Why can't I find a girlfriend?

[StardustLady]

Maybe I'm just shy? Maybe I don't know what to say? Maybe I'm an inexperienced lover? I need a woman in my life. What do I do???

[Long Duck Dong]

maybe you are just not socialising with ladies that may be interested and interesting...lol

one of the hardest parts to finding that special person, is socialising, be it on or offline.. it would be nice if they sought us out cos that would solve a lot of issues and problems ...lol

most suggestions would be to move in LGBT circles, like night clubs, social groups, even sites like this one.... and that can work, if a person is not shy and socially awkward.... cos being shy, can make the socialising part bloody differcult...

unfortunately it is one of the main suggestions we can give.. and that is to become involved in LGBT circles and groups....... and before people have a nervous break down at that idea..... think about the type of situations that you are most at ease in....for some people, its casual scene groups, friendly get togethers, social drinkings.... and for others, its full on events and parades and gatherings..... even going to a LGBT support group, or advertising in this site, is a step in the right direction.....

btw inexperienced lovers ??? we were all inexperienced lovers once... so for every student, there must be some good teachers out there cos many of us have become the lovers that others long to meet.... and yet we were all fingers and thumbs for a while before we become the gods and goddesses of orgasms lol

[softfruit]

What LDD said :) especially the groups, be they social things, political activisty spaces, or queer sports clubs, find something that suits your temperament as something you'd want to do anyway, stay long enough to get past the panicky stage and things may well happen. It's rarely an overnight solution, but overnight solutions often come unstuck in the morning.


btw inexperienced lovers ??? we were all inexperienced lovers once... so for every student, there must be some good teachers out there cos many of us have become the lovers that others long to meet.... and yet we were all fingers and thumbs for a while before we become the gods and goddesses of orgasms lol

This - and more than this, even when you've been 'around the block' a few times, every person is different and so you have to learn quite what works for and excites each new lover.

Well, ok, maybe the people who've bedded 500 find they get repeats ;)

[Maggot]

On the socialisting, sporting theme - it might be worth trying your local Pole Fitness Studio, no guarantees, but at my studio, and the studios I have contact with, there are a fair few bisexual females, and on the plus side, you'll have great fun, make a lot of friends, get fit and gain confidence like you would not believe. I love seeing people come in, shy and petrified of life and as the weeks go by, see them changing, becoming confident and brave, growing as people.

[bizel]

over here in australia, it seems a given that most of netball/soccer/touch footy women teams are gay or verring more towards women more than men sexually. so you could do it through sports activities.

i was 30-ish and gave up on finding the right man after years of trying in the cities. i was awfully picky and not into one night stands. the moment i gave up, the right man literally picked me up (he was a bus driver then), and wow. at that stage, i had only slept with two men in short relationships so i was really inexperienced. when he asked what i wanted (when we had finally jumped into bed), i was so embarrassed cos i had no idea. i realise now previous blokes were only out to get their own rocks off, and i found pleasuring myself hard cos of religious background.

it seems the harder i tried, the more it eluded me. when i focused on other things, it fell into place. have you tried that?? be the sort of person you want to attract. i'm generally cheerful, helpful, laugh a lot and try to focus on the bright side of life. i like goals, ambition, passion and enthusiasm. i need that in a partner. i find lots of guys like chatting with me cos i'm easy to talk with. hubby says it's flirting but i told him i treat both sexes the same way so it's not flirting cos i'm not trying to flirt with women. that argument worked until i discovered bisexuality and now i realise why i had a lesbian stalker. oh well, i can't get them all right. hug, b.

[DuckiesDarling]

You've been given good advice already, just be who you are and do the things you like to do and as long as it involves being around other people eventually you will find someone who is just for you. I met my other half on an online game so you just never know :)

As for being inexperienced....honey, experience comes from living. The only thing humans are born knowing how to do is breathe, cry, suck milk from a tit, and eliminate waste out the other end; everything else gets learned as we go along. Good luck

[flame&psyc]

Be patiant if you look to desperatly you might end up with your worst nightmare instead of your dream

[Katja]

Never rush it. Don't appear too eager. Sometimes I know that I have appeared almost desperate. I'm quite highly sexed in any case, but have found that since freeing myself from the constrictures of my past and my upbringing, there has a been an almost desperate pursuit of my own gender.

After a number of unhappy and unsatisfactory encounters, I find myself having begun relationship with a woman who is supremely confident in herself as a person. It is not a serious relationship as we shall never fall in love but it is one based on mutual respect and affection and enjoyment of each other. She found me in that it was she who made the move, and she did it not because I was available, which I certainly was, or desperate which I have often been, but because I have slowly begun to realise that I am unafraid of this person I see in the mirror every morning, and surprisingly I find I like her, because my sexuality is not everything that there is about me and have finally, after years of feeling uncomfortable with it, discover my fear of that has disappeared too.

[innaminka]

Stardust, it isn't easy.
You have been given some excellent advice, but honestly most gay/bi women are far more discreet in their initial same sex dealings than men.
So many gay/bi women are suspicious of so-called newcomers.
"Bi-curious" has so many negative connotations. Too many women have been burnt when responding to that term.
Yes, we want relationships, we want sex, we are normal in that respect, but the one thing we don't want is to be used as an experiment.

Do your time around the edges of the scene. Convince both yourself and then others that this is what you want. If you are sincere it will happen.
good luck.

[DuckiesDarling]

Stardust, it isn't easy.
You have been given some excellent advice, but honestly most gay/bi women are far more discreet in their initial same sex dealings than men.
So many gay/bi women are suspicious of so-called newcomers.
"Bi-curious" has so many negative connotations. Too many women have been burnt when responding to that term.
Yes, we want relationships, we want sex, we are normal in that respect, but the one thing we don't want is to be used as an experiment.

Do your time around the edges of the scene. Convince both yourself and then others that this is what you want. If you are sincere it will happen.
good luck.

nominates this for best reply so far.

[Argentum]

Some good advice here. I'm still to figure out where and how to socialize to increase my chances. Good luck to you, StardustLady, and to everyone else out there searching for someone.

[orallybi4cpl]

The secret is if you are bi.. and being on a bisexual site
should indicate that.. then having a guy in your life will make it
more possible for you to have a girl in your life too

it's the true meaning of bi.. 'both'

otherwise.. you probably should go on craigslist and look
for women who don't want men.. hint