So I'm a little Confused

[mm534]

So I'm not sure if I'm truly bisexual or not.
I'm a female and have always been attracted to men predominately, I've had crushes and envision myself marrying them. But at the same time I've had compulsion to act on other women mostly my good friends I would find myself wanting to kiss them. I always shrugged it off and thought it was normal. But as I've gotten older I find myself dreaming about being with one of my friends alot and possibly have felling towards her even though I've never considered myself as gay. And I still have a crush on a guy so I'm not sure what to think, is this normal for straight people or do I really have some hidden feelings. I've always been a supporter of gay rights but to be honest I've always been a little uncomfortable with it. Any thoughts would be great.

[DB Forever]

Member,
The only advice I can give is be true to yourself. I surpressed my desires for way too long and it resulted in frustration. The long lists of "would of, could of" memories just add to the frustrations. For far too many years I did not act on my desires and now I am paying the consequences. So my advice to you, if you find yourself wondering "what if????" Then find out and answer that question one way or the other.
Charles

[Realist]

I think DB's advice to be true to yourself is pretty sound.

No one knows more about what you want and need, than you do. You may try something, but not like it..........or, you may try something and find out that it's more wonderful than you ever expected!

Actually, I have an example of someone who was not "True to herself".

A lady I met on this site and, communicated with for some time, shared with me her story.

She told me that in grade school, she became attracted to one of her closest friends. They kissed some and did some preliminary touching, but didn't actually have sex. She wanted more, craved more, but for many reasons.........that have been played over and over, here, prevented her from going further.

She married very young. Her husband was just a little older. He was a good man, gentle, hard worker, and a good provider. Together they had a good life and were comfortable. They had STUFF, lots of family, activities, and children, too. All during this time, she dreamed of her friend from school, and certain women she'd met through out her life, but she never acted on it. When no one was around she'd cry, because the desire was so strong.

When she was 69, or 70, her husband died. Not wanting to live alone ( her children were grown and gone) she was invited to move in with another widow.

The original story was long and a little convoluted, but I'll shorten it, I'll just tell you this: She and the friend, who she'd known for years, became lovers! Her friend had had a few clandestine FF relationships over the years and was exactly who the lady needed!

She wrote me in 2008, saying that she was having the most exquisite time of her life and the relationship and sex was the best she'd ever experienced! At 70 years old, she was finally doing what she'd dreamed of her whole life!

What a sad thing it is, that she had never attempted to be "TRUE TO HERSELF"! Imagine what she could have experienced, if she'd only been bold enough to live her dreams!

This is just one person's story, but one I believe you can relate to.

I don't know your age, but do you want to wait a life-time to fill dreams you're having now?

Whatever you do, I hope you don't have to wait 70 years to experience it!

[bizel]

hi mm, welcome. i'm straight and have had crushes on men and women, though not necessarily sexually - hard to describe - maybe more adoration. i wasn't really a 'sexually loving it' being til i met hubby in my 30's. that may be why his admission of being attracted sexually to men was a shocker to me. after 11yrs marriage, i thought he knew what he liked.

after all i've been through, all i can say is while you are single, explore yourself emotionally and sexually whether that be with men or women or both. discover who you are before you become serious with a partner. if it helps, try not to put a label on yourself, or at least not yet. there is no rule that says you have to tell the world, as it is an intensely private matter and people (especially those close to you) will judge you, and not necessarily kindly. once you have confidence in your sexuality, then you may want to confide in those you care about. just enjoy and go with the flow until your path reveals itself. best of luck. hug, b.

[tenni]

[QUOTE=mm534;199617]
...I always shrugged it off and thought it was normal. But as I've gotten older I find myself dreaming about being with one of my friends alot and possibly have felling towards her"

Hi
From what you have written, I can see some indication that you may be bisexual. When you write that you have dreams about being with one of your friends", what do you see yourself doing? Is it a sexual situation or just spending time with them?

I have wondered if we bisexuals have difficulty distinguishing between "admiring" someone of the same gender and having romantic feelings towards them? Certainly, if I think about another guy and fantasize about a sexual situation, I know that I've gone beyond admiring them..lol However, particularly when younger, did I admire them or was I having emotional homosexual thoughts in a romantic way?

As others have said, take your time to explore these thoughts that are coming into your mind more so than finding a label to place yourself under.

[mm534]

Thanks for all your response! And to answer a few questions: I'm 20 years old so I feel like I should've already known if I was bisexual or not. This year is really the first time that I've ever thought that this may be true so I just don't know. And the dreams I've having are defiantly not just spending more time with them, the strange thing is I've never had sexual dreams about boys but on a daily basis I find that I desire them more but I've been having many dreams about girls one in particular. Many of you say I should act on my feeling but I don't want to ruin our friendship. I don't know if she feels the same way about me, although I do think that she might. She is always texting me calling me buttercup and things like that and getting upset if I don't say one back, but I'm not sure if thats how she texts all her friends and just me. Also she is always hugging and holding on to me which I realize I like with her even though I'm not the touchy type, I'm pretty sure she ware that I'm not really that type of person but she keeps doing it which makes me feel that she might have feelings. I'm really not sure what to do she is one of my best friends and I don't want to risk anything especially since I'm not even sure if I'm bi. Another thing is that I would love to explore with people and see what I like more but I'm pretty shy and have never even had a boyfriend or have had sex with anyone. I want to but I also don't to just give myself up but I feel that its time to get out there and I don't know how!

[Long Duck Dong]

welcome to the site.....

you ask what is normal... lol and I will reply, normal is what you percieve it to be.... as normal is different for each person.....

the answer you need and seek, is yes, that is normal, most people have the desires and feelings, many do not admit to them, ... and yes, that includes gay and straight people, as they tend to put them down to fantasies and a aspect of growing up, puberty, reaching maturing.... and forbidden desires that arouse us and yet never happen as we enjoy the forbidden aspect but have no desire beyond that.....

so are you truely bisexual ??? well my dear, what is truely bisexual ?
is it the person with dreams and fantasies, that never acts on them
is it the person that steals kisses in the shadows from lovers of the same gender
is it the person that is tormented by their desires for both genders and unhappy with just one gender....
is it the person that has casual flings with random lovers of both genders
is it the person that has long term partners of the same and both genders..

are you bisexual, is only a question that you can answer for yourself... and while google is a great help and you can find a check list where you can say yes or no to questions.... only you know in your own heart, what you are and what label works for you

what matters is not the label, but the answers you are trying to find in yourself, about yourself.... and my dear, only you know how far you would go, what you would do and try, how adventrous you would be, in order to know about yourself.....

as you are seeing, it can be hard on your friend too, she may be only friendly, she may be exploring too, she may well know what she wants, seeks and desires.....

how do you say to your friend that you want to go further, a bit at a time and see what happens.... and risk a friendship if it goes wrong, gain a lover if it goes right... and then face telling those around you about you both......

personally I would try a tact such as seeing to your friend that you sometimes feel like you are both in a relationship cos of the way you both interact.... and seeing how she reacts..... and how saying that makes you feel inside....

there are times that openly saying something causes things to change in us and we become aware of a lot more in us and about us...... and its a safe way of doing it without revealling your own questions about yourself.....

its not who you sleep with, that will make you a bisexual.... that will only make you a person that sleeps with both genders.... what will reveal your bisexual nature, is the need and desire to be with the ones you care about and love, that are around you... the people of both genders... even the ones we will never sleep with