bondage

[bizel]

hi all. have encountered a bloke that's interested in hubby as a 'fuck buddy' (excuse my language). he keeps sending sites for hubby to visit and since hubby is about as technically inclined as a road kill, he wants me to check it out and let him know. well, this bloke is into being dominated, loves bondage, and everything attached to it. and these sites leave nothing to the imagination. after my stomach stopped churning, i got to wonder how many people are actually into this stuff, or is it just a small exclusive percentage? i mean, there was a master with his harnessed slave in a swing while he was fisting him - ick. there were bondage bits for your private bits, things you stick into your dick - ouch.

what happens when the novelty wears off - is it like a drug and you have to push the barrier further? is there a limit? what do you do to get your kicks when you've gone about as far as you can? is it possible to come back from the edge and just enjoy plain sex? and how do you disguise a 'ruined' arsehole (i don't know how else to describe the state of that guy's bum but it looked truly shocking) when you have to go for a prostate exam and you in danger of losing the doctor's arm up your butt? i feel embarrassed just having a pap smear with my shaved bits. boy, do my nipple rings pale in comparison!

i have often wondered what it would be like to be a dominatrix master for a job, but can't imagine i could ever inflict this on another body. i know this must sound judgemental, and different strokes for different folks, but this seems so extreme. someone mentioned on this site, a street fair of this kind of stuff and i checked that out. it didn't look to ghastly, in fact i wouldn't have minded strolling around checking it out if it were in this country. sorry if i sound like i'm waffling but it was such a shock. i'd hate to think anyone had to have that much pain to enjoy the pleasure.

[Realist]

I know some folks enjoy giving and getting pain, urine, and worse...I won't go there. For me, anything other than a loving, tender, (but passionate) relationship is the only way to go. My GF feels the same way. I've known people who were into bsdm, but never understood the allure of kit.

My first wife got aroused during arguments. The more upset she became, the more aroused she became, when she came down from her "anger high". She slapped me, one time, hard. I grabbed her hands and fell over in the bed with her between my legs. She struggled and screamed at me, cursed, while using words I didn't know she knew. I just sat there, holding her hands above her head, until she was exhausted. Then, something came over her and the difference was like night and day! She wanted SEX! and she wanted it, RIGHT THEN!

Oh, I enjoyed that part! She was magnificent in bed and there were no barriers. Believe me, we both slept well that night!

Fast forward a couple of years, we divorced. She called me, a few moths later and said that if I had "Beat her ass", when she got out of line, like that, we would have still been married!

Nope, I just can't live that way!

Give me peace, mutual interests, good communication, and love......I'll be happy, then.

Don't need no stinking whip!

[Diva667]

BDSM is pretty much widespread (pardon the pun) and practiced in different ways by almost every participant.

You should know a few things.

1. Not everyone likes the same things. Some may go in for CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) others only want sensual domination(tie me up and let me experience different sensations cold/hot/ electrical/ scratchy/ knife and needle play.) The saying in the BDSM community is: Your kink is not my kink. Because we are people and we want different things.

2. There are rules by which this is done, it keeps both players healthy.

3. It is practice by Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, transsexuals, and straight people. Just the same as "vanilla" sex practices.

4. There is no "common abuse" story - some folks have had corporal punishment , some didn't.

5. Some of this is pretty much "cops and robbers" with your (or their as the case may be) pants down.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol I may be able to help a lot here.....

ok, bondage is a lot like love making, and not as much like taking drugs...

each person has a different way of feeling pleasure and pain, and for many the lines are blurred, not as clear cut as we like to think.....

the average person is no different to a person into bondage and discipline... its the understanding of it that we struggle with....

realist has shared something that is very common in people... the rush of intense, focused pure emotional energy expended by a person... then the *void *..and the intense and oh so powerful love making.... it can be the same for many people that are into bondage and discipline....

the idea of being enslaved, tied up, restrained and dominated, can be something that is their idea of love making and sex

for most doms and subs, its the same thing.. its about creating and bringing about, their emotional / hormonal *high *..... and not always about having sex / making love

pain is one of the higher level natural * highs * in people... and in many subs ( submissive people ) its like a natural drug cos of the chemical reaction in the brain....the endorphins etc....

a lot of sadists do not get sexual release from being sadistic, they can get sexually aroused, but the inflicting of pain is like a craving in a person.... in the average person, its like the craving to feel arms around them, lips pressed against theirs, the feeling of being taken..... a sadist needs to act in a different aspect in order to gain the same feelings and most sadists are non sexual sadists which means that they do not need to inflict pain, in order to have sex

in each people, the type of sensation and pain differs, some like branding, some like cutting, some like needle play, some like bondage and discipline etc

you can try some bondage if you want.... use ordinary straps or ties, get hubby to *tie * you down ( secure your wrists with straps that allow you to get your arms free instantly ) and then have him tease you sexually and keep you on the edge of cumming without the release, until you are begging him to make you cum... then have him take you deep and hard and drive you full force over the edge....

once your mind clears and you stop shaking, compare that to the difference between feeling like you are restrained and made to surrender to his touch and become a slave for his pleasure, and the feeling of making love with hubby and you will notice the difference in the sexual pleasure high.....

most doms and subs are not sociopaths or psychopaths, they are average normal people... and you can walk past many of them in the street and never know that they can be sadists in the bedroom......

we tend to deem people with fetishs and paraphilia, as freaks, weirdos and pervs.... and yet, we are no different to them, its only the form of sexual expression that sets us apart.......

most BDSM people have their safe words, their limits and while it can get hardcore, they are a close bunch that do look out for each other.....
we have some people in this site that do belong to another site that features BDSM and they are some of the most respected posters / members in this site...

as part of my own personal study of people, I have been involved in activities that would make the average person run screaming... as it was extremely hardcore BDSM... and I will not go into details as they are not suitable for this site and most BDSM sites.....but my understanding of how much the human person can endure, was changed forever.....and i have the greatest of respect for the people and what they did behind closed doors...

[Katja]

The most important things in BDSM are not what we do or have done, but the signal to end and absolute trust in the domme or dom to cease once that signal is delivered. However much we enjoy inflicting pain and humiliation on others, or enjoy it being inflicted there comes a time when minds and bodies are unable to take any more and that word or signal must be respected.

Failure by a domme or dom to heed the word or signal to end the session or any specific act, things move from mutual pleasure to one sided sexual gratification akin to, and often actually rape. It becomes proper sadism in the true sense of the word, and the sub moves out of masochism and into being a victim of often brutal assault.

Let me be quite clear. The overwhelming majority of dommes and doms would never dream of continuing once the signal to stop is given by the sub. A few however are less scrupulous and it is they that those who participate in BDSM should always be wary and steps taken to check out their credentials as best we can. Such people are true sadists with scant respect for anyone but themselves.

Most of us participate in some form of bondage if not the s&m side of it. Yet what else is a simple spanking but a mild form of s&m, and being tied up or cuffed mild bondage. Mix the two and what do you get? Most of us are also either more dominant or submissive and this invariably determines how our sexual antics proceed. It is a fine dividing line between the act of sex and moving ito bondage, and sado masochism. Sometimes the act of sex is not even involved and it is a quite seperate thing. Often however use the the sex organs is very extreme.

It can be extremely intense and we can get a real high out of BDSM, but it is not everyone who has the capacity to use other human beings in such an extreme form just for enjoyment, and it is even less so for those who may be more submissive. Most of us have the capacity to be brutal and it is surprising just how much pain and humiliation many of us can take. But for many, they are incapable of participating in such a controlled environment as is essential if BDSM is not to become other than brutal non consensual assault.

[Bi_Druid]

Sounds like you've stumbled across the somewhat more extream end of things. It's not all as "bad" as that.

Some worthwhile sites to visit about BDSM are www.fetlife.com, a forum type site similar to here, and www.informedconsent.com.

I myself am into a bit of bondage - a bit of being restrained with ropes, cuffs, chains, the like, or sometimes doing the tying/restraining. When done right, no pain (outside of any pre-determined and requested) is involved.

There's a lot of different things out there, and knowing your own limits, as well as your partner's, is of utmost importance. It's OK to say "no".

[Chrystof72]

I also recommend www.fetlife.com I am a member there, and know some very cool, very normal looking Doms and subs, that will not boil your rabbit or sacrifice Grandma lol

It's a good place to get to know the BDSM lifestyle, and the different levels that it entails, as mentioned it sounds like you were sent to a pretty extreme site. :eek:

[Katja]

Sounds like you've stumbled across the somewhat more extream end of things. It's not all as "bad" as that.

Some worthwhile sites to visit about BDSM are www.fetlife.com, a forum type site similar to here, and www.informedconsent.com.

I myself am into a bit of bondage - a bit of being restrained with ropes, cuffs, chains, the like, or sometimes doing the tying/restraining. When done right, no pain (outside of any pre-determined and requested) is involved.

There's a lot of different things out there, and knowing your own limits, as well as your partner's, is of utmost importance. It's OK to say "no".

What constitutes extreme is in the eyes and mind of the beholder. I agree that most BDSM practice is 'not as "bad" as that'. I also agree that before anyone participates in BDSM they should learn as much about it as they can - informed consent. To enter into the world of BDSM ignorant and out of curiosity is stupid, for while most dom/domme/master/mistresses are ordinary decent and responsible people who care about their submissives/slaves there are some who care only for themselves and have no concern for the feelings or welfare of those of us who would subject ourselves to their 'tender' ministrations.

Bondage and S&M are not quite the same thing. Bondage can be a part of sado masochism but to many it does involves something other than pain and humiliation. Many bondage practices do not involve either pain or humiliation. Discipline can be and is used as a crossover between bondage and sado masochism. Sado masochism however does invariably involve elements of bondage and discipline. It is most often the whole unexpurgated book, not merely the nice sanitised version. Within sado masochism by definition there will be some pain, either mental or physical, often both, and often humiliation. The degree to which we allow ourselves to be subjected to such pain and humiliation is normally predetermined and in that you are correct, but as is the case with all sexual practice (although not all BDSM practices are necessarily sexual), we continually push out the boundaries as to what is acceptable, what we will accept and how much we can physically and mentally endure.

What I as a submissive can endure now is far more and wide ranging than was the case upon first entering the world of sado masochism. Within that world is a variety of sexual practice for both dom/domme and submissive which is so much more expansive than the more conservative and 'normal' within society, and many, even most otherwise sexually adventurous people would find acceptable for themselves. Although much pain and humiliation is a part of sado masochism, for the submissive there is also the most intense and incredible pleasure which accompanies the fear, the pain and the humiliation. These last three 'negatives' can and do often provide the most intense and powerful sexual highs.

Not everyone, as I have already said, is capable of being a part of that world and no one should ever enter it unless they are sure and unless they are as informed about it as they can be.

[DuckiesDarling]

Bondage can be interesting, Bizel. It's not all about people who only do the S and M part of BDSM. Check out www.fetlife.com. You'll be suprised at the different levels of bondage that are out and there and the different kinds of Dominant and Submissives. It's not all about pain, it's not all about pleasure for some of them it's a sweet mixture that is necessary for the ultimate pleasure.

I'm not into pain, either giving or receiving, but a little light bondage is something that LDD and I discuss quite often. It has led to some rather interesting conversations and stories.

[Pasadenacpl2]

Lots of good stuff already mentioned here. BDSM is not just a bunch of freaks. If you wish to know more than what isportrayed on the net, go to a local munch. Mostfolks there are quite happy to educate vanillas.

[sammie19]

At home we practice bondage a lot. Its fun and does provide us with variety which more normal sexual practices do not. It is about pleasure for both of us and we take turns about who will be mistress and who submissive. There is something incredibly erotic about being helpless and prostrate before your partner or her before you.

Before Megan and I lived together I did have a little experience of s&m. It wasnt that severe, but did involve some pain which I found together with the situation and location erotic and intense. I didn't mind the pain quite so much, but on the last occasion I did feel humiliated which I did not expect and swore never to let myself be humiliated ever again. It is true I agreed to it but the reality did not match the fantasy. It got out of hand and I found the humiliation intensified the pain to such a degree that it scared me far too much.

As with bondage we do have a few games which could be loosely be called s&m games, do involve some mild pain, but much enjoyment and pleasure. Kat in her first post mentioned spanking and that is involved in just one such game. However we trust each other implicitly, and instinctively know when we are pushing things too far. Within a loving relationship there is a trust built up that I never found in my few experiences with a dom and domme and this makes these relatively mild forms of s&m which we have in our lovemaking all the more exciting.

[lizard-lix]

I think our experience is a lot like Sammie's. We started it as a 'What the hell?' and found it to be fun.

I am the sub as I really enjoy giving up control, my wife is the domme as she like to be in control... We make a day of it when we do, usually we go out in public with me being in sub mode, her in control, then come home and continue to the rest, maybe I give her a massage, then she ties me up and has her turn. Maybe we do dress up, she in black and monster heels, me in leather cuffs and a collar. It varies.

The bondage part is just fun, getting tied up and teased it great. As for the pain part, I guess I just enjoy the wider range of sensation. Nothing too serious, but enough to bring me to new places.

We do have safe words, but virtually never need them..

It has expanded our sex life, trust and our intimacy.

It may not be for everyone, but it's fun for us now and then.

[retsf00]

bdsm is basically a "Mind Fuck", where the individual can experience a sensation, situation or some other shape/form of need that the individual can experience is a sdafe trusting environment. Activities range basically from erotic/kinky to varying levels of pain (if desired by the submissive). Ie'ed put dimes to doughnuts most everyone has had a thought or dream that is BDSM relat yet have never been allowed or for other reasons not fufilled the desire. Any one have questions I am an open book and will answere any questions anyone may have regarding trhe subject.

[Katja]

Speaking to a member in chat today brought out one thing I should have said about sado masochism.

For all the fear, the pain and the humiliation which we may endure as submissives, one thing it provides above almost everything else, is the clear and certain knowledge that we are very much alive, and once a session has ended, comes the realisation that after all the stresses, the subjugation, pain and humiliation one has endured, comes the feeling of relief and joy, of an end to suffering, and a gladness of the more mundane things in our lives. It brings with it sure and certain knowledge that our everyday tedious and often humdrum lives are more than just worth living, but are to be celebrated and enjoyed.

[lizard-lix]

Speaking to a member in chat today brought out one thing I should have said about sado masochism.

For all the fear, the pain and the humiliation which we may endure as submissives, one thing it provides above almost everything else, is the clear and certain knowledge that we are very much alive, and once a session has ended, comes the realisation that after all the stresses, the subjugation, pain and humiliation one has endured, comes the feeling of relief and joy, of an end to suffering, and a gladness of the more mundane things in our lives. It brings with it sure and certain knowledge that our everyday tedious and often humdrum lives are more than just worth living, but are to be celebrated and enjoyed.

Katja, I understand what you are saying, but... I am as joyful after as you are , but not for the same reasons.. my/Our joy is from the afterglow and closeness and trust that it brings. However we do not go as far into 'suffering' I think..

But I do agree that there is also joy because we do things that many folks don't experience and we enjoy the naughtiness or perversion or 'fill-in-the-blank' of that...

[Diva667]

Speaking to a member in chat today brought out one thing I should have said about sado masochism.

For all the fear, the pain and the humiliation which we may endure as submissives, one thing it provides above almost everything else, is the clear and certain knowledge that we are very much alive, and once a session has ended, comes the realisation that after all the stresses, the subjugation, pain and humiliation one has endured, comes the feeling of relief and joy, of an end to suffering, and a gladness of the more mundane things in our lives. It brings with it sure and certain knowledge that our everyday tedious and often humdrum lives are more than just worth living, but are to be celebrated and enjoyed.


Katja, I understand what you are saying, but... I am as joyful after as you are , but not for the same reasons.. my/Our joy is from the afterglow and closeness and trust that it brings. However we do not go as far into 'suffering' I think..

But I do agree that there is also joy because we do things that many folks don't experience and we enjoy the naughtiness or perversion or 'fill-in-the-blank' of that...

In my opinion everyone's reasons for and enjoyment of BDSM is different, just like our reasons /enjoyment for / of vanilla sex. That doesn't make them wrong...

[Katja]

In my opinion everyone's reasons for and enjoyment of BDSM is different, just like our reasons /enjoyment for / of vanilla sex. That doesn't make them wrong...

I didn't mean to give the impression that my reasons are the only reasons because that would be a folly. I doubt lizard-lix feels that way either. Everyone's reasons are different for whatever they do, and involving ourselves in the world of BDSM is no different. As indeed are how we experience and feel about exactly the same experiences and what we take from them. What I have written is an intensely personal view of a part of my life, not intended to be read in any other way.

[lizard-lix]

I didn't mean to give the impression that my reasons are the only reasons because that would be a folly. I doubt lizard-lix feels that way either.

No I don't, the more I learn about any/everything the more I know I don't know.. for myself and even more so for my knowledge of others.



Everyone's reasons are different for whatever they do, and involving ourselves in the world of BDSM is no different. As indeed are how we experience and feel about exactly the same experiences and what we take from them. What I have written is an intensely personal view of a part of my life, not intended to be read in any other way.

I agree completely with all of these points and my posts here are my open and honest views, as I believe the same for all ya'll.

[Katja]

Sometimes I have to laugh. Yesterday I received a message from a member in response to my posts on this topic, of someone who wished to be my slave, run after my every whim and even to go out and earn extra money for me. I was actually quite touched and I do not wish to make light of or ridicule this person, but it did make me wonder if he fully understood quite where I fit in to bdsm and that as an s&m submissive, a slave is the last thing I would be looking for.

Also in response to another enquiry, I do not have a regular dom (or domme) and it is not something I do every day, every week or even every month, but is an occasional sojourn into a different world that I have developed a taste for and feel I need from time to time.

While I may not have a regular dominatrix those I do visit are known to me or are people known to them as trustworthy, or on the recommendation of other submissives I know and trust. I will not accept an invite by any dom or domme to participate in any sado masochistic activities otherwise. In this way I am able make myself as safe as possible within what can be, if one is not very careful, quite a harsh and potentially dangerous world.

[Chrystof72]

I have a fair weather sub....good times....good times....:tongue:

[raistkit]

raist and i are both a couple of switches , which makes things easier. we have safe words, and use slip knots, so whoever is sub can escape if things get too intense, and despite best intentions we have both crossed the line. we're really vanilla, so our fun has never really gotten out of hand. communication is the key, wanna stay safe , make sure you trust your partner, and have a safe way out.
take care, have fun, and enforce your limits:
kit