Lighthearted Curiosity... how does your bisexual mind work?

[hgf33]

Before I begin, let me just state that I am undeniably bisexual. Just clearing that up, as it seems that there are many people who read into these the wrong way, and then a huge knock-down, drag-out argument begins!! Lol. (Sometimes I think people just don't read the whole thread before they start their judgement... My :2cents:). Anyway...

Here's my curiosity. Are any of you constantly "testing your sexuality" mentally? For example... I could be having amazing sex with my boyfriend, thinking about him constantly, fantasizing about him, etc. and I wonder, (just for a moment) am I REALLY into girls, or are they just fun to look at?"

Buuuut then I think about it in detail and realize, ok, nope, still bi! :bigrin:

And vice versa too, I'll be fantasizing about girls and wonder, "Geez, what if I'm really a lesbian?"

Buuuut then I think about it and realize again, nope, still bi! :bigrin:

I'm always bi 100% of the time (this doesn't go away, for those of you who are on this site and STILL wonder if you can "recover" or pray away the gay) but not 100% of the time am I the same kind of bi. I have days where I'm drooling over guys more, and days where I'm thinking about women more. Could be hormonal, or I could just be really horny and something I see may decide which direction I'm fantasizing in. (Did I just watch a Jason Statham movie or did I just see Olivia Wilde on tv?) It can be "wavy" like that. I'm normally a Kinsey 2, but some days I feel like I'm a different number... and maybe I am, but I haven't had enough same-sex relationships to know, I guess. (But might as well ignore that last sentence, as the Kinsey scale on this site is WRONG, which I can't understand.)

Now, let me just reiterate before I finish. I am bi. I am not denying it. When I question it, it's not TRUE questioning. It's more of a hypothetical curiosity. I know it's not "going away" and I don't want it to! So does anyone else do this constant back and forth daydreaming? I do have anxiety, so maybe it's just me and my uncontrollable urge to always "make sure" of things, even things that are already set in stone.

(I hope all this made sense, lol!)

xo and stay proud! :-) :bipride:

[jwcel]

it is perfectly normal worry not if you are worried :) i joke since i doubt you are but seriously you want a serious answer so here goes= it is normal to be more into the 1 1 day then into the other the next day or even 1 week or more! :) take care & enjoy!

[lizard-lix]

Yep! I am like you, always testing my sexuality.. I compare who my wife is hot for in the movie or TV show.. When I am on business travel I keep a count of whether I am doing more jaw drops for guys or girls...

I constantly imagine romance and sex with both men and women (my favorite daydream material).

I know I'm bi, this is all having fun with it for me...

[Diva667]

Very reflective of my experience as well, hgf. Although recently I don't "test" myself so much I just accept that right now at this moment I feel like I want chocolate ice cream, tomorrow I may want strawberry , butter pecan, or chocolate again. But for right now this is what I want.

:three:

[ErosUrge]

Very reflective of my experience as well, hgf. Although recently I don't "test" myself so much I just accept that right now at this moment I feel like I want chocolate ice cream, tomorrow I may want strawberry , butter pecan, or chocolate again. But for right now this is what I want.

:three:

Well put. Of course, I will elaborate as I always do. And to respond more to HGF's topic...
When I have been involved with the women that I really loved, I could be having the most amazing sex. And in those days, it would never fail that my desire to have sex with men would eventually creep in. At that time, I use to question it and it bothered me to no end. I just felt that being with the woman that meant more to me than anyone else should be enough. Yet, I could never shake my desire for men. And like HGF, it would come and go. Hormonal?.....perhaps. And then my desire would reach proportions that I couldn't stop thinking about it until my appetite was fulfilled. After, I would feel so guilty about it all...even with the women that approved and allowed me to play away with men. As long as it wasn't with women, they had no problems with it knowing that for me, it was just sex and only sex.
After years of struggling with the "right" and "wrong" of this and even with certain women I was with who allowed me the freedom, I couldn't shake the guilt until many years later. Though I knew there were others who were like this. There was one particular woman that I worked with who was bi and she got married to a straight man who allowed her to have sex with women. She explained how there was no way she'd ever leave him for a woman but that she needed this in her life just the same.
It was a few years after this conversation that I finally came to terms with it myself. Instead of trying to remove the desire which I'd already tried to for years, I simply embraced and accepted it. From that point on, it was as if a heavy burden had been lifted and I was happier about my sexuality and sex life than any time in my life before. And I had lots of support from couples who became my friends where either one of the partners was bi or both. From them I learned that this is one aspect of being bi and is how several bi people do live with a commitment to each other but allowances for play with the same sex.
I know this isn't exactly what HGF is referring to, but there are some aspects of it with what I described...perhaps the biggest difference would be that my daydreams that were desires for the same sex would eventually culminate in me just having to have sex with a guy....

[hgf33]

My boyfriend let me have sex with a girl once. It was a complicated mess, but mostly because of who it was and her bullshit drama, lol. We're willing to find a new girl, but prefer her to be bi and be cool with both of us rather than try to take me from him! But that being said, it's not totally necessary. I'm in an amazing relationship where I'm very happy and content. I have these intense desires for women, but I don't HAVE to indulge them. I just watch lots of porn! :tong:

[Bi_Druid]

I can totally relate to the feeling of swinging back and forth along the imagined kinsey scale. I too swing up and down and sometimes totally off the scale, some times drawn only or just more so to women, sometimes only or more so to men, sometimes equally both, sometimes (though rarely for me) neither. This can change from one day to the next, or even one second to the next. It's all dependable on my mood at any given moment; least, that's the best explaination for it I've deduced for myself so far.

There have been times when, and I'm sure there shall be yet again in the future, when I too will question if I'm really just a straight guy who's been just having sex with men, or vise versa, and blame it on my insatiable horniness. But then, like you've said yourself, I'll snap out of it and go "no, I'm bi! I like both".

[Gearbox]

:bigrin: I get phases too. Not black n white, but kind of light n dark greys.lol
I compare myself to other bi men too. I think, 'Well I'm gayer than him, but not as gay as him!'.lol

What messed me up once, was being told that I'm straight, by a gay man as I was f***ing him.:eek: He was vastly more experienced than me, so it made me question my sexuality (and performance:rolleyes:) really hard.
Turned out that he fantasises being f***ed by straight men.lol But it made me question myself. It doesn't take much.

[hgf33]

I know what you mean Gearbox! The girl I was with stopped kissing me, looked at me, grinned, and said "You're so gay!" I took it as a compliment lol. My best friend is a lesbian and her and my boyfriend also tell me this all the time lol... But my bf also knows that I'm pretty insatiable with him. 7+ years and I'm still lusting after him! Put all this together and it says one for-sure thing about me: I'm fucking bi! :-D

[Briar Rose]

My experience is that the desire for same sex comes and goes in waves. As I've hit menopause, it's seems to have changed though. I know that for many bi women in long term opposite sex relationships this particular era in a woman's life becomes a time when the desire for another woman becomes stronger. I understand that for many bi men in the same situation, this is also true.

I'm weird. That's not how it worked out for me--at least at the moment.

Fluid sexuality is... interesting.

I'm more than ever convinced that the bisexual experience is different than either kind of monosexual experience.

I have a mind that spends a lot of time in the nuanced grays about most things. I spend a lot of my time balancing opposites internally and externally. It's a theme for my life. My arguments and theories tend to be nuanced. I'm inclusive too--I get the black and white--and the grays.

If you ask me whether the glass is half full or half empty, I always say "Both. It depends on your perspective."

So which came first? The fluid sexuality, or the mind that rejects seeing the world in exclusively black and white ways?