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Moonlight_BHI
Jun 15, 2011, 1:09 AM
Naughty naughty but now that I got your attention,
Do you believe sharing is acceptable in a relationship or wrong? Or do you believe it depends on the situation; if so, please explain along with examples.

I would like opinions because in my current relationship, I cannot have a female partner unless I am willing to share her with my boyfriend.

Long Duck Dong
Jun 15, 2011, 1:22 AM
how many differing opinions do you want me to give....lol

ok.... I believe that it works for some, not others.... and that there is no right or wrong answer, only a opinion on my own relationship......

if my partner wanted a third person or I did, it would be with the understanding that the third person has rights and a opinion too..... and the right to say no thanks to being shared......

personally, I would be fine with sharing or not sharing in my own relationship... and yes I am in a monogamous relationship... but both my partner and I have talked about sharing / poly relationships etc etc.... cos its interesting to see how each other feels and thinks about relationships different to our own......

now with your remark about the willing to share your gf with your boyfriend.... if you are willing to share but she says hell no.... what happens.... cos it kinda sounds like you are being told that you can not have a gf, unless she agrees to sleep with both people..... and to me, a shared relationship is based on mutual consent and agreement.... and each person has rights ..... not just the main couple......

taz321
Jun 15, 2011, 1:27 AM
if both people in the relationship are into sharing then i believe it is alright. depending on what religion you are, sharing could be wrong but i think it all depends what is in your heart and what you believe. you have to go by what you feel is right and what you feel you can live with. I have had girls that have been open to sharing and I have had girls that were not into it, so if you can't find a girl that is into sharing then you have to decide if she is someone you want to give up your bf for or if you should just keep looking. I have been lucky as my gf is ok with me being with a guy because she does'nt have a cock that I can play with! good luck with your delima and I hope everything works out for you! :)

coyotedude
Jun 15, 2011, 1:31 AM
I think there is nothing wrong with sharing in a relationship, provided that both you and your partner is amenable to the situation.

I think it comes down to each person's boundaries and comfort level. If both you and your boyfriend are comfortable with the idea of sharing a woman - and have open and honest communication about expectations and boundaries - then I think sharing could be a wonderful experience with the right person.

I don't have a lot of experience, to be honest. But the two experiences I had where I shared a man with my girlfriend years ago were both very positive experiences, sexually and otherwise. It's something I would like to do with my wife in the future, if she were comfortable with doing so. (But it's not something I would force on her if she wasn't comfortable.)

Just my :2cents:

Peace

chapear
Jun 15, 2011, 7:23 AM
If I had both a guy and a gal I'd be set. I wouldn't mind him and her each having a gf either. Even a triad wouldn't be an issue for me. If we all wanted to do stuff together that would be great also.

Diva667
Jun 15, 2011, 8:06 AM
Like everything else in human relations it depends on the agreements between the two of you.

Lots of folks out there have agreements regarding open relationships, not wrong or right, it just is.

The only question is what you want.

lizard-lix
Jun 15, 2011, 8:53 AM
Like everything else in human relations it depends on the agreements between the two of you.

Lots of folks out there have agreements regarding open relationships, not wrong or right, it just is.

The only question is what you want.

Yep! Find what works for everyone involved and just enjoy it.

Moonlight_BHI
Jun 15, 2011, 12:50 PM
Wow, I didn't expect this many responses this quickly lol.

Well thank you all for giving me your opinion, it helps my boyfriend and I make a decision a little bit better cause we have more views to look at sharing from :).

But for anyone who would like to know what our views,
Mine: I don't believe I should have to share cause it's the same gender and cause I believe he should be happy with what he has unless he's bisexual and wants a guy, I'm 100% fine with that ;). (By the way, he's 110% straight sadly lol.)
I know that when I say he should be happy with what he has sounds wrong because I want a female as well as a male, but I am pansexual. He is straight. I will never be 100% happy with what I have sexually because of that fact, but don't get me wrong I will be happy at least 90%.

His: That I should share cause if I am having sexual relations with another despite the gender, it is cheating in his eyes. (Which it is in many peoples eyes.) And that if I get to have fun with another than so does he.

ChicagoNormalGuy
Jun 15, 2011, 1:29 PM
Okay. You don't have to share.

Will you let your boyfriend have another girlfriend besides you that he doesn't share with you?

Relationships are based on fulfilling each other's wants/needs. If the needs aren't being filled (he needs you to share, you need to play separately), then you have to ask yourselves if the relationship is important enough to you that you are willing to do without what you want/need.

bityme
Jun 15, 2011, 2:59 PM
Naughty naughty but now that I got your attention,
Do you believe sharing is acceptable in a relationship or wrong? Or do you believe it depends on the situation; if so, please explain along with examples.

I would like opinions because in my current relationship, I cannot have a female partner unless I am willing to share her with my boyfriend.

Sharing has always been the norm in my marriages. With both of us being bi, the gender of the extra partner(s) never became an issue. The sharing came naturally since we both enjoyed taking turns a being the center of attention (the extra player(s) also got a chance too).

I think that each of us has to work out things with our own partner(s) about if or how sharing will take place. Nothing seems to work if someone is not comfortable with it. And when everyone is comfortable with it, you can have some truly marvelous times.

Pappy

foreverbi
Jun 15, 2011, 4:38 PM
I have tried for years to get my wife to share another guy's cock with me & the answer is always the same "I will not commit adultery for you or anyone else". I have even told her I wasn't interested in me having another girl. I told her I just wanted to watch her fuck a BIG cock & then if she wanted me too (please want me too) I would suck all his cum out of her pussy, then clean her "friend"s" dick with my mouth (which is what I truly want to happen), but she still says NO WAY!:(:male:

Moonlight_BHI
Jun 15, 2011, 9:41 PM
Will you let your boyfriend have another girlfriend besides you that he doesn't share with you?


I never would allow him to have a another girlfriend and there are many personally reasons for why.
But IF he were bisexual and wanted a man, I would be completely fine with it cause I don't have a cock to satisfy that need/want.

DuckiesDarling
Jun 15, 2011, 11:27 PM
I think it depends on the situation. Not everyone is able to be in polyrelationships or open relations just as not everyone is able to be monogamous.

My partner and I are monogamous but we do discuss things because some of the sexual things we want to experience together would require a third person or some very careful choreography with some dildos :)

ChicagoNormalGuy
Jun 16, 2011, 11:27 AM
Mine: I don't believe I should have to share cause it's the same gender and cause I believe he should be happy with what he has unless he's bisexual and wants a guy, I'm 100% fine with that ;). (By the way, he's 110% straight sadly lol.)

You're saying that bi-sexuality is different from heterosexuality. It's not. It's a natural desire just like homosexuality or heterosexuality. Your desires are not more important than his just because you are bisexual.



His: That I should share cause if I am having sexual relations with another despite the gender, it is cheating in his eyes. (Which it is in many peoples eyes.) And that if I get to have fun with another than so does he.

If your relationship is based on monogamy, then it isn't just cheating in his eyes, it is cheating. That's the relationship you have with him.

You wanted the parameters of your relationship to change. He offered a compromise he could deal with that gave you something you wanted (sex with women) and something he wanted (sex with you and another woman). The problem here seems to be that you want something important to you but you aren't willing to give him something that is important to him: knowledge he is going to be first to you and that you are committed to the relationship. It's not about having a threesome. It's about the two of you together.

If having a relationship with another woman is more important to you than your boyfriend, then you already know what is going to happen eventually. If you can't work out a compromise that will make both you and your boyfriend happy (it doesn't have to be one or the other), and you are just going to be resentful if you don't get to follow through on your desire for women, then do the right thing sooner rather than later. Dragging it all out will only be worse for everyone, including any potential girlfriends you might have in the interim.

femmeluver
Jun 16, 2011, 5:57 PM
my husband wants me to have a girlfriend really bad and so do i. he would like to be involved but doesnt have to be:)

fpb09
Jun 17, 2011, 7:17 AM
If both agree then yes it is!

dman82
Jun 17, 2011, 7:41 AM
Just ask him if you can share another male with him also. I wouldn't mind if my wife had another person on her own. If she would share then she would share.

Falke
Jun 18, 2011, 2:28 AM
ok.... I believe that it works for some, not others.... and that there is no right or wrong answer, only a opinion on my own relationship......

This. There is no right or wrong answer. It's all what works for the person, couple, or group.

ErosUrge
Jun 18, 2011, 6:38 AM
I never would allow him to have a another girlfriend and there are many personally reasons for why.
But IF he were bisexual and wanted a man, I would be completely fine with it cause I don't have a cock to satisfy that need/want.

Like you, I can completely relate to this but from the opposite spectrum. I've always wanted to be allowed to have my desires fulfilled with the same sex while being involved with one woman and one woman only. Unless she should want to share that man with me, but even then I have felt insecurity with that. Yet at the same time, I would be open to her having her desires fulfilled by other women and if wanting me to share the woman with her, I would. And I don't need others to dictate to me what is "right" or "wrong" in how I feel about all this. I've already put myself through the self anaylsis about it many times over....

People have their ideas of what is right or wrong always. And it is true that we need to always communicate and not hide these things that we feel from our primary love interest. In the long run, it always spells doom if we hide. I do know that for the very thing you want in your relationship, I too have wanted. And too many times I have fought against having that kind of desire take over because I've wanted to have a significant other. I have had 2 women in my life that were just fine with it with total acceptance not feeling threatened knowing full well that it was never anything else but the sex with men. And no, this is not the reason why we parted ways later. To this day, I am still friend with both women. Any time you are involved with someone who is straight and unless they are fine with allowing you this situation, there is going to be difficulty.

I understand what ChicagoNormalGuy is getting at and in the past I would have agreed:Quote-"Relationships are based on fulfilling each other's wants/needs. If the needs aren't being filled (he needs you to share, you need to play separately), then you have to ask yourselves if the relationship is important enough to you that you are willing to do without what you want/need." Yet he is trying to dictate "how" it "should" be and it makes perfect logical sense if this is how you look at the world; but it doesn't make it right nor does it make it wrong. This is what works for him. Where I have difficulty with his comment is that he is projecting how he thinks it needs to be with your situation. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend yesterday who is monogamous and married. We were discussing various types of situations where people are monogamous, polyamorous, etc. It was quite clear that after 23 years of marriage, he was saying that being monogamous was the best way to be. And that's fine for him and others who feel that way. But I pointed out to him that I could hear in his voice or delivery that he felt this was the superior way to be from all others. Any time anyone is making such statements, it's as though they're saying there are absolutes. In some places there are, but I'm not sure this is one of them. In this way, I feel ChicagoNormalGuy was doing the same thing. Again, there is no right or wrong here in my opinion except to how it pertains to each of the persons involved individually.

Then again, the most succesful relationships are always when people are willing to compromise. However, if one person is compromising more than the other most of the time, then there is an imbalance or will be. These situations are very fragile. It isn't easy and I feel for you as I too am the same way....best to you.

Moonlight_BHI
Jun 18, 2011, 9:01 AM
I very much enjoy your post ErosUrge.

Having to share a woman with a man I feel deeper feelings for than like, is something I cannot do. I have too many insecures about myself and too many trust issues to be able to do.
One: I need trust in both the woman and my boyfriend, that neither one will sleep with each other behind my back. I can't do that one cause I neither trust woman or man.
Two: I need security that I'm good enough for my boyfriend to still find an interest in me afterward. And a security that I am not unattractive, compared to the woman, for my boyfriend.

So, I have decided in the end. I will no longer be looking for a woman, unless I become single because I don't need the heartache or stress or fear.

ChicagoNormalGuy
Jun 18, 2011, 10:37 AM
Like you, I can completely relate to this but from the opposite spectrum. I've always wanted to be allowed to have my desires fulfilled with the same sex while being involved with one woman and one woman only. Unless she should want to share that man with me, but even then I have felt insecurity with that. Yet at the same time, I would be open to her having her desires fulfilled by other women and if wanting me to share the woman with her, I would. And I don't need others to dictate to me what is "right" or "wrong" in how I feel about all this. I've already put myself through the self anaylsis about it many times over....

People have their ideas of what is right or wrong always. And it is true that we need to always communicate and not hide these things that we feel from our primary love interest. In the long run, it always spells doom if we hide. I do know that for the very thing you want in your relationship, I too have wanted. And too many times I have fought against having that kind of desire take over because I've wanted to have a significant other. I have had 2 women in my life that were just fine with it with total acceptance not feeling threatened knowing full well that it was never anything else but the sex with men. And no, this is not the reason why we parted ways later. To this day, I am still friend with both women. Any time you are involved with someone who is straight and unless they are fine with allowing you this situation, there is going to be difficulty.

I understand what ChicagoNormalGuy is getting at and in the past I would have agreed:Quote-"Relationships are based on fulfilling each other's wants/needs. If the needs aren't being filled (he needs you to share, you need to play separately), then you have to ask yourselves if the relationship is important enough to you that you are willing to do without what you want/need." Yet he is trying to dictate "how" it "should" be and it makes perfect logical sense if this is how you look at the world; but it doesn't make it right nor does it make it wrong. This is what works for him. Where I have difficulty with his comment is that he is projecting how he thinks it needs to be with your situation. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend yesterday who is monogamous and married. We were discussing various types of situations where people are monogamous, polyamorous, etc. It was quite clear that after 23 years of marriage, he was saying that being monogamous was the best way to be. And that's fine for him and others who feel that way. But I pointed out to him that I could hear in his voice or delivery that he felt this was the superior way to be from all others. Any time anyone is making such statements, it's as though they're saying there are absolutes. In some places there are, but I'm not sure this is one of them. In this way, I feel ChicagoNormalGuy was doing the same thing. Again, there is no right or wrong here in my opinion except to how it pertains to each of the persons involved individually.

Then again, the most succesful relationships are always when people are willing to compromise. However, if one person is compromising more than the other most of the time, then there is an imbalance or will be. These situations are very fragile. It isn't easy and I feel for you as I too am the same way....best to you.


I wasn't dictating anything. I was answering a question. I didn't jump in and tell anyone how they should live. Show me where I said "This is the way it should be." or "My way is the best way."

Perhaps you should look at what I posted from a point of view other than your own.