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View Full Version : So Tired Of Bullies Homophobes



JudasPreistlover
May 13, 2011, 8:07 AM
I'm new here and the kind of guy that is mostly straight closet case Bi, you know discreet it's my business, but others found me out and try to force me out and bullied me and try to make my life miserable. Anyone else have to suffer this too. I've always fought back against these bullies but that doesn't always work out too well sometimes gets me into big trouble. They harass all the time and I feel scared sometimes they will escalate to get violent. I think mso bullies are cowards deep down you know but that doesn't help when they are bullying you.

It's scary around here because recently a beautiful young gay man was murdered for no reason just because he was gay probably.

I was just thinking about it because it never really stops for me unfortunately. They try to drive me insane taunt me all the time but I tell them off and tell them go f themselves.

How do we deal with it when we're adults and other adults are acting like children? I've had to call the police and get TRO's on some idiots all because they're hating me because I'm Bisexual and my wife's a lesbian Bisexual person we always get harassed.

I was wondering too how many people here get bullied and what you do about it.

Realist
May 13, 2011, 8:57 AM
First, welcome to the site! I hope you can get some answers, here.

I find it odd that California is supposed to the the "ultra-liberal state" and yours is not the first story I've heard of homophobic behavior, there. At least, the area I'm from is known for it's intolerance for "deviates". Homophobia is a NORMAL thing, so I've steeled myself against it.

I learned, very young, that I was different and there'd be repercussions if anyone knew. So, I've always been very cautious and discrete. Only my lovers and a very few, very close friends ever knew I was bisexual. I'm 70 years old and have never been outted.

It's a sad commentary of our society, when a law-abiding, hard working, tax-paying, individual has to suffer what you've gone through. I know that it's not easy to pick up and leave a job, these days. But if I were you, and the turmoil is getting to me, I'd be looking for job availability somewhere else.

If nothing else, I'd cover my ass with "Memory-joggers" like keeping dates, times, and places, where people are harassing you. A hidden video would be an asset, too. If you're going to stand and fight, you'll need tools to help defend yourself.

Long Duck Dong
May 13, 2011, 9:35 AM
the bullies will bully you cos they can... and as long as they stay inside the law, they are protected by the same laws that protect you

its like the old school yard, you can report it to the teachers etc etc... but that doesn't stop the bullies any more, they will just come after you in another way....

while laws can be passed to protect you from discrimination, it doesn't mean you are protected and as realist said, there are times that getting the hell out of dodge is the only option....

I can tell you from experience that using your fists is not always the best option, cos there will always be somebody bigger, uglier and with a bunch of mates, that will want to settle a score or two if you kick their ass....

one of the best things you can try, is just shut off to it and ignore it... I know its hard and its hell on ya nerves... but that or turning their remarks into joke so it lessens the impact on you, are two of the less agreessive options.....

unfortunately, its not just the lgbt that suffer like you do... I have seen heterophobia in action.... so the LGBT have their own fair share of bullies too.. its just that we do not hear much about a LGBT person beating the shit out of a hetero, cos its regarded as assault, not a hate crime or LGBT discrimination, and that doesn't sound as bas in the headlines as a gay bashing crime

there have been 17 lgbt people arrested in NZ this year for assaulting heteros... none of them got a mention beyond they appeared in court for assault... but you hit a gay man, it will make headlines......

Realist
May 13, 2011, 3:21 PM
Funny story...to me, anyway.

During my Army basic training, I knew a fellow who was a bully....Bricks was his name. He wouldn't pick on anyone his size, or bigger. He really liked to pick on new privates, who were smaller than him. One Monday morning, at our first formation, I saw that he had been beaten badly. His eyes were black and there was a big split in his swollen lower lip.

Another soldier told me, who was there, that there was a small, effeminate-acting private in the Service Club, Sunday evening. He'd been playing a guitar, minding his own business.

Bricks decided it was time to harass the young guy. He called the guy a fairy, faggot, and some other choice words. The boy left the room; Bricks followed him and continued to goad him. He cornered the guitar-player and began to poke him in the chest with his finger.

Bricks was warned by some of the young soldier's friends, not to touch him again, but he ignored the advice. He poked the guy even harder, calling him names at the same time.

What happened after that, was a very quick and harsh retribution! With blinding speed, the younger soldier, punched Bricks in the face about 5, or six times. Bricks went down, unconscious before the reached the floor!

I learned later, that the young soldier knew a martial art called Karate. None of us had ever heard of it, before. (That was in 1959)

After that, guys in our outfit would jump out at Bricks and yell, KARATE!!"

Bricks didn't think that was a damned bit funny!

Can't help it, I love seeing a bully get his due!

lizard-lix
May 13, 2011, 3:27 PM
.....
Can't help it, I love seeing a bully get his due!

Amen, thanks for making my Friday with that story!

....and sorry for all those who get bullied, I stop stuff like that if I see it..

Bullies are my hot button, nothing makes me angrier that someone picking on someone who can't defend them self.

Katja
May 14, 2011, 4:43 AM
We find people who bully for all sorts of reasons, homophobia is but one. People bully because other people are different, because others have somehing they want, because they dont like someone, and often just because they want to, can and get away with it.

I was bullied at school because of the colour of my hair from a very young age. My secondary education was at private school, and this bullying continued, and became worse when at 13 I found myself with a faceful of freckles. For a time I learned to hate my hair, my freckles and myself.

As I grew older I found not homophobic bullying, but bullying by homophiles, for what is the preying of one or more persons upon others but a form of bullying? That in time I succumbed to this and in the end found myself enjoying the lesbian experience is neither here nor there, it is the fact that there was an element of intimidation from some which mattered.

In time for a while, as the bullied often do, I became predatory upon younger girls at school and if I was not overtly a bully, because I did not threaten or intimidate, at least not conciously, used my position as a senior girl to get my way. That I on several occasions stepped in to stop some overtly physical, mental and sexual bullying by older girls does not excuse me using my age and position as I did. I somehow articulated to myself that I was no bully, but time and discussion with many of my own school friends and sex partners has made me realise, that a bully was exactly what I was.

Homophobic bullying does exist, and gays, lesbians and bisexuals have their lives made miserable and even ended quite viciously because of it and society should do everything in its power to stamp it out. But LDD is right in that from within our own number, in large and small ways we have our share of bullies, and where we find them, it is up to us to do what we can to erradicate it and at the very least, we should resist the temptation to be a bully ourselves. But homophobic bullying is far more prevalent and viscious amongst the heterosexual community than anything we can do simply by sheer weight of numbers.

elian
May 14, 2011, 4:17 PM
Nothing pushes my buttons more than the thought of someone being bullied and discriminated against something as fundamental as their gender, skin color, what car they drive or who they choose to love.

Here is a clip that I like very much - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeLDsBPSzYg

It breaks my heart to know that so many young people are living in silence and shame because the people they normally look up to have nothing nice to say about gays. THOUSANDS of teens who desperately need someone to just listen and accept them for who they are at this stage of their life.

It hits home for me because as a youngster I was bullied so much that I can't count the number of times I questioned my right to even EXIST in this world. People didn't KNOW I was GAY, but they knew I was different, and for kids that is enough of a reason. What I found out (years later) about most of those bullies is that a few of them had alcoholic parents, a few of them were sexually assualted, a few of them were physically beat - how can you learn compassion if your home is no safe place? the only place they felt they HAD any control was at school. If you can make fun of someone ELSE and make THEM the center of attention it deflects judgement away from you.

Does it make what they did right? No. but I forgive them.

I really think that homophobes just can't understand why a male would give up all the unearned power and privilege that comes with being a man to "act like a woman". That says something about the mindset right off the bat I suppose. It is a shame that men in our society are soo uncomfortable about showing any love to another man in public that they have to be neurotic about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YswUI-yqXo

I wish I had advice for you, I internalized a lot of that garbage and it hurts to this day. The only thing that helps is knowing that I have good friends and family who do care about me and regardless of what SOME people want to believe, ALL people deserve to be loved and respected as a part of divine creation; the way you were made is not a "mistake".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILCdwJj37iw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VSyuar6oF8

As long as people continue to suffer in shame and silence I hope that there will ALWAYS be a strong voice to show them that they are loved.

elian
May 14, 2011, 4:36 PM
You might think I am off my rocker but I wonder what would happen if you gave one of these guys a hug? It sounds like they could really use one, sadly they may confuse it for a sexual advance.

Chrystof72
May 14, 2011, 7:41 PM
I have actually discovered over the years that several homophobic Gay haters, were in fact Gay themselves and just couldn't deal with as mentioned, the social ramifications of "Losing your masculinity"

Ignorant breeding from my old school mind frame father told me, that if he ever found out I was Gay (I was busted with the boy next door in my teens) he would kill me and never talk to me again.

I almost told him that i also liked girls too, but decided at that very moment, that only those I fully trusted would know, I guess you could say I'm blessed with the straight acting Bisexual label, and I use that to the best of my ability.

On a side note I actually told someone new I was Bisexual yesterday!! it's such a rush when I get the chance.

The only advice I can give is that, if you are in fear of yours or your wife's safety then you really should take serious consideration to moving or switching jobs and starting again where people don't know you.

Easier said than done I fully understand, but that would be the only logical (To me) course of action to take.

My job would become complicated as would what's left of my personal life if my Bisexuality were to be thrust into the spotlight, society sadly still has a long way to go.

Good luck.

Katja
May 15, 2011, 4:57 AM
one of the best things you can try, is just shut off to it and ignore it... I know its hard and its hell on ya nerves... but that or turning their remarks into joke so it lessens the impact on you, are two of the less agreessive options.....

unfortunately, its not just the lgbt that suffer like you do... I have seen heterophobia in action.... so the LGBT have their own fair share of bullies too.. its just that we do not hear much about a LGBT person beating the shit out of a hetero, cos its regarded as assault, not a hate crime or LGBT discrimination, and that doesn't sound as bas in the headlines as a gay bashing crime

there have been 17 lgbt people arrested in NZ this year for assaulting heteros... none of them got a mention beyond they appeared in court for assault... but you hit a gay man, it will make headlines......

This has niggled away at me for the last few days. I do accept that heterophobia exists, and that there will be among our number those who will do as you suggest, but minority groups often have a reactive phobia about those they percieve are their oppressors and am therefore unsurprised that some gay and bisexual people take the law into there own hands, or simply break it.

Simple statistics such as X number of people convicted of assault or worse are in themselves almost meaningless when not linked to any information as to why they assaulted Y people. Some are bound to have been mindlessly violent but not all, and there will have been some mitigating circumstances for at least a fair proportion of those you mention. Assault in law is assault but not all assault is mindless and without good reason even if it is counter-productive and stupid.

Any member of the LGBT community who assaults any from the heterosexual community does not do the process of achieving equal rights and acceptance within our society any favours, but in many case I could probably understand why the assault took place. I have seen gay people arrested and known them prosecuted for assault and most were arrested for responding to intimidation by several or more who were what could best and most politely be described as mindless homophobes.

The fact remains however, as a proportion of all assaults involving people from the LGBT comunity, the overwhelming number are of homophobes attacking and assaulting and even killing those from a group they have contempt for and are frightened of.

Long Duck Dong
May 15, 2011, 6:19 AM
the trouble there, is that we make excuses for the actions of others and justify them....

in most cases of street fighting / assaults, its cos somebody had a big mouth or somebody wanted to * sort a issue out *....

its something I noticed a lot when I was doing doorman / barman work at a lgbt bar.... most of the issues between the LGBT and the heteros, was cos of people mouthing off and most of the time, it was gay males doing it and provoking people....

its the same in any bar, you add alcohol and somebody with a big mouth together, you have trouble in the making, regardless of the sexuality....
but we have a habit of using sexuality to explain / justify actions

its not something we see the hetero community do, when they beat the shit out of each other..... and its something we need to stop doing cos we are not always the victims and its not always about sexuality.....

chook
May 15, 2011, 8:48 PM
Get yerselves a Sicilian walking stick I say and you'll find not too many people will pick on ya.......:tongue:


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

Cherokee_Mountaincat
May 17, 2011, 3:11 PM
I was picked on in school in Ark because I was of mixed race, wasnt quite White, wasnt all Indian. Had more of a 'manish-tomboyish frame, and was dirt poor. My family had to shop at thrift shopsand the Salvation Army stores. We stood in commedity food lines twice a month until my Mom got her job. Oh God how I Despised that! It only resulted in harrassment and hazing at the school I attended. Name calling, hair pulling, spit upon...you know the routine...

Until one day I got tired of the BS. A guy had shoved me from the back after following me around school all day taunting me,banging on the girls bathroom door when I went in there. Followed me all over making whoo whooo Indian noises, and asked if my little sister was born with Downs because of inter breeding. That did it! Something went SNAP!! inside, and I whirled around and cold-cocked that sumbitch right there in the big middle of the quad in front of most of the school. I kicked him in the nutz (Bad form, I know) and screamed that if he ever touched me again, I rip Off those nutz and present them to his Teachers. Looked around with fist balled up, and asked if anyone else had anything else to say too.

Funny, that particular guy didnt bother me so much after that. He wore a Huge black eye and badly bruised cheek around school for a couple of weeks, and the worse part was, his friends kidded him about it. A girl gave that to him, and they walked bow legged picking on Him about his bruised balls. I think he got picked on more than I did. Almost felt sorry for him. Naw...
Bullies get what they deserve in my humble opinion. I dont say that violence is a viable solution to Anything, but sometimes a person has to stand up for what it right for Them. ;)
Mean Ole Cat

jamiehue
May 17, 2011, 8:28 PM
Sponsored a few vigils they look out for me.Was being harassed at work that stopped they kinda over did it though.These days i just play mind games with them allbullies are rather stupid.

sammie19
May 18, 2011, 6:10 AM
I bumped into a boy who was in my high school class just yesterday. When we were at school it had been decided very early on that he was gay and he was bullied almost incessantly until he left when he was 16. In those days he was weedy and rather wimpish. Speaking to this 6'5" 18 stone rugby forward about those days he remarked that he hadn't been bullied since the day he left school and no one doubted his sexuality any more. Looking at this attractive confident and self assured man mountain I am not suprised in the least.

He had heard of my own troubles after leaving school and gave a wry grin as he said he was surprised I had turned out as I have and smiled as he said "Everyone to their own and screw the world. Be happy, girl."