Sticky subjetc... there, I warned you.

[Nadir]

Well, I have been wondering lately about some things. Mainly, I have been reading the "seduced/molested" thread. It has been an interesting read, although some of the stories have been considerably sad and have left me speechless about how someone can take advantage of kids so young, some of them have made me laugh or reflect.

As I have told many times on this forum, I usually prefer older women than me for sexual relationships. When I was fifteen, I had my first kiss with an older cousin (she was thirty-two at the time), and we had some sort of "contact", but that was cut short for several factors. At seventeen, I masturbated the mother of a (female) friend until the point of orgasm (she was forty-six). Both of these experiences involved consent, and, to be sincere, I was quite flattered that those two older ladies were paying me attention. Most of my girlfriends have been significantly older (the oldest one is 43 years old compared to my 22).

Now, the question that I wanted to ask you all is: At which age do you think that teenagers are able to give consent? Here in Spain the age of consent is relatively low for a Western Country (13 years old for both homosexual and heterosexual acts), previously it had been 12 years old. There has been previous talk among the parlament members of raising it to 14. I would like to hear your opinion on the matter. Do you think that a 13 year old boy/girl is able to give consent when involved in a sexual relationship with a peer or with an adult (in any of both cases)? I know several people who lost their virginity at such an early age, and they are mostly functional and well-adjusted fellows, but I´m still interested about hearing your opinions. I´m sure that people like our new member Drugstore Cowboy would be quick to label all the Spanish people as sexual predators who take advantage on our young. Well, it figures...

Another question that has been wandering my mind is this: Have any of you as an adult have someone below the age of consent making sexual advances towards you? I am asking just if someone younger than eighteen has flirted with you on a sexual manner, or made advances at you. As I have usually older girlfriends (some of them are teachers and they are always complaining about their male pupils doing just that), so I know that for teenage boys that is most definetily true.

Well, I hope people answer this thread, cause I would like to hear everybody´s thoughts on the subject. Peace and love to everyone out there.

R.I.P. : On a sad note, "Doctor Who" actress Elizabeth Sladen (she played "Sarah Jane") passed away this morning at 63 years old after a long battle with Cancer. I was going to make another thread about this subject but I didn´t have the energy to write it. She will be terribly missed by geeks and non-geeks around the world.

[Realist]

You asked: "At which age do you think that teenagers are able to give consent?"

I think there are those who are mature enough at a young age, to decide for themselves. Others are probably not mature enough at 100!

Since a person's maturity may be very difficult to gauge, I assume the law-makers felt they had to set an age-limit. The resulting laws obviously vary over the world.

From my experience, I think Spain may be on the right track.

I was extremely interested in sexuality, long before I learned exactly what it was all about. Contrary to what some may believe, I think I was introduced to sexuality exactly the way I needed it. At an early age, a female cousin and I had explored as far as our ignorance would take us...kissing, touching, some minor sucking. Years later, she told me she was having orgasms, but didn't realize it....I know I didn't have any. If I could have, I would have married her at 12! (Now, THAT was way too young and we definitely didn't know anything about anything, then!)

At 13, my seducer, who was a 60+ year old retired Canadian, began answering my questions about anything sexual. He was honest and discussed these things calmly and succinctly. My family certainly would never give me a viable answer, about things I longed to know.

Soon after I turned 14, the word "orgasm" came up for discussion and he asked me if I would like one. From his description, they sounded great, so I agreed to let him give me one, orally. That's how I had my very first orgasm. That's how I confirmed that I was bisexual.

I think that was a lot better than being forced, or coerced, into having sex, like many I've known. He always told me to say no, if I wanted him to stop, but I never did. I loved everything I learned from him. I've always been thankful for the way he eased me into such a compelling and sensuous life.

I know what others may say about what he did, but I don't care, I'm glad it happened that way!

[tenni]

The age of consent for sexual activity has changed in Canada since 2008. It use to be 14 but it has been raised to 16 years. However, there is a "close in age" situation that makes sense to me.

A 14 or 15 year old can consent to sexual activity with a partner as long as the partner is less than five years older and there is no relationship of trust, authority or dependency or any other exploitation of the young person. This means that if the partner is 5 years or older than the 14 or 15 year old, any sexual activity will be considered a criminal offence unless it occurs after they are married to each other .

There is also a "close-in-age" exception for 12 and 13 year olds: a 12 or 13 year old can consent to sexual activity with another young person who is less than two years older and with whom there is no relationship of trust, authority or dependency or other exploitation of the young person. ie. It doesn't matter which gender the 12 year old is or the other person's gender, it is the age difference between them that is the factor.

The Criminal Code protects 16 and 17 year olds against sexual exploitation, where the sexual activity occurs within a relationship of trust, authority, dependency or where there is other exploitation. Whether a relationship is considered to be exploiting the 16 or 17 year old will depend upon the nature and circumstances of the relationship, e.g., the age of the young person, the age difference between the young person and their partner, how the relationship developed and how the partner may have controlled or influenced the young person. As well, 16 and 17 year olds cannot consent to sexual activity that involves prostitution or pornography.

There are defined criteria that deal with people in a relationship of trust, authority, dependency such as doctors, teachers etc. They deal with invitations to sexual touching and other aspects.

I think that distinguishing the age gaps between people 12 to 16 and those that they may get sexually involved with is a good idea. I'm not sure about the age of 16 as being young enough but adding the age difference factors is good for people younger than 16. There is no distinguishing between same sex or opposite sexual activity as there is sexual equality in Canada (legally). In other words, it doesn't matter whether a 12 year old has sex with the same sex or opposite sex. It matters what the age difference between them and not their gender.

As far as minors making sexual advances at me, yes I have had that happen twice while working in a professional job that involved working with a wide age range of children. One was extremely shocking to me. While sitting in a chair, I have had a five year old girl make a very overt sexual contact with me completely uninvited. She walked up to me and climbed on to my lap facing me. She straddled my thigh close to my groin and crossed her legs pressing her crotch down on to me. She did not touch my genitals but it was very close. I'm not sure but she may have put her arms around my neck as well as her face was very close to my own face. This was totally unexpected and not invited. I stood up quickly and she slipped off my leg. I told her to go and play. I was in a professional role and legally required to report it to the proper authorities. She had done something similar but less graphic to one other man. Within a year, she was drawing very sexually explicit drawings of oral sex etc. My report was used to remove her from her home as it was then clear that she had been sexually abused. The other incident was less serious but I had a ten or eleven year old girl smack me on my ass in a joking way. I told her that it was inappropriate. I would say that I had no suspicion of sexual abuse and the girl was a very friendly out going girl. She never did it again to any other man from what I understand. From her response to my comment, I don't think that she even thought of her actions as sexual.

[Nadir]

Well, the "close-in" age really it´s necessary. Obviously, it´s not the same thing to have a fourteen year-old having a relationship with a forty year old than having a fourteen year-old having a relationship with a nineteen-year-old (for example).

It is a sad thing to hear that a girl so young was being abused. My niece is going to turn five in a couple of months and I cannot imagine somebody doing something like that to a child so young. For me it´s something really weird. Allright, I understand that a child has a natural curiosity and need of sexual exploration well before they actually know what sex is, but I cannot understand how people can take advantage of them like that. My friends are always telling me about how, when they were young, they used to "explore" with their cousins or with their peers (much like Realist has mentioned), and well, if it between children of the same age, I don´t think we should make too much of it, after all, they are just experimenting, it´s part of the process of growing up. But somebody older taking advantage of a child so young it is something not to be tolerated.

With teenagers, however, I think the picture is different. Like Realist has mentioned, a kid of twelve,thirteen,fourteen or whatever many times already knows enough about sex to want a relationship with someone else, according to the person´s maturity and good will. Most of my classmates were fornicating like rabbits by the time we were fifteen (I was a social outcast, so I started later...). However, society´s reaction can be very varied, although most tend to fall in a negative light.

Anyway, I agree with realist on this one. I think that my country is on the right track, I see no point on changing the age of consent here. Anyway, just wanted to give my two cents.

[69luvr]

Well, I have been wondering lately about some things. Mainly, I have been reading the "seduced/molested" thread. It has been an interesting read, although some of the stories have been considerably sad and have left me speechless about how someone can take advantage of kids so young, some of them have made me laugh or reflect.

As I have told many times on this forum, I usually prefer older women than me for sexual relationships. When I was fifteen, I had my first kiss with an older cousin (she was thirty-two at the time), and we had some sort of "contact", but that was cut short for several factors. At seventeen, I masturbated the mother of a (female) friend until the point of orgasm (she was forty-six). Both of these experiences involved consent, and, to be sincere, I was quite flattered that those two older ladies were paying me attention. Most of my girlfriends have been significantly older (the oldest one is 43 years old compared to my 22).

Now, the question that I wanted to ask you all is: At which age do you think that teenagers are able to give consent? Here in Spain the age of consent is relatively low for a Western Country (13 years old for both homosexual and heterosexual acts), previously it had been 12 years old. There has been previous talk among the parlament members of raising it to 14. I would like to hear your opinion on the matter. Do you think that a 13 year old boy/girl is able to give consent when involved in a sexual relationship with a peer or with an adult (in any of both cases)? I know several people who lost their virginity at such an early age, and they are mostly functional and well-adjusted fellows, but I´m still interested about hearing your opinions. I´m sure that people like our new member Drugstore Cowboy would be quick to label all the Spanish people as sexual predators who take advantage on our young. Well, it figures...

Another question that has been wandering my mind is this: Have any of you as an adult have someone below the age of consent making sexual advances towards you? I am asking just if someone younger than eighteen has flirted with you on a sexual manner, or made advances at you. As I have usually older girlfriends (some of them are teachers and they are always complaining about their male pupils doing just that), so I know that for teenage boys that is most definetily true.

Well, I hope people answer this thread, cause I would like to hear everybody´s thoughts on the subject. Peace and love to everyone out there.

R.I.P. : On a sad note, "Doctor Who" actress Elizabeth Sladen (she played "Sarah Jane") passed away this morning at 63 years old after a long battle with Cancer. I was going to make another thread about this subject but I didn´t have the energy to write it. She will be terribly missed by geeks and non-geeks around the world.

I think 13 is a good age IF that person wants to explore sex and is not coerced into it... They are curious and anxious to learn. The state can never stop it. They try but fail. look at prostitution. yes, I have had someone under the age of consent flirt and actually touch me"accidentally". Of course I enjoyed it but was too scared to return the favor. How dumb was I? i have regreted it ever since.

[jem_is_bi]

Yes, a 19 yr old male as well as a 14 yr old female has contacted me explicitly for sex.
I did have extended email contact with each during which I discovered they were very nice young people. So, I would have liked to meet them because I really liked them. But, I did not meet them and would not have sex with them. I do not see how that would be a positive experience for either of them. While they were asking for sex, they were searching for more for love and acceptance and unsure how to incorporate sex.
I am sure they will eventually get it right without having sex with me. I would like to meet them in the future as mature adults, because I like them not because I want sex.

[Dead Account]

I think (that's think, not the "legal" age) you would be ready when you're sure you're ready and not when you're coerced into it and you're giving it and Boone is "taking" it from you. I would definitely turn someone down that I knew wasn't ready regardless of how pressing they might be. Emotional scars can take a lifetime to heal.