Getting over nervousness...

[Joey19]

Hey all...

I've reciently come out as being bi to a few of my closest friends and it feels great. After 4.5 years of trying to hide it and deny it to everyone and myself it really feels great to be open with the people I really trust. The thing is... I reciently had a chance to be intimate with a very close same sex friend of mine but for some reason couldnt go through with it. Dont get me wrong... I was roaring and ready to go but when it actually came time to "do the deed" I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I tried justifing it to myself as "not wanting to ruin a good friendship" or "I just wasn't ready" but I really dont think that was the issue. I really want to get over this nervousness when it comes to same sex relations but It's so hard for me. Can anyone offer some insight as to what i should do about this or some way to get over it. I went as far as to let him touch me but after that something im my brain just took over and said, "NO!" Any personal experiences or otherwise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Joey

[kenny]

You say you are bi but have you had any experiences? If you have with someone not close to you and were ok with it, then maybe your thinking too much about doing it with a friend. If you have never been with a guy, maybe you are not bi. Its hard to answer without more background.

[jedinudist]

This is part of what I posted in response to another guy who was in a somewhat similar situation...

Just my take on it, but is it possible that it could be the "no turning back" finality of it?

Setting aside all the many concerns that locating a suitable and safe guy involve, once you actually act on those desires; you can never "un-act" on them.

You would never be able to say to yourself that it was just a harmless attraction, interest, or fantasy and that you never did it.

Then there's also the things you have been taught growing up. If Bisexuality and Homosexuality were portrayed as evil, wrong, etc., you could be having difficulty because you are "going against the grain" of what you have been taught.

Then there's just regular old nervousness. That's normal :)

I hope this works out for you. I would only urge you not to jump into it for the sake of "getting it over with". You do not owe anyone a sexual encounter. You have the right, and even the responsibility to investigate this as completely as needed before you make that kind of decision.

Good Luck!

[Joey19]

You say you are bi but have you had any experiences? If you have with someone not close to you and were ok with it, then maybe your thinking too much about doing it with a friend. If you have never been with a guy, maybe you are not bi. Its hard to answer without more background.

Hey Kenny...

For a little more background, yes, I have been with a guy before and he actually was a really close friend of mine. In fact, we were experimenting with each other for quite some time until he got nervous that it was going to far and backed out which I understand as it is his own right. At the time I actually came to realize that I was bi and came out to him but seeing as he was Mr. Super Religious he told me that it was the devil playing with my head and that what we had done was very wrong. He kept pressureing me with that until, like I said in my first post, I began to deny it for 4.5 years. I think at the time he was very curious about his own sexuality and was acting on it for the sake of finding out what it was all about. He came to realize that guys werent for him and I came to realize they were for me as well as girls but like I said I denied it for so long. I'm just so confused becuase I wanted to go through with being intimate with my friend but I just couldn't for some reason. Thankfully he was very understanding and dropped the subject when I told him that I couldnt go through with it. Anyways, theres a little more info and some background on me.

Joey

[Sparks]

The bottom line is that you we not ready the first time. Each of us, here, have gone through the same experience, with varing degrees. You are ok!

Enjoy your life. If that includes same sex relations, go for it. Let go of the fear, and you'll find comfort within your heart :2cents:

[jedinudist]

The bottom line is that you we not ready the first time. Each of us, here, have gone through the same experience, with varing degrees. You are ok!

Enjoy your life. If that includes same sex relations, go for it. Let go of the fear, and you'll find comfort within your heart :2cents:


Just what he said ! Sparks has got some sage advice for you here. When the time is right, you'll know it. Be safe- and have fun on your journey through life.

[Joey19]

Wow... its kind of a relief to know that others have gone through the same thing. I honestly was a little bit freaked out about this but if I dont feel comfortable then I just won't do it. It also helps to have understanding friends.

Joey

[APMountianMan]

Wow... its kind of a relief to know that others have gone through the same thing. I honestly was a little bit freaked out about this but if I dont feel comfortable then I just won't do it. It also helps to have understanding friends.

Joey


I agree with Sparks and others. Maybe the timing wasn't right. Maybe it will be the next time. I would suggest telling your friend your fears, and what you have told us here. Communication can really make things "feel" a lot better. After all, it isn't all about the sex. My sense is that you care about your friend and don't want to ruin your relationship because the two of you have sex together. Could it be that you felt something for your first friend who pressured you to be different, and you don't want to go through that again now that you have admitted to yourself that you are bi and interested in your second friend? I don't know, but it is worth talking to your friend about.

:cool: