Is bisexuality a choice?

[biblkman]

For me it is. Some people are born gay, lesbian or bi, but not me.

I was curious when I was younger and I acted on it, blocked it out and started to fantasize about it years later so I acted on it and discovers I liked it.

I can not have sex with a man, but that's not what I want.

I want the best of both worlds,

I'm bi cause I choose to get freaky with a man or a bi couple, not cause I need or have to just something I want realy bad from time to time.

Sometimes I do regret opening Pandora's box , its hard to balance your sexual needs when your bi weather by choice or not, but most of the time I'm glad I opened Pandora's box, I get to fully explore and enjoy my sexuality.

So I'm bi by choice.

[maxtor]

i think i am bi by choice also. i always liked the feeling of something in my butt so i had the urge to try the real thing and i did and it hurt at first but then it felt so good and enjoyed the hell out of it. i enjoy playing with a mans cock and sucking a cock but not the mouth kissing and cuddling. i just happend to like to play with a man. i believe it was by choice.

[Caaveman]

I was curious when I was younger and I acted on it, blocked it out and started to fantasize about it years later so I acted on it and discovers I liked it.

Ok, so you're saying that the choice to block it out was making the fact that you are bi a choice? If you had to block it out, doesn't that mean that it was there to have to be blocked out?
If you like the tast of pizza, but don't eat any for years. Does this mean that you don't like pizza?And then when you do finally decide to eat some that you just made the decision to like it then.

And no I'm not trying to pick on you or at you. Or make you mad at me in any way. I'm just sayiing how it reads to me in my mind so that maby if that's wrong you (or someone ) can clearify it's meaning in another way that I do understand.

[Bi_Druid]

I'd say I'm bi by birth, as I've always felt attracted to both and/or either. My preferences swing from one to the next and back again constantly, but that's just who I am as an indivodual. The only choice I really made concerning being bi was to accept and embrace it rather than pretend it wasn't there.

[Caaveman]

I'd say I'm bi by birth, as I've always felt attracted to both and/or either. My preferences swing from one to the next and back again constantly, but that's just who I am as an indivodual. The only choice I really made concerning being bi was to accept and embrace it rather than pretend it wasn't there.

Bi_Druid, thanks. Now that is an answer that I can relate to right there.

[ErosUrge]

I have been bi all my life and when I first became sexually active, I never thought about whether I was bi since I was sexual with both and all of the time. Of course there was talk during the time in high school how anyone who had sex with the same sex was queer, etc, and I knew that it was considered negative. But this still didn't stop me. And though I was active with males first, my desire for females was always present. And then when I became active with females, it was exclusively with them for the next few years. Eventually my desire for males returned and then I was active with both again.
As to whether it's a choice is a difficult question to answer. It's easy for me to say that no it's not since I've never known any other way to be. Yet at the same time and as of recent, I've thought "well yes, I do choose to be sexual with whoever I want regardless of the sex of the person"....
So, would I stop my sexual activity with the same sex were I devoted to a woman? For so long I was always said; "no way". But as of recent, I'm wondering if that is the case...
Is it a choice???....for some yes, for others no....but it seems that ultimately anything and everything we do is a choice....However the question then becomes: "is sexuality a choice or is it like our ethnicity in that we are born with the genetic makeup that we have?" I think this is one of those questions that doesn't have a defined answer suitable to all. We are all unique and have our own lives and sexuality whatever it is. And we determine that by how we live....choice?.....hmmm...dunno....
To finish, I have to absolutely agree with Bi Druid: "The only choice I really made concerning being bi was to accept and embrace it rather than pretend it wasn't there." Beyond this, I really don't know.

[cornholejoe]

yeah it is for me most my bi sex is done in threesomes

[biblkman]

Cave man, I don't feel like your picking on me, this is q discussion board all opinions are welcome.

You might not agree with me but maybe I can try to explain so you understand what I mean.

Let's say I've always worn gym shoes and I see some people were sandles, and after a few people tell me about there sandles I get curious, and one day someone gives me a pair of sandles. I try them out there ok, kinda comfortable, but not as comfortable as my gym shoes.

So I continue to just were my gym shoes and some years later I think about the sandles again so I decide to were them again and they feel more comfortable than I remember.....I like my sandles, I see no reason why I can't enjoy both so from now on I were both.

So now I'm a person who likes both, gym shoes and sandles......I chose to enjoy both.

I don't know if that's a good analogy or not, but its all I got for now.......exscuse my horrible spelling.

[Realist]

I'm bisexual because that's the only way I know to be.

[biblkman]

ErosUrge.....good point, I guess if you've always been attracted to both, at a an early age, it might be hard to understand where I'm comming from.

[Caaveman]

Cave man, I don't feel like your picking on me, this is q discussion board all opinions are welcome.

You might not agree with me but maybe I can try to explain so you understand what I mean.

Let's say I've always worn gym shoes and I see some people were sandles, and after a few people tell me about there sandles I get curious, and one day someone gives me a pair of sandles. I try them out there ok, kinda comfortable, but not as comfortable as my gym shoes.

So I continue to just were my gym shoes and some years later I think about the sandles again so I decide to were them again and they feel more comfortable than I remember.....I like my sandles, I see no reason why I can't enjoy both so from now on I were both.

So now I'm a person who likes both, gym shoes and sandles......I chose to enjoy both.

I don't know if that's a good analogy or not, but its all I got for now.......exscuse my horrible spelling.

biblkman, I wasn't trying to get any kind of arousal out of ya there friend, I just have a hard time of putting words in to print with out seeming making someone (anyone) mad at me for my lack of caliber, or what ever you want to call it. I can talk to people just fine (in my oppinion), I just don't know how to put what I have to say on paper (the correct way), and I wanted to cover all the basses (my ass) up front. And I do appreciate you taking the time to enlighten a dimwit like me, but if I understand your analogy, it would seem that we have about the same understanding, only in different languages. :bigrin:

[bizel]

For me it is. Some people are born gay, lesbian or bi, but not me.

I was curious when I was younger and I acted on it, blocked it out and started to fantasize about it years later so I acted on it and discovers I liked it.

I can not have sex with a man, but that's not what I want.

I want the best of both worlds,

I'm bi cause I choose to get freaky with a man or a bi couple, not cause I need or have to just something I want realy bad from time to time.

Sometimes I do regret opening Pandora's box , its hard to balance your sexual needs when your bi weather by choice or not, but most of the time I'm glad I opened Pandora's box, I get to fully explore and enjoy my sexuality.

So I'm bi by choice.

hi biblkman, just curious so please don't take offense. obviously i'm not bisexual if anyone's read my posts, so this is just my observation. a choice implies you can take it or leave it, and it doesn't matter either way to you. but you write that it's 'something i want really bad from time to time'. that says to me, that you have a need, an urge that you have to fulfil. it's not optional when that urge hits you. if it were a choice, you could ignore it but obviously, from what you wrote, that's pretty hard to do. it doesn't matter if it happens often or occassionally - you have to meet that need. so maybe it is not a choice thing for you. it may not always be so obvious, but it's in the back of your head, or in your genes (however a craving is contained). i don't think sexuality is a choice thing. i think whether we recognise it or not, it's there inside us and it will come out eventually. try this, if it's choice, you could give it up forever and not miss it or regret it. can you do that? remember, just my opinion and i accept i may be wrong.

[chapear]

For me it's not a choice. The only choice I have about it is wether or not to act upon it, which I do.

[Annika L]

Let's say I've always worn gym shoes and I see some people were sandles, and after a few people tell me about there sandles I get curious, and one day someone gives me a pair of sandles. I try them out there ok, kinda comfortable, but not as comfortable as my gym shoes.

So I continue to just were my gym shoes and some years later I think about the sandles again so I decide to were them again and they feel more comfortable than I remember.....I like my sandles, I see no reason why I can't enjoy both so from now on I were both.

So now I'm a person who likes both, gym shoes and sandles......I chose to enjoy both.


Hi biblkman. I think the issue here is that you (and many here) confuse sexuality with sexual behavior. Sexuality is about to whom you are sexually attracted. Sexual behavior is about with whom you have sex.

You didn't choose to like gym shoes and sandals...that part was just part of who you are...that was an innate preference for you. You did choose to *wear* both at various times...that's a behavioral choice.

Put another way, a straight person (only attracted to the opposite sex) can choose to have sex with someone of the same sex. Such sex would not be terribly satisfying for them, but they could do it. This doesn't make them gay or bi. It just means that their sexual behavior isn't congruent with their sexuality. (And this happens...look at the thread about women who have bi sex they don't particularly enjoy to please their boyfriends/husbands.)

Similarly, a gay person (only attracted to the same sex) can choose to have sex with people of the opposite sex. Again, this isn't sexually satisfying to them, but they do it (often, because they are scared to do otherwise, given societal expectations, sanctions, etc.). Again, this doesn't make them straight or bi. It just means that their behavior isn't congruent with their sexuality. This happens a LOT.

Finally, a bisexual person (attracted to both sexes) can choose to have sex with only people of one sex. This may not *entirely* satisfy them, but they do it (often, because they came to grips with their bi interests, they made a commitment of fidelity to a partner...this also happens a lot). This doesn't make them straight or gay. It just means that their behavior isn't congruent with their sexuality.

People who's behavior is consistently incongruent with their preferences become increasingly unsatisfied. Usually, it eventually reaches a point where they *do* act on their preferences. Congratulations on reaching that point, and further, on reaching the point where it seems you feel comfortable doing so!

[goldenfinger]

You can't choose what your mind will think about, but you can choose what to do with your thought .

[biblkman]

LOL.....ok ok, I feel like a gay man explaining that he was born gay to a bunch of straight people who don't beleive you can be born gay, lol.

If you disagree or don't understand that's one thing to imply I'm confused about my sexuality and the difference between thought ,feeling and action are a bit much.

Other people who feel the same way can relate and understand, but others who don't feel the same way would find it hard to understand .

Well I've tried to explain what I feel and I can't explain any better, but thanks for your input....its been ......hhhmmmin interesting

[Annika L]

If you disagree or don't understand that's one thing to imply I'm confused about my sexuality and the difference between thought ,feeling and action are a bit much.

To clarify, I never said you were confused about your sexuality. You are clearly not. You say you are bi and I believe you without question.

I also did not say you are confused about the difference between thought, feeling, and action.

What I did say was that you are confused about the meaning of the word "sexuality". It seemed that way to me, because you seem to use it to refer to your behavior, when in fact, the word refers to your attractions, not to your behavior.

I certainly didn't mean to offend. Best wishes.

[crazy_cat_lady]

I think I was born this way also. I only say that because the way I discovered I was, was a friend of mine explained to me what being bi was. And as soon as she explained it I looked back on certain events in my life with the knowlwdge of what being bi ment and it all fit.

See I was attracted to women I just didn't know what it ment. for example i used to feel really uptight and nervious but also strangely excited when I went into the ladies room or the gym locker room.

When I was with my girlfriends doing girly things like trying on close putting on make up etc. every time one of the girl got naked or took thier shirt off My eyes would always go straight to thier girly bits or thier breasts and it was hard to look away. also right as I saw them I'd get a bolt of arousal or nerviousness in my chest. you know like when you see a new bf naked for the first time, that feeling, though I didnt know it at the time.

I got severly aroused when I found my dads playboys...almost to the point where I'd go looking for them when I was bored.

I even found a glory hole in a ladies room once, it was in one of those trash thing on the side and when I opened it I could see into the next stall. I got so aroused, especially when a person went into the next stall. I was so tempted to take a peek. But I chickened out and left.

So as you can see its always been there I just didnt put 2 and 2 together/

[The Dude]

My take on bisexuality is this; it's the same at homosexuality or heterosexuality I don't think we are born anything however there maybe a tendency to gravitate towards one or the other and some of us need less of a push in that direction. Whatever the reasons, they are determined by so many factors at such a young age, that we might as well have been born that way.

Also, I think the every one is bisexual to a degree. This means that majority (heterosexuals for instance) only have a small degree of homosexuality ingrained with in their psyche, and the same for homosexuals with regards to heterosexuality. These people are capable of only possibly fantasizing occasionally (maybe only a handful of times with in their lives) about that which they cannot actually physically do, or do not want to do. And that bisexual people have enough homosexuality, or heterosexuality ingrained within their person to actually find genuine arousal from both orientations. Therefore, I don't think it's a choice. It only seems like that because of the social bond that a couple has, which is natural for humans to find and cohabitate with a mate, or partner for emotional support. So depending on which you are with at the time makes it seem to a bisexual person like it's a choice.

[Jester The Rebel]

Bi-sexuality, homosexuality, and all other degrees of homosexauality is a choice; even from birth. It all depends on what kind of society you live in. From what i've seen, all forms of homosexuality is socially learned because either the society acccepts it to be, or the child has seen others. It's like a monkey see monkey do scenario in some cases. Usually, people try it when they are younger and if they like it, they stick with it. Myself, i'm bi-sexual. I can choose who I really feel like being with; thats the beauty of being bi-sexual, you can choose which sex you want to be with at any time.

[lizard-lix]

I think ACTING on any desire is a choice... I.E. I am bi, and played with both sexes before I got married, but have been a monogamous hetero by action since.

I am still bi in thought, but not in action, by choice.

I think this is true for a lot of people, some are happy with it, some not.

I meet a LOT of closeted married guys here, some do not play with others, some do, so they all choose.

[Jester The Rebel]

Says who? Being gay or bisexual is not a choice. You don't have any control over your sexuality and you don't get to choose your sexuality and it can't be changed.

If you somehow did I'd think that most people would somehow choose to be heterosexual or straight. I know many gay men who when they first discovered that they are gay that they wanted to be hetero or straight and that's impossible since they're not sexually attracted to women at all and never have been.

These men grew up in your typical stable families with two parents that were not divorced and they had loving parents and siblings. They did not know about gay men or know about any other type of sexuality besides heterosexuality yet they are gay men and not heterosexual.

There is always a choice. We can go back and fourth saying "I know guys who..." all day long. This is my opinion on it.

[_someone_]

For me, I think it's a totally natural-born thing. I know so many people who are highly biphobic, and amazingly, many of these women who are consider themselves allies of gays. To me, this is disturbing, but it also reveals how uninformed they are.

I just do not know how to act out of my own character (I guess you can say that I'm stubbornly independent). If you're a casual acquaintance and it bothers you, fine. That said, I want to be as honest as possible to anyone I ever get in a relationship with; I'll feel so much better in the end... and more comfortable.

[Iowason]

For me, I would have to say that being bisexual is not a choice but acting on it is. I have been married twice now and didn't act on it much during those times. What can I say though, I like sex and it doesn't matter to me whether it is with a man or woman... that to me means bisexual.;)

[rutemptedalso]

For me I believe being bi was learned. The things I saw and was a part of when I was younger I enjoyed.
Just like the example with the pizza from Caaveman (if the taste of pizza is filling why not eat pizza) as long as nobody gets hurt.

[Long Duck Dong]

is bisexuality a choice ??? well it depends on the person....

how many males or females are interested in the sexual organs only of the person and the act of sex, but have no interest in the person outside of that ?

I do know of a number of men over the years when I was doing counselling and therapy work, that said that if they could find a woman ( intersex or pre op trans and seen as a female ) with a penis, they would never touch another male again.....cos its the sexual organs they are interested in... not the male....

by definition, those people are not bisexual... they choose to indulge in a specific sexual interest, with the gender that has the sexual organs....

by defination, bisexuality is the attraction and interest in both genders... not just the sex organs cos thats actually a form of phallophilia or the attraction and obsession with large penises....

[PolyLoveTriad]

Well said.

I dont think Im bi by choice. Im bi because thats just how I am. Im attracted to both sexes. Now, I can choose to act on it or not, but in the end, even if I dont act on it, Im still bi :)

[elian]

Well I'm not sure the feelings are a choice, acting on them might be. I might not CHOOSE to eat a piece of delicious chocolate cake (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRmN4KnfPxQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=215s), but that doesn't mean I don't WANT to eat the delicious chocolate cake.

[cliffml]

Well I'm not sure the feelings are a choice, acting on them might be. I might not CHOOSE to eat a piece of delicious chocolate cake (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRmN4KnfPxQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=215s), but that doesn't mean I don't WANT to eat the delicious chocolate cake.

I agree, I believe I was born bi and choose to act upon my true feelings