So I'm Really Confused. Help?

[TheRaven]

Hey guys I saw this site and thought this would be the best place to help.
I'm not sure what my sexuality is. I've always identified as Bisexual but I don't know. And for those of you that are about to say "Labels don't matter!" I'm sorry to tell you they do for some people! Anyways let me give you some background info. I'm 19 years old. I consider myself to be a virgin even though I was molested by two people when I was a child. (Even though a couple of time I was the instigator... :/) Back then I had crushes on both males and females. But because of the molestation I looked more towards guys. I have loads of porn on my computer of all sort (gay, straight, and bisexual) but mostly gay. I find that gay is more attractive but I can still get off on straight porn it just takes longer and I am EXTREMELY picky when it comes to female models. I have never dated anyone before. And I have felt butterflies in my stomach for both genders. I'm a really good flirter. I'm also afraid that when my first time comes with a girl I'll have an issue "getting up" and she'll be like "What the fuck?" I know from the childhood experiences that I don't have a problem "getting up" with guys. And I am also afraid to tell any of my partner if I was Bisexual because they would automatically think I would cheat on them because there are some things that they can't offer me. But I would never! Also I already know that there are some things like kinda gross me out. Like "eating out" a boy or girl just seems kinda nasty to me so how would I tell them that? Also the other day I saw two girls kissing and I got mildly attracted to that. I've never been into the whole lesbian thing but I was like whoa! Does that make me weird? Sorry this post is long. This actually came out better than I expected it to. Any help is appreciated! Thanks! :)

[GroupSex]

Frist of all welcome.

From what you have posted you are at the start of your sexual journey. There is nothing wrong with trying something out.

As you explore your sexual desires you will find your balance, and hopefully come away with some good memories. :bigrin:

I hope this post will help you.

[tenni]

Hey Raven
Take it one step at a time with women.

You have not clarified whether you were molested by men or women? You seem to be leaning more towards guys than women but that may be familiarity and guys are sooo much easier than girls...lol

Find a woman that you are attracted to. Begin with holding hands or a kiss and go from there. You don't have to go all the way the first time that you get with her. Get comfortable with her enough maybe to tell her that you have been molested and not had much experience because of that. If she is the right woman for you, she will understand. It will be up to you whether you tell her right away that you are bisexual. If I were you, I wouldn't disclose that until after a few dates and especially if you disclose your sexual history as far as the molestation. Oral doesn't have to be part of any sexual activity if you are not comfortable with it.

[TheRaven]

Hey Raven
Take it one step at a time with women.

You have not clarified whether you were molested by men or women? You seem to be leaning more towards guys than women but that may be familiarity and guys are sooo much easier than girls...lol

Find a woman that you are attracted to. Begin with holding hands or a kiss and go from there. You don't have to go all the way the first time that you get with her. Get comfortable with her enough maybe to tell her that you have been molested and not had much experience because of that. If she is the right woman for you, she will understand. It will be up to you whether you tell her right away that you are bisexual. If I were you, I wouldn't disclose that until after a few dates and especially if you disclose your sexual history as far as the molestation. Oral doesn't have to be part of any sexual activity if you are not comfortable with it.

Oh sorry. They were both men. Also your advice raises another question of mine. First off my parents are really conservative Christians and they believe all gays are going to hell. In fact my dad believes there is a special place in hell just for them. And I am only attracted dark-skinned women (Mostly blacks, but I like Latinas and pacific islanders too.) And my dad hates that and says he thinks it's disgusting and he doesn't want any black grandchildren. So there's no way I can make him happy and that's hard. :(

[12voltman59]

I too welcome you to the site, Raven.

My suggestion to you would be to first and foremost, consider finding a therapist to deal with your issues of having been molested when you were younger. While it is surely possible to eventually deal with the ramifications of that on your own----the process of dealing with that, coming to grips with it, processing it and coming to deal with it then moving on in life will be sped up if you deal with it head on and as quickly as possible--then from there--work on your feelings and attractions for both males and females. It would also help you deal with those issues of finding oral sex with both genders to be unappealing.

I wish you luck in finding your way in this. That you are trying to deal with it all shows that you can and will get through this--as tough as it seems now.

[TheRaven]

I too welcome you to the site, Raven.

My suggestion to you would be to first and foremost, consider finding a therapist to deal with your issues of having been molested when you were younger. While it is surely possible to eventually deal with the ramifications of that on your own----the process of dealing with that, coming to grips with it, processing it and coming to deal with it then moving on in life will be sped up if you deal with it head on and as quickly as possible--then from there--work on your feelings and attractions for both males and females. It would also help you deal with those issues of finding oral sex with both genders to be unappealing.

I wish you luck in finding your way in this. That you are trying to deal with it all shows that you can and will get through this--as tough as it seems now.

Thank you. I have never been the type to hold a grudge. I have forgiven them and moved on. Even though their actions still affect my current state of mind as per sexual identity.

[tenni]

Thanks for the clarification Raven
One thought that I would like to give you is that despite oral sex being accepted/popular much more today than a few decades ago, not wanting to give oral sex is something that you should feel guilty about or ashamed about at this point of your sexual exploration. As you become more and more comfortable with your sexuality, you may change your mind. Not all men want to give oral sex to another man and the same is true for oral sex with a woman. It doesn't matter whether they are straight, bisexual or gay. The same is true for anal sex.

[chook]

Oh sorry. They were both men. Also your advice raises another question of mine. First off my parents are really conservative Christians and they believe all gays are going to hell. In fact my dad believes there is a special place in hell just for them. And I am only attracted dark-skinned women (Mostly blacks, but I like Latinas and pacific islanders too.) And my dad hates that and says he thinks it's disgusting and he doesn't want any black grandchildren. So there's no way I can make him happy and that's hard. :(

Is your old man a member of the KKK with all that hate in him?????? And you aint here to make him happy.........you just do what you think is right and enjoy what you enjoy, after all your dad sounds like he has done just that in his life..... my advice to you is to sit back and enjoy the ride, it will all sort itself out in the long run.


Cheers Chook :bigrin: btw just my:2cents:

[biblkman]

Well the best advice I can offer is experimet.
That's the only way you will truly understand your sexuality.

As far as telling your possible future partner about your sexuality.....wait.
Until you know your sexuality you won't realy know what to tell them.
And I would hold off on sharing your sexuality with someone you want to be with, know yourself, establish trust and understanding and if its someone you want to be commited to share with them your sexuality before you get commited.

Trust me it saves a world of unnecessary drama.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hi Sweetie, welcome to the site, and welcome to You. Listen to the other gentlemen on this site, they'll steer ya right, Hon.
When you discover You, then fill in a partner, but until then dont rush it. Its on a need to knowbasis. One the basis of they dont need to know until its time to. lol
Have fun here with us, and ignore the trolls. Pop into chat and get to know some folks, and come to know yourself as well. :}
Cat
Everybody's Feline.