My Pa

[sammie19]

My grandad died through the night after a massive stroke. He collapsed over dinner a couple of days ago. I am glad he did not suffer and he goes to meet the maker he has always believed in but his passsing leaves a hole in my life which is unfillable.

Pa as we all knew him, and my gran were to celebrate their golden wedding in a few weeks, and everyone was so looking forward to the family gathering. He was a funny and "funny" old man always with a joke to tell and a homily to share. One being that my mother was almost two years old before they wed and that his eldest child, my mum, need never feel ashamed for that because she was loved by two parents who adored and wanted her her and lived for her, her sisters and brother and for each other. Love was his legacy to my mother, my aunts, uncle and cousins, me and to the world. He gave out love and was loved in return.

He never quite grasped my sexuality. It was something quite beyond him. The concept of attraction to those of our own sex was something he neither understood nor particularly approved of. Attraction to both genders almost blew his mind. That was entirely beyond his comprehension. Much of this was generational, annd a lot how it was in society when he was a young man. He talked of poofs, gay boys, top of the roof's and queers like others of his generation and he picked up the word dyke very easily and used it quite frequently, yet at no time did he condemn as do so many even of my own generation.

He used to feign irritation at my relationship with my partner when my gran used to say "Don't blame her. Who wants to put up with a great lazy, smelly lump like you?" He may not have understood it but he accepted Megan with open arms and has never uttered a word of criticism to either of us.

He may have used words which we shudder at but his lack of understanding never stopped him have the tolerance to allow those of us who are not heterosexual to cloud his judgement of them as human beings in other more positive ways. He may not have understood our lifestyles but for him it was live and let live. His greatest criticism of me was not my sexuality, but at the length of my skirts. "You better watch it girl, your arse will catch pneumonia on a day like this" was a well worn phrase.

When my parents told him of my sexuality he did not "cut me out of his will" or disown me, but demanded to see me to let me know that he still loved me and unlike some christian people, was not so condescending as to say he forgave me my sins for that was not his way. He told me honestly I was something he did not understand but would try, and as long as he lived he would still be the same Pa unconditionally. When he found out about Megan and I, he simply said to her that "My wee girl loves you, that's good enough for me".

He never did come completely to terms with my sexuality but he was as good as his word. He never condemned and always tried to understand but it was beyond his comprehension. That effort was good enough for me. That he took to and liked friends who were gay or bisexual and never judged them on that was the sign on the man he was.

One of my proudest memories of Pa was at a Pride march when we were getting some stick from a few bystanders. This white haired wizened old man stormed red faced from one side of the road to the other and berated those hecklers walking stick waving then took his grandchild in his arms and hugged her as a sign of his solidarity with what she believed and what she is. The old idiot then walked the last half mile with me and if I had never loved him before then how could I not for that?

[Hephaestion]

Commiserations Sammie. The good bit is that it seems to have been quick.

There is an affection which develops between jumped generations i.e. grandparents and their grandchildren. Perhaps it's got something to do with absence of the challenges and rules ecountered between 'immediate' family members. Often the traits of the grandparents manifest in the grandchildren so perhaps it is also part self-recognition? Whatever the terminology and open pronouncements, part nurture, part genetic?

[lizard-lix]

My deepest condolences Sammie. Know that he will live on through all of us because you told us about him, and who he was, and how you loved him...

That is real immortality.

Peace and hugs,

Liz

[sammie19]

Commiserations Sammie. The good bit is that it seems to have been quick.

There is an affection which develops between jumped generations i.e. grandparents and their grandchildren. Perhaps it's got something to do with absence of the challenges and rules ecountered between 'immediate' family members. Often the traits of the grandparents manifest in the grandchildren so perhaps it is also part self-recognition? Whatever the terminology and open pronouncements, part nurture, part genetic?

Are you trying to say he was a closet bisexual? *laughs*. I very much doubt that. He would be horrified if people thought that. He used to go on about my being English and thinking of myself as English having Scottish family but the old guy was no closet Englishman. He didnt understand them either. lol. And he hated Scot Nats but was no closet nationalist.:tong:

[Realist]

That was a wonderful story, Sammie. People like your Pa, have been few and far between in my life, but I can certainly relate to your feelings.

I have never grasped the concept of an afterlife, but if anyone is due a reward, after this earthly struggle, he deserves the best.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Gearbox]

He sounds a really nice and wise bloke.:)
I can imagine that he loved you for who you are, and WHAT you are made no difference to that.
It's sad that we've all lost somebody with that philosophy in the world.

Best wishes to your gran, you,family and all who miss him.xx

[elian]

"You better watch it girl, your arse will catch pneumonia on a day like this" was a well worn phrase.

<smiles>

Wow sammie, thoughts are with you as I remember how I felt on my own granddad's passing. My grandfather didn't have a shortage of slang words either. It was both frustrating but also a little funny because after a stroke he would struggle mightily to try and speak what he wanted to say but if he was watching football you could hear the swear words spoke clear as crystal.

No one is an angel but in the end he was one of the best male figures I had in my life - treated me respectfully and fair - and didn't take no for an answer when he knew I could do better.

As you all gather together it is good to remember and celebrate the life of your pa. He sounds like an amazing man. Will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

-E

[Long Duck Dong]

tis a sad day when the old guard no longer rise to face the morning sun.....

your grandpa reminds me of so many elderly people that may not understand us, but that doesn't mean they do not accept us, and from them we can learn a lesson about how to treat others.....

hugs ya sammie and wishs that we all had grandpas like yours.... cos they have fantastic grandchildren like you

[dickhand]

I'm sorry for your loss . Sounds like he was a great ol' guy . The only Grandparent I knew was my dad's mom . Biggest bitch I ever met besides my own mom . I guess dad had mother issues to marry one like dear ol' mom . After growing up in a military household (only child/army brat) where crewcuts were the only exceptable haircut for the male species , I was surprised to hear from a fellow that I became close friends with that it was because of my father that he got the chance to excell at the factory where we work . He was actually 2 years younger than I . My surpise was due to his looks . You see , he was a cross between a biker and a hippy . I told him he looked like a redheaded rabbi . Long ponytail and chest long bushy beard . Dad was the one who gave him his chance . The plant wasn't even going to hire him . Dad was running the department that needed a man and said he would give him a shot . He eventually took over my father's job as dad retired . When my friend told me this story , it made me proud and sorry I didn't know before he died how open he had become . Sorry to ramble on a subect that doesn't have much to do with the site .

[Yoyome100]

Condolences Sammie,

He sounds like a great like guy, I'm sure he'll be missed. Be sure to celebrate his life with your family and friends.

[Besos para ella]

So sorry to hear this Sam, he sounded like a great guy and I know that he will be missed very much by you and your family. Like Liz said and like we talked about last night, as long as you have your memories, he will live on forever.

Big hugs to you and your family,

Ellie xoxoxoxoxox

[DuckiesDarling]

Awww Sammie, hugs hon, it's hard to lose your grandparents, even harder when it seems they are more forgiving of us than our own parents. He sounded like someone I would have loved to have known. My heart goes out to you and your family.

[jazzer]

So sorry to hear of the loss of your "Pa" Sammie. He sounds like he was a really fun guy to be around. People never really die, they live on in your memories and you have some very fond memories of this wonderful man.

Hugs Jazzer

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Sammie-honey, I know Pa was met at the meadow with love and happiness when he reached it.:} He was loving you right to the end, and I am sure he celebrated you as his Grandaughter, and was proud of you always.

Celebrate his life not with tears, but with smiles and loving memories.
Big Hugs to you, Baby.
Cat :}

[Hephaestion]

Are you trying to say he was a closet bisexual? *laughs*. I very much doubt that. He would be horrified if people thought that. He used to go on about my being English and thinking of myself as English having Scottish family but the old guy was no closet Englishman. He didnt understand them either. lol. And he hated Scot Nats but was no closet nationalist.:tong:

Grandparents recognise themselves in the grandchildren is what was said.

As for same gender attraction, it is possible that others in one's lineage may have felt the same. Easy to overlook this when the families of yesteryear naturally gravitated towards the men and the women folk camps.

.

[NotLostJustWandering]

My condolences to you, but frankly, I envy the blessing you have, having had such a wonderful grandfather. It's a blessing you will always have, even though he is gone. I hope your gratitude for that lessens your grief.

[nicco413]

Sammie
For a man to hhave made such an impression on you and to have received such love from him and to have reciprocated unconditionally, meant that he was a truly exceptional guy.
Your very happy memories if him will help you at this time - he would not want you sad - probably tell you off!!
Awonderful guy.

[Randy from Pa]

Sammie My thoughts and prayers for you and your Gram and family through this difficult time. But like said before,cherish every moment you had with Pa. The former generations may not understand or accept what we are,BUT the they accept and love us for who we are unconditionally. Again my love and for you. He will be missed,but will live in you forever. Love ya my dear friend.

[Diva667]

My condolences , sammie. Much love and care for you and your family.

[Okie1970]

Thank you for sharing with us such a beautiful word portrait of this amazing man. What an amazing and lovable man!
I am very sorry for the pain you and your family feel upon his passing.

[onewhocares]

Dear Sweet Sammie,

What a lucky young lady you are to have had such a wonderful man in your life. I do not think anyone really expected him to wrap his head around your desire to be with a lover of your choice, but he knew love and how much you needed to it in your life. So many people are not as priveledged to have been lucky to have him as part of your core of loving people. I am thinking, and I may be off here, but perhaps not...he has given you a most prescious gift, or you would not be the person you are today. Cherish each memory.

My hearts shall think of him tonight....and the wonderful inspiration he helped make happen.

Belle

[bullhead69]

It is always a sad and difficult time when you lose a loved one. Be assured he is in a better place now. All Granddads go to heaven. I am so very sorry for you Sammie. Take care.

[pradalove]

Sorry for your loss, but its good to write it out. I will say that the older generation of which your grandfather was a part seem for the most part to be a much bigger advocate of live and let live and love is a concept not conditional upon fitting some pre determined role. We have grandparents close to their 90's who are supportive of our relationship. Perhaps it has to do with the World War that took place in their formative years? Not sure....

[jamieknyc]

Sorry to hear of your loss. May you and your family members be comforted in this difficult time.

[chook]

Sammie, so sorry to hear about you recent loss, may Aussie and I offer our deepest sympathy in this time of great sadness in your life....we will be thinking of you.

Chook & Aussie

[Canticle]

Sammie, my condolences to you and your family, especially your grandmother. You described your Pa, beautifully and your love for him, shines through, in your words. He sounds like a nice man. You were blessed, indeed, to have him for a grandfather.

[drugstore cowboy]

My condolences I am sorry to hear that your grandfather died. :(

[sammie19]

I don't know what to say. Such warm hearted expressions of kindness hit me where it was most needed. People who know me have been fantastic, but people who don't?

I wrote my little piece about Pa cos it seemed right and I needed to get things off my chest about a luvly old guy who had loved me all of my life. And my kind of people who I have never even met understood. Thank you all. It means so much and I will always remember it.

We buried Pa yesterday and I did a eulogy in which I said;

"My Pa loved. He did not judge. Things he did not like yet it was not his business to tell us that we were wrong. We all have faults but my Pa always looked on what was good about a person before he considered the bad. It is my hope that in my life I can love and not judge half as much as an old man who accepted we all had faults and weaknesses but that we also all had strengths and goodness and that we were more than either."

Thank you all for your kind words. I have cried many tears but your words have helped me smile.:)

[onewhocares]

Sammie,

What wonderful words for a man whom you love and respected. He will always remain in my heart.

Belle

[darkeyes]

I don't know what to say. Such warm hearted expressions of kindness hit me where it was most needed. People who know me have been fantastic, but people who don't?

I wrote my little piece about Pa cos it seemed right and I needed to get things off my chest about a luvly old guy who had loved me all of my life. And my kind of people who I have never even met understood. Thank you all. It means so much and I will always remember it.

We buried Pa yesterday and I did a eulogy in which I said;

"My Pa loved. He did not judge. Things he did not like yet it was not his business to tell us that we were wrong. We all have faults but my Pa always looked on what was good about a person before he considered the bad. It is my hope that in my life I can love and not judge half as much as an old man who accepted we all had faults and weaknesses but that we also all had strengths and goodness and that we were more than either."

Thank you all for your kind words. I have cried many tears but your words have helped me smile.:)

Sam, we were both shattered to hear the news of Dougie's death. He was a frantabulous old guy and I know how much u, ur mum and gran are going to miss him.

I remember the first time I met him and he asked me if I really liked girls. When I nodded affirmation not a little nervously, a nervousness which increased when he paused for a longish moment, he looked me straight in the eye with what seemed a frown, and said "So do I" and broke into a kind, jolly and knowing smile. That seems such long time ago now but the funniest thing I remember him ever coming out with was his slightly overloud whisper to your gran at you and Meg's wedding. "Whit kind o' bride gets married in pink? Is she tellin' us she isnae a virgin?" I had to fight very hard not to pee myself at that, and wasn't alone either. But his proud smile and obvious adoration shone through and gave the game away about how he feally felt.

A super old guy. Love kissies huggles 'n stuff to a good mate, her mum, gran and all who were closest to him. We are all the poorer for his passing, but so much richer for him having been round.:)

[CuddlyKate]

May I add to what Frances has said by offering my own condolences, Samantha. He was a charming and very funny old gentleman and his place in the hearts of all who knew him is assured.

Of the children, Siobhan in particular was very upset when we received your news and the Golly he gave her for her 10th birthday is still loved and slept with. Louise is too young to truly understand but she felt our sadness and often talks of the funny old man with the gold tooth and wild white hair.

He will be missed.