Cheating?

[DanniNeels]

Is it really cheating if I've given my wife numerous opportunities to share my kink, but she is turned off by my biggest turn-on? No other kink comes close to the feeling I experience when I crossdress! She doesn't like it al all, so after hinting around about role reversal & one day actually dressing for her and taking a chance (she was cold & uninterested)... I am now back in the cd closet and told her it was just a one-time experiment. But in reality my biggest fantasy is to be the object of a mans desire... To make a man hard just from looking at me all sexed up and tease him until we both can't resist anymore. My wife loves to watch me with other men, but just not dressed as a girl, but me looking & acting like a slut is the part that turns me on the most! My orgasms shoot 3x as hard & far when I cum while wearing high heels & thigh highs. So, is it really cheating if I one day indulge in living out my fantasy, after she rejected the idea entirely? Oh and I must say that I am honestly hotter than her when I'm all dressed up... And another fantasy I have that won't happen is for her & I to go out and pick up a guy together & see what he would do after we both orally share him & then I pull out my package & say "ok, now it's your time to suck"!

[bityme]

Is it really cheating if I've given my wife numerous opportunities to share my kink, but she is turned off by my biggest turn-on? No other kink comes close to the feeling I experience when I crossdress! She doesn't like it al all, so after hinting around about role reversal & one day actually dressing for her and taking a chance (she was cold & uninterested)... I am now back in the cd closet and told her it was just a one-time experiment. My wife loves to watch me with other men, but just not dressed as a girl, but me looking & acting like a slut is the part that turns me on the most! . . .Oh and I must say that I am honestly hotter than her when I'm all dressed up...

It is obvious that you and your wife have some good lines of communication going if she enjoys seeing you with other men. I assume from your question that you have, at least so far, confined your bi activities to times that she is present. In that you have a situation that many men would be envious of.

With that kind of understanding between you, I am puzzled with your decision to tell her that your crossdressing was a one-time experiment when she reacted negatively. Perhaps her reaction was more due to how it affected her self esteem if you actually look hotter than her when you are dressed. I would think that most women would feel badly if they felt their husbands looked better as a woman than she did. You need to use that communication you already have to discover the source of her negative reaction. With an relationship, the most important thing is communication. Good communication can preserve a relationship and take it to even higher levels of intimacy. Poor communication can destroy it.


Is it really cheating if I've given my wife numerous opportunities to share my kink, but she is turned off by my biggest turn-on? . . . So, is it really cheating if I one day indulge in living out my fantasy, after she rejected the idea entirely?

The fact that you are asking the question tells me that you have already answered it yourself. You are seeking approval from the readers for doing just that, CHEAT! I doubt that you will find much support in this forum.

Ask yourself if you would consider it cheating if she went out to get something that she wanted to do but was upsetting to you?


But in reality my biggest fantasy is to be the object of a mans desire... To make a man hard just from looking at me all sexed up and tease him until we both can't resist anymore.

How about taking another approach. Re-open communication with your wife about the subject. Tell her that you told her it was a one-time experiment because of her negative reaction and you didn't want to upset her with pushing something she didn't enjoy. Be honest! Tell her what a turn-on it is for you. That may be difficult, however.

If you characterize your fantasy as you have in your post, will it hurt your relationship? If your biggest fantasy truly is to be the object of a man's desire, will that make your wife fearful that this could be destructive to your marriage if you achieved this goal? Would becoming the object of a man's desire make you want that on a continuing basis instead of her? You need to sort this out and be ready to respond if she asks the question. You certainly don't want to create the impression that she now has to compete with other men for your affection.

You do not indicate how your sex life is with just you and your wife. Hopefully, your response would be that it is fantastic; that she is your greatest turn-on and you are hers. The most successful relationships I have seen are those in which the partners share deep, continuing love and their intimacy is the most special thing in the world to them; anything else, like the addition of another person is recreational; extra frosting on the cake. (In poly relationships, there can be more than 2 partners.)


And another fantasy I have that won't happen is for her & I to go out and pick up a guy together & see what he would do after we both orally share him & then I pull out my package & say "ok, now it's your time to suck"!

Perhaps this other fantasy holds the key; your inclusion of her.

Personally, having had two marvelous marriages to bisexual women, I know how erotic sharing a third person can be. It is much more than just being turned on by watching your partner with another person. Joining with them in giving pleasure to another or enhancing the pleasure they are experiencing with another person is a wonderful opportunity for shared intimacy. Then afterwards while pleasuring each other having the opportunity to tell or be told how much it meant for you/they to have been a part of the experience and that you/they were what really made it a pleasurable addition to you love life.

We all know how great it is when we are able to tell each other how wonderful our lovemaking made us feel, either because we were able to give or receive such pleasure from our mate. Adding another person is a great opportunity for special shared intimacy, also. Shared kisses around that extra cock or each sucking one of the breasts of the additional woman while looking deep into your partner's eyes, knowing how you will use that moment, after the additional person is gone, to enhance your private time. Having the additional person join you in making your partner the center of attention so that they can experience something they enjoy or that you cannot normally provide while at the same time doing something else that doubles the pleasure become special gifts we give to each other. Both of my wives loved to receive oral attention while engaged in intercourse. You can't provide that without the extra person's help. Odd, but after over 35 years of doing it, that is now my fetish.

And then, of course, there are those adventurous moments when you join a co-conspiritors to make the additional person the center or attention and share the grins and eye contact that stimulates and entices the other to do everything they can to just drive the additional person over the edge.

But I digress. Back to the subject.

After sorting out your priorities and making sure that your wife knows how special she is (again, you have to be totally honest), your renewed communication may result in a change of her outlook on your crossdressing. Your best opportunity for her to change her attitude will be if the crossdressing is limited, possibly reserved for special occasions, and she is totally included. Go get a manicure or pedicure together. Shop for the special clothing together. Make her your guide and mentor when it comes to make-up and fashion. Make sure both of you dress up at the same time. Make sure that she knows that, for you, she is the hottest, sexiest, most beautiful person in the world. If you do go out together, let her take the lead and let her pick out the guy she wants to make the object of your joint attention.

It is also possible that she will not change her attitude.

If her attitude does not change, you have only two options if you still have a need to experience your fetish.

You can seek her permission to do it on your own, outside of her presence. In such case, you have to come to an agreement on the ground rules. She should know ahead of time where you will be and who you will be with. You have to make sure the rules provide for protection against disease for her as well as you.

The other option is CHEAT!

What ever you do, NEVER just "pull out" your "package & say 'ok, now it's your time to suck'!" unless the guy knows ahead of time that you are a man. Doing something like that without the guy knowing ahead of time is a very dangerous act; an act that has gotten people killed.

Of course, all of this is just my opinion. It is based on the facts you gave us and some conjecture on my part. I hope you find it helpful, but you are free to disregard anything I have said.

Best of luck to you and I hope things work out for both you and your wife.

Pappy

[mikey3000]

If your wife knows and accepts that you have sex with men, then it shouldn't matter what clothes you're wearing. :2cents:

[BicuriousIndy2]

Maybe when you are dressed as a woman she thinks you are trying to replace her. She knows she can not compete when you are a man with a man but when you look like a lady then??

D

[by~his~side]

You've given your wife numerous opportunities to share your kink but she's cold and disinterested? So, for that reason you're going to betray her? Because she can't accept ALL of your kink you're going to cheat?
Sounds extremely selfish to me.

You are getting allowances and acceptance from your wife that many bi men can only dream about receiving from their significant others. But you feel the need to push the issue because you want the whole kit-n-kaboodle. Do that...betray her and any tolerance that she had for your kinks will be no more. It'll blow up on you.

Mikey3000----acceptance from wives of their husbands bisexual urges and desires is not an automatic acceptance of their cross dressing desires too.
My man wears his jeans, his flannel shirt and his own Jockey briefs when he entertains his friend. It's my manly looking husband having great sex with his equally manly looking partner. The only pink lace panties in the room are on me. To see these handsome... masculine men with feather boas and heels......No. Urges for cock plus a desire to wear fluff is not a good match in this wifes eyes. Fortunately my husband doesn't see the appeal either.

Thanks for reading.
~D~

[bj808oral0413ut]

(A)play safe men and women can get STD's and of course HIV. In many cities most of the male and female prostitutes have either drug addiction and or STD issues. I remind the straight guys and bi guys that pussy can pass HIV and other issues as well and is not confined to any one segment of humanity.
(B) Did you attempt to take her to swinger clubs or when you travel away from your home town to BI friendly places, she might be more comfortable in those circumstances.
For me what has worked the best is communication and our ability as a couple for almost 7 years, friends for almost 12 to avoid jealousy. We try to share our :)meat when possible, but we have guidelines and always play safe.
We get very turned on by watching each other get turned on and satisfied.

[Gearbox]

I'm sure that if your wife was into necrophilia and moaned about YOU not being into it too, you wouldn't be swayed either.:rolleyes:

[csrakate]

Oh and I must say that I am honestly hotter than her when I'm all dressed up...

Maybe she is turned off by your immodest assessment of your hotness.....Sheesh....No wonder she isn't interested in sharing this "kink" of yours....You put her down in your quest to build yourself up.

[Realist]

I agree with Kate, it seems like you're building a case against your wife in an effort to justify your decision to cheat.

Nothing good can come of this!

[welickit]

It seems you had the answer before you asked the question. What part of her saying NO can't you understand? Is it the "N" or the "O"? A wife is a special person and deserves both respect and respect of the trust she places in you. She was honest in her answer even though it hurt your EGO trip. You can show respect or be deceitful. Both have results that are sure to follow.

[DanniNeels]

I like the necrophilia response... If my wife were into that I would not be, but I would say "If that's what gets you off, then enjoy, but I'm just not into it". And then I would make sure she showered real well... Lol

[tenni]

Danni
Just one point of clarification please. Your wife accepts you playing with other men when she is present. Will she let you play with a guy if she is not present?

If not, would talking it over with her about your CD attraction and being with a guy without her help? At least let her know that this is something that you want to do. Maybe, try being a little more truthful with her.

[NJmale]

Yes it is sorry for you but if your going to play somewhere with out her noing it is what it is

so now what to you do

[DanniNeels]

Danni
Just one point of clarification please. Your wife accepts you playing with other men when she is present. Will she let you play with a guy if she is not present?

If not, would talking it over with her about your CD attraction and being with a guy without her help? At least let her know that this is something that you want to do. Maybe, try being a little more truthful with her.
Answer: Yes, she would be fine with me being with another guy without her being there, but about being honest about my desire to dress... She has made it more than clear in her actions & responses to my many hints & suggestions that I have presented over many years time, that she would absolutely think less of me as a husband. No offense to everyone, but your advice of persisting to talk about it even more than I have, would have gotten me divorced!

[DanniNeels]

Follow up question to all who answered my post: based on all th info I've given, do any of you have a problem with me playing dressed by myself without her knowledge? Meaning me alone without another person present.
Then, what about being a video chat slut... Any issues with that behind her back?
I welcome your responses, but revisiting the cd thing with her is NOT an option.

[DanniNeels]

More info: when I'm with a man as Dan, I only want his cock & nothing else... But when dressed as Danni, I desire to be his complete object of desire. I know what he will feel & how much he will want to & need to have me to satisfy his desires & he knows that I truly enjoy the temporary girl I have become. After teasing him with my looks & actions, he pursues me more aggressively & I want him to kiss me (which I would never even think about as Dan). Any Xdressers out there who share my feelings when dressed vs. When not?

[tenni]

Danni

hmm Your wife is aware that you are going to be with other men sexually and on your own. She doesn't want you to cross dress during those meetings.

Personally, I do not find cross dressing arousing or am I interested in being with a CD. I wouldn't seek out a CD but I have been with a guy who had an interest in it. You have not agreed to the "rule" established by your wife in order for you to play with men. This is breaking the rules but she is aware and gives her permission for you to be sexually involved with other men. I see this as more breaking the ground rules but not cheating on her.

Whether it is right for you to break the ground rules or not is yet another question.

[DanniNeels]

Tenni, I appreciate your response, especially since you are neither a Xdresser or an admirer, but honestly I still wouldn't want her to know I was dressing at all, let alone dressing & being with another guy... She doesn't get it, doesn't accept, doesn't understand it, etc. So it has to be without her knowledge or not at all... And whether I live out my fantasy one day or not, I will still hope to do so one day in the future either way, because what good is a fantasy if you know for sure it will never come true? But whether it actually ever happens or not is a different story, but at least there is the possibility. She doesn't want any part of Danni, so one day I hope to go on that adventure alone... But when I do, I think it's going to take more than just one man to satisfy this horny slut!

[cutemuffin91]

You should really read the books "Open" and "The Ethical Slut".

It's not fair to cheat on your wife, but it's not fair to deny your needs either. Communicating and being open about your needs and her concerns would probably be the best way to go about this.

Best of luck.

[bityme]

Answer: Yes, she would be fine with me being with another guy without her being there, but about being honest about my desire to dress... She has made it more than clear in her actions & responses to my many hints & suggestions that I have presented over many years time, that she would absolutely think less of me as a husband. No offense to everyone, but your advice of persisting to talk about it even more than I have, would have gotten me divorced!

Danni,

Thanks for providing additional facts. Based on this, I would have to revise my original response. If your wife does not have a problem with you being with other men outside of her presence, I would not view your dressing for such encounter as cheating. Unless, of course, your agreement specifically prohibits your dressing for M2M encounters.

I may be more liberal than others on this forum, but I don't see a change of clothes for otherwise acceptable sexual activity changes the status from OK to cheating.

Pappy

[DanniNeels]

Pappy, there is the logic that answers the question & proves why in my circumstances, that it is NOT CHEATING... Great job!! I really appreciate your non-judgemental brain & I hope some of the others who commented (some very judgingly) read your conclusion and realize the logical explanation!!

[Gearbox]

Answer: Yes, she would be fine with me being with another guy without her being there, but about being honest about my desire to dress... She has made it more than clear in her actions & responses to my many hints & suggestions that I have presented over many years time, that she would absolutely think less of me as a husband.
So cheating isn't really the issue with her. That wouldn't effect your marriage.:)
But her opinion of you would effect the marriage, and dressing up in laddies cloths gives her a low opinion of you.:(

So don't bloody tell her what you wear! Make out that you were the big alpha male etc etc etc and how you showed that bloke what a 'real man' is.:bigrin: (if she asks).

Your happy! He's happy! She's happy! Sorted!;)

[ChicagoNormalGuy]

Oh and I must say that I am honestly hotter than her when I'm all dressed up...


Pictures please.

No, really. It will help in giving advice. Don't have to see her. Just want to see your "hotness".

[sparkster86]

It is cheating if it takes place behind her back without her knowing or approving. Is she ok with you meeting other men while she isn't present? If so, then if you talked to her honostly and openly, she might not have much of a problem with you dressing up to meet guys on your own, even if she isn't too interested in joining in.

[Slick53]

I totally understand your dilemna with your wife. I would love to share some time with a girl like you. Dan

[DanniNeels]

I appreciate your responses & I will post some pictures in the future, but lately I have no alone time except for my morning shower, but next time I have an hour or so to myself... I'll put on my crotchless skin colored body stocking, put my black thigh highs over top, followed by pink satin panties, black high heel shoes, a bra and my favorite short tight black stretchy dress that barely covers my cute little ass... Then the good butterflies will be fluttering in my stomach & I'll put on my pink lipstick, which gets me so excited from the look, feel & smell beneath my nose & makes me want to be oh so naughty... As I'm walking around feeling sexy & admiring myself in the mirrors, I'll be imaging being pursued by a horny admirer... I tease him, but I'm nervously shy as I pour us some wine, he wants to touch me, I want him to touch me, but I avoid his subtle advances... I ask if he likes how I look & he can't get the words out fast enough to tell me he'll yes... His reassurance is rewarded with a quick kiss as I then walk across the room asking him if that was ok... He follows again reassuring me as I back up against the wall, he puts his hands on my hips and I have no where to go, as his lips part my... I take a deep breath and succumb to his desires... I can't wait to slide my pink lips on his growing cock & taste him!

[rigamatorboy]

hmmmmm lol maybe its as you said in your original post that you are hotter than her all dressed up and she knows it :eek: :2cents:

[Long Duck Dong]

based around what you have posted, your wife is not open to or going to accept crossdressing..... so its not about your wife anymore... its about you and your choices.....

what benefit does your wife gain from your cross dressing and fucking other males without her knowing about it ? the answer to that question defines the nature of the issue for you and how it comes down to you and your choices for your sex life, not hers.....

that is what your wife will see if you go ahead and she finds out....
you have a open marriage, freedom to sleep with other males, her blessing for you to do so, but on one issue, she laid down the rules...and was ignored.....

its cold, its clinical and its harsh, but its cos she will not see what you are seeing and thinking when you are crossdressing, she will see a betrayal of trust and freedom and no respect for her as your wife

and as you can see, most of that doesn't apply to what you want to do, cos what you want to do, doesn't include your wife, its your desires.

so your choice is simple, act or do not act, that is the choice... cos our opinions on cheating etc, are said as members in a forum, not a wife that could divorce you.

I wish you luck with your choice...... and any consequences of that choice

[bensonmum65]

Try second life (www.secondlife.com). I've been a part of that community since 1997 and you can be whatever you want to be. I have a woman avatar that I use from time to time and she is definitely a slut :) I call her my inner hot chick to my friends that know about her and why she was created in the first place. (Because it's a lot easier for a hot woman to have a random fuck than a gay man and sometimes I just need to get off on somebody's cock.)

Edit: It's an immersive and addicting world and it is whatever you want it to be.

[matutum]

Is it really cheating if I've given my wife numerous opportunities to share my kink, but she is turned off by my biggest turn-on? No other kink comes close to the feeling I experience when I crossdress! She doesn't like it al all, so after hinting around about role reversal & one day actually dressing for her and taking a chance (she was cold & uninterested)... I am now back in the cd closet and told her it was just a one-time experiment. But in reality my biggest fantasy is to be the object of a mans desire... To make a man hard just from looking at me all sexed up and tease him until we both can't resist anymore. My wife loves to watch me with other men, but just not dressed as a girl, but me looking & acting like a slut is the part that turns me on the most! My orgasms shoot 3x as hard & far when I cum while wearing high heels & thigh highs. So, is it really cheating if I one day indulge in living out my fantasy, after she rejected the idea entirely? Oh and I must say that I am honestly hotter than her when I'm all dressed up... And another fantasy I have that won't happen is for her & I to go out and pick up a guy together & see what he would do after we both orally share him & then I pull out my package & say "ok, now it's your time to suck"!

Have her dress like a man and you dress like a woman and both play the roles in public?