Trying to be supportive of my bisexual boyfriend-advice PLEASE!

[Rockstar527]

Hello All,

I'm very new to this site and was led here by my boyfriend. We have been together for almost four years and our relationship is next to perfect. About six months after we began dating he opened up to me and told me he was bisexual but had never acted on it. I was very touched he revealed this side to me, but also a little nervous since I had never dealt with this situation before. Shortly after we began getting a little more adventurous in the bedroom (ass play, dildos, etc.) but he never really mentioned it again. It's almost as if there's this huge pink elephant in the room that no one is mentioning. I am very vocal about GLBT rights and hoped he would be more open with me. We almost broke up about a year ago because I found out he had been communicating with people about hooking up throughout the course of our relationship and I thought he had been cheating on me all along. We talked all night and worked out the confusion and everything was great again, except he still never talked about this other side of him.

We just had a long talk last night and he has revealed he can't hide his desires anymore. He told me he loves me and wants me to be a part of this journey with him, but I'm very uncomfortable with myself and my body and don't think I could be involved in a threesome. I TRULY want to be an adventurous partner and be there with him, but I feel like there is so much I have to work on before I can be that person. I know he loves me as much as he says, and I don't want him to repress this anymore because I can see how much it's eating away at him.

If anyone has been in this situation or has any advice to help a girl get over herself I'd really appreciate it! I just want to be supportive of him and hopefully we can both have some fun along the way. ;D

[virginia123]

It sounds to me like you have insecurity issues stemming from your self body image. The easiest way to get over that crap is to go visit a nudist resort and discover that nobody looks perfect and further more nobody really cares what you look like. Yes, people will look at you and your body and then you will both be over that. And yes, you will look at their bodies and see that they are not in perfect body shape, and then you will be over that too. Every last women that I took to a nudist resort thanked me at the end of the day. They all said it was the most relaxing day they ever had, because they didn't have to be concerned about the body image BS. Then when you are ok with your own body, go jump in on the threeway sex with your boyfriend and enjoy the discoveries that you both can have together.

RELAX, ITS JUST SEX

The love you have for each other is separate from the bi sex. It might even grow stronger between you, when you allow him to be himself and the two of you grow together through these new shared experiences. Just allow each other to be who they are. Hopfully you will both like what you see in each other, My best wishes to you both.

[BiPhone]

The situation you are describing is very similar to mine. First I wanna say you seem like a beautiful supportive human being and I wish everybody was more like you. My girlfriend thankfully is very much like you and I will try to describe what we went through.

About 2 months into our relationship I was upfront and told I was bisexual and she was very supportive. I had never acted on it and didn't know if I needed to but we talked a lot and she was open to the notion that I maybe had to do it some day. She, like you, is not comfortable with threesomes. At the same time she felt that me wanting give a blowjob to a guy didnt bother her since that was something she couldnt provide so it didnt mean she wasn't enough.

After a while she told me that if I felt I needed to do something I should do it. As long as it wasn't once a week sorta thing. I finally went and did it and it was very liberating. It made me love her even more and it has never been an issue for us. I am now pretty open to friends and family about my sexuality and since I am allowed to do it it is not a noose around my neck anymore. I never went behind her back but I can understand why other guys have problems being 100% honest. Its a tough situation for both but just keep trying to get him to open. He is more than welcome to pm me if he needs advice in dealing with this.

Best of luck to you both

[Two Old Hippies]

You should consider yourself lucky that He has been so honest about His sexuality....I did with my girlfriend 43 yrs ago...We will be celebrating 40 yrs of mariage next week. I'm Bi, and enjoy being with a man every now and than, but I love it when She joins...

[slipnslide]

It's great that you're so accepting. I tried an experiment on a dating site recently and found that women won't be interested if I list myself as bi, but they're interested if I say I'm straight. Makes me think you're a rare one!

[chelle_424]

Be supportive. Just let yourself be open to the whole situation. He isn't cheating on you with the same sex. He just has a best friend that's a Guy. My husband and I have been together for twenty years. Married for fifteen of them. I am bisexual and he has known that before marriage. Almost all our friends know Because we are closer to.them than we are family. When I told him five years ago I met a girl I am.falling for he got a little afraid. Told me he thought our marriage was over. He was very scared and controlling. Her and I got closer as the years went. She moved closer to me as we fell more in love. I told him to just think of her as being a girl that's my best friend. Except her for That for now and then when they got to know one another more and be around one another and became comfortable with one another then all the rest would fall into place. My gf is lesbian I am bisexual and my husband is straight. It was hard for all of us. They became friends first. Got to know one another as friends it was hard but when we were all together at first I told both of them to just be friends and it actually worked. Some jealousy on both sides in the beginning from.time to.time. but now after five years. She is his....baby sister....and my partner. We all live together and are very happy! Hubby and her do what every brother and sister do normally. Fight. LOL she rides dirt bike with him and gets down AND dirty. We are all one big Happy and loving family. The funny thing too is.....they can SO pass as brother and sister. They are both very native American and both have VERY similar traits. Just be friends first. Its hard but wipe the whole bisexual thing away in your mind til you become comfortable with the partner as a friend. Invite him to stay over. All three of you stay in same house together for the night but you and the Bo sleep together and he sleep in another room. Then another night you sleep alone in mother room and he and his partner sleep together. Just during these arrangements no one is to have sex. That is NOT part of the picture yet remember. Then once you are all OK with all that and comfortable. All three of you sleep together in same bed no sex. Go to dinner...movies and stuff together...just you and the bo's partner. Get to know one another without the bisexual Bo along! That helped Hubby AND gf a lot!! Just don't expect change overnight and YOU all need to stay very open and respect whatever decision is made from all this.

[Noboundaries]

(Sorry, can't remember the numbers)> Rockstar, I second what Joseph said about the nudist resort. It changed my wife's life in such a positive way. She had what I consider major body image issues that totally evaporated 20 minutes after she shed her clothes at a nude resort.

Second, and kind of related, we've learned in our playtime that once the clothes come off in the bedroom no one cares about body image. Need proof? All the guys who have ever complained about a nekkid woman in their bed raise your hands. Anyone? Anyone? Nope, not gonna happen. They are THANKFUL you want to be there. It's a guy thing......and you'll have two! Darlin', you get the joy of watching two guys together while also sharing time as the center of their attention. My wife would say, "Honey, you don't know what you're missing."

[HzyJD]

Hi Rockstar!
It's fantastic that you're so supportive of your boyfriend!
I am married to a bisexual man, we've been together for 5 years. He told me about 12 months into the relationship and like you, we didn't communicate about it much after that. I found text messages on his phone contacting men exchanging pics etc which rocked my trust in him.
Recently I 'gently' told him that for our marriage to succeed, his bisexuality needs to become something that we are both comfortable talking about. It is still difficult for him to talk sometimes but he has opened up SO much to me and I love him more for that. It's only been 3-4 months since I nudged him to open up.
He wants to remain monogomous (he's had M2M sex before we got together) but honestly, I think I'd rather him have M2M sex and be happy than to deny himself and be miserable. I've got body issues like yourself but I would never invite anyone into our bed that I hadn't already met and felt comfortable with. Of course the first time would be nerve racking, but that's how I've felt the first time with anyone!
My advice would b to take it slowly! Over time you will slowly get used to it. I have my insecure days and I just talk to hubby about it, he understands that it comes and goes. I think the more open and comfortable we become, the more the insecurity will fade.
There are a couple of Yahoo support groups for people in mixed-orientation relationships if u think that might help. PM me if you'd like more info.

[Noboundaries]

I'll share my wife's reaction to our first MMF threesome. Understand, it took 10 years from my coming out to her until we had our first experience and I did nothing bisexually in the meantime except share stories from my pre-marriage days. She wanted to hear them. We had a great sex life but we had kids at home and just weren't ready to go there. We did go to the local nude resort several times after I had business there and like I said, it changed her body image.

After the kids left for university we used the Internet to find a bi guy she found attractive. She had complete control over who we were to meet. We communicated by e-mail for a couple months, shared pics, then arranged a meeting. Nerves? We had a migration of butterflies in our stomachs. The agreement was oral only and masturbation, nothing else.

She just wanted to watch but slowly started to participate, staying with the oral only and masturbation. We all had a great time when it was over and I got the benefit of watching my wife be oral with another guy, an unbelievably powerful experience.

On the drive home she was different. She was bubbly and excited and talked non-stop. She said she felt attractive to guys for the first time in years. No matter how many times I told my wife she was beautiful and sexy, being desired by another guy clicked something between her ears. She ended up changing her hairstyle, her clothes, and her attitude. She felt free for the first time of a lot of parental programming we all receive. As result we grew closer than ever, bonded in a way I never imagined would happen from involving another person.

We visited relatives we see only a few times a year a few months after our meeting. My sister took one look at my wife and said "You've changed! What did you do?" We said it was a new hairstyle but my wife and I both knew the secret and just smiled inside and out.

[dbltrbl69]

Have you considered buying a strap on? Get one, have some fun playing around and get used to the idea before you find a guy to bring into the relationship. Most people are just happy to be accepted by their partner when it comes to their bisexuality. My girlfriend can't wait for us to have some mmf fun together. Ya gotta like who you are. But some toys and start havin fun, share fantasies and take it from there. Find some sexy bi porn. ITS JUST SEX. Good luck.

[Emunahd]

Wow, me, too - except mine has not been as honest. You are very lucky!

For certain people, sex is no different than playing a game of football. So, you can be with a person that wants you, and you alone, for emotional and physical connections, but because of the way they are wired, they want to go out and play sometimes.

You need to decide what you want, too. Can you join in a 3some? Or, are you comfortable knowing that he may go out and cruise with men, without you there (as long as he keeps you safe).

And the body image comments are all correct. It truly doesn't matter. When you feel good about yourself, it shines in your actions and that is waht makes you attractive.

Feel free to PM me, I am going through a VERY similar situation right now, and happy to help you.

[Rockstar527]

Wow...thank you everyone so much for the comments. You have no idea how much sharing your experiences has helped me become more comfortable and prepared for discussions with my boyfriend. Weve talked a lot over the last few days and all your advice has given us some great ideas to explore together.

I'm really glad he found this community, you are all more helpful and understanding than you know. I can tell he feels so much better now that everything's out in the open, we haven't been this close in months.

Were definitely going to check out some nudist colonies, and there are a few strap ons were interested in. :)

Thank you again to everyone for your responses, you're making a huge difference in a lot of couples' lives.

[nicco413]

I am widowed now after many years of happy marriage to a bi lady, love of my life, who accepted me for what I am.
I find bisexual.com a wonderful, friendly place for advice to those experiencing difficult situations in their lives - it is a big step to take even to post concerns here - and it is fantastic that open and frank advice is given by others who have experienced similar situations.
Yes some criticise the open way some discuss cum etc., mainly from younger members - so what, we all started our bi lives sometime, and if we can assist others first to come to term with bisexuality then great.
I am convinced that most people of both sexes are inherently bi orientated if they can but be true to themselves, and not accept the social and sexual stereotypes society insists we all conform to.
Certainly in the animal world most species are bisexual!!

[geebee04]

The fact that you've been together four years and still having these issues suggests that either you're a pretty tolerant woman or he's not all that committed to this lifestyle. What is it that he wants from you, tolerance or active partner, for these are two completely different things. It's one thing to accept a particular lifestyle of a "loved one," yet another to participate.

You've said what he wants but no clue what you desire. You mentioned your not being comfortable in a threesome, I guess because your not comfortable with strangers. I suppose most have experienced that anxiety more than once, but that leaves the real question unanswered, what do you really want....for you?