am i bi, gay?

[digdug]

hi. i could use some guidance from someone willing. feel confused, while excited at this new kind of aspect to life.
i'm 25, and had my second sexual experience ever-- both with the same guy -- yesterday; enjoyed it. he is a gay man, and comfortable with the fact, though still learning and seeking his first real relationship.
i have always identified as straight, though ... have never been with a woman; i just have always felt attracted sexually and emotionally to females.
i've communicated to my friend i'd like our relationship to remain as friends, and that i'd like my first romance to be with a woman. i am aware though the whole psychology of this can be complicated, so just looking for some insight.

i don't want to be too visual here... but would like to provide a little more detailed background about was has me questioning, relating to the experiences i've had.

first, i don't feel particularly turned on by kissing him. tried it yesterday but didn't like it. not sure whether it was jut because it was awkward to both-- he's not very experienced either, though more than me -- or because i feel unsure, or what.

also, while attempting intercourse, well.. i found it very difficult. just physically-- it's awkward to do. and i could not maintain an erection while attempting insertion. curious about that. i'd think, if very turned on, you'd be able to stay very erect regardless, especially at the prospect of having that sensation so relatively late in life. i couldn't.

anyway would appreciate some insight or advice from someone.
i think i'm bi to an extent. i enjoy giving oral a lot. but unsure exactly of the extent or nature. whether there's a lot of anxiety and maybe i am gay (which, if i am, there's nothing wrong with...) but repressed, or am i just bi and experimenting with a pretty reliable source of sexual connection.

anyway thanks for reading, will appreciate any help or even just stories of your own first experiences.

[cornholejoe]

maybe you just are nervous and just was not turn on enough to keep it hard is this guy a bottom

[BiBedBud]

You know.... I don't know if this will help you figure things out, but.....

From what I understand (having read some of the latest science/research), the subconscious mind is much, much faster than the conscious mind.

What does this imply for someone in your situation?

I suggest you watch TV, especially the TV commercials, and try to take conscious note of where your eyes are landing as the picture changes from one scene to another. People who are predominantly heterosexual will find that their eyes are focussing first of all on the most attractive people of the opposite sex, in each screenshot; whereas people who are predominantly homosexual will find their eyes starting on the most attractive people of the same sex.

I don't know where this leaves a bisexual person, particularly since bisexuals come in all different kinds/grades. Many of us are attracted mainly to one sex or the other, or to both for different reasons or in different ways -- so this might not help clarify things for you.

Bottom line -- I think it's a good thing that you're open to possibilities and are exploring your world and discovering your own responses to it.

The world can be a cold place sometimes, and life is definitely short. My best advice to you is to find happiness where ever you can find it, and with whomever you can find it, and just make the most of the opportunities and options you find along your way. :2cents:

Good luck and HAVE FUN!

[digdug]

maybe you just are nervous and just was not turn on enough to keep it hard is this guy a bottom

yes, he's bottom, far as i know. not really sure what that fully means. he told me he tried top before.
i don't think i was too nervous, but i could have been... anything is possible and the mind is pretty deep. but generally i feel comfortable around him, and we'd done some oral and manual, and dirty talk a lot online.

[digdug]

You know.... I don't know if this will help you figure things out, but.....

...

Good luck and HAVE FUN!

thanks for the response. yeah, i'll do that, about paying attention where my eyes dart. though, that is a kind of subjective test and i think would be hard for me to really use. generally though if i had to think about it my eyes dart to both. i just love everything about women, and also, so far, really like having fun w/my friend.

what about the kissing? is that nerves, maybe not enough attraction, or is it something more significant do you think? i've fantasized about kissing girls, never really guys unless super turned on. but again, the whole repression and confidence and cultural identity fear thing could play a roll i guess... (???)

[Maggot]

..... i don't feel particularly turned on by kissing him. tried it yesterday but didn't like it. not sure whether it was jut because it was awkward to both-- he's not very experienced either, though more than me -- or because i feel unsure, or what.

also, while attempting intercourse, well.. i found it very difficult. just physically-- it's awkward to do. and i could not maintain an erection while attempting insertion. curious about that. i'd think, if very turned on, you'd be able to stay very erect regardless, especially at the prospect of having that sensation so relatively late in life. i couldn't..

From reading what you posted, I think cornholejoe has hit it on the head - Nerves.

A strange, but true fact is that not everyone likes kissing, or gets turned on by it. For some it's downright off-putting.

Anal sex is usually a bit on the awkward side the first few times for both parties the top (the one doing the penetrating) and the bottom (the one on the receiving end), the double sphincter muscle can cause all manner of confusion and problems. I'm assuming your Partner (although more experienced) was also a bit nervous.

The main problem for beginners at anal is that the only visual prompts tend to be porn films which don't often show the preliminaries, the lubing up, the stretching and relaxing that goes on before full penetration.

You've tried oral and manual stimulation of each other - and enjoyed it? A lot of bisexual men enjoy oral/manual stimulation, but not anal sex either top or bottom.

If you still want to experience full anal sex with your friend, then perhaps you could try this on each other: The bottom lies on his back, knees up, legs spread, whilst the top performs oral and manual stimulation, adding anal penetration with finger(s) and or anal sex toys, starting small and working up to something more substantial. Use lots and lots of lube on finger(s) and/or toys and if you both want, eventually full anal penetration with a cock. Its not something to be rushed, so take your time, sometimes, it can be even better from taking that extra time to prepare.

[ErosUrge]

I think that it might have been a case of being nervous and nothing more. There's nothing to analyze here or at least over analyze. Sometimes with certain people things just don't click and sometimes it can be other factors.
Kissing men is also something that doesn't really appeal to me. It has happened and with certain guys, it was great. But for me, a very rare moment. So, I understand how this could put you off.
As far as knowing what you like sexually, it can be something that changes through time. There was a time that though I'd tried receiving anal, I couldn't stand it because I never learned how to relax with it and generally thought it repulsive. And I felt that since there was pain for me, it was only logical that it was an area that people weren't suppose to be messing around with. And my own experiences of topping were limited and I remember my first wife agreeing to give it a go and then not liking me entering her anally at all. It only happened once...so during those years, I thought it was just something that people should leave alone.
Of course as time went by and I knew that people (mostly men) were into anal, I couldn't help but begin to wonder again why that was the case. And I learned why. So eventually I ventured back into that area determined to find out why it was people would indulge in it. To wrap it up here, from learning to relax and taking my time with it, I learned to enjoy it and that it wasn't so repulsive and in fact was a most enjoyable practice if done properly. And there's always the case of who you are participating with sexually; this is an important factor as to whether things click or not. So, though it didn't happen in a satisfactory way for you this time, it doesn't mean it won't at another time...these things depend on so many factors. And I also have to add that I enjoy oral with men far more than anal. It just turns me on so much more. Maybe this is the case with you too.
I don't think you're gay, but then only you will know this in time...or you might know it already. I have always known I was bi because I've always had intense feelings sexually for both; the difference being that I am only capable of being emotional or involved with a woman....if I am emotional with a man, we are not sexual. It's a strange dynamic, but I don't really question it as it is who I am. Don't rush to try to define who and what you are....it will unfold as it needs to when you're ready. Then again, what I have to say here doesn't really matter at all since it is your life and you know you better than anyone.

[bluesky55]

Nerves, fear, not quite comfortable with each other yet, all of the above and more. Don't write everything off based on one mis-fortune. I was introduced to the backdoor pleasures by a woman that loved it got me to do her for my first time. I was so excited by her invite and had no problem but she was telling me how she wanted me to do her. She started me on toy play, stretching and strap-ons and I got good at receiving her as much as giving to her. My first explorations into that arena with men had failure written all over the encounter. I was hard, he couldn't relax & was too tight. He tried me but couldn't stay hard much beyond getting a condom on. On another occasion with a different guy neither one of us could stay hard enough to penetrate. We had awesome oral sex but didn't pull off what I know I wanted. I realized that part of it was a lack of comfort with each of them. If we had more experience with one another we would have had more trust. I know that I was hoping to be on the receiving end of a slow & smooth fucking, but one talked rough and another I wasn't sure of. I find it necessary to be really comfortable with a partner before I'll approach anal sex with them. Take your time and don't judge to yourself or him too harshly. Play a bit with fingers and toys while going down on each other. It's great fun and helps relax each.

As for the bi or gay? labeling. What the heck are you worried about. Kissing can be situational. I didn't like it because of the taboo that any type of homosexual experience had when & where I grew up. I was in situations where I got very excited and was turned on to a point where It just felt right. I don't pursue it, but I don't reject it. Does one or the other make me gay vs. bi? I don't care what someone else thinks about that. I just keep on enjoying both cock & pussy. Don't be in a hurry to define who you are, just enjoy what you do.

[foreverbi]

hi. i could use some guidance from someone willing. feel confused, while excited at this new kind of aspect to life.
i'm 25, and had my second sexual experience ever-- both with the same guy -- yesterday; enjoyed it. he is a gay man, and comfortable with the fact, though still learning and seeking his first real relationship.
i have always identified as straight, though ... have never been with a woman; i just have always felt attracted sexually and emotionally to females.
i've communicated to my friend i'd like our relationship to remain as friends, and that i'd like my first romance to be with a woman. i am aware though the whole psychology of this can be complicated, so just looking for some insight.

i don't want to be too visual here... but would like to provide a little more detailed background about was has me questioning, relating to the experiences i've had.

first, i don't feel particularly turned on by kissing him. tried it yesterday but didn't like it. not sure whether it was jut because it was awkward to both-- he's not very experienced either, though more than me -- or because i feel unsure, or what.

also, while attempting intercourse, well.. i found it very difficult. just physically-- it's awkward to do. and i could not maintain an erection while attempting insertion. curious about that. i'd think, if very turned on, you'd be able to stay very erect regardless, especially at the prospect of having that sensation so relatively late in life. i couldn't.

anyway would appreciate some insight or advice from someone.
i think i'm bi to an extent. i enjoy giving oral a lot. but unsure exactly of the extent or nature. whether there's a lot of anxiety and maybe i am gay (which, if i am, there's nothing wrong with...) but repressed, or am i just bi and experimenting with a pretty reliable source of sexual connection.

anyway thanks for reading, will appreciate any help or even just stories of your own first experiences.

When I was going with the girl that I later married (15 years ago) I told her that I was Gay or at the least Bi. I love to suck dick & I especially love the taste of cum be it mine or direct from the source from one of my "friends"

Since she has never mentioned that conversation I am "almost convinced"
that she probably thinks it was just a phase I was going through & now it has past. WRONG I say :almost convinced", because she loves to feed me the creampie we made together, and after she blows me & I cum in her mouth she ALWAYS snowballs my cum back to me (as she does not like to swallow & she knows I LOVE it)

She is probably unaware that EVERY time we have have sex together I am fantasizing about sucking another mans cock & swallowing his cum. Yes! I have sucked my "friends dick & swallowed my their cum, but she is not aware of that little fact.

So am I Gay or Bi & is my wife aware of it? Thank you for your input.

[biguycancun]

I suggest you watch TV, especially the TV commercials, and try to take conscious note of where your eyes are landing as the picture changes from one scene to another. People who are predominantly heterosexual will find that their eyes are focussing first of all on the most attractive people of the opposite sex, in each screenshot; whereas people who are predominantly homosexual will find their eyes starting on the most attractive people of the same sex.

I don't know if there's any science to this, but it sounded interesting, so I figured let's give it a try.

I identify as a bisexual. I enjoy, look for and crave sex with men and women with no particular bias either way.I love all the physicality, the hugging and stroking and kissing and I love entering a woman as much as I love a man entering me. But, as with other self declared bisexual men I know, I have not been involved with men on an emotional level as I have been with women.

A few days ago I had a rollicking good time with a male lover of mine, spending the afternoon indulging in a very kinky, no hold barred session of heated love making. He was then called away (he's a physician) and invited me to stay until he got back.

The quote of BiBedBud came into my head and I said to myself WTF, let's give it a try. For the next 90 minutes I kept inventory of where my eyes fell and at the end I had not ogled a single male. Interesting. Then, out of the clear blue sky a commercial for an eyeglasses vendor came on and as the screen flipped from eyeglass model to eyeglass model it settled on a tall, then but well muscled black man with a shaved head and I was riveted by his image.

So out of the dozens of people I'd seen on the screen, I had "eyed" dozens of females and then got a boner over the image of one man.

When my lover came home, we picked up where we left off, and while he was holding me I told him about the experiment. We started a serious discussion, and then abandoned it in favor of resuming the sex. But I must admit that for at least a few moments as he was fucking me, I imagined him to be my mysterious eyeglass man with the shaved head and ebony skin.

[elian]

When I was going with the girl that I later married (15 years ago) I told her that I was Gay or at the least Bi. I love to suck dick & I especially love the taste of cum be it mine or direct from the source from one of my "friends"

Since she has never mentioned that conversation I am "almost convinced"
that she probably thinks it was just a phase I was going through & now it has past. WRONG I say :almost convinced", because she loves to feed me the creampie we made together, and after she blows me & I cum in her mouth she ALWAYS snowballs my cum back to me (as she does not like to swallow & she knows I LOVE it)

She is probably unaware that EVERY time we have have sex together I am fantasizing about sucking another mans cock & swallowing his cum. Yes! I have sucked my "friends dick & swallowed my their cum, but she is not aware of that little fact.

So am I Gay or Bi & is my wife aware of it? Thank you for your input.

I'm not sure foreverbi - if you told your wife that you like the taste of cum she probably remembers that and is doing the best she can to satisfy those desires.

I feel bad for the wife sometimes because the few relationships I have had w/a couple it was obvious that the wife loved her husband enough to allow me to be there, I can't tell you if she was even comfortable with it but she loved him that much. I tried suggesting she use toys on him to help satisfy his desire but I don't think she was very comfortable with that either.

To the original poster I would say that there are levels of both romantic and physical desire. To be honest kissing doesn't appeal to me either, with either sex (maybe it's nerves - sometimes it's okay, I don't know) - but I am very oral anyway and necking for example I absolutely love.

Anal sex is something to be done with a lot of trust and patience because you are right, it DOESN'T necessarily feel good if you are in a hurry - it may feel awkward at first. If you are just starting out and nervous it can be very frustrating and requires a lot of patience. It certainly isn't like what they show in the pr0n videos - I'm not sure ANY sex is like what they show in porn. I tried some fun in the shower with someone else one time and all I ended up with was soap, water and body parts in all the wrong places and an exhausted but happy body afterward.

You should maybe try a few toys or fingers, with a lot of lube so as not to hurt each other...if you are comfortable doing that to one another. The idea is to give each other patience, love and pleasure so if one of you doesn't like it, it's time to try something else.

[forthwith]

I don't know if it will help, but I have always seen certain psychological traits in true bisexuals. I say true, because of the number of gay/straight people who use the term bisexual as a shield of sorts, a middle point so your lover doesn't get offended or something. As a bisexual man myself, I have found that elements of my mind illustrate my desire for both man and woman.. The fact that I only get turned on by someone after I get to know them (attraction to personality and not body), the fact that I have serious issues with I/O equations, where there is only the option for on/off no middle ground. Like locks, doors, hard decisions. The path I choose is the middle, or both, but not one or the other. In my dealings with the world I require the option to give as well as receive.. my favorite color is gray, I love hot coffee with ice cream in it, etc.. When you find that everything you do, sexual or otherwise, is an expression of thinking in 2 ways at once, of your very soul constantly caught between opposing forces, swimming in and out of formation, a refusal of options 1 and 2.. then you know you are bisexual, and not just stopping by for tea on the way to someplace else. Can you love as well as be loved? have you tried a romantic relationship with a man? take him on a date, see a show, bond mentally and not just with your bodies, and you may find a kiss brightens your day.

[love1234]

You sound bi to me. Go play with a few females. I found the lady I married after I stopped playing with males.

Trouble I had with some girls is that they could tell I was bi. I have seen guy friend use this to his advantage. Girls just assumed if she did not sleep with him I would so they jumped him. He was very good looking and bi but way more into girls than guys.

If you were all into kissing him and had big hard on to fuck him I would say maybe leaning more gay but still bi.

If you find right lady you might find out you are really straight.