sluts (which some of us, exuse us, claim to be with pride, unabrgidged in our pride, not shameful of who we are.)

Yet the women who have facillated back and forth (and I was one) who make up their minds as to wether they were straight, bi sexual or gay, particualarly in this WAR? I can not answer that. You decide, what is macho and how do we deal wth it? Youe Decide. Good luck in our endeavors and please check out San Diego Center. Please don't be afraid but enjoy, and you may leave at any time. Lori.

[julie]

and Michael, it's NOT the same thing at all. I was totally surprised to see your response.

no, granted its not the same... but i'm with Michael.. in believing there are huge parallels in just how threatening and painful this scenario may be.

for a partner to wish to share sexual, physical, spiritual and/or emotional intimacy with another person outside of their established partnership REGARDLESS of gender or bisexual needs and desires is a pretty big deal... i think the enormity can be compared to Michaels point about how a woman might feel if her husband expressed the same desires towards another woman....

we are still all human beings..

yes the pull for a same sex partner within a marriage may not compromise that persons love for their partner...but all the rationale in the world cannot change a partners gut response to the scenario that they are being asked to share, with an outsider, the intimacy they previously believed was exclusive to their marriage/partnership.. and i dont believe anyone can minimise the impact of such a request.

:2cents: Julie :female:

[Lisa (va)]

Spouse, partner, soulmate or what ever you call it, you should feel free to discuss with them anything at anytime. Given that everyone is a unique individual what works and is right for one may not be for others. But even as individuals we must realize that we are also a part of a couple and our actions have an effect on the other. Can it work, yes, for some: no, for others. The best advice is to communicate and above all be honest about it.
Not sure by your post if you wished to exclude him from all your encounters or not, but in either case - simply talk about it (with him).

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[synn000]

thank you everyone for providing me with some very interesting and thought provoking opinions. I know, in the end this is my decision and each and every comment that was made on the subject will be taken seriously as I figure out what to do. Above all, I appreciate your honesty and sincerity that you all have provided me. Thanks again!!!