Am I bi....

[Emotional Masochist]

So yes, I am questioning myself. Not on whether i am truly bisexual or not because i came to terms with that a long long time ago. What I am questioning is my choice in friends. Why did i bother coming out to them? Why are they such idiots? I s he doubting himself?

Okay.... so what spawned this sudden doubt of my choices. I had an incident a little while ago with a friend of mine. My closest friend. I came out to him quite early on. I love him dearly and he was a great friend till recently. He was very supportive. He was super supportive until now that is. He now doesn't believe me. He says i am just confused. that i am not really bisexual. It is getting on my nerves. He degrades my thoughts and words saying that since i haven't ever been with a man, and according to him never will how can I say i am bisexual...

This is actually just the tip of the iceberg of my issues with him, but all of them revolve around me being bisexual. Also i am having my doubts about him and his sexuality.

He is the same guy i had my only experience with men with. Yes very awkward um..... He is supposedly straight, but during a drunken drugged up night a couple years ago we had a threesome with his girlfriend. It started fine, we worked on her. Got her worked up. Then she started on him and well so did I. She held him up for me to taste and well i started going to town. A few minutes into this and he makes me stop saying he can't do this cause he isn't gay. We continued with our assault on her so the night wasn't totally wasted.:cool: eheheh Still I was sort of hurt... :(

Also we used to masturbate together to porn and yes we have compared dicks, but it was just fun I never thought of him in that way. Weird as it sounds he was my best friend and I would never jeopardize our friendship for our a bit of sex. This was before our threesome incident and well when he got his girlfriend who we fucked. He sort of became an exhibitionist and basically fucked right in front of me any chance he could. He broke up with her after a while and is now with someone else.

The problem lies in the fact that about two months ago me him and my brother go out and get completely wasted. He comes back to my house and after my brother goes to bed he attacks me in the kitchen pins me to the fridge and kisses me. I tried to fight him off but he holds me down till I get a hand free and literally push his face off me. Don't get me wrong he is hot and yes another time and place, I would have loved that situation. But at that moment all that shot in my head was my girlfriend and his. So I threw him off me, asked him what the fuck he was thinking. that if I was single we might happen but you need to fuck off now. And he sort of staggered off holding his head saying "Don't fucking say that." Since then he hasn't approached me, hasn't mentioned the incident. its like he doesn't remember , but now he is purely adamant on proving I'm not bi.

Is it just me looking to deep into this or does it seem like something else is going on. I wanted to talk to him this weekend, but his little sister wouldn't go to sleep and we ended up siting debating sex and whether i was a bisexual. Pissed me off and now i am here. hehehehe im jus a little frustrated and confused....

[nicco413]

Guilt complex!! He came onto you not the other way around and eretaliates by his acting in the way you describe.
Try and make him understand - not easy I know- but your friendship will suffer if you cant discuss what happened rationally.
Personally - I doubt I could have restrained myself!!

[Gearbox]

Maybe he has feelings for you other than just sexual and he's having problems understanding it?
Or he's just not used to being rejected like that, so he tries to put the blame on you: You must be straight if you resisted his kisses!:bigrin:

Sounds to me though, that he wants FULL sex with you, but he wants you to ask for that first (find out if your really bi), so no rejecting goes on.

[hgf33]

Yeah, it does sound like guilt, or he's putting on a front. Both, really. He's been rejected, so he's acting out. It's kinda like he's saying "if you're bisexual, prove it... With me!" On top of that, it also sound like he is struggling with his own sexuality. Many people who seem ignorant are simply trying to a) bug you about it so they get an understanding for themselves, and b) take the attention off of their own issues by constantly focusing on you. You really should just talk to him and try to get him to open up. I hope you two can find a way to work this all out, but if you have feelings for him, then your relationship with your girlfriend is in trouble and you've already crossed lines. It's such a complicated situation, and I really hope it all works out for each one of you. In the end, just go with your heart.

[elian]

I'm not sure why you are asking if you are bi because it sounds like he is the one working through more issues than you.

Number one, people try all sorts of things when their inhibitions are down, like after drinking, etc.

Number two, maybe my mind is twisted but I don't necessarily think there's anything "wrong" with guys jacking off together to porn..I'd almost say that I wouldn't think of someone as gay for doing it but when I think too much about it it makes my head hurt

Yeah, you rejected him and you put him in his place - he may not have liked that very much, on top of already having some sort of feelings for you that he may feel guilty about. If you have THAT close of a friendship he may have developed feelings for you without realizing it until now.

I once knew a good friend of mine who needed a friend more than a one night stand.. If someone I knew as a good friend (male or female) made overtly sexual advances toward me and they were completely wasted I would be polite as I could and try to guide them toward something besides sex (even though that did sound kind of hot). - like maybe put the guy to bed and come back later.


As mother Theresa says, the hunger for bread is a lot easier to satisfy than the hunger for love. There are a lot of people in the world who are hungry for love, affection and attention and the human ego has a very voracious appetite. Hormones can do wicked <licks lips> things to a person.

[DuckiesDarling]

This is part of why I hate labels. You are the only one who can decide if you are or are not bisexual. You've been through a lot honey, but still you are the one who knows how you feel.

[mikey3000]

I think he's hurt and embarassed at your rejection. He's projecting on you his desires that If you're not bi, then neither is he. Obviously he does have a desire for you but he can't, or doesn't know how to deal with it, so it's best for him to sweep the whole bi thing under the carpet. Leave it alone for now until he's ready, if ever to discuss it when he's sober.

[Emotional Masochist]

So I decided to take your advice and try to talk to him about it, but when i met him it was like it hadn't happened. So me thought that Mikey3000 was right and I should just let it slide for now. I tried to let it slide. Except he pulled that whole "I don't believe you are bi" shit again, so I snapped and said this from the guy who fucking kissed me. And he looks me dead in the eye and says" i don't know what you're talking... That didn't happen .... Shit it did fuck I thought i dreamt it cause you never said anything about it. guy i don't want to talk about this." SO i snapped at him and asked him what the fuck was he thinking.... we ended up in a minor argument and his mom came home was awkward moment. I went to work and went over to his place cause a bunch of my friends were gathering there for a magical night of power drinking. I ended up passed out on his couch 2 hours later. SO I wake up the next morning and i all i can think about is him I get up and he is lying in bed in nothing but his boxers.Horrible morning.... I spent all morning half hitting on him, touching him... It was weird so fucking weird. I used to do all of this before, but it was a joke back then. It wasn't sexual, but now since that kiss i can't help thinking.... I don't have the same reason to stop myself now. My girlfriend left me... So yea I'm having one of those terrible moments in life. My girlfriend left me and i can't stop fantasizing about my best friend who won't talk to me about it...I made him promise a long time ago not to ever touch me. I made sure i never let myself think of him like that cause i would definitely fall for him and that would be terrible...I mean he's a great guy and an awesome friend, but honestly a terrible boyfriend. I don't think i could handle dating him and I can't fuck the asshole without falling for him so im screwed. yes I am getting a little ahead of myself. I can't even get him to talk to me... Anyways I'm just venting my frustration over a very complicated and retarded situation. I feel awkward being near him, but i have sort of been avoiding him for a while and well i miss the douche bag. He is my venting buddy the one i go complain to and well i used to see him every weekend and now i barely bother to go see him or the rest of my friends. i needed some space and well this whole situation didn't help. I don't know any more... Its complicated and retarded. I just want to give up . Its just to complicated and it hurts my head :( IM starting to fall asleep and im rambling. Im sorry for wasting more of your time, but i needed to vent.

[love1234]

Maybe he should just be friend?

Get out and meet some new people and have some fun?

[elian]

This is part of why I hate labels. You are the only one who can decide if you are or are not bisexual. You've been through a lot honey, but still you are the one who knows how you feel.

You ain't just whistling Dixie darlin' - if there were no labels then this entire situation probably wouldn't have happened..

[elian]

The guy sounds SCARED that he has those feelings for you, and probably upset, angry or at least confused that he has them. He might be trying to forget it ever happened. Consider he was so wasted that up until you threw it back in his face he THOUGHT it never really happened anyway! If I did anything I would try and tell him that it's okay and then give him time and space to figure out what that means for himself, I would hope out of love and respect for himself that he would not feel ashamed but society has a wicked way of programming people with labels.

There are different kinds of love and if you have been friends for that long he could have platonic or emotional feelings for you, may or may not be sexually attracted to you - but either way any of those feelings would be confusing at first for a man who thought he was straight.

Sounds as though you are really hurting too at the moment, take a deep breath and go one day at a time. Dude, I know I'm not your mother, and I don't know you from any other guy on the street but you seriously need to reconsider your position on alcohol. It sounds as though it is intensifying an already difficult and emotional situation .. and maybe not even just with this one guy. It's painful to confront these issues sober but to be honest all "too much alcohol" does is mask the pain.

I know what a heartache it can be to fall in love with a straight guy, I guess it's probably even more frustrating that it seems like this guy is on the fence but forcing him one way or the other isn't likely to make things better in your friendship. He likely wouldn't have done what he did if he wasn't stone cold wasted..I think that's sad but it's the way that society TREATS love here. That doesn't mean you AREN'T loved, there is always SOMEONE who loves you.

Wish I could send loving thoughts to both of you. I've always thought that's the reason we are on this rock is to learn from situations like this (and people think that learning Math and Reading is hard..)

As a part of creation, all people deserve love and respect but before you can really know what it means to love someone in a healthy way you must know what it means to love, respect and accept yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VSyuar6oF8

-E


So I decided to take your advice and try to talk to him about it, but when i met him it was like it hadn't happened. So me thought that Mikey3000 was right and I should just let it slide for now. I tried to let it slide. Except he pulled that whole "I don't believe you are bi" shit again, so I snapped and said this from the guy who fucking kissed me. And he looks me dead in the eye and says" i don't know what you're talking... That didn't happen .... Shit it did fuck I thought i dreamt it cause you never said anything about it. guy i don't want to talk about this." SO i snapped at him and asked him what the fuck was he thinking.... we ended up in a minor argument and his mom came home was awkward moment. I went to work and went over to his place cause a bunch of my friends were gathering there for a magical night of power drinking. I ended up passed out on his couch 2 hours later. SO I wake up the next morning and i all i can think about is him I get up and he is lying in bed in nothing but his boxers.Horrible morning.... I spent all morning half hitting on him, touching him... It was weird so fucking weird. I used to do all of this before, but it was a joke back then. It wasn't sexual, but now since that kiss i can't help thinking.... I don't have the same reason to stop myself now. My girlfriend left me... So yea I'm having one of those terrible moments in life. My girlfriend left me and i can't stop fantasizing about my best friend who won't talk to me about it...I made him promise a long time ago not to ever touch me. I made sure i never let myself think of him like that cause i would definitely fall for him and that would be terrible...I mean he's a great guy and an awesome friend, but honestly a terrible boyfriend. I don't think i could handle dating him and I can't fuck the asshole without falling for him so im screwed. yes I am getting a little ahead of myself. I can't even get him to talk to me... Anyways I'm just venting my frustration over a very complicated and retarded situation. I feel awkward being near him, but i have sort of been avoiding him for a while and well i miss the douche bag. He is my venting buddy the one i go complain to and well i used to see him every weekend and now i barely bother to go see him or the rest of my friends. i needed some space and well this whole situation didn't help. I don't know any more... Its complicated and retarded. I just want to give up . Its just to complicated and it hurts my head :( IM starting to fall asleep and im rambling. Im sorry for wasting more of your time, but i needed to vent.

[hgf33]

I don't buy, for one second, that he didn't remember doing anything because he was drunk! I think he's just in denial and scared of his own feelings. After reading what your username is about in the other thread, it sounds to me like you've ended up in another situation that's bad for you. I think you definitely need to get out and meet some other people. Find some friends, and maybe even lovers, who are good for you and enrich your life, rather than bring you down.

No need to apologize for venting. You are going through a rough time and many of us here are willing to listen and offer advice. I don't see it as you "throwing it in his face!" I think it needed to be addressed, and I'm glad you finally confronted him. He needed to STFU and quit harassing you about your sexuality!!! I understand he was a good friend and a sounding board, but maybe not. How good and trustworthy is a person who doesn't accept you for you?! You seem like a really decent guy who just picks the wrong people. It happens to the best of us. Just try to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them. And seriously, people don't engage in gay sex just because they're drunk! I don't care how drunk you are, that's lame. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, but that doesn't mean we do things we wouldn't think of doing, it means we've been thinking it and finally had the liquid courage to act! This guy is in serious denial, and maybe he needs a caring friend. But you can only talk to someone and try to help them so many times before they need to do something for themselves. I wish you the best of luck with all of this! I know it's crazy and hard now, but eventually you'll be able to see things clearly and figure out what's best for you.

[hgf33]

And to the people commenting about whether or not our friend here is bisexual, perhaps you didn't fully read or understand his thread. He's not questioning it at all. He is hurting and needs some good advice, so please read the thread all the way through, closely.

[elian]

I agree with "hgf" in that when I say "threw it in his face" that's not necessarily a bad thing.

[Emotional Masochist]

Honestly I don't care any more. Thank you guys for your support and concern. I am still frustrated, but this has become an added headache that I don't need. I spent all of last week running through shit while i worked on stupid assignments (I am in my last week of summer school) and now am cramming for exams... or well i should be. instead i am finding useless ways of not thinking. Not thinking about my ex and not thinking about my best friend. I can't deal with it any more. Honestly I can't help how my ex feels and why she left me, nor can I handle this asshole's bullshit. So i am giving my final vent on this subject and I'm going to let it die. I don't care any more. I don't want a relationship with the guy or even a good fucking. I honestly believe that having nothing happen is the best possible method of coping. I don't want to fight over it, but i can't just let it go. It is a big fucking deal to me, but i don't think he understands that. He honestly thinks that every thing can go back to the way it was before. Before anything happened. MAybe he can forget it, but i can't. I don't want o handle it. i think i could go on and act like it doesn't affect mem but he keeps pulling up this bi comment that just kills me. This guy used to be my biggest supporters and now he denies it like its a joke. IN fact i found recently that most of my supportive buddies think i am joking or just lying. They expect proof that i am truly bi. I don't know what they expect t, but i won't give them anything. I know I am bisexual and i don't have to prove anything to anyone. I say this is my last rant about this, but i know i will be back. I am just sick of everything. For now I am just going to take a few step back and jut relax because I can't handle stressing over this right now. I am tired as hell and as much as I want to continue with my vent i have passed out twice trying to write this. So tll next i feel that urge to vent I say,
Sleep well
Live Well
Dream well:)

[elian]

Wow, didn't know you were trying to finish school, focus on your exams for now and get that out of the way.

If you ever say anything to this guy again you might want to (as calmly as you can) tell him that you are hurting - I wouldn't expect or warrant a response but since it seems like it is just a constant source of frustration it may be better to let it go. I wouldn't look at letting go of this as "giving up" in a demoralizing way. Obviously it has been hurting you quite a lot so may be more healthy at this point to focus your energy on other things. Other people on the site seem to say the same thing with less words than I do.

We all have shitty times in our lives, it does get better, please remember to love yourself, and that other people do care for you.