Good article on the benefits of helping your partner explore their kinks

[r1648513]

I was surprised to read an article in the New York Times on the benefits of infidelity, but here it is. The article features Dan Savage, who doesn't have the best record on bi matters but does an excellent job on talking to the need to satisfy your partner, even if that means doing so with other people. This article summed up everything I was trying to say (and eventually said) to my wife and think it may help some of you out or at least be a good way to open up a conversation on on sexual needs with a partner.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/magazine/infidelity-will-keep-us-together.html

[BiDaveDtown]

Dan Savage's "advice" should not be taken seriously at all.

He's VERY biphobic, transphobic, does not like HIV+ people, and racist.

Look through his archived "advice columns" if you need more proof.

It can also be argued that Savage only started his "It gets better" program not to actually help GLBT youth but for self promotion, money, and an MTV reality TV show since he's a drama queen and media whore.

Here's a recent essay of his where he shows yet again how he's biphobic and does not understand bisexuality.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/bisexuals/Content?oid=8743322

As for kink Dan Savage is 1,000% vanilla and does not even practice any sort of kinks or non-vanilla sex at all.

[lizard-lix]

My wife found the article and we are both working out way through it.. I was very happy with the message and I hope she agrees...

[r1648513]

Dan Savage's "advice" should not be taken seriously at all.

He's VERY biphobic, transphobic, does not like HIV+ people, and racist.

Look through his archived "advice columns" if you need more proof.

It can also be argued that Savage only started his "It gets better" program not to actually help GLBT youth but for self promotion, money, and an MTV reality TV show since he's a drama queen and media whore.

Here's a recent essay of his where he shows yet again how he's biphobic and does not understand bisexuality.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/bisexuals/Content?oid=8743322

As for kink Dan Savage is 1,000% vanilla and does not even practice any sort of kinks or non-vanilla sex at all.

Regardless of what you think of Dan Savage this is an excellent article for someone like me in a marriage to someone who has a strict view of love, marriage and sexual exclusiveness. My wife was very vanilla, not open to satisftying my needs and hard to talk to. It has since gotten way better and I fou d this article to sum up everything I was thinking and had it been around earlier would have saved me lots of time saying what I needed to her and opening up her view of love and marriage.

I agree that Savage sucks on bi issues (as well as trans) but that does not discount all he says, especially whem he is(one of) the only voices in the mainstream media talking about opening up marriages and satisfying a partners needs which not specifically stated in the article include the needs to be with someone of the same gender.

[BiDaveDtown]

Regardless of what you think of Dan Savage this is an excellent article for someone like me in a marriage to someone who has a strict view of love, marriage and sexual exclusiveness. My wife was very vanilla, not open to satisftying my needs and hard to talk to. It has since gotten way better and I fou d this article to sum up everything I was thinking and had it been around earlier would have saved me lots of time saying what I needed to her and opening up her view of love and marriage.

I agree that Savage sucks on bi issues (as well as trans) but that does not discount all he says, especially whem he is(one of) the only voices in the mainstream media talking about opening up marriages and satisfying a partners needs which not specifically stated in the article include the needs to be with someone of the same gender.

So what?

You do realize that there are better resources than Dan Savage and that article for reasons why people have open marriage or open relationships right?

No he is not the first person in the mainstream media to talk about open marriages or open relationships. Were you alive during the late 60s or 70s when Hetero swinging became popular? I don't like Oprah but I remember a few years ago on her show she had a bisexual woman married to a hetero man and they were into swinging and you can't get much more mainstream than Oprah and Hetero swinging in the suburbs.

I don't know anyone who actually likes Dan Savage or what he has to say that's complete garbage and misinformation and that includes gay men I'm friends with.

If your wife does not want an open relationship or open marriage and wants to be monogamous then don't force her into an open marriage just because you feel as though you "need" one and really just want to have an excuse to sleep with other people.

Also just because you're bisexual it does not mean that you can't be monogamous or that you somehow "need" sex with both genders.

Most bisexuals are monogamous and perfectly fine and happy with their same gender partner, or opposite gender partner who they are partnered or married to in a monogamous relationship with. This includes me.

[DuckiesDarling]

So what?

You do realize that there are better resources than Dan Savage and that article for reasons why people have open marriage or open relationships right?

No he is not the first person in the mainstream media to talk about open marriages or open relationships. Were you alive during the late 60s or 70s when Hetero swinging became popular? I don't like Oprah but I remember a few years ago on her show she had a bisexual woman married to a hetero man and they were into swinging and you can't get much more mainstream than Oprah and Hetero swinging in the suburbs.

I don't know anyone who actually likes Dan Savage or what he has to say that's complete garbage and misinformation and that includes gay men I'm friends with.

If your wife does not want an open relationship or open marriage and wants to be monogamous then don't force her into an open marriage just because you feel as though you "need" one and really just want to have an excuse to sleep with other people.

Also just because you're bisexual it does not mean that you can't be monogamous or that you somehow "need" sex with both genders.

Most bisexuals are monogamous and perfectly fine and happy with their same gender partner, or opposite gender partner who they are partnered or married to in a monogamous relationship with. This includes me.

I actually agree with this. There are ways to help your partner with their "kinks"(kinda hate that world cause one person's kink is anothers making love) without going outside the relationship at all. But for those that are into polyamory I'm sure this article comes as "validation"