scared

[bijmart1]

Hi,I'm a 48 year old male who is bicurious.I feel like I've been bicurious all my life.I love womenn but the thought of doing things with men and the sight of naked men turns me on.The only thing is my wife doesn't know and I'm to scared to say anything.She has busted me once looking at porn of men but I told her I was just looking and laughing at how men can do that.I often fantasizeof being with another man and also using my wives dildo on myself bit that's as far as i've.I wish I could tell her but I can't .Ilove her to much.Any advise

[fernandoruiz]

No need to tell her if you think that she will not understand -- no sense in loosing her outright.

Keep this to yourself and 'explore' a bit to see if this is indeed something you want then go for it, cautiously of course and live your life... you only have one

[lizard-lix]

I'll vote on the other side.. I told my wife, before we married.. She understood, we are monogamous, so I have not been with any men (or women) and I have not cheated..

That is the one reason to tell if no other, if you decide you want to try it out, do you want to start cheating? If you think she might leave you for just telling her you are bi, what would she do if she caught you?

So far I have not asked my wife to let me see men without her, what I did do was ask her to consider that we do it together and we have gone to a swinger's club and will go back. Nothing definite yet as we are going slowly (we only watched and were watched at the club, no touching others yet).

Maybe ask her to join you with the porn and bring it up (start with a bi film so it is not all guy-guy), maybe it will turn her on too. My wife will watch bi and gay porn (she is not a big porn fan, but she will watch anything erotic when she watches).

You have to follow you heart and mind, but you do not have to live a lie. She may accept it, she may not.. It may not be easy, it sure isn't for us sometimes, but more of the time it is...

YMMV,

Liz

[tenni]

Hi
There are going to be a variety of posters telling you one way or other as to what you should do.

You know your wife and we do not. I notice that you are Hispanic and that may be playing a part in your hesitation as well.

You are in a different position that Lizard as you are married and now discover your curiousity. We don't know what your wife is comfortable with and you will have to filter through suggestions. Lizard's bi porn suggestion is good if she will watch such things. It is best to find the courage to let her know about your curiousity.

What are your fears?

[jem_is_bi]

Given that you have always been interested in having sex with another male, at some point in the future you may realize you need to have it.
You only have one lifespan to fulfill your true needs and desires.
So, if a single experience is enough, just do it.

But, do you really need more? Then, I have no good advise to give. If you find it necessary to continue to have sex with another man, I hope that you can find a way to have that without losing your wife.

I have never been married, so at 58 years of age when I knew I had to have that experience, all was relatively easy and wonderful. If you truly need it, I wish all the best for you too.

[Long Duck Dong]

you know your wife and how she reacted.... you can use that as a general guideline for how she may react to you revealing more deeper desires.....

what you need to do, is learn about her understanding and acceptance of gay / bi males, and that will help you judge what reaction your wife has about other people... if its favourable, it will work in your favour... if not, then you have a issue.....

a hint is to use her reaction to you surfing the gay porn sites, as a guide.... was she unhappy about any aspect of it, was she neutral and accepted your explaination or was she interested in what you were viewing and not just a curiousity aspect but a interest in the gay males and what they were doing...

women are definately more intuitive than we give them credit for and many times they are already aware that something is different in the relationship....
when we do come out as bisexual it can still be a shock to learn that they were correct and it does rise a lot of issues.....

my advice is to talk with her openly.... you have a opening in that she caught you looking at porn and that gives you the chance to admit to her that you were curious about it and a lil surprised to find that you found it arousing.... the same as finding the idea with her with another man arousing....
its a neutral approach.... you are revealing a *kink* nature to her and using the her with another male statement, you are giving her something that she can relate to, as its harder for some women to relate to two males having sex and not being gay.....

her reaction to that, gives another signal that you can use.... as you are still talking about sexual arousing not sexual interaction with other people.....and it gives you room to move / change tact, depending on her reaction

giving your wife the option of sharing her own desires and fantasies, helps to create a more solid basis for taking things further as it is no longer about you but about you both... and there are a number of wives and partners that have a interest in being involved in sexual encounters, but are worried about saying to their partner that they want to see them in bed with other males, as some males would react very angrily to any suggestion like that.....

you love your wife, you want to keep your wife but you are interested in exploring with other men... so do not exclude your partner, allow her to be a part of it on her terms, as thats why they are our partner, we share our lives with them....

[BiBedBud]

^^^ Long Duck Dong's advice above is very good -- definitely worth considering.:2cents:

[cannot know]

Please tell her, she deserves the truth, she also can live her life with you if knowing, not telling her is selfish and unfair

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

What the hell does a person's hertiage have to do with it?? That has no bearing on anything...
Heed the advice given to you, Darlin. But go slow and maybe ask her to use her toy on you once in a while and see how she reacts.
Good luck whatever way you go...but definately Dont go Cheating.
Cat