My boyfriend thinks I'm a lesbian.

[madela]

Hey,
I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice for me. I'm in an almost two year relationship with a great guy and totally in love with him. Sometimes I fake orgasm (as do most women) but after discovering this he thinks it's because I'm gay and not bisexual. He seems sure that I can never be truly satisfied with him and I'll leave him for a woman. However by his logic, I also will never be truly satisfied with a woman because I'll be "ignoring half of myself". How can I assure him that being bisexual doesn't mean you can never be content? He is also very afraid that I will cheat on him with a woman. Any suggestions for how to get over this?

[Wrenn]

He sounds rather insecure. Other than your reasurance and continued fidelity to him there isn't much else you can do. It seems immature for him to say that you must be gay since you have faked an orgasm or two with him. Male pride can be delicate sometimes. I've faked orgasms, in my youth, but that was due to my partner's unwillingness or inexperience to get the job done properly.

[BBBKL]

Hey,
He seems sure that I can never be truly satisfied with him and I'll leave him for a woman. However by his logic, I also will never be truly satisfied with a woman because I'll be "ignoring half of myself". How can I assure him that being bisexual doesn't mean you can never be content? He is also very afraid that I will cheat on him with a woman. this?
hello Madela
May I give you my opinion?
1- show him that you are satisfied with him, how? give him time, I think one or two week would be nice, and during this time, spend more time with him and try to make him remember all the good memories... you know, sex is not the only thing for a man when he thinks about a girl :rolleyes:
2- whenever your girlfriend comes to you, try to make the party sucha warm ceremony (:rolleyes:) for him, and show him that this is a private relation between you and your girlfriend (at least it should be , then he can stayed poised). don't be mesmerized, show him that he knows any thing that you do.
and hey, this my first post here, hello people :cool::cool::cool:
and sorry for my english, it's not my mother tongue

[hgf33]

No one should ever fake it because everyone ends up dissatisfied in the end. But since you did, he has a right to be insecure. It's a form of betrayal, after all. That being said, he has no right to think such ignorant things about you and/or bisexuals in general. If you feel as if the relationship is worth it, then just keep reassuring him. Also, it would be good to be open and let him know what you need to feel satisfied in bed, so you're both happy. If he remains insecure after you've made a real effort, then maybe it's time to move on. Good luck to you, I hope things all work out for the best! :-)

[DuckiesDarling]

Hey,
I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice for me. I'm in an almost two year relationship with a great guy and totally in love with him. Sometimes I fake orgasm (as do most women) but after discovering this he thinks it's because I'm gay and not bisexual. He seems sure that I can never be truly satisfied with him and I'll leave him for a woman. However by his logic, I also will never be truly satisfied with a woman because I'll be "ignoring half of myself". How can I assure him that being bisexual doesn't mean you can never be content? He is also very afraid that I will cheat on him with a woman. Any suggestions for how to get over this?

Honey, I'm gonna state the obvious. Don't fake em, if he isn't giving you orgasms, teach him how to please you so you don't have to fake em. He is the reverse side for those of us with bisexual male partners. It's gonna take some talking with him and listening to both what he says and what he doesn't say. Good luck.

[Long Duck Dong]

put it back on him...... tell him straight that if he loves you so much that he would not cheat, why can't you be the same way......

he is struggling with what he knows about bisexuality and the lack of understanding that bisexuals can be monogamous.... so thats a area that he needs to learn a lil more about.....

tell him that if you wanted to be with a female and him, you would have talked with him about it and worked out a compromise with him.. but its not what you want....as another female is not your partner and its your partner that you want in your life....

talk to him about spicing things up with you and him by using new positions, different places, etc.... and that way you could increase the sexual experience for both of you and help with the fake orgasms aspect...... and the other advantage to it, is that you are showing him that you want him to be the one to take you higher, not a female.....

[Maggot]

Hey,
I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice for me. I'm in an almost two year relationship with a great guy and totally in love with him. Sometimes I fake orgasm (as do most women) but after discovering this he thinks it's because I'm gay and not bisexual. He seems sure that I can never be truly satisfied with him and I'll leave him for a woman. However by his logic, I also will never be truly satisfied with a woman because I'll be "ignoring half of myself". How can I assure him that being bisexual doesn't mean you can never be content? He is also very afraid that I will cheat on him with a woman. Any suggestions for how to get over this?

Hi Madela - I'd say the two of you need to do a lot of talking.

Your boyfriend's ego has just taken a bit of a knock. Finding out that you're not the sex god you thought you were can be upsetting. The mysteries of the female anatomy and what bits to stimulate, when and how can be quite daunting, and not a little frightening for some men, even those in long standing relationships. The only way he's going to improve is for you to explain/show him what, when and how. Be firm about this, and don't take any excuses. If he wants to satisfy you he's got to start learning.

A lot of men fantasize about two women having sex, but the reality of having a girlfriend/wife who would like to have sex with another woman is another thing entirely. It suddenly becomes very scary, what if she enjoys it more (see above), what if she likes the other person more (see below), what if she cheats on me.

The 'faithful' tag works both ways, if you say you're faithful to him then you are, after all you only have his word that he is faithful to you.

Reassuring him of your love is going to be a permanent part of your relationship for as long as it lasts. My husband who knew about my bisexuality before we got married, still needs constant reassurance, and we've been together 23 years. Admittedly I do occasionally have the urge to have sex with person(s) other than my husband. We discussed this possibility right at the outset and how we would deal with it, and figured out a way that suits us.

This is something you will have to do with your boyfriend - whether you will never, occasionally or frequently have sex with others, how that makes you both feel emotionally and sexually. Not all bisexuals act on their attractions, some are happiest in monogamous relationships, others in polyamorous relationships, some at a point in the middle. Only you and your boyfriend can decide what is best for you both.

Does your boyfriend know any gays, lesbians, bisexuals? Probably not, or at least, not that he knows of. In which case the only reference point he has is popular media which would have us believe that all bisexuals are raving sex maniacs.

You could point him in the direction of this website. Or quote my situation; a bisexual woman, married for 23 years, love my husband dearly and he has known from the start that I am bisexual and that from time to time I want to have sex with others, but that he is the one that I love and want to spend my life with.

[welickit]

If all else fails..........invite him to join this site and learn about bisexuals in person. Perhaps if he interacted with other bisexuals his point of view would change and settle his mind a bit. :2cents:

[BBBKL]

Honey, I\'m gonna state the obvious. Don\'t fake em, if he isn\'t giving you orgasms, teach him how to please you so you don\'t have to fake em. He is the reverse side for those of us with bisexual male partners. It\'s gonna take some talking with him and listening to both what he says and what he doesn\'t say. Good luck.

Agreed;)

[BiBedBud]

So, you say that your boyfriend thinks your a lesbian...

Well, I think your boyfriend is a jerk.

If you can achieve an orgasm all by yourself, when you're 'rubbing one out' (which I assume you can), then how could it be your fault if you're not cuming with him?

For the record: Many women, especially younger women, have some difficulty achieving orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex alone, without something else helping them along, like a friendly hand or a favourite vibrator; particularly if there hasn't been enough foreplay beforehand.

If your boyfriend is laying the blame on you, telling you that you're a lesbian and will never be happy with any lover, he clearly has no idea what a man's tongue is really for.

Speaking for myself, I practically never (well, usually never) penetrate a woman unless I've already rocked her world at least a few times in the immediate build-up -- whether I've brought her over the edge manually (or is that digitally?), and/or orally, and/or/plus with a toy or the substitute implement that I've found on her bedside table (yeah, I know it's your hairbrush, but just look at that handle!).

I'm also in the habit of going only so far, until I'm just about 'there', then pulling out and sucking on her delicious pink parts for a bit, until I've cooled off enough to have at her again, and again, and again. If she hasn't had an orgasm after about ten minutes (which is rare), then I'm only too happy to give her another twenty minutes of 'treatment'.

Each time, all the time, I'm taking stock of her response to what I'm doing to/for her, and there's never any doubt that she is pleased (very pleased!). This is in part due to her physiological response, but also because of what she says to me (not to mention the moaning and cooing).

Frankly, I don't know how anyone could ever be fooled by a faked orgasm, because I've never met any woman who was talented enough to fake that flushed skin, those hardenned nipples, and the wetness, oh that juicy wetness (!) that are the hallmarks of a genuine female orgasm. Most women, particularly those with fairer skin, will actually turn a shade of pink across their entire torso, and their neck and ears too, right after a whole bunch of obviously involuntary back arching and pelvis thrusting (gotta love 'em!). There's also a tremendous amount of heat that a woman's body will put-out when she orgasms, in my experience (although, there have been exceptions).

Since your doofus boyfriend is obviously rather clueless about women, I'd have to echo what others have written above -- that it's a mistake for you to fake orgasms. Your boyfriend needs proper instruction, if you're going to keep him around and put up with him long term. If he's resistant to learning or unconcerned with your pleasure, then you should DTMFA (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DTMFA), particularly if he tries to lay blame on you or ascribe fault, when what's really necessary is a "try and try again" attitude.

This brings me to another point: In my experience, women – much more so than men – need to feel comfortable and safe with their sex partners, in order for them to be able to relax sufficiently to ‘give themselves over’ to the erotic stimulation that will bring them to orgasm. If a woman doesn’t feel comfortable with someone, safe with them (as in secure, but also free from judgement and criticism), then she will not be able to relax, and no matter how perfect is the technical delivery of the pleasuring, it just won’t lead her unto orgasm. In this respect, men are much, much simpler creatures, and usually all it takes is some variation of ‘stick it in there and stroke’. That’s usually all it takes to bring a man to orgasm (thank god!).

Judging by what little you’ve written above; I would guess that your boyfriend isn’t much of a Casanova. Please understand that I am not doubting the strong feelings you have for one another; but the way that he wants to assign fault or blame for you not having an orgasm, speaks very loudly about his insecurity, immaturity and (forgive me for saying so) his ‘dickheadishness’.

Why should there be any fault or blame assigned? Why not just view it as a learning experience, and try something different/again/over again/this time with more ~/and-or less ~?

My best advice to you, my strongest suggestion as to “how to get over this” is for you to realize that this guy is an insecure and immature manipulator who would rather sow doubts in your mind, in your understanding of yourself, rather than honestly examine how his shortcomings are contributing to the situation, and address them sufficiently well that he can bring you satisfaction.

IMO, There are better lovers out there who'd do a better job of pleasing you. If you'd still rather not go looking for him/her, then I suggest you speak honestly with your boyfriend, particularly while you're naked together, about exactly what you need for him to please you. Clearly, this guy has a lot of learning to do, and you can't expect him to read your mind. If he's not willing to take your instruction, then leave him -- you'll be glad you did.:2cents:

[elian]

One thing I've always found frustrating is that here in the US sex doesn't come with instruction manuals so except for a few porn videos I'm not sure a lot of guys from 18 on up learn through anything but experiences, whether those experiences are good or bad.

I agree with the comments about mind reading and immaturity, partly because of my own experiences growing up so I'm not just saying that to be vindictive.

In a perfect world you ought to show him what makes you feel good, and he ought to be open minded enough to be willing to be guided. Also need a whole HEAP of patience and if it doesn't happen the first time then so be it.

I guess one benefit of being in a long distance relationship is that I always cherish even just being able to hold my guy regardless of whether or not other things happen.