Hi new here and have a question

[BruisedAngelEyes]

Hi, I have been researching bisexuality on the net ever since a couple of my friends told me they thought I could be bisexual. I'm 19 years and still a virgin but that's only because I haven't met anyone yet that I would go to bed with but I am sure that I am interested in both males and females and have been for as long as I can remember.

So my question is this. What is a bisexual? There is so many different ideas floating on the net and the primary one that is around is that it was someone who engaged in sex with both genders, that doesn't fit me. I haven't had sex with anyone but I have kissed both girls and boys. In my heart I know I can be with either gender but I haven't taken that step.

I'm going away to college soon and I want to try and get a clearer picture before I go and not just have the "you might be" running through my head.

Thanks in advance to all who answer.

[Philly_PA]

I'll give you my take:

Homosexuality...usually referred to men...is the ability to interact relationally with men only.

Lesbians...same...but with women.

This, in my opinion is a social statement, not really a sexual one, although the sex part generally goes with it.

Bisexuality, in my opinion is less a social statement and more a sexual one, again, and although the relational part may go along with it.

I guess what I'm saying is these "slots" have different meaning for different people, and in my experience, a bisexual person is less a relational thing as much as it is a sexual one.

If, on the other hand, you can see yourself in a true social relationship with either sex...and can accept the physical as well...then you are a true bixsexual.

Like the statement Oliver Platt made in the movie..."Oscar is omnisexual...he swings...every which way" :)

You are 19...go slow...don't slot yourself, don't tag yourself...just be, and be safe. Experiment with not only the physical but the emotional as well. Your being will move you in the direction in which you were meant to be.

Don't you just hate labels...don't stand for one!

hugs

[Maggot]

I'm a bisexual female, have been all my life. As a child it was more a case of why can't ladies kiss other ladies as well as men? What's wrong with that? As I've grown older it's developed into being almost purely physical attraction for females and emotional/physical attraction for males.

I think the 'definition' of bisexual as being a person who feels emotional and/or physical attraction to both sexes is the best one so far. Still a bit wishy washy though.

I think by emotional they mean something more than just "Hey, I like you, let's be friends". More along the lines of I love you so much I cannot imagine my life without you, emotion. Physical attraction is a bit easier - do you look at members of either sex and think - Hello, can I go exploring in your underpants, while you're in them.

No one else can tell you whether or not you are bisexual, as no one else knows how you feel in any given situation, or how you feel when you see someone else.

You don't have to have sex with people of both sexes in order to be called bisexual. You don't have to have sex with anyone at all. If you are able to feel emotional/physical attraction to members of both sexes, there is no obligation to act on that attraction, then yes, you probably are bisexual, but only you have the answer to that question.

Enjoy College, don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to "because everyone is doing it". They aren't really - most of them are still trying to figure everything out themselves.

When you meet someone who is the right one (or ones) for you, regardless of gender, then you will know and it will be right.

[tenni]

BruisedAngelEyes
Welcome to the site.

I would agree with the other posters that being bisexual is to be sexually and/ or emotionally attracted to both genders. I see bisexuality a very wide almost catch all beyond that definition. Which gender that you are attracted to can also be fluid or fluctuate or ebb and flow over time. You may be sexually/emotionally attracted to men for awhile and have no interest in other women. Then bingo, you become sexually/emotionally attracted to women and less interested in men or maybe both equally(ie have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time....you don't have to though). This can confuse you if you think that you should be one or the other or if this happens and you thought you had it all figured out that you were one way or the other. Relax about it and don't think that there is something "wrong" with you if you do feel that way sometimes.

You know that you are attracted to both according to what you wrote. You are more likely bisexual if you need a label whether you have sex with one or both. Do explore slowly but do explore with both. Labels are not as important as accepting yourself for who you are sexually. Take your own time as you have your whole life to explore and enjoy your sexuality.

[softfruit]

The definition I like best at the moment is the one from the folks at Bisexual Index, who say 'a bisexual is a person who is attracted to more than one gender'.

That leaves it nice and open: it could be purely physical, could be romantic; could be only to non-trans/genderqueer people, could be to a rainbow of genders; and could be attractions you've acted on or that for one reason or another you have not done so.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hi Sweetie. Just relax and let it happen gradually. You dont have to jump into bed with the first person who asks when you get to college. Just let it happen naturally, hon. And when you do decide to have sex, just enjoy it, but play safe and clean at All Costs.
Welcome to the site. ;)
Cat

[bizel]

hi bruised, to me being bisexual is you enjoy both sexes. this doesn't mean you have to choose both, or one. it just means you could happily sleep with, or form a relationship with either gender. on that basis, you would be bisexual. as for being a virgin at 19 cos you haven't found anyone suitable, welcome to my world. i'm in my 40's now, but i 'saved' myself for the person of my choosing and lost my virginity at 20yrs. i had options of sleeping around, but preferred not to. i wanted one particular person to be my first. after years of lusting, he turned out quickly to be a turd, or maybe i was a little unrealistic living in 'a dream world' (you know, right guy, marriage etc). it was about 8yrs before the next guy. sex, to me, is no fun without an emotional connection. i'm not into one night stands.

it's one thing to say you know what you are, and another to really know it deep inside you. going to college may make you question your sexuality again, who knows. life is all about learning. everything we're brought up to believe gets tested as we age until we discover what is actually true for us as individuals. my hubby is in his 50's and has just discovered he needs sex with men. you are a huge step ahead of him. be patient with yourself and take it as it happens. if you're like me, it may not be so much about the sexual side as the emotional side. hug, b.

[Long Duck Dong]

hey bruised and welcome to the site......

ok.... being a bisexual....

there are two parts to the bisexual.... the bi curious and the bisexual....

a bi curious person is the one that is interested / attracted to both genders and unsure of the level of attraction.... IE, are you romantically / emotionally / sexually attracted to both genders....

some people are all 3 or just one of the three.... and part of the fun of being bi curious, is learning about your own bisexuality and on what levels it works for you

a bisexual is a person that have some experimenting and understanding under their belt and so better know what level and range their sexuality fits....
they do not have to be sexually active in order to be bisexual......

that is why some people call themselves bisexuals, when they are not sexually active,.. they are romantically / emotionally completed with people of both genders.. the sex is a extension of the attraction in a physical way


as tenni points out.... you do not have to be sexually active to be a bisexual.... I, myself, are a asexual / celibate bisexual..... it means that I am not sexually active and have no desire for casual sex / hookups... and I am comfortable being monogamous and faithful to a long term partner that is currently over seas....

so yes, you can be bi sexual / bi curious without having sex.... and you may well be a person that finds sex a experience that was not all its made out to be... but love the physical contact such as hugging, holding and kissing.... it doesn't make you any less bisexual than a person that engages in full sexual contact

rather than rush out the day and have sex just so you get a answer.... take your time... make love... savour the emotions, the feelings, the moment... and learn from there, who you are in your own eyes....

or you can got the casual / random sex way... and that can help with the sexual desires but not as much, the emotional / mental deeper feelings of love making and intimate desires.......

good luck and good journey.......

[DuckiesDarling]

Welcome to the site :) As for your question, I don't know if you will ever find a definitive answer to that question. It means something different to everyone as you can see from the replies already. Is it strictly physical, strictly mental, strictly emotional...thing about bisexuality is that it isn't strictly anything. Only you can walk your path and I wish you well on your journey, have fun at college and relax but do not give up your virginity to anyone until you are ready to do so. You'll be glad you waited, women always remember their first but not necessarily because it was the best :)

[bisocialnudist]

Welcome , I also need to add that for some bisexuals our desires ebb and flow, that is how attracted I am to men or woman varies from day to day even sometimes within the day. Until I learned about this it added to the confusion because I would go from all I can think about is sex with men to a take it or leave it attitude.
During the times i was more attracted to women it was all to easy to think it was a spell, turns out its just how my version of bisexuality works. I wouldnt worry and instead be open and accepting of your feelings.

Adapting the bisexual identity has very little to do with who you have sex with, it is a state of mind I am turned on by both genders, seeing a naked guy drives me wild I dont need to sleep with them to know I am attracted to them. It is also important to realize there are all kinds of bisexuals, I fall in love with women and like sex with women and men. That just my type
The greatest gift you can give yourself is to become comfortable with YOU whoever that may be. College is a wonderful opportunity to try out who you are in a non threatening environment. There are also lots of resources there such as GLBT centers where you can discuss these thoughts with others who have been there too. Colleges also have counselors who know a lot about emerging variations in sexual orientation and can help you as well.

Again welcome , Good luck and enjoy the journey.

Mark

[BruisedAngelEyes]

Sorry I haven't been back, the weather has been a bit unpredictable here but I thank you all for the replies. I have no intention of just jumping into a sexual relationship with someone and I am not sure I will ever have actual relations with both sexes. For now, I'm getting comfortable being me. Thanks.

[lilme]

just be yourself. i have been bisexual all my life and i think i'm more interested in a female, i enjoy being tender and i love the softness of a women. a man is great, but being sexual with a women is sooo nice. i love the smell of a female and mostly the taste. if you have a great male sex partner it can be very nice, but a female is just delicious.

[Long Duck Dong]

Sorry I haven't been back, the weather has been a bit unpredictable here but I thank you all for the replies. I have no intention of just jumping into a sexual relationship with someone and I am not sure I will ever have actual relations with both sexes. For now, I'm getting comfortable being me. Thanks.

being the type of person that is not sexually active at the moment... life is cruisy and relaxed... and while I find both genders attractive, having friends is very nice as well....

being bisexual is a lot like that, you don't have to do the horizontal mumbo with both genders, to be bisexual...so take ya time... you have a life time to experiment and find what best works for you and what doesn't......

and as my sister used to say.... "just cos I are not fuckin you, doesn't mean that I love you any less than the person I am fuckin ".....