i don't know what to do....

[Emotional Masochist]

So I'm back again with another issue another problem looking for more advice. Sorry guys but right now I don't know where to turn. SO my girlfriend just told me she probably had a miscarriage... So two months ago, we had a bit of a pregnancy scare as the condom broke. I got her the morning after pill and some pregnancy tests. We got one positive n one negative. Then she started getting massive cramps, and weird bleeding(not irregular, but weird clotting and such). SO she has been doing some research, and well she has convinced herself and me that she had a miscarriage. and now i don't know how to console her or myself.
I know its stupid since i have no real proof or any reason to want kids now, but we have always talked about having kids. I know its stupid, but we dreamed stupid dreams about getting married and having kids..... She even picked out names... I indulged her dreams, and even created a few of my own. It was magical in our heads, stupid as they were. Now i don't know what to do...I am so ready to break down and cry, but i need to be strong for her. I want to console her, but i don't even know the words to say. She blames herself and is crying. I don't know what to do and yes I am young and she is even younger. I am 22, and she is 18.

[Long Duck Dong]

be there with her and for her.... as there is not much you can say, to take away the pain as its emotional and mental as much as it is one of the body.....

if you want to cry with her, do it... cos it was a child of both of yours.....and its a loss you both share.. and there is no reason why you can not share your own emotions and feeling of loss with your partner.... it can be something that brings you both closer as a couple......

there is nobody to blame, often its something that nature does of its own accord... and while mums often perform miracles with bringing up children and running a household, they are only human and there are somethings that they can not make happen, or stop from happening

there are times that there is nothing we can say, just hold each other, cry and know that the other person feels the same way we do... and that can make the difference.... and let time lessen the pain.......

[DuckiesDarling]

So I'm back again with another issue another problem looking for more advice. Sorry guys but right now I don't know where to turn. SO my girlfriend just told me she probably had a miscarriage... So two months ago, we had a bit of a pregnancy scare as the condom broke. I got her the morning after pill and some pregnancy tests. We got one positive n one negative. Then she started getting massive cramps, and weird bleeding(not irregular, but weird clotting and such). SO she has been doing some research, and well she has convinced herself and me that she had a miscarriage. and now i don't know how to console her or myself.
I know its stupid since i have no real proof or any reason to want kids now, but we have always talked about having kids. I know its stupid, but we dreamed stupid dreams about getting married and having kids..... She even picked out names... I indulged her dreams, and even created a few of my own. It was magical in our heads, stupid as they were. Now i don't know what to do...I am so ready to break down and cry, but i need to be strong for her. I want to console her, but i don't even know the words to say. She blames herself and is crying. I don't know what to do and yes I am young and she is even younger. I am 22, and she is 18.

Okay sweetie, first things first. She needs to go to a doctor. If she had a miscarriage then she needs to be checked out by a gynecologist or there could be problems in the future.

The thing is even though you all talked about kids, you both did everything you could to prevent getting pregnant. You used condoms, when one broke, she took the PlanB pill. She needs to get checked soon and then she will know for sure if she had one. The spotting and things could have been caused by the pill acting with her hormones, it in and of itself does not equal miscarriage.

I had a miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant for the third time 1 day after my second child's first birthday. I knew for 17 days before I had problems, wound up losing it in the bathroom of an ER. They checked me out and I was scheduled for a D&C to remove the remains of the placenta. To this day it bothers me because I have always thought that was my girl. I'm not going to lie to you, if this was truly a miscarriage then both of you will remember it, but it does get easier. You are both young and have your whole lives ahead of you but do not hang on to guilt. If the doctor says it was a miscarriage then you need to understand that even if you were trying to prevent pregnancy sometimes it just happens. It's a natural part of life and doesn't mean she will never have a child. I went on a few years later to successfully have my third son.

So hugs ya both but she needs a doctor visit ASAP.

[cddm50]

Duckies wrote: Okay sweetie, first things first. She needs to go to a doctor. If she had a miscarriage then she needs to be checked out by a gynecologist or there could be problems in the future.

Agreed. It is NOT that uncommon for this to happen so don't sweat it. Take her to her OB/GYN and have her checked out. Note that not all miscarriages require a D&C so don't think that your GF needs one. Let the Dr. examine her and make that determination. You and your GF will be relieved when it is done because you will then have FACTS to go on rather than guessing what may be going on.

My story (warning- a little religion is woven into this): My wife and I were 3 months into our marriage when we found out she was pregnant. We both were not ready for kids and we sweated bullets but came to realize that it is what it is. A couple of weeks later she was having terrible cramps. We lost our first and she had to get a D&C procedure. Both of us were slightly relieved but when it sunk in it was very sad. Wife was angry, hurt, and depressed. I was humbled about this big mystery of life and how we created a life together yet it suddenly ended and we didn't know why. We talked long and hard about all that happened trying to understand.

We had to draw on our faith that maybe this is the way God intended our lives to play out and he was throwing us our first major bump in the road to see how we handled it. I hope we passed his test.

There is likely a medical reason, the placenta didn't form right or was not attached properly, there was something wrong with the way the pregnancy was proceeding, etc. and it is nature's way of rejecting that which likely could not survive in order to save the mother. It is nothing we purposely did wrong and we were not being punished for anything. This goes the same for you too. For whatever reason the conditions were not right for the child to go full term. (And the reason your GF should be checked out.)

After our ordeal we grew closer together and vowed to try again. Now we have 3 great kids. Everything turned out okay. And it will be okay for you and your GF too.

You both have a lot to learn but this was a big experience so early in your lives. You may not find yourselves together in later years OR maybe you are the soul mates you always knew you are and are happily together for many years to come. Share with each other your feelings about the whole ordeal and don't bury them. It is okay to be sad, angry, upset, hurt, scared, etc. but learning to deal with all that will make you both stronger and better persons.

GL to both of you.