Playing at Bisexuality

[Katja]

I was chatting online to an old school friend last night tilll the wee small hours about her latest beau, and she displayed a phenomenon of which I have heard but never actually come across.

She was telling me that her new boy friend was a 'delicious hunk' who has an enormous sexual appetite, who loved threesomes, but only where both women were actively fully involved in the whole sexual experience. By that I mean they would as likely fuck and play with each other as him. They had to be actively bisexual in act if not in fact.

I was absolutely shocked at this not because of the details of boy friend and his needs and wants, but she is a straight woman of 26, sensible and has never shown any bisexual or lesbian tendencies whatever, but is so infatuated (she calls its desperately in love) that she will do anything demanded of her to 'keep her man' including something which I have always believed is contrary to her nature.

I have heard and suspected that some young women and girls played at bisexuality to attract or keep a man's interest but this is the first time I have had it confirmed that anyone actually does it. That it is a close friend who has made this revelation astounded me.

Speaking to my girl friend on the telephone this morning, she told me I was being naive if I thought this did not go on and is surprisingly common. She tells me that she has quite frequently been hit on by late teenage girls and women in their early twenties especially to catch a guy's attention or create jealous feelings in him, and some have no qualms about going the whole hog should it prove necessary to ensnare a man they had set their heart on. A few even tell a prospective sex partner that they are lesbian knowing that his curiosity and a man's need to want to convert her would be irresistable. My girl friend is a lesbian and far more knowledgable about these things than I, with more experience of the world of same sex relationships, but just how prevalent is all this?

I have always believed that young women and girls are more open to same gender sexual experimentation than men of their own age. My girl friend tells me that many who go down the route of flirting and even sleeping with other women surprise themselves as to how much they enjoyed the same sex contact and end up as bisexual or even in time lesbian, but many are only playing it at it as part of the ritual of attracting or holding on to a man, and some will do as my friend revealed to me she is doing.

Is playing at bisexuality a common occurrence in young women and teenage girls? Is it the modern thing to be and fashion accessory that my girl friend claims it is to many? Is it an unscrupulous use of one's body and sexuality to achieve an end? Is this 'All's fair in love and war' an acceptable way to be?

[Bicuriousity]

In the united states there has been alot of the "bi for show" act with girls in bars kissing to get attention. To me it got old quick.

There is also the thought among alot of young men that having 3 ways and everything else you see in porn is the new norm in sex. Dont get me wrong i love 3 ways but it has created some unrealistic expectations

[softfruit]

I've seen it "in action" five or six years ago, though the girls doing it were... well, I wasn't in their heads, I can't say they weren't enjoying it, but to my eyes they did seem to have got all their moves out of bad porn rather than out of mutual passion. The weird kissing that's all about tongue contact with your faces four inches apart, that kind of thing.

[Darkside2009]

It is a common enough male fantasy to watch two or more women having sex together and then to join in.

There have been so many stories in the last number of years about threesomes, that I suppose it arouses the curiosity of those that haven't tried it. Many people just follow like sheep anything that seems fashionable, for fear that they might be missing out on something.

I've known heterosexual women who have said they would, in theory, consider a threesome, but who might well decline if the situation arose in fact. They engage in fantasy conversation with their partner, knowing it arouses him.

Whether any heterosexual women would deliberately go through with such a scenario, just to attract and keep a male interested in her, is I think unlikely.

Emotions would be bound to get in the way and recriminations result. Your lesbian friend's opinion might be a little skewed on this because of her own predilection. If your other phone friend has not actually partaken in a threesome, she has only her own fantasy of what it might be like to go on.

Threesomes, i think require a certain emotional detachment to be successful, all too often feelings of jealousy surface if one participant feels they are getting less out of the experience than the other two. The result is usually rows and bitter recriminations.

[tenni]

I have an 18 year old niece who has listed on Facebook that she is married to her female friend. My very photogenic niece is suppose to be a virgin. I write suppose to be cuz that is what my sister says...lol Boys and young men usually do not date her because she is a virgin. It is unusual for a young woman to be a virgin at 18 and the guys just back off. Apparently, a couple are willing to hang around and wait and see. (dating seems to be out of style..you hang around in groups for quite awhile as a pre amble to dating...or just have sex...lol)

Now, I doubt that she is a lesbian and there is a certain amount of hugging with her girlfriends...not unusual other than some of the sexually suggestive comments that they say. I've not seen her tongue another woman and doubt that she actually goes that far. It does seem like playing and joking. Who knows where things will go.

[12voltman59]

I have no doubt that the situation you describe is indeed a rather common occurrence.

[hiddendepths]

i agree it sadly seems to be something played with like a fashion trend....

[Katja]

It is a common enough male fantasy to watch two or more women having sex together and then to join in.

There have been so many stories in the last number of years about threesomes, that I suppose it arouses the curiosity of those that haven't tried it. Many people just follow like sheep anything that seems fashionable, for fear that they might be missing out on something.

I've known heterosexual women who have said they would, in theory, consider a threesome, but who might well decline if the situation arose in fact. They engage in fantasy conversation with their partner, knowing it arouses him.

Whether any heterosexual women would deliberately go through with such a scenario, just to attract and keep a male interested in her, is I think unlikely.

Emotions would be bound to get in the way and recriminations result. Your lesbian friend's opinion might be a little skewed on this because of her own predilection. If your other phone friend has not actually partaken in a threesome, she has only her own fantasy of what it might be like to go on.

Threesomes, i think require a certain emotional detachment to be successful, all too often feelings of jealousy surface if one participant feels they are getting less out of the experience than the other two. The result is usually rows and bitter recriminations.

I fear it is a little late for fantasy for it is a case of already participating in her boy friend's little scenarios. She doesnt like the lesbian sex but believes it a price worth paying for the relationship to have the opportunity to make a real go of things with the man.

It may be and probably is a fantasy of not a delusion, but her view is that time will give her the edge and that she will be able to wean her man away from wanting the frequent encounters she has to endure with other women in their bed. As she says she is a patient soul but I think she will require more than patience to make this relationship work. More likely it will be she who finds herself removed from that bed in time.

I think you are quite correct about the recriminations which will ultimately prove inevitable, but any recriminations will be between the two of them since we are discussing frequent changes in the other woman unless of course an emotional attachment occurs between her boy friend and a third partner which will make my friend's position in the relationship untenable and insufferable.

Regarding heterosexual women taking part in such a scenario just to impress, gain and keep a man is apparently more common than either you or I have hitherto believed. Quite how much self respect one retains for doing so is questionable, but people often do the most desperate things for what they believe is love.

Finally I think all of our opinions are skewed to what we experience, what we see, what we know and what we believe. My girl friend is no different, but what she has experienced, has seen and knows is far more than I on this matter, and she believes what she says from her own life experience as a lesbian. I have no reason to doubt what she says.

[Darkside2009]

I think it is very sad. Your friend I think is living a delusion, one cannot buy love at the expense of patience or dignity, rather it is freely given.

The boyfriend is unlikely to change and when he becomes sated with this scenario, he will probably want to push the boundaries even further. Why stop at threesomes after all, when there is a whole smorgasbord of sexual practices out there?

At the moment she has the status of an inflatable sex-doll, that he takes out of the wardrobe whenever he needs her. His sexual needs are being met, but her emotional needs obviously aren't.

What will she do if and when he falls in love with one of these other women, or even starts paying her more attention than he pays your girlfriend? It is a recipe for emotional pain and disaster.

It is obvious, from the little you have said, that she does not enjoy these encounters, little-by-little she will chip away at her dignity and self-esteem until she ends up hating him and herself. Hardly worth waiting for I would have thought.

One can only hope she doesn't fall pregnant to him in the meantime and exacerbate the problem.

The Jesuits had an old adage, 'Give us the boy and we will give you the man' meaning by the time he was an adult his character had been set, and no amount of wishful thinking on the part of women will change that.

I think it is a common fallacy among women to think they can change a man's character, many give up trying and end up divorced, rather than wasting further years of their lives. Others settle for a life of drudgery, sniping at each other across the ramparts, well into old age.

What a dreadful waste of human lives, it is very sad.