Well, lesson learned...I 'saw' only what I wanted to see...

[JinJan]

Hi, all...this is an update to my posts re. Kim's "gesture". Well, my hubby and I went to a Bluegrass Festival event last night, with another couple. We got there a bit late, and as we were sitting down (in the front row of the balcony, in the Opera House), I heard the m.c. call out, "and the winner of the first raffle for tonight, is...Kim...(last name)!" I gave a start and looked downward, and, there she was, excited about winning, and walking up to pick out a raffle gift. My heart fluttered a bit, seeing her, unexpectedly, like that!

Then, I watched her sit back down, in the second row of the main floor area...next to her boyfriend (!). Then, she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. They seemed very happy together.

Well, all night, I pondered this new development...my heart is broken, but I still am thrilled that she and I are becoming friends (I said "hi" to her at intermission, and she lit up when she saw me...although, she probably lights up with everyone! I also introduced myself to her boyfriend, "Chris".). Her friendship is very important to me. As for the romantic relationship I was beginning to enjoy thinking about, with her, well, I may still allow myself to love her, and think of her affectionately, privately, but I will respect her relationship, with her Chris.

I am still kind of reeling from this latest discovery...I think it taught me a big lesson...as hard as one tries to be objective, the heart still sees, whatever it wants to see, when it is in love. I am trying to not be too hard on myself about all that...and just enjoy Kim's friendship, and that she is a beautiful woman. I will say, though, that, after I found she had a BF, I realized how attracted I really am, to her. I don't know what that means.

Anyway...that is the latest...I guess you won't have to be hearing from me much anymore. Thanks for all of your advice, it has been very enlightening to me...and I hope that I have learned from it all! Take care...JinJan.

[DuckiesDarling]

Aww JinJan, there is a reason they say hindsight is 20/20, don't be so hard on yourself. You still have a friend and it opened up a new way of seeing the people around you. Stick around, I'm sure you'll find it easier to talk to people who won't judge you for what you dream about :)

[tenni]

Jin Jan
I definitely agree with you about the heart seeing what it wants to see but.....

Although, in some respects, developing affection for another person is not necessarily sexual orientation specific. Well, there is the realization that the person of your affection has someone else of the opposite gender. Then again, as a bisexual woman you have a husband and that didn't stop your feelings from developing for Kim. Bisexuals can develop attraction for both a man and a woman even at the same time. You never know maybe "Kim" is capable of developing attraction for both genders too.

Whether you were reading too much in to her actions towards you or not, I would say is still open. You may be correct that she is just a generally affectionate touchy person with everyone and there is no specific meaning to her touching your hair...then again....

Continue slowly to get to know her more. Watch her interact with other women a bit more. You never know what might develop...if you both want it.

PS re post 2
The heterowoman waited twelve minutes before imparting her hetero viewpoint to a bisexual woman. She just can not help herself from commenting like a Gracy Greeter or Wendy Walmart. :(

[DuckiesDarling]

Jin Jan

PS re post 2
The heterowoman waited twelve minutes before imparting her hetero viewpoint to a bisexual woman. She just can not help herself from commenting like a Gracy Greeter or Wendy Walmart. :(

With all due respect, Tenni, go get fucked, it's obvious you need it. There was absolutely no need to make that sort of comment in this thread. Supposedly you have me on ignore, so do me the courtesy of not addressing things to me when you say you don't see what I say.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

PS re post 2
The heterowoman waited twelve minutes before imparting her hetero viewpoint to a bisexual woman. She just can not help herself from commenting like a Gracy Greeter or Wendy Walmart.


Now Tenni, that was really tacky and uncalled for! What business is it of yours if she(DD) comments to another woman, giving her encouragement???
You know nothing about the heart of a woman, so how can You be free to comment on how a woman feels? You take snipes at DD whenever you think you can, on Any damn subject, and its ridiculous. What is she, your pet sounding board now?
I think shes right. Maybe you Do need to get laid. Maybe you'd feel better if you did! :rolleyes:
Cat

[Darkside2009]

Tenni, if you don't like DD or LDD, by all means put them on ignore. The snide remarks just serve to make you look like a petulant child. Rise above it please, previous posts have shown you have more intelligence than to continue a pointless vendetta. Thanking you in anticipation.

[Maggot]

JinJan, you're on the way to having a great friendship there, like you said in an earlier post, anything else is gravy. Enjoy the feelings you have for your friend.

[bizel]

hi jinjan, i can't read signals at all. even when hubby's in the horniest of moods, he still has a poker face. in the early stages of our relationship if it wasn't for obvious things like an erection, or him grabbing me for a kiss, i wouldn't know. now i take the first step and slap one on him. little difficult when you're not at that intimate stage.

as i said earlier, slowly introduce your hubby to the idea of bisexuality. obviously you have attractions and urges in that direction, and if he's ok with it, should the situation arise in the future you will know whether it's ok to act on it or not. you really have to get your personal life sorted first. better to do it now before you have another urge to explore. if hubby's not ok, then you have to figure out what's more important - remain loyal to him or if you need to have a woman's touch?

i wouldn't necessarily dismiss your female friend. she may be a budding bisexual and unsure herself. she may have been testing the waters, trying it out to see how she felt. but don't get your hopes up, and remember fantasy is most stimulating.

as for tenni's juvenile swipe at dd, haven't you learnt yet that you say more about yourself than others, when you open your own mouth? everyone here is starting to realise that and you're becoming boring. try being supportive, not destructive. that's what this site is really about.

[bigbadmax]

jj,

please stay. just cuz kim aint interested, dont mean all women aint. Jj you sound brill.

keep smiling

bbm

[Long Duck Dong]

jinjan, your title says a lot, .... you only saw what you wanted to see...and that is a mistake many people can make....

bi curious / bisexual people can have partners of the opposite gender, and still have a interest in the same gender.....

its a bit like a song by enigma * beyond the invisible * I could say I am bisexual.. but it doesn't tell a person whom I am attracted to... only that I can be attracted to both genders...... its only when I say I am attracted to a person, that the invisible becomes visible.....

[Realist]

JinJan,

I've read most of your posts and, to tell you the truth, you draw mental pictures with words, with the best of them! Your brain surgery apparently was a success, as indicated by your ability to form thoughts and explain yourself as well as you do.

I promise you that your writing ability exceeds many members, here!

I know you're hurt and confused, but you can also learn from this experience. Hard lessons seem to stay with us, best!

Good luck, Lady........don't give up.

[jem_is_bi]

Just sort through the replies for what is from the heart as advise to you. That is all good. The rest is crap.

[JinJan]

JinJan,

I've read most of your posts and, to tell you the truth, you draw mental pictures with words, with the best of them! Your brain surgery apparently was a success, as indicated by your ability to form thoughts and explain yourself as well as you do.


Thanks, Realist...for the support regarding my writing. If you think I write well now, you should have seen me "before" (it wasn't actually surgery, it was a brain injury from a whiplash-car accident...just fyi)...no, really...I know I can still write well enough now, it is just much harder, and I can't find the right words sometimes, that I am looking for (and the fact, that I can't hold down a job...that is the biggest frustration).

Anyway...thanks, Realist, really, I mean it! It is nice to hear that I still "have a way with words"! JinJan.

[JinJan]

Thanks for all of your words of encouragement, and support...there were some well-said ideas, that I am going to think about!

As I was writing my own post yesterday, and I was bemoaning that Kim had a BF, I realized, "Hey, wait a minute...I (underlined) have a hubby, and yet I am still interested in women...why can't Kim be that way also...possibly?" I am not counting on that scenario 100%, or anything...but, it is a nice possibility to think about! And, like I said, I (underlined) can still just enjoy being attracted to HER, right? And, then also, enjoy being her FRIEND! All is good...well, pretty good! LOL

Thanks again, all...for your amazing support! You aren't rid of me yet! JinJan.

[biblkman]

Well.....to me it sounds like a crush or some kind of infatuation that u might be misunderstanding for love, my advise would be to let it go and just focus on the friendship.

The last thing u want is to let her know how u feel, and if she doesn't feel the same way the both of u will feel awkward around each other and that might cause your friendship to diminish.

Be just a friend and if she gives u subtle hints than return in kind and see how far it goes, but in the mean time try not to dwell on it and keep your man informed as to how u feel,its wrong to cheat but its one thing to fantasize and cheat than to be infatuated or in love with someone else and cheat, cause those emotions are for a particular person and are harder to control.....just my opinion.

[MaybeSayMaybe]

...I think it taught me a big lesson...as hard as one tries to be objective, the heart still sees, whatever it wants to see, when it is in love.

Trust your intuition a little bit more. Ya never quite know what goes on deep down in the center of another person's mind. Or even one's own mind. But but it sure is fun to think about it.

...I will say, though, that, after I found she had a BF, I realized how attracted I really am, to her. I don't know what that means.

That means you received the vibe. Possibly. Maybe.

So what do you do? First off, don't push your luck too far too fast. If she gave you the vibe, she may or may not be aware of it. If she if aware of it, she may or may not feel good about it. If you warm up to her, she will probably shock you to the upside, or shock you to the downside.

So shock yourself, and keep a eye on the door.

[JinJan]

I am going to be seeing Kim tomorrow (Monday), at 11:45a, so I can take the agreed-upon, pic, of her hair (!) I will just enjoy her friendship, and see whatever else develops, from that.

I have to say...I feel more alive, since I have made this discovery, about myself...it is a great feeling. I am not going to tell my hubby, until things are going better for us, in the bedroom...(I don't want him thinking that I am "replacing" him with someone else) but, don't worry, I am NOT going to DO anything, with Kim, or anyone else, before I DO tell him! I do not believe in that, either. No good can come of that.

I do have another question, though...even though I feel like a "wild woman" inside, I have trouble "letting go" with my hubby. Actually, I LOVE pleasuring him, but I have trouble asking for what I like, and receiving pleasure, myself. I have had some early childhood situations, that I have gone to counseling for, and I thought I had resolved most of those. Do you think my suppression of being bi, has anything to do with this problem, of mine? Or, am I just looking for an "easy excuse"? I am willing to do anything, to resolve this inhibition issue, that I have...I am desperate to "let go"! Please, help! Thanks...JinJan.

[Long Duck Dong]

ok jinjan..... I am going to assume that you are refering to unwanted sexual experiences and aspects of sexual abuse.. and yes they can cause issues in a lot of ways.....

ok... you know most of what I can share and say about sexual abuse etc, as you have been to a counsellor... so there is no point in writing a book about what you already know... as you want help... not revision......

so lets move on to the help aspect......

there are times when asking for what we want in a sexual situation is hard... but its easier talking about it outside of a sexual situation.... and that is when a person can use other means of indicating a desire or need.....

things like watching porn instructional vids can help... and saying that you are interesting in trying things in the vids, but you are a lil unsure about what to expect or how to go about it... and what does your partner think, like to try, how, and where etc etc.....

there is also situational sexual encounters.... such as having a shower together and whispering about how you may be interested in trying oral in the shower.... and giving your partner a guide......

what guides are... are things like using your hand to gently guide him down between your legs, or to your breasts....
another way, is to lay in bed and reach behind you and stroke your partners cock, and shift your body so you are rubbing him against you then sliding him inside....and that can work with situations where you want to be spooned, or maybe having him take you from behind with his arms around you, cupping your breasts and nibbling on your neck.....

one situation that i helped with was a lady that was sexually assaulted at night and she could not handle being touched in the dark any more...

I suggested to her and her hubby, that they set aside a night where they would have candles going, for ambient lighting and she could wear a sheer night gown... and at some stage during the evening, for her husband to make a move on her, slowly and carefully, going step by step until they both were able to complete full sexual intercourse....

over the space of 2 months, they worked on it, a step at a time.... then one day, they both came to see me and to say thank you very much......

they had got to the point where they were able to have full intercourse.... and oral, and anal... in the shower, bedroom, the kitchen, over the kitchen, in the car and on the back lawn, over 3-4 hours on the same night and now she was pregnant.....

she had only done the missionary position and in the bedroom... and they had been trying for kids, for a while

often it can be a long term situation... as you learn over time, what you are ok with, what you love, and what you can not handle.... and often, resolving one issue, can help with other issues that are separate, yet connected....

the key is, don't try to make things happen, allow them to happen over time, and allow yourself time to adjust and enjoy the learning curve...... but remember, involve hubby and do it together.... if hubby knows that you are interested in trying new things, then he can be more open and sensitive to your desires... so communication is a big part of things......

[JinJan]

lets move on to the help aspect......

there are times when asking for what we want in a sexual situation is hard... but its easier talking about it outside of a sexual situation.... and that is when a person can use other means of indicating a desire or need.....


Thanks, much, LDD, for all of the great "ideas" to try! I am going to print it out, and re-read it, to figure out which ones might work best for us...I will let you know, if "victory" is achieved! JinJan.

[nicco413]

Every one else has said all that I could, only better phrased.
I am fortunate in that my childhood experiences were enjoyed, probably did form me as the happy bisexual guy that I am today and I am so sorry that you were affected otherwise.
I was in a similar situation for many years with a guy who was a friend to both me and my late wife, after her death we actually realised the affection for each other and became lovers!! We are still very good friends!! He is married to a lovely woman who is happy for us to be having fun when we do meet- they live a long way away.
Kim may be like yourself, with the same feelings for you as you have for her, just take it steady and see what happens- this love thing is a btortuous route!!
nick

[Fresia]

Bump it up!

[tenni]

bump up