Finally meeting someone.

[wrbi01]

Well... it has finally happened. I am actually going to meet up with someone for lunch/coffee tomorrow for the first time since coming out... Met him on Adult Friend Finder. I just hope it all goes well. He is married... so must be on the down low which is ok by me and I have only seen his cock so I have no idea what he will look like. We are into all the same things so thats cool. Just wondering... how would you start the conversation? Fingers crosseed for me please :bigrin:

[Bisexual Explorer]

Start the conversation talking about the weather, sports, etc. ; something that's not intrusive for him or uncomfortable for you. Then let the conversation take its course. You are trying to get to know each other as people and whether you want to take the next step.

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

[12voltman59]

Start the conversation talking about the weather, sports, etc. ; something that's not intrusive for him or uncomfortable for you. Then let the conversation take its course. You are trying to get to know each other as people and whether you want to take the next step.

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

I agree with the suggestions offered by GSP----just start out with a "normal" sort of conversation on basic sorts of topics just to get things started--let the conversation flow as it will and go from there---good luck--I hope you and he find some common interests and such and then go have some fun with that going well.

[wrbi01]

Im all nerves thats for sure... hope it dosent show too much.

[chocolateluvr]

I was nervous my first time too. Go in with the expectation that nothing may happen this time which is certainly possible. Then just continue the conversation that you have had online and see if you both want to take it to the next step. Good luck and have fun!

[elian]

Agreed, if you don't have any expectations or preconceived notions of how it should go it is hard to be disappointed.

[drugstore cowboy]

He is married... so must be on the down low which is ok by me and I have only seen his cock so I have no idea what he will look like.

What if he's overweight and ugly?

Why are you helping a married man cheat on his wife? Any man that's "Married and must be on the down low" is not out to his wife at all and is cheating on her.

[Realist]

Good luck! Just be yourself and don't take it too seriously.

If you make a good connection, GREAT! If not...oh well....

No matter what, this will be a learning experience.

[elian]

What if he's overweight and ugly?

Why are you helping a married man cheat on his wife? Any man that's "Married and must be on the down low" is not out to his wife at all and is cheating on her.

If it were me, I wouldn't get involved if the spouse did not know - you don't know how many OTHER people this guy has slept with the same way and it POTENTIALLY puts all partners at risk on many different levels. I guess there are some guys just looking for JO buddies an' such too..if you're just watching each other masturbate is THAT cheating any more than looking at porn?

I'm not saying that all of these men are the scum of the Earth or anything, I feel sorry for some because they really ARE stuck - if they have a wife and kids and THEN discover they like guys - what do they do? Not always simple.

I'm not trying to justify the cheating, I come from a divorced household that experienced a lot of pain from that sort of stuff..just saying..

Know that this isn't the only LGBT person you will find, there are a lot more out there so if you think this is your one chance, this may be a chance. Who knows, you could also find a friend and NOT a sexual relationship but in the end that will be your choice..

I like realist's advice too - just be yourself, there's no sense in pretending to be someone you are not - start out friends.. You are already meeting in a public place with lots of people - that is good.

It can be scary putting yourself out there and feeling vulnerable but I think caring for someone else, if it gets that far is a worthwhile part of life. Hopefully you've IM'd, Emailed, even maybe called this guy enough to get to know him - I found a wonderful loving man on this site that way.

[wrbi01]

What if he's overweight and ugly?

Why are you helping a married man cheat on his wife? Any man that's "Married and must be on the down low" is not out to his wife at all and is cheating on her.

Drugstore.... Dont post to my threads... I have never seen a post I like from you. You are always negative about everything and to be quite honest.. I think your a dick.

If you dont like what I am doing with my life go stick a cactus in your ass and see how that turns out.
:2cents:

[wrbi01]

If it were me, I wouldn't get involved if the spouse did not know - you don't know how many OTHER people this guy has slept with the same way and it POTENTIALLY puts all partners at risk on many different levels. I guess there are some guys just looking for JO buddies an' such too..if you're just watching each other masturbate is THAT cheating any more than looking at porn?

I'm not saying that all of these men are the scum of the Earth or anything, I feel sorry for some because they really ARE stuck - if they have a wife and kids and THEN discover they like guys - what do they do? Not always simple.

I'm not trying to justify the cheating, I come from a divorced household that experienced a lot of pain from that sort of stuff..just saying..

Know that this isn't the only LGBT person you will find, there are a lot more out there so if you think this is your one chance, this may be a chance. Who knows, you could also find a friend and NOT a sexual relationship but in the end that will be your choice..

I like realist's advice too - just be yourself, there's no sense in pretending to be someone you are not - start out friends.. You are already meeting in a public place with lots of people - that is good.

It can be scary putting yourself out there and feeling vulnerable but I think caring for someone else, if it gets that far is a worthwhile part of life. Hopefully you've IM'd, Emailed, even maybe called this guy enough to get to know him - I found a wonderful loving man on this site that way.

Agreed... I think one of the things that draws me to him, besides the fact that we are into the same things, is that I have been where he is. When I was closeted I wanted to search out someone who could understand where I was in life with a wife. Im just going to meet with him today so we can see if we are attracted to eachother or not. Coffee is coffee...I guess we will see how it goes.

As for Drugstores little coment..... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... and I still think Drugstore is a dick.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Ok Jack Waggin, how did it go? And ignore DSC. Nobody said you were going to cheat, or Help him cheat, a coffee date is just that. Two potential friends meeting in a public place with a commonality.
So tell me, tell me..:}
Cat

[Realist]

Drugstore's been on my ignore list for about as long as he's been on here, but I see some of his messages when folks copy them.

His comments about "fat and ugly" people is just one reason I don't want to read what he's got to say.

Who knows who he's hurt with thoughtless and cruel comments like that?

There's just no excuse for it, but I'm sure he couldn't give a shit less who he's hurt.

[wrbi01]

Well sadly it did not happen. His wife came home for lunch and they had some issue they had to address. We were going to get together on Saturday but he never responded to my e-mail. I am assuming its because it was the weekend and he could not get away. But since I have recieved several other e-mails from other men looking for the same thing I am so I might respond to them to see how it goes. I may still meet with this guy but have to see if he responds to my last e-mail or not. Who cares.... got others who are intrested. :bigrin:

[wrbi01]

Update: One of the other e-mails I got was from a musician who plays on Bourbon street... same area I work. He is single and wants to meet tomorrow. I guess we will see how it goes. I must clean the house now... :bigrin:

[Realist]

Don't give up, Jack, and don't settle for less than you want.

[Darkside2009]

I think Drugstore made a valid point, even though you made it clear you don't like him personally.

If this guy is married and cheating on his wife, you may well be creating a lot of future problems for yourself. I don't suppose his wife will take too kindly to his infidelity and if they have kids together, you may be instrumental in breaking up a family home, with all the hardship that entails for the children.

As he failed to meet with you, it might indicate he has had second thoughts on the matter himself. There are lots of single guys out there, without commitments, that might be a more sensible option for you.

Obviously, it is your life and you will make your own decisions in this matter but there is little point in getting emotionally involved with someone that is not available. You might find that it is you that subsequently has the regrets.

[Katja]

I think Drugstore made a valid point, even though you made it clear you don't like him personally.

If this guy is married and cheating on his wife, you may well be creating a lot of future problems for yourself. I don't suppose his wife will take too kindly to his infidelity and if they have kids together, you may be instrumental in breaking up a family home, with all the hardship that entails for the children.

As he failed to meet with you, it might indicate he has had second thoughts on the matter himself. There are lots of single guys out there, without commitments, that might be a more sensible option for you.

Obviously, it is your life and you will make your own decisions in this matter but there is little point in getting emotionally involved with someone that is not available. You might find that it is you that subsequently has the regrets.

Those who are in a sexual relationship with a married or partnered person who is not their own spouse or partner, are at the very least as guilty of cheating as the person with whom they have a relationship if that partner or spouse knows nothing of the affair, or has not given his or her blessing.

I do not mean this as a condemnation, but a tacit acceptance of what is a reality.

[tenni]

Oh no Katja
You are most definitely condemning and being judgmental. Don't try to fool yourself.

[ontarioguy41]

Do what ever comes natural my friend. I am new too all of this too and have never met anyone either. Just take it slow.
As for "DRUGSTORE COWBOY" don't listen to him. He posts alot of negative stuff, just read them.

Trevor

[Katja]

Oh no Katja
You are most definitely condemning and being judgmental. Don't try to fool yourself.

Who am I, one who has had a relationship with another without the knowledge or agreement of my then husband, to judge and condemn? I suggest you reconsider your words.

My meaning is precisely that which I intended.

[wrbi01]

I think Drugstore made a valid point, even though you made it clear you don't like him personally.

If this guy is married and cheating on his wife, you may well be creating a lot of future problems for yourself. I don't suppose his wife will take too kindly to his infidelity and if they have kids together, you may be instrumental in breaking up a family home, with all the hardship that entails for the children.

As he failed to meet with you, it might indicate he has had second thoughts on the matter himself. There are lots of single guys out there, without commitments, that might be a more sensible option for you.

Obviously, it is your life and you will make your own decisions in this matter but there is little point in getting emotionally involved with someone that is not available. You might find that it is you that subsequently has the regrets.

I would like to start this with: DSC is an idiot and I would not take advice from him if my life depended on it... I would end up dead.

now.. that being said... I am in no way upset he backed out. His choice and I dont get my hopes up because if I did that I would spend most of my time in life down and crying.. and I do enough of that already due to my depression.

As for hurting his marrage... while it is not my intentions to hurt anyone I do have rule number 1 when it comes to married men. If they have kids and the wife dont know... it dont happen. Not with me at least. I am married and have been for 18 years and of that only 8 months of that have I been out to my wife. Mostly because I was afraid that she would hate or leave me for my thoughts. I was a lucky one who not only is understanding but is willing to let me play as long as I am safe about it. I understand the mans pain and have had the thoughts of doing what he is now and that is looking for a friend because I was in a sexless marrage for 3 years before finally making the announcement. At least he was/is for the most part honest about what is going on. There are many guys out there that would make an account and lie about everything... "Im Single", "No Kids" that sort of thing which could REALLY cause problems later.

As for the amount of single Bi-men out there, I am getting to a point that while I know they are out there they dont seem to be responding to anything I say or do or they just want my wife to be instantly involved which is not gonna happen even from her stand. Eventually she wants to have a threesome and has informed me that she is even curious about being with a woman so we might find a Bi-couple together. Another problem I have is I am not exactly the most "in shape "masc" guy that most single men are looking for. Hey.. I would love to have some fun with a hard body.. no question about that... but Im a realist when it comes to this. I would rather have a relationship with someone who understands where I came from and someone whom I understand where they are coming from. Sadly I am a deep heart filled sort of guy because of my past and I dont want to have that "used" feeling like I did with the first guy I was ever with.

I guess what I am saying in all this is that even though I posted what was going on in my life dont think I didnt think about what I am doing. I looked at both sides of the coin. Weighed my options and made sure everything was out there.

Now that being said... there is a chance that I could meet with a single guy today... I guess we will see how it goes. He is proudly Bi, works in the French Quarter like I do and plays music.. like I do... heres to a big maybe!
:bigrin:

[wrbi01]

Those who are in a sexual relationship with a married or partnered person who is not their own spouse or partner, are at the very least as guilty of cheating as the person with whom they have a relationship if that partner or spouse knows nothing of the affair, or has not given his or her blessing.

I do not mean this as a condemnation, but a tacit acceptance of what is a reality.

So.. your saying that even though my wife knows.. and will always know when I am meeting with someone, single or not, I am cheating on her with her permission? She has even encourged me to look for a friend/lover.... her exact words were "I am less worried about you leaving me for another man that I am about a woman." and "You can do alone with a man but if a woman is involved I have to be there." Plain and simple rules that I will live by in my sexual experiences. She is not as sexually driven as me.. and knows that... and we have found a common ground which has actually helped our marrage. I find that hard to call cheating when she knows.

:rolleyes:

[Katja]

So.. your saying that even though my wife knows.. and will always know when I am meeting with someone, single or not, I am cheating on her with her permission? She has even encourged me to look for a friend/lover.... her exact words were "I am less worried about you leaving me for another man that I am about a woman." and "You can do alone with a man but if a woman is involved I have to be there." Plain and simple rules that I will live by in my sexual experiences. She is not as sexually driven as me.. and knows that... and we have found a common ground which has actually helped our marrage. I find that hard to call cheating when she knows.

:rolleyes:

Try reading what I wrote, darling, not what you seem to have thought I wrote.:)

[niftyshellshock]

As a partial observer, I'm going agree with Katja and DSC. Encouraging cheating is cheating.
I've been on both sides of it, so I know it's not cool, but hey, whatever, it's your life. Good luck finding the single bi guys.

[wrbi01]

Well... no meetup yesterday.... guess Ill just keep pumping along... (sigh)

:suave:

[elian]

Well wrb, it could be a blessing in disguise - hopefully you will find someone a little more stable. One thing I have noticed about gay guys at least is that a lot of them have wounded souls - I guess everyone goes through shit in their life so I shouldn't single anyone out but it does sometimes make for interesting dating.

I haven't dated very many guys or girls so I am wondering which one is harder to take out on a first date.. maybe it depends on the person.

[slipnslide]

As a partial observer, I'm going agree with Katja and DSC. Encouraging cheating is cheating.
I've been on both sides of it, so I know it's not cool, but hey, whatever, it's your life. Good luck finding the single bi guys.

I agree also. DSC must be making too much sense so the only way to argue with him is to call him names. That's how you know you won the argument. They give up and call you names. :)

[slipnslide]

Well wrb, it could be a blessing in disguise - hopefully you will find someone a little more stable. One thing I have noticed about gay guys at least is that a lot of them have wounded souls

Yes! I've noticed the same thing. They bounce from hookup to hookup and wonder why they're so miserable.

[wrbi01]

I agree also. DSC must be making too much sense so the only way to argue with him is to call him names. That's how you know you won the argument. They give up and call you names. :)

The reason I called DSC a Fucking idiot is because he always posts negative things about whatever anyone says.

So.. he started by saying "What if they are ugly or fat?" hmmm.. to me thats name calling right there.. so did he loose the argument before it started by calling someone names? Could he have not just said "what if you just dont like the person? He is not tactful at all. I took offence to his comment because 1. I am a little over the pounds that I would like to be which causes me problems in finding partners and no one likes to always have their personal issues pointed out by dip shits. 2. Because I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and who the fuck is he to judge who I might think is good looking. HIS selection of words were ment to cause bad feelings. I have placed him on "ignore" to avoid his bashing. Some people in forums like this can only have fun when they are causing others to feel bad about themselves or their decissions because they have to compensate for some of their short comings. I call it what it is... and a spade is a fucking shovel.

[dickhand]

I would start the conversation by saying " Hello , I'm Edward " of course , you might want to use your own name .

[wrbi01]

Well wrb, it could be a blessing in disguise - hopefully you will find someone a little more stable. One thing I have noticed about gay guys at least is that a lot of them have wounded souls - I guess everyone goes through shit in their life so I shouldn't single anyone out but it does sometimes make for interesting dating.

I haven't dated very many guys or girls so I am wondering which one is harder to take out on a first date.. maybe it depends on the person.

Well.. then I just need to stop looking... that last post was about a single Bi guy. I didnt have my hopes up... He wasnt Gay.. he was/is bi and we may still meet it just didnt work out that day.

As for the first guy I was talking about in this thread he never contacted me back.. so no big deal...

[wrbi01]

I would start the conversation by saying " Hello , I'm Edward " of course , you might want to use your own name .


Duly noted and thanks for the advice.... LOL. :bigrin:

[boca.openminded]

its always a crap shoot when meeting someone. How old is the picture, are they as nice in person as their emails, etc...

You said you started communicating with that first guy thru AFF. Well, many guys are tough when they are online but chicken out when it comes to meeting.

You sound like you know what you want but it seems that the guys that are chickening out are not as sure as you are. Seems like to me that bi is more of a fantasy then a reality. Not getting into too much of your chats but are the chats more or less about sex?

The last guy I met we actually met at a Starbucks. This way it was in public and we talked about everything except sex. It was comfortable even though I am sure he was just as nervous as I was. He was married and I am single so I am guessing that was the reason why we never talked again. Yes, I know ti could have also been no chemistry...lol

My only advice is try to make them feel comfortable and go slower. Eventually, you will meet men that do not chicken out. I'm just guessing they are too nervous to go through with the meet. The guy whose had wife issues if he wanted to meet you then he would have rescheduled.... DEEP BREATH!!

[elian]

Well.. then I just need to stop looking... that last post was about a single Bi guy. I didnt have my hopes up... He wasnt Gay.. he was/is bi and we may still meet it just didnt work out that day.

As for the first guy I was talking about in this thread he never contacted me back.. so no big deal...

I hate saying blanket statements like "gays have wounded souls" but as much as I wish it weren't true, when someone questions something as fundamental as who you choose to love - some of us can't help but feel insecure. It is always interesting to hear some of the other stories from the folks here who had a balanced childhood and grew up embracing their sexuality rather than "coming to terms with it" or at least "coming to terms with other people" who question it.

I think a lot of people regardless of being straight or not dislike blind dating but you never know, you may find that one person that you really connect with..

[wrbi01]

its always a crap shoot when meeting someone. How old is the picture, are they as nice in person as their emails, etc...

You said you started communicating with that first guy thru AFF. Well, many guys are tough when they are online but chicken out when it comes to meeting.

You sound like you know what you want but it seems that the guys that are chickening out are not as sure as you are. Seems like to me that bi is more of a fantasy then a reality. Not getting into too much of your chats but are the chats more or less about sex?

The last guy I met we actually met at a Starbucks. This way it was in public and we talked about everything except sex. It was comfortable even though I am sure he was just as nervous as I was. He was married and I am single so I am guessing that was the reason why we never talked again. Yes, I know ti could have also been no chemistry...lol

My only advice is try to make them feel comfortable and go slower. Eventually, you will meet men that do not chicken out. I'm just guessing they are too nervous to go through with the meet. The guy whose had wife issues if he wanted to meet you then he would have rescheduled.... DEEP BREATH!!



I hear ya. Ive had several deep breaths over the past few weeks. The second guy says he might stop by work tonight just to say hello. I wont hold my breath but at least he has kept in contact with me.

guess we will know after tonight.

[wrbi01]

Sorry it took so long to post again but life is what gets in the way of fun. I did meet with the single guy... we had some fun but Ill be honest I think he was looking for someone more experienced than me. So I guess its on to the next after I heal. Yea... 2 days after I met with that guy I ended up in the hospital for emergency Gall Bladder surgery. I now am less one gall bladder and pain where they did the sergery so I figure I am out of comission for the next few weeks at least. At least I know things are getting back to normal.. I woke up with a raging hard on this morning :)

[Gearbox]

^ You must have been cursed by gypsies!:bigrin:
Hope you get better soon and back out there and at it.;)

I wish I had some good advice about hooking up. But I don't. It's basically luck most of the time, and educated guessing the rest.
One thing is for certain though - You have more chance at finding somebody suitable by getting up and at it!:)
(not at the mo of course!lol).