My Guy, Bi?

[pradalove]

My husband recently told me after being married for 7 years with three beautiful kids that he is bisexual. He claims it started when he was a young boy with a close friend and that he has acted out on his desires infrequently. He wants to stay together, I do too. Since his revelation, our sex life is even better as I am open to being with him or his experiementing on his own as long as he is careful, safe. However, I wonder if since he was in love in his first relationship with a man, if that is what he truly will seek out again, I worry about making the sacrafices to share him (I have no desire for men or women outside of marriage) and then one day he tells me he is leaving me for someone else…. how do I approach my anxiety with him and how many men who are bi can stay in a marriage?

[love1234]

We have been married for over 25 years.

[BiOlyMale]

I was with my ex-wife for over 30 years and raised 4 kids together. She knew almost from the start that I was bi and had no problem with it as long as I was SAFE. Though she was never interested in sharing any of my experiences, either in person or even hearing about them, she was completely supportive in my desire to occasionally be with another man. Yes we've been divorced for almost 8 years now, but we are still best friends and the divorce had absolutely nothing to do with my being bisexual. We simply grew appart and no longer had anything in common. So in answer to your question, absolutely YES, bi men CAN stay Happily married!

[Angel Eyes]

your story sounds so much like mine, but it took my husband 8 years and 2 kids later to tell me. All i can say to you regarding this is set some ground rules thats what we did and so far so good here. I went as far as having his bf move in with us and things went great for awhile and i would do it again when the time comes. This year we will be married for 12 years.

[pradalove]

Wow, thank you so very much for the replies, sounds like trust and safety are key. It's all so new, I've expressed my "rules" which is essentially no long term relationships without my knowledge and SAFETY! I feel a bit untrusting of him right now my main concern is that I am not exposed to HIV as I want to live a healthy long life to raise my kids...

[IndyBiFun]

It sounds like you two have a rather strong marriage to begin with which is huge.

Encourage him to talk more with you about this. I'm sure telling you has been a big relief for him.

As other have said, set the rules, be honest with one another and be safe. This could bring you closer together than ever before.

Best of luck!

[pradalove]

Yes, I would classify our marriage as strong, we want to make it work and have fun together in bed and out. We've talked a lot but I think he's still coming to terms with becoming more active with men. I want to be supportive but certainly don't want to dwell and add to his anxiety. So for now, I follow his lead. Before I found this site there were so many sites that seemed to indicate the husband was a liar and cheat for hiding the orientation and so many seemed to talk about divorce I was getting really depressed but I believe he is telling me the truth and I have to give him a chance...

[r1648513]

It took me three kids and 20 years to tell my wife I am bi, though to be fair it took that long for me to admit it to myself. I have been dying for sexua exploration for years, feeling trapped in my marriage. I told her all this, while she was suprised she was not upset. She came from a traditional background and believes that love is sex and sex is love. She is now coming around to a threesome with me so I can experiment with my sexuality with her. This is exciting, and a little scary to think this will happen and freak by the idea of making myself that vulnerable in front of her whe. I am. Sure what she will think of it.

[coyotedude]

Mrs. Coyote and I have been married for over 14 years now. I came out to her when we first started dating.

I won't say that my bisexuality has never been an issue in our marriage, but it certainly hasn't kept us from building a strong, supportive, and loving partnership together. Mrs. Coyote isn't thrilled about the idea of sharing me with anyone else, but she has been extremely supportive of me coming to terms with my bisexuality.

Your anxiety is completely understandable. I can't tell you there are any guarantees in life, of course. But there's no reason that the two of you can't have a strong and loving relationship if you are both committed to it. Communication is essential, just as it is for any other issue in a marriage.

Best wishes for the two of you!

[dickhand]

We were married for 30 years and 30 days until she passed away . The guys were strictly a sex thing that also started for me as a 12 year old . That never affected my love and affection for her or for our sex life . She knew I was bi before we were married . We had some deep meaningful conversations before we got married . She was not bi and was not interested in joining in or hearing about my occasional adventures and I had better not bring her home anything she was going to need anti-biotics for . I respected her bounderies . This was not one sided by the way . She also had been with other men occasionally and very discretely . I was more open to hearing about it but never pushed her to talk about it . I hope this helps some how .

[pradalove]

Thanks dickhand and coyote.. and others, it does help alot. And DH, sorry for your loss of your partner. I had a little anxiety yesterday and I talked to him a bit more about our future as most of his coming out has been focused on the past and recent events that brought him to the point he felt he had to express his desires to me. It seems that he is concerned about me having an affair and I really don't want one and if I do I wil give him advance notice. I have grown to understand that I have to be in love to want to sleep with someone it's what turns me on and makes it satisfying and he satisfies me so I've tried to put his concerns at rest. He talked a bit about "forgetting about this" as he doesn't want to lose what he has. But, I have to help him understand its not something that you can forget it is what it is and we have to meet it head on... together.