why cant i tell them

[blikeo]

im at a gathering with my family this week, and tonight a few of us were having a discussion regarding whether or not every gay is born gay. during the conversation i stated that i believed most people are bi but wont admit it. then my cousin asked "well,are you bi?", i hesitated for 2 or 3 seconds and said no. why couldn't i bring myself to take that perfect opportunity to come out. i want to but my brain wont let me.

[ErosUrge]

I know how you feel. Though I've revealed it to most of my friends and only one family member, I hesitate letting all friends and family know. Not too very long ago, I was with a male friend who I know would accept me if he knew as he's very open minded. No interest in anything sexual with him in the least. I've had many opportunities to tell him but each time I've not been able to. Something holds back....
Thing is, not everyone needs to know and actually there are some that wouldn't get it anyway. It is a ultimately a private matter and though we'd like to share it with everyone if we could, there are just certain people and circumstances that will never allow us or understand. Truth is, there are some people better off not knowing in my opinion.

[LoveBothWorlds]

Our sexual orientation is really no one's business but our own. It's our right to decide who we want to tell and who we don't. While it may seem at times its important to "come out." This is really untrue - it's only important if its important to us. Indeed, there can be many arguments for "coming out" but none that are truly compelling as far as giving up our right to decide for ourselves.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol he asked if you were bi, but was he asking if you were a bisexual male that enjoys other males and females sexually, or asking if you were bi in the same way you were claiming that other people were bi.....

personally, I could have seen you caught in a trap where you were trying to be serious about your sexuality and it turning awkward cos of the conversation topic.....

another aspect of things, is we want to come out as bisexuals but its a lil hard coming out to people that we do not think about, in sexual terms, about our sexual nature and how we are as sexual beings......

I have heard its easier to come out in a family that is sexually unrestricted and where sex is a open and freely discussed topic, rather than a family where sex and sexuality are barely acknowledged or mentioned.....

[Gearbox]

I'm not out. I don't think many people would want to know what I do with my dick, unless they are up for it.:rolleyes:

@Blikio - You practically told them that your bi but won't admit it! They know your bi, and know that you don't want to talk about it just yet IMO.:)

[tenni]

I think that you were comfortable discussing sexuality & bisexuality in the more abstract form but found it difficult to admit your own bisexuality to someone in your family at that moment. You were not prepared for a personal discussion. I agree that who you tell about your sexuality is your business. Who was the person that introduced bisexuality into the conversation rather than stayin on the topic of gay? You? Your cousin? someone else?

Would you now like to tell your cousin about your sexuality or are you uncomfortable still? The cousin may not be a person that you want to discuss your own sexuality with for a variety of reasons. I don't think that you necessarily have to want to have sex with a person to disclose your sexuality to but that makes sense that you would want to tell someone that your sex drive tells you that you want to have sex with them. You need a reason to disclose but not always because you want sex with that person.

.................................................. ....
"another aspect of things, is we want to come out as bisexuals but its a lil hard coming out to people that we do not think about, in sexual terms, about our sexual nature and how we are as sexual beings......"

However, the poster who wrote the above quote claims not to be a sexual being but seems to constantly want to post about others who are sexual beings. I find that pecular for someone who claims to be an asexual and not to have a strong drive to have sex. Its like a plumber's assistant claiming to know everything about making a nuclear bomb and wanting to lecture on PBS tv when the plumber assistant has not even read a grade ten text book on physics....lol

[sammie19]

I have heard its easier to come out in a family that is sexually unrestricted and where sex is a open and freely discussed topic, rather than a family where sex and sexuality are barely acknowledged or mentioned.....

It is. But it still isnt easy. It was a long time before I could talk to my mum and dad about it even although I knew they were very liberal and broad minded people. Even then I couldnt do it until I was faced with no option.

[wrbi01]

I choose not to come out to my family because of the problems we had back when I was younger. I had a rumor that I was caught in the locker room with another boy and in small town Texas, where everyone is cowboy and homophobic, its not a good thing to happen. It killed any social life I had and was really the stepping stone toward me having an open mind about sexuality. The kids were mean even though kept telling everyone that I was straight. They keyed my car, spray painted things on the road in front of my house, beat me up, bullied me for years after. It followed me to college and I finally broke loose of that po-dunk shit hole when I was 24 and do my best to never go back. It got so bad that I started questioning my own sexuality and realized "Hey... I like both!"

Im glad that it is being more accepted in high schools now but it made a hell of a life for me. Im good with who knows now and if they ask..... I would prob. tell them... but Im going with the "dont ask...dont tell" policy for now. Its working for me.

[elian]

I haven't come out to my family, co-workers and some close friends because of the fear that they will turn away (or worse). There are others that know, that I've felt comfortable with telling. To be honest, I DON'T generally keep secrets, I haven't lied in so long that I'm bad at iying but the fear of being isolated from the people I love (and trust?) so dearly does something.

[Stargazer1417]

It is totally understandable why you might not feel comfortable doing this. You can't be certain how people will react and it would be really hurtful to get a negative response.

In most cases, I don't feel like its anybody's business what I do, and I never felt any real obligation to "come out" to anybody. I just didn't try to hide it, talked openly about girlfriends, etc., and my family seemed to get the hint. They are pretty relaxed people, though, and I know it isnt always this easy. Ultimately though, why does your family need to know who you have sex with? In most cases it doesn't impact them at all and if they have a problem with what you do in the bedroom, my suggestion would be to tell them to put on their big girl panties and deal with it because it just isn't about them. But I digress.

In your case, since you were directly asked its not quite the same thing.

Still, don't feel pressured to tell anyone you aren't comfortable telling and don't feel bad because you weren't ready. There is no set timetable for this, and if you never get around to telling anybody oh well. Your sexuality is about you. Its who you choose and what you want, and that includes when and if you decide to talk about it with anyone.