Is Bisexual.com a true representation of the Bisexual Community

[DuckiesDarling]

Just wondering cause most of the LGBT that I have been friends with for almost 20 years don't do quite as much infighting as you guys do here.

So I'm putting in some poll choices. Pick the one you think fits best based on your personal experiences on this board vs real life.

Thanks :)

[slipnslide]

Your premise is flawed. The question should be based on the medium, not people. You go to any site and there's lots of bickering, but it's not the community, it's the community on that medium.

[drugstore cowboy]

If you think that GLBT people do not argue with each other off of this site or in reality you're not paying attention to sexual and GLBT politics or reality at all, and never have been.

In the 70s and 80s bisexual and gay men were not "allies" or friendly to lesbians or Transgendered people. Back then gay men and lesbians were not on friendly terms at all and really did hate and dislike each other.

Also in the 60s and 70s, and even 80s you had lesbians who flat out hated hetero men, gay men, and just about any man and they hated bisexual women then and there are still Lesbians out there today who hate bisexual women and are very open about it. There are some lesbians who are still like this today and many lesbians do not like Trans women at all and do not consider them to be women, just like how some bisexual and gay men do not consider transmen to be male or men.

Even today the GLBT fight amongst each other and people on this site and other GLBT sites have written about how gay men and lesbians are biphobic or even transphobic.

Transgendered members here have written about this as well. I'm sure there have been gay men and lesbians here who have written about how they think that there are bisexuals and trans people who are homophobic.

In some cases us GLBT people are united by our distrust and dislike of heterosexuals and others who are not GLBT at all who think they know what is best for us GLBT people or the entire GLBT "community". These non-GLBT people like to run their mouths and talk out of their ass, and always offer criticism but no actual advice or anything that's actually relevant to GLBT people and they do not speak for us as a whole even if they wish they could; but these non-GLBT people do not speak for us GLBT people and they never will. ;)

[Diva667]

Hmm I'd say this:

There are jerks in every community. Gay, Les, Bi, Trans ...we're just people, you know?

One of the phenomena that happens with the internet is that people who might otherwise remain silent, are able to speak up under the cover of anonymity.

http://www.thenobleeskimo.com/images/greaterinternetdickwadtheory.jpg

[12voltman59]

I don't think that people here are any more contentious than they are at any other website or they are in real life. With all the stresses and strains of life today---a shitty economy for most with all the pitfalls being faced by many such as long term unemployment, trying to keep a roof over head and food on the table, the polarization of things political--at least here in the US, the natural disasters many of us have or might face, things of that sort. I think that in general--people are more cranky today.

My "complaints" about this site have more to do with some of its technical shortcomings--like the way the forum board is set up---I do wish that it didn't drop off topics that don't get posted to after a few days---with that meaning that we get a thousand threads on the same topics--over and over again.

[NotLostJustWandering]

I'm not going to answer the poll because it presumes a greater familiarity with the overall bi population than I have, but it think it's quite clear that any internet-based community is self-selecting. Us folks at the bisexual.com forum represent us folks at the bisexual.com forum. We can claim nothing else.

And yes, I have met bi people here in NYC who do not participate on this site because they find the discussions beneath them, between the bickering, the adolescent-level obsessing over specific sexual practices (eg, polls over whether you prefer big dicks or big tits :rolleyes:) and the over-abundance of right-wing fools.

[Katja]

I very much doubt it and certainly hope not.

[hydropop]

If the site had a chance to be a true Bisexual site , maybe your poll could be more accurate. Im sure I will get hate mail for that , but thats how some feel.

[tenni]

I can not answer your poll.

How many of us actually belong to a physical community of bisexuals? Not many I would think or we would not be seeking out communication via the internet.

I agree that this is at best a bisexual social media site with a date/meet/pick up and discussion aspect. I wouldn't call bisexual.com a community because I believe in a specific geographic element is required to establish a community.

There is no one bisexual community or "the" bisexual community imo. Bisexuals need to find their commonality and needs imo but how that can be done I'm not sure.

The G, L & B people that I know don't attend meetings about their sexuality connected to sexual orientation organizations at this point in time or ghettoize into a physical community based on their sexuality.

As far as your concern about conflict on internet sites. Yes, there are conflicts on sexual discussion sites that I have been on but fewer conflicts. That includes even a very controlled moderated site that bans people off the site sometimes frequently. The difference between this site and other sexual discussion sites is that the other sites were /are more restrictive as to who is a member as far as sexual orientation is concerned. None of these sites have a person posting over 1500 posts within a year let alone someone who is not of that sexual orientation.

[lizard-lix]

Wow DD, you really kicked the hornet's nest this time! Good! :-)

Lots of stuff in relatively few posts.. But all of it more or less usual...

I get so tired of the people who bitch about people enjoying sexual preference and other similar topics.. Get real, these are some of the most heavily posted-to topics.. They go on forever and believe it or not, people MUST enjoy them for them to get so much attention. Those that want them removed in favor of more lofty or useful or informative or deep topics sound to me just like straights who say gay marriage dilutes the sanctity of their marriage, get freaking real, if you don't like them, don't read them (It's not like the topic title isn't clear 99% of the time). Being erudite doesn't preclude enjoying the nasty bits too, read 'em or leave 'em...

I agree with Drugstore Cowboy's history, it sure seems like it was that way when I was younger, and there are some posers who would give advice with no experience, but I think they don't get far.

Yay Diva! Yes the anonymity here can makes jerks of many, but it also gives the scared and closeted a safe way to be a little out and ask people who have been there. So we take the bad with the good...

And for all you who say that this is not a community, for whatever reason, I say BS... Enough of us are here with regularity (including many of the ones who say we are NOT a community, which strikes me as too funny). We develop social relationships; have leaders, sages, idiots, prudes, sluts, pecking orders (we can't be perfect ) and all the stuff that comes with society and community (and Sorry Tenni, simply that we are virtual doesn't make us not a community, we have a geography: The Internet and the world).

Katja, if you hope this isn't a representative community, I wonder what you do hope for, please tell us, I'd like to know what you think a real bisexual community should look like.

NotLostJustWandering, I come here to get away form right wing fools, they tend to hate us.. Or at least misunderstand us and want us to seek medical help for our 'afflictions.' Maybe get out of NY and go to Jersey for some reality :-)

Disclaimer time :bigrin: (last chapter of The Prince?)

If I identified you here, it was with no ill intent, just that I wanted to address what you said. If you feel I have misunderstood, please teach me. If you feel insulted, my deepest apologies, I mean no insult.

Is this community truly representative of the bisexual community?

I haven't a clue based in fact.

However, this does seem like most communities that I am a member of, save for our orientation and the situations that creates in our lives, good and bad, big tits or big cock :bigrin:

We have ups and downs. Questions and answers. Sages and fools. Humor and tragedy.

Sounds like a community to me, more like an extended family given the bickering :-)

Peace,

Liz

[ron4415]

I know I am pleased with the site in general.
Met 3 men from my area over the last several years in the Chat Room.
Enjoyed sex with all of them!
My one problem is that Chat Hosts can just dump you when they want!

[binjlooking]

Site is good ( free profiles & messaging ) Not looking to get into sexual politics.

[Gearbox]

I live in a heterosexual community. I'd get no sleep if I lived in a bi one!:bigrin:
I voted 'sorta', but I really have no clue!

[dman82]

Burried under a pile of responsibility between 2 jobs and house work leaves me no time for a social life outside the net. But I do know from other experiances most gay men are like most strait men only out for a piece of ass. Bisexuals however both on and offline are the most relaxed people I know.

[void()]

"If you think that GLBT people do not argue with each other off of this site or in reality you're not paying attention to sexual and GLBT politics or reality at all, and never have been."

First thank you for clarifying something. You're speaking about politics. I'm not nor never have been keen on politics in general or specifically. That does not mean I lack awareness of current events. Any more I have chosen to generally and categorically ignore politics, news.

Some are born, some die. Between, some make the world a better place, others make it worse or leave it the same. That's just how the story goes. Sometimes all we have is a brief window to filter our voice through, maybe it helps, maybe not. I'm here for that window and others whom are kindred, to support, be supported.

No, I don't think folks in the 'community' do not argue. I know they do. I think Drew's site is but a microcosm of something larger. I don't think it represents the whole but maybe some portion of it. Do we argue? Hell yeah we do. Are we political? Looks as though some are. Do I think we could bring a change using Drew's site? Well, that's not for me or anyone except Drew to answer.

I think he did make a change. He gave a home to some of the voiceless. We talked, we became friends and foes, we laughed, loved, lived. The site continues being a positive impact point as more voiceless come aboard, the process keeps going. It makes you glad someone cared enough to start it all. Also leaves you sad when too much bickering frightens many away, when people get involved in egotistical pissing wars.

Politics, bah! If it means being disrespectful and uncaring of others and self, who needs it? After the smoke clears, I do think Drew created the site out of caring. Am I saying we can't still argue? No.

What I am saying is we should understand things like the backfire principle. It simply states, "you can not ever win an argument online", because you defend what you believe the same as the other person with an opposing view. Like I've said quite a few times before, "you can't argue opinion."

But we probably will keep on doing just that. We're human beings, not perfect. No rainbows without rain. Again, thanks for asserting your subject of politics. I'll kindly step aside yet reserve a human right to opine from time to time. You can say or do what you will, just understand that you can not tear me down anymore, no one can. I'm on the way.

[Katja]

Katja, if you hope this isn't a representative community, I wonder what you do hope for, please tell us, I'd like to know what you think a real bisexual community should look like.


Liz

I feel as I do because the amount of intellectual marbles I have observed does not appear to be very representative of either gay or bisexual people I know or have known. We have discussed sex and sexuality issues, and many other things, but none has been quite so limited in their vision of what sexuality represents and so determined to discuss, or at least lay out before us the most base of issues simply for the hell of it and without any intellectual intent as many on this site.

Some people ask openly 'why do we discuss non bisexual or sex issues?' and complain when we do. There is more to being bisexual than just who we fuck and what we do.

This site is valuable and that is why I stick around, but it does have its limitations and its drawbacks.

[ChicagoNormalGuy]

I feel as I do because the amount of intellectual marbles I have observed does not appear to be very representative of either gay or bisexual people I know or have known. We have discussed sex and sexuality issues, and many other things, but none has been quite so limited in their vision of what sexuality represents and so determined to discuss, or at least lay out before us the most base of issues simply for the hell of it and without any intellectual intent as many on this site.

Some people ask openly 'why do we discuss non bisexual or sex issues?' and complain when we do. There is more to being bisexual than just who we fuck and what we do.

This site is valuable and that is why I stick around, but it does have its limitations and its drawbacks.

I completely agree with Katja. This is an anonymous message board that focuses strictly on bisexuality. If all I talked about in the real world was whether or not someone's spouse is bi and how many people within the sound of my voice liked the taste of cum, I'd very quickly have no friends. I'm not belittling people's problems, but this board doesn't reflect the wide spectrum that is real life.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I'm afraid I have to agree with Katja and Chiagonormalguy on this one, loves. Theres going to be bickering and bitching on here just like on every other board and forum..its just gunna happen. If you dont like a topic, pass it up fer Pete's sakes. You dont Have to get embroiled unless it concerns you directly, or concerns your significant other. This is, I presume, a site for Bisexual people...but its much more than that. Its a place where People can come to for support and advice and commonality. Its not a Us vs. Them type of thing..its just people. Deal wif it and get along..or dont. But I do agree that we all need to just get along and try to make this a great place to come. :}
Cat, neutral.

[swampbug789]

I think that, like some of the nudists sites, photo posts should be a requirement for membership. People who do not post photos are not serious about how they feel and thier desire to meet and interact with other members. My experience is that those without photos draw little or no attention from exhisting or new members.

PS: Change that lead artical - it has been there MUCH too long!!

[bullhead69]

I would have to say sorta. I just don't think that all bi-sexual men are bottoms. The few tops that are on this site have their pick of fellows.
Someone mentioned photos as being a requirement. I don't agree especially for someone trying to be discrete. Once your pic is on the internet
it is on there forever..

[ChicagoNormalGuy]

I think that, like some of the nudists sites, photo posts should be a requirement for membership. People who do not post photos are not serious about how they feel and thier desire to meet and interact with other members. My experience is that those without photos draw little or no attention from exhisting or new members.

PS: Change that lead artical - it has been there MUCH too long!!

And then everyone should have to use their real names and address too! Because if someone is serious about their desire to meet other members, then they should go all out! I can see how the existing members feel about new members that don't share their point of view.

[niftyshellshock]

And then everyone should have to use their real names and address too! Because if someone is serious about their desire to meet other members, then they should go all out! I can see how the existing members feel about new members that don't share their point of view.

Don't forget our social security numbers and blood types, too!

[Katja]

And then everyone should have to use their real names and address too! Because if someone is serious about their desire to meet other members, then they should go all out! I can see how the existing members feel about new members that don't share their point of view.

God God! This is a site created for entertainment, chat, to glean or exchange information and enable people of a certain kind to make contact. It is not a political party or a campaigning organisation of any kind. It is a community where people if they so wish can have some discreet fun and maybe learn something about themselves.

Whatever kind of organisation we join, we do not expect our names and addresses published for privacy reasons, and no organisation publishes photographs of every member or employee. If people wish to exchange such information on this site the option is open to them privately to do so.

I have made the assumption that you have posted tongue in cheek in response to the previous poster, but not everyone shall necessarily have assumed that. No one surely can seriously want what is suggested to become standard.

[matutum]

If the site had a chance to be a true Bisexual site , maybe your poll could be more accurate. Im sure I will get hate mail for that , but thats how some feel.

if this site reflected the bi community,then these people here are cheaters on their wives,have no spine because they can't tell their partners how they feel,can not walk the walk,or talk the talk,just because u r bi doesn't mean u have to live that life style.If u get permission to act on ur urge then do it,but if u sneek around u are not an honest person and odds are u will never be one.Humans will justify any thing sexually or otherwise.Step back and look!!!I'm guilty of doing the same thing except I know when I'm doing it and I correct the prob if there is one.I'm truthful and honest to a fault and I don't much action because of it.I'm not telling others what they want to hear just to get laid. It depends on your level of living..how high ur on the food chain as to what kind of people u meet and are attracted too!!

[babloobla]

I voted in the majority on this poll. This is a great question in my opinion. I have a few snippets from a Wikipedia article about the Imagined Community concept of a nation by Benedict Anderson. I think one can substitute for 'nation' any type of group that is so big you can't know everyone personally :

"The Imagined Community is a concept coined by Benedict Anderson which states that a nation is a community socially constructed, which is to say imagined by the people who perceive themselves as part of that group.[1]:6-7 Anderson's book, Imagined Communities, in which he explains the concept in depth, was published in 1983.

Benedict Anderson defined a nation as "an imagined political community [that is] imagined as both inherently limited and sovereign".[1] An imagined community is different from an actual community because it is not (and cannot be) based on everyday face-to-face interaction between its members. Instead, members hold in their minds a mental image of their affinity—for example, the nationhood you feel with other members of your nation when your "imagined community" participates in a larger event such as the Olympics. As Anderson puts it, a nation "is imagined because the members of even the smallest nation will never know most of their fellow-members, meet them, or even hear of them, yet in the minds of each lives the image of their communion".[1] Members of the community probably will never know one another face to face; however, they may have similar interests or identify as part of the same nation. The media also create imagined communities, through targeting a mass audience or generalizing and addressing citizens as the public.

Even though we may never see anyone in our imagined community, we still know they are there through communication.

According to Anderson, creation of imagined communities became possible because of "print-capitalism". Capitalist entrepreneurs printed their books and media in the vernacular (instead of exclusive script languages, such as Latin) in order to maximize circulation. As a result, readers speaking various local dialects became able to understand each other, and a common discourse emerged. Anderson argued that the first European nation-states were thus formed around their "national print-languages.""
-- end quote from Wikipedia.

I have been a bisexual.com member for a litle over a year. I don't read any other bi sites but i like a lot of what i read here. A lot of it reflects me and a lot of it doesn't but I like freedom so I don't feel anyone 'should' be anything other than what they are, and to do there best at it. In my opinion,:2cents:worth,Just because a persons genitals respond to stimulation by members of both or either sex and their hearts are moved to love along the same lines or vice versa does not oblige them to behave in any particular way.

About the 'community' on this site. Mainly I see it as a place where people come to discuss their sexuality. Sexuality is important and it is a whole lot more important than I was brought up to believe. Still it is not my work, it is not my food, shelter, or my religion. I don't vote with my penis and I don't make a living with it. However finding myself involved in same-sex sexual relationships as well as opposite-sex sexual relationships was and continues to affect my interactions with people in general. In some ways it makes life easier and other ways not. So perhaps i am contradicting myself a bit here.

There is a lot to being human and I think balance is important but this is not a site for making career connections or art theory discussions or exchanging recipes -- its about sex. It is a great place to share. It has helped me and I thankful for the sharing that goes on here. I hope I can be as positive a part of the community I imagine myself to be.

Fun is important and one of my rules of thumb with sex is that it should be fun. (I recognize that we live in a world where pain and violence is inflicted by some on others because of sexual behaviour, gender, race, age, cultural background an dassociation and that is so mad/insane. It is no Joke being human.)

Peace Love and Understanding - let it begin with me.'

[Paul B.]

I think this site is primarily oriented toward the swinging community/blow & go crowd. That may or may not have been its original intent, but that's the way it has played out. It isn't quite as useful to someone who identifies as say bi-poly (bisexual-polyamorous). The former emphasises sexual encounters & the latter relationships. If we were perusing the personals on Craigslist, most people on those site would be more interested in the casual encounters section than the miscellaneous romance section. The site has lots of interesting info & perspectives from some obviously well-educated & intelligent people. There's also a lot of very sophmoric stuff, as any scanning of the forum titles on any day of the week will indicate.

[DrBimind]

Well voted "sorta" as I have no other bi communities I commune with...that being said; Drew has done everyone here a great service by not charging membership "fees" like a couple other "Bi" site I was on in the past. In true internet fashion this site offers an anonymous way to explore; newbies Bi feelings, gives a voice to many on a variety of subjects (not just sexuality), a place for others who are looking for a "hook up" site, and of course a community of like minded folks. Is it perfect ?....HELL NO BUT then WHAT IS ? So to quote Rodney again...."can't we all just get along ?"... :cool:

[dickhand]

It represents this community !