do you tell anyone if you find a man/same sex attractive?

[PrettyFlowingGown]

interesting question for everyone. If you see a man you are attracted too in the street, and you are with someone, have you ever said "hes very attractive or hes very lovely, etc"? Straight women say it all the time about women, you just dont hear it from men. i have'nt come out as bi to anyone at work, but some girls are thinking i am, cause i was on lunch and a gorgous man walked past and i said "hes very lovely, very attractive". the girls nearly dropped their sandwiches.

[Long Duck Dong]

yes, I have no issues with saying that somebody stands out and why......

to me its not sexual, its a acknowledgement of a quality in a person that gets my attention..... and while some people used to look at me sideways, they now often talk with me about what stands out for them and what they find attractive......

[Michigan_cpl]

I agree with long duck dong.
could not of said it better my self.

[BiDaveDtown]

yes, I have no issues with saying that somebody stands out and why......

to me its not sexual, its a acknowledgement of a quality in a person that gets my attention..... and while some people used to look at me sideways, they now often talk with me about what stands out for them and what they find attractive......

Considering that you're asexual and not sexually attracted to anyone at all, this is not the same as a man that's bisexual or gay saying how he finds a man hot, sexy, cute, or that he's sexually attracted to a man.

Myself and the other bisexual men who have posted to this thread so far actually are bisexual and are really sexually attracted to men.

If I find a man sexy, hot, or attractive and I'm with a friend or even my wife I tell the other person.

[sammie19]

Really. Men are such old stick in the muds and so uptight. What's wrong with saying another man is attractive, or that he is a good looking guy?

Women say it all the time, half of it out of envy, half out of appreciation for something beautiful. Some women I want to strangle for having the cheek to look so good, but appreciation is nothing to be ashamed of.

And you don't have to want to screw them to appreciate them for goodness sake. My cousin is one of the prettiest women I know but I have never been attracted that way to her, and I have an aunty who is a really sexy woman, and I tell her so, but I certainly dont want her.

One of the sexiest girls I know is a viscious, foul mouthed bitch who I can't stand and have more than once wanted to tear her hair out, but I have always looked at her with a slight green hue. No one has the right to have so much perfection, especially a bitch such as her.

I wish men would grow up and start to cimpliment each other on things other than their prowess at "pulling birds" or for their feats on the sporting field or for being a toughie. If you think about it, that's just a different way of doing what women do to other women, but it's a male way.

It isn't shallow and it isn't soft and it isn't poofy which is how most men seem to see it, but if more men started to compliment other men in other than the ways of men, I think there might be less strife in our streets once it becomes the norm rather than the exception.

[Long Duck Dong]

Considering that you're asexual and not sexually attracted to anyone at all, this is not the same as a man that's bisexual or gay saying how he finds a man hot, sexy, cute, or that he's sexually attracted to a man.

Myself and the other bisexual men who have posted to this thread so far actually are bisexual and are really sexually attracted to men.

If I find a man sexy, hot, or attractive and I'm with a friend or even my wife I tell the other person.

lack of a sex drive doesn't mean I can not find people attractive or desirable.... it simply means that I do not think of people in terms of walking fuck factories... I see them as people and therefore I see the qualities in people that go beyond their genitalia and if I want to fuck them or not

[wrbi01]

To my wife I will. if we are walking in the mall or something Ill mention someone I like.

[tenni]

"Really. Men are such old stick in the muds and so uptight. What's wrong with saying another man is attractive, or that he is a good looking guy? "

Sammie
Have you not heard of the "guy rules"? They are unwritten and subtly learned over the years from boyhood to manhood. Men do not relate to each other in that fashion. We are bi...and most of us follow the guy rules to some extent. The "girl rule" is to compliment and flatter another woman. Compliments between men ho are not strangers tend to follow a joking manner and actually a type of put down that is carefully learned over the years during a boy's socialization. Boys who are just learning how to compliment in a joke put down fail sometimes and get into a physical fight with the other boy...until they learn how to do it...lol I know that it seems strange and uptight but we are guys.

It is not about not being grown up. It is about being a man in society. Those of us who are sexual being and find another man hot still work within the guy rules for the most part. Plus the big difference that a woman does not have to be concerned about is being punched in the mouth for looking too long at another man. Men who follow the guy rules do not look another man in the eyes for too long unless you know the guy very well and are in a conversation with him. Watch more carefully as you see two men walking towards each other on a street from different directions. Almost never will a man look the other guy in the eyes. Now, a compliment about clothing delivered right to a stranger may work but it has to be delivered carefully. If a guy says another guy is hot to a friend that knows that he is bi (another bi guy probably) would work but to the actual man you find hot...gotta be careful.

It may be milenium of social training for men. We are never formally taught this it seems. Too look that closely at another man's face unknown to you is to threaten him...sexually or otherwise. It is like the standing at a urinal rule for guys...don't stand next to a guy who is peeing unless you know him really well or have no other alternative. Stand at least one urinal away from him...:bigrin: It may be in our genes to some extent as no one formally teaches us this rule either. (waits for argument ...probably from the site asexual guy :rolleyes:)

Asexual men may comment on another man who stands out to them cuz they only wanna be friends with a guy not f*ck the guy.:rolleyes: (joking and knowing the partial illogic of this sentence)

[sammie19]

"Really. Men are such old stick in the muds and so uptight. What's wrong with saying another man is attractive, or that he is a good looking guy? "

Sammie
Have you not heard of the "guy rules"? They are unwritten and subtly learned over the years from boyhood to manhood. Men do not relate to each other in that fashion. We are bi...and most of us follow the guy rules to some extent. The "girl rule" is to compliment and flatter another woman. Compliments between men ho are not strangers tend to follow a joking manner and actually a type of put down that is carefully learned over the years during a boy's socialization. Boys who are just learning how to compliment in a joke put down fail sometimes and get into a physical fight with the other boy...until they learn how to do it...lol I know that it seems strange and uptight but we are guys.

It is not about not being grown up. It is about being a man in society. Those of us who are sexual being and find another man hot still work within the guy rules for the most part. Plus the big difference that a woman does not have to be concerned about is being punched in the mouth for looking too long at another man. Men who follow the guy rules do not look another man in the eyes for too long unless you know the guy very well and are in a conversation with him. Watch more carefully as you see two men walking towards each other on a street from different directions. Almost never will a man look the other guy in the eyes. Now, a compliment about clothing delivered right to a stranger may work but it has to be delivered carefully. If a guy says another guy is hot to a friend that knows that he is bi (another bi guy probably) would work but to the actual man you find hot...gotta be careful.

It may be milenium of social training for men. We are never formally taught this it seems. Too look that closely at another man's face unknown to you is to threaten him...sexually or otherwise. It is like the standing at a urinal rule for guys...don't stand next to a guy who is peeing unless you know him really well or have no other alternative. Stand at least one urinal away from him...:bigrin: It may be in our genes to some extent as no one formally teaches us this rule either. (waits for argument ...probably from the site asexual guy :rolleyes:)

Asexual men may comment on another man who stands out to them cuz they only wanna be friends with a guy not f*ck the guy.:rolleyes: (joking and knowing the partial illogic of this sentence)

I know all about guy rules Its guy rules that I am having a moan about. Its about time men grabbed themselves, shook themselves down and started getting some guy rules which are less he man and more person sensitive.

And I dont see any lack of logic in LDD's sentence. Even highly sexed people dont always want to jump into bed with a person just because he or she is attractive. Some people just like attractive people cos they like them not to fuck them. Or is that illogical too?

[tenni]

I know all about guy rules Its guy rules that I am having a moan about. Its about time men grabbed themselves, shook themselves down and started getting some guy rules which are less he man and more person sensitive.

And I dont see any lack of logic in LDD's sentence. Even highly sexed people dont always want to jump into bed with a person just because he or she is attractive. Some people just like attractive people cos they like them not to fuck them. Or is that illogical too?

Sammie
It all depend on how you define "attractive"..:tong:

A lot of guys who find a person "attractive" have sexual thoughts in their mind....well the sexual guys not the asexual guys. Remember that sexual (most) men have a sexual thought in their mind with a fair amount of frequency but maybe not every 15 seconds depending upon their age etc. (http://hubpages.com/hub/MEN-THINK-ABOUT-SEX-EVERY-15-SECONDS). So, I'd suspect that you are being slightly illogical according to guy rules and sexual guys' minds...lol Now, a guy may not consider it possible to score for a variety of reasons so they may reject the "f*cking" thought when they see someone that they are sexually attracted to.

I don't even know if you desire to have guys come up with "person rules" is logical. It might be a case by case situation scenario. Now, what girl rules should women give up on?...lol

[sammie19]

Sammie
It all depend on how you define "attractive"..:tong:

A lot of guys who find a person "attractive" have sexual thoughts in their mind....well the sexual guys not the asexual guys. Remember that sexual (most) men have a sexual thought in their mind with a fair amount of frequency but maybe not every 15 seconds depending upon their age etc. (http://hubpages.com/hub/MEN-THINK-ABOUT-SEX-EVERY-15-SECONDS). So, I'd suspect that you are being slightly illogical according to guy rules and sexual guys' minds...lol Now, a guy may not consider it possible to score for a variety of reasons so they may reject the "f*cking" thought when they see someone that they are sexually attracted to.

I don't even know if you desire to have guys come up with "person rules" is logical. It might be a case by case situation scenario. Now, what girl rules should women give up on?...lol

Girls rule's are non nogotiable. Men's rules we are talking about. U raised the subject.:tong:;)

[Long Duck Dong]

I know all about guy rules Its guy rules that I am having a moan about. Its about time men grabbed themselves, shook themselves down and started getting some guy rules which are less he man and more person sensitive.

And I dont see any lack of logic in LDD's sentence. Even highly sexed people dont always want to jump into bed with a person just because he or she is attractive. Some people just like attractive people cos they like them not to fuck them. Or is that illogical too?

thank you sammie, it takes a lady to understand what I am saying...... people like attractive people or interesting people that stand out, its got nothing to do with sexuality or sexual interest or asexuality......and not everything is about sex and sexuality.....

I can find you attractive cos of your smile, your humour, the way you conduct yourself, your intelligence etc etc..... and I can do it in a platonic or sexual way..... asexuality has NOTHING to do with how attractive and interesting a person can be, in the same way that asexuality has nothing to do with how I can find a person attractive or interesting......

the inability of some members to understand that the whole world is not run according to the opinions of bisexual males, is hilarious......

[BiDaveDtown]

thank you sammie, it takes a lady to understand what I am saying...... people like attractive people or interesting people that stand out, its got nothing to do with sexuality or sexual interest or asexuality......and not everything is about sex and sexuality.....

I can find you attractive cos of your smile, your humour, the way you conduct yourself, your intelligence etc etc..... and I can do it in a platonic or sexual way..... asexuality has NOTHING to do with how attractive and interesting a person can be, in the same way that asexuality has nothing to do with how I can find a person attractive or interesting......

the inability of some members to understand that the whole world is not run according to the opinions of bisexual males, is hilarious......

Nobody has ever claimed that the world is run according to the opinions of bisexual men.

The world however is run by people who are not asexual, who have sexual attraction toward other people and don't care about asexuals or give them another thought. Need proof? Look through a magazine and look at the advertisements or look on TV at commercials. Sex and sexual attraction sell.

You are letting your "I hate bisexual men!" all while pretending at times to be one of us when you're not and you're asexual attitude to show. The fake feminism or "It takes a lady to tell this" is laughable.

The original poster is talking about sexual attraction, which is something that you as an asexual know nothing about despite how you're now claiming that as an asexual who has never had sexual attraction to anyone that you can now fake sexual attraction to someone who you're not sexually attracted to at all and never will be.

This is however a site for bisexuals and it's not asexual.com even if you wish that it was.

[Long Duck Dong]

didave, I love knowing that I am a person that had have sex with males and females for around 20 years... but am exempt from being allowed to call myself bisexual

so how does that work exactly ? and why is it being stated that males that have sex with males, have to be bisexual, cos they are having sex with males ???

is this another of the * bisexual male rules *

[BiDaveDtown]

didave, I love knowing that I am a person that had have sex with males and females for around 20 years... but am exempt from being allowed to call myself bisexual

so how does that work exactly ? and why is it being stated that males that have sex with males, have to be bisexual, cos they are having sex with males ???

is this another of the * bisexual male rules *

Because you're not bisexual you yourself have said how you're asexual and that you're not bisexual at all.

You might have been able to have sex with people but that does not make you bisexual at all since if you really were bisexual you would have had sexual attraction to the people who you had sex with and you've never had sexual attraction to anyone at all because you are asexual.


I am asexual I was born without a sex drive, I don't have sexual attraction to anyone.....if you want to know what it's like to be someone like me think back to the time when you were younger before you were sexually attracted to anyone at all and this is what I am like.....

You can't have it both ways (no pun!) or claim that you're somehow bisexual just because you had sex with men and women in the past and then turn around and come out as being asexual and say how you've never experienced any sort of sexual attraction at all to anyone.

No this is not something that one of those bisexual men that you hate made up as a "rule" it's something that actual sex researchers and scientists made up and say about human sexuality. Even these people would agree with you and say how you're asexual despite how on this site at times for your own convenience claiming that you are a bisexual man when you're not and never have been bisexual, or will be.

[Long Duck Dong]

Because you're not bisexual you yourself have said how you're asexual and that you're not bisexual at all.

You might have been able to have sex with people but that does not make you bisexual at all since if you really were bisexual you would have had sexual attraction to the people who you had sex with and you've never had sexual attraction to anyone at all because you are asexual.



You can't have it both ways (no pun!) or claim that you're somehow bisexual just because you had sex with men and women in the past and then turn around and come out as being asexual and say how you've never experienced any sort of sexual attraction at all to anyone.

No this is not something that one of those bisexual men that you hate made up as a "rule" it's something that actual sex researchers and scientists made up and say about human sexuality. Even these people would agree with you and say how you're asexual despite how on this site at times for your own convenience claiming that you are a bisexual man when you're not and never have been bisexual, or will be.

same thing as in the asexuality thread, you were arguing that I have no sexual attraction and missing the fact I am saying SEX DRIVE and you are still doing it...... guess the old saying is true * you can not teach a old dog, new tricks *.....

asexuality is the absence of a sex drive and sexual interest..... asexuals still have a attraction to genders, its why they have partners, mr expert..... its merely the sexual drive and interest they lack......

asexuals can have sex.... a bit like hormonal females can have sex when they are not in the mood and not interested, but do it anyway....... but that is something I would not expect you to understand as neither you or I are females... but somebody like sammie or any other lady, could share their opinions on that matter so you can ignore them too and be adamant that you are right cos you can not tell the difference between SEX DRIVE and ATTRACTION

[BiDaveDtown]

same thing as in the asexuality thread, you were arguing that I have no sexual attraction and missing the fact I am saying SEX DRIVE and you are still doing it...... guess the old saying is true * you can not teach a old dog, new tricks *.....

asexuality is the absence of a sex drive and sexual interest..... asexuals still have a attraction to genders, its why they have partners, mr expert..... its merely the sexual drive and interest they lack......

asexuals can have sex.... a bit like hormonal females can have sex when they are not in the mood and not interested, but do it anyway....... but that is something I would not expect you to understand as neither you or I are females... but somebody like sammie or any other lady, could share their opinions on that matter so you can ignore them too and be adamant that you are right cos you can not tell the difference between SEX DRIVE and ATTRACTION

We're basically saying the same thing even if you can't understand it.

Other asexuals do not agree with you.

I found this on the AVEN asexual website about asexuality.


Being asexual means you don't experience sexual attraction or have a sex drive. Period.

You yourself have said how you only have a platonic interest in men and women and that's as far as it goes since there's nothing else there for you including sexual attraction or sexual desire for men and women because you're asexual.

Bisexuals feel some sexual attraction and even sometimes romantic attraction to both sexes/genders. I'm writing about actual bisexual and not asexuals like yourself who like to pretend that they're bisexual.

Asexuals like yourself feel attraction to neither sex.

[tenni]

"Asexuals may regard other people as aesthetically attractive without feeling sexual attraction to them. If you do not experience sexual attraction, you might identify as asexual." (from AVEN http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def3)

This thread is not about what we find attractive about a same sex person walking by but what we may or may not say about that person to those with us. The attraction is physical and sexually based for most of us. Once again, LDD tries to take a thread off topic. How rare..not..:rolleyes:

If an asexual sees aesthetic attractiveness, I doubt that it would make them attracted to that person walking by. It is merely identifying what society finds attractive. Probably no boner would happen for an asexual man based on physical appearance as that would indicate sexual arousal based on a sexual physical trait?

For 99.5% of posters on this site, LDD's views about sexual attraction are not our views. We are sexual beings and he isn't. When we are attracted to someone from viewing them it is a raw sexual attraction. It is not about "its not sexual, its a acknowledgement of a quality in a person that gets my attention." (post 2) By using such terms as "quality" he writes in vague terms that I do not understand. I suppose that it might be a physical quality but AVENS states that it is not sexual attraction like the rest on this site. It would be nice if he acknowledged that he has a different base of comprehension and a frame of reference on most threads involving sexual attraction and sex. Keep to the emotional relationship threads where you know of what you write soo much better.

If "quality" is a personality trait, then it takes conversations rather than merely seeing the guy before you might develop an emotional attraction to the guy. Again, a different position than most of us when we write about being attracted to a stranger walking by us with our friends/colleagues.

[DuckiesDarling]

"Asexuals may regard other people as aesthetically attractive without feeling sexual attraction to them. If you do not experience sexual attraction, you might identify as asexual." (from AVEN http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def3)

This thread is not about what we find attractive about a same sex person walking by but what we may or may not say about that person. The attraction is physical and sexually based for most of us. Once again, LDD tries to take a thread off topic. How rare..not..:rolleyes:

For 99.5% of posters on this site, LDD's views about sexuality are not our views. We are sexual beings and he isn't. When we are attracted to someone it is a raw sexual attraction. It is not about "its not sexual, its a acknowledgement of a quality in a person that gets my attention." (post 2) By using such terms as "quality" he writes in vague terms that I do not understand. I suppose that it might be a physical quality but AVENS states that it is not sexual attraction like the rest on this site. It would be nice if he acknowledged that he has a different base of comprehension and a frame of reference on most threads involving sexual attraction and sex. Keep to the emotional relationship threads where you know of what you write soo much better.

You know what? Go back and read the thread, Tenni. And then notice that the person who took it offtopic was Bidavedtown, but apparently that is fine with you since he is going after LDD just like you do every freaking time you can. Enough of both you. Both of you are reported for your repeated personal attacks on a member of this site.



And to answer the original post. To me noticing that someone is attractive doesn't mean I want to have anything to do them with sexually. So I have no problem pointing out I find someone well put together or with a great smile whether they are male or female but I usually only say something to my friends unless I'm actually talking to the person in question. It's a little hard to go up to Kate Beckinsale and tell her how great she looked as Selene in Underworld ya know :)

[BiDaveDtown]

You know what? Go back and read the thread, Tenni. And then notice that the person who took it offtopic was Bidavedtown, but apparently that is fine with you since he is going after LDD just like you do every freaking time you can. Enough of both you. Both of you are reported for your repeated personal attacks on a member of this site.

Get help. These are not personal attacks even if you want to play the victim card and pretend that they are.

Long Duck Dong is asexual and he's not sexually attracted to anyone and does not have any sort of sexual desire for anyone.

There's nothing wrong in saying this factual information and it is not an attack on anyone. Tenni is not attacking anyone either, it's not our fault that Long Duck Dong is completely asexual yet at times likes to pretend he's a bisexual when he is not bisexual and never has been.

If you want to see and read actual attacks read Long Duck Dong's posts where he has attacked bisexual men and people who are not asexual and who do actually have sexual attraction and OMG want sex with someone by claiming that we see people as "walking fuck factories". LOL

[DuckiesDarling]

And your defense of a personal attack is to lauch another one? Who the fuck do you think you are the bisexual Mother Theresa who can declare if someone is bi or not? Maybe you aren't bisexual? Maybe you aren't even a man? See anyone can say anything, doesn't make it true now does it? So maybe you need to get a bit of help with your saintly complex.

[Long Duck Dong]

Get help. These are not personal attacks even if you want to play the victim card and pretend that they are.

Long Duck Dong is asexual and he's not sexually attracted to anyone and does not have any sort of sexual desire for anyone.

There's nothing wrong in saying this factual information and it is not an attack on anyone. Tenni is not attacking anyone either, it's not our fault that Long Duck Dong is completely asexual yet at times likes to pretend he's a bisexual when he is not bisexual and never has been.

If you want to see and read actual attacks read Long Duck Dong's posts where he has attacked bisexual men and people who are not asexual and who do actually have sexual attraction and OMG want sex with someone by claiming that we see people as "walking fuck factories". LOL

I mentioned bisexual men ???? or people ????

" lack of a sex drive doesn't mean I can not find people attractive or desirable.... it simply means that I do not think of people in terms of walking fuck factories... I see them as people and therefore I see the qualities in people that go beyond their genitalia and if I want to fuck them or not "

it refers to myself only....... nobody else.... so where is the attack on bisexual males and people ???????

[BiDaveDtown]

And your defense of a personal attack is to lauch another one? Who the fuck do you think you are the bisexual Mother Theresa who can declare if someone is bi or not? Maybe you aren't bisexual? Maybe you aren't even a man? See anyone can say anything, doesn't make it true now does it? So maybe you need to get a bit of help with your saintly complex.

I don't care if you personally don't think that I'm bisexual since neither you or LDD are bisexual and your opinion of me does not amount to a hill of beans.

What I wrote is not a personal attack even if you do see it that way.

Long Duck Dong is asexual and he's not bisexual and never has been or will be bisexual.

Someone who is asexual who has frequently written about how they do not have a sex drive or sexual attraction to anyone is not bisexual even if they and their heterosexual girlfriend want to pretend that this person somehow is bisexual.

[BiDaveDtown]

I mentioned bisexual men ???? or people ????

" lack of a sex drive doesn't mean I can not find people attractive or desirable.... it simply means that I do not think of people in terms of walking fuck factories... I see them as people and therefore I see the qualities in people that go beyond their genitalia and if I want to fuck them or not "

it refers to myself only....... nobody else.... so where is the attack on bisexual males and people ???????

Don't play coy and innocent.

One only has to look at your previous posts about how you've frequently written about how you do not like bisexual men and how you like to claim that bisexual men like to "fuck and run" and that no other person of any sexual orientation or gender does this at all or has a hook up or one night stand. :rolleyes:

Even in this thread you wrote about how you don't like bisexual men and how we somehow have LOL "rules" and actually have sexual attraction to men and women and we have sexual desires for men and women too, which is something you do not have because you are asexual.

I'm not attacking you I'm telling you the facts and you have written these things before and wrote about how you are asexual and not bisexual.

[tenni]

Post two is where I see this thread starting to go off topic.

[BiDaveDtown]

Post two is where I see this thread starting to go off topic.

I agree with you that post #2 is a complete Non sequitur which is why I posted.

[lizard-lix]

Wow, and I thought that this was a really cool topic when I read the heading.. Silly me...

Yes, I will make a comment on a hot guy, or girl, to my wife, if it is context (sometimes that context is simply: OMG.. wow :-) But usually it is when we are discussing actors and actresses (ok ok I am in lust with the entire cast of True Blood)

I'll also make comments when I am around anyone who I am out to.. It's not unusual to discuss the hotness of both men and women when we are jut being catty or horny..

And notice, I said both guys and girls in both cases.. kinda the bi thing :bigrin:

When I was younger I was not as comfortable mentioning the guys, but maybe I am getting more feminine/open/don't care as much about what others think... as I get older, but as long as I am not talking to someone who I know would freak, I am a lot more comfortable expressing an opinion about a hot guy than when I was younger..

Maye I am just getting to be a dirty old queer lol