View Full Version : Is it wrong?
strawberry8302
May 3, 2006, 10:16 AM
I have a friend with benefits, and he has a girlfriend. We still mess around and have sex often, usually when she's not home. Is it wrong for me to still sleep with him even though I know he has a girlfriend? If anything, I think he's more in the wrong because he's cheating on her. And I was around before he met her. But he honestly is my friend, and we hang out alot. He's a sweet guy, and the sex is unbelieveable. He has a great cock, too! I just wanted to know what you guys thought of the situation.
KevsBi
May 3, 2006, 10:48 AM
Well this can be a very tricky situation because there are feelings involved here. Personally I have no use for cheaters. When I was younger, I found out the hard way that the love of my life was cheating on me....she was the first girl I ever loved and it was devastating.
But I guess it depends on what kind of relationship they have. If they are non-committed to each other (which I know HE is'nt) then I don't see any harm in it....just two friends having a good time...BUT if she has any feelings at all for this dude I would back off or at least let him make a choice on who he wanted to be with.
But I'll warn you now, from my experiences, if you decide to have a relationship with this guy just remember that he is cheating on another girl to be with you....what makes you think he won't cheat on you with somebody else down the road :2cents:
GalacticiaActual
May 3, 2006, 11:21 AM
Only okay of they have the understanding that it is an open relationship.
If one isn't aware of what the other is doing, then it's cheating.
Also might not say much about some ones personal integrity and values.
Cheat: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cheat
:soapbox:
wildangel
May 3, 2006, 11:23 AM
Is it cheating? Or does she know? I have a husband and a girlfriend. They both know and they are both okay with the situation.
However, if he is cheating on her with you-well, that opens a pretty big can of worms.
#1: If she's a vicious person (and you can't always tell that until you become a victim of the viciousness) then she won't care if you think he's more at fault or that you were around first. I'm sure you know how vindictive women can be. When (not if) she finds out, expect there to be holes in your tires and cracked eggs on your windshield.
#2: He may only be with you to see if he can get away with having two girls. More than likely he's using you. Well, I don't see any other reason. You wouldn't be the side project if he truly cared for you.
He's no good for you. Dump his sorry butt and find a man who will want to be with you, instead of using you to play his girlfriend.
csrakate
May 3, 2006, 12:32 PM
While I agree that he is more culpable in the cheating department since he has a girlfriend, don't delude yourself into believing that you have no part in this arrangement. You are allowing it to happen and for the life of me I can't understand why you would do that. Don't you feel the least bit used by this guy?
I also think that you are not totally comfortable with this arrangement or you wouldn't be posing this question. You must be experiencing little pangs of guilt or else you wouldn't try to justify the relationship by claiming you were "there first". And I don't care how good his cock is, you should never find yourself doing something that makes you feel the least bit guilty. Also, do you really feel good that he goes back and forth between the two of you but you are the "secret one"? Friends with benefits? Sounds more like a one sided friendship to me...with you getting the short end of the deal.
Hun, I agree with the others...dump this user and find someone who will appreciate you for more than a roll in the hay. You need to muster up some self esteem and find a relationship that doesn't require you to question the validity of it.
Hugs,
Kate
HwdBiGuy
May 3, 2006, 12:49 PM
You are F'ing someone's boyfriend.
What part don't you get?
jedinudist
May 3, 2006, 3:22 PM
I have a friend with benefits, and he has a girlfriend. We still mess around and have sex often, usually when she's not home. Is it wrong for me to still sleep with him even though I know he has a girlfriend? If anything, I think he's more in the wrong because he's cheating on her. And I was around before he met her. But he honestly is my friend, and we hang out alot. He's a sweet guy, and the sex is unbelieveable. He has a great cock, too! I just wanted to know what you guys thought of the situation.
If his other girlfriend is not aware of what you and he are doing, AND has not given her "blessing" for it, then yes- it would be wrong for you to allow it to continue on a sexual level.
rumple4skin
May 3, 2006, 4:44 PM
I think it is wrong if there is any deception involved. If she knows and is ok with it then no foul. If she is not ok with it or would not be ok with it when she finds out then he is being dishonest with her and you are helping him be dishonest.
Change roles for a min. If you were with someone who you expected to be monogamous and you found out that he or she was fucking their friend would you feel ok about being lied to? I know I would not and that is why I do not get involved in situations where the spouse or significant other would get hurt when they find out. I also think that if I have to justify something by saying the sex is so good or he has a great cock or she has a great pussy then I am just trying to find ways to assuage my guilt and tell myself it is ok when I know it is not.
Hope you find the answers you need,
Rumple
cassie
May 3, 2006, 9:04 PM
I truly believe if all parties involved are ok with it then there is nothing wrong with sharing your partners. But.......if not it is definitly cheating and in MHO that is not acceptable.
is it wrong?
yes. you are not the primary perpetrator, but you are an accessory to the crime.
mimi
gina42
May 6, 2006, 4:28 PM
strawberry,
all i can really tell you by reading your post is you know if it is wrong or not in your heart, but i will caution you ...if you play with fire becareful that you dont get burned and what i mean by that is..this guy is cheating on his girlfriend with you and who is to say that if he was with just you that he wouldnt cheat on you?......please becareful.
Tx46M
May 6, 2006, 7:28 PM
While I agree that he is more culpable in the cheating department since he has a girlfriend, don't delude yourself into believing that you have no part in this arrangement. You are allowing it to happen and for the life of me I can't understand why you would do that. Don't you feel the least bit used by this guy?
Hun, I agree with the others...dump this user and find someone who will appreciate you for more than a roll in the hay. You need to muster up some self esteem and find a relationship that doesn't require you to question the validity of it.
Hugs,
Kate
(Extracted version) Well said Kate, like a double edged sword!
:2cents:
Tx46M
May 6, 2006, 7:32 PM
is it wrong?
yes. you are not the primary perpetrator, but you are an accessory to the crime.
mimi
Brilliant as always!! Wish I still lived out there, we could have some fascinating conversations!
:)
Brilliant as always!! Wish I still lived out there, we could have some fascinating conversations!
why, thank you! :) california welcomes you! or if you can't move out here, you can always meet me in the "cali-cafe" (which i'll be holding tuesday nights 9pm-11pm) and we can chit-chat over a cup-a-joe! ;)
mimi :flag1:
jedinudist
May 7, 2006, 8:07 PM
why, thank you! :) california welcomes you! or if you can't move out here, you can always meet me in the "cali-cafe" (which i'll be holding tuesday nights 9pm-11pm) and we can chit-chat over a cup-a-joe! ;)
mimi :flag1:
is the cali-cafe open to folks who do not live in California?
woolleygirl
May 7, 2006, 10:37 PM
strawberry,
all i can really tell you by reading your post is you know if it is wrong or not in your heart, but i will caution you ...if you play with fire becareful that you dont get burned and what i mean by that is..this guy is cheating on his girlfriend with you and who is to say that if he was with just you that he wouldnt cheat on you?......please becareful.
You know if roles were reversed how would you handle it? Always becareful angery girlfriends are vicious when they think what they have is in jepordy (opps) :2cents: . Hon Take care and always becareful.
T
eods79
May 8, 2006, 12:34 AM
I gotta play deviles advocate and say that you should do whatever makes YOU happy. This is your life, you only live once...do with it as you please. If some people get hurt along the way, then guess what...oh well.
is the cali-cafe open to folks who do not live in California?
yep! it's for californians and friends, so drop on bi!!! :bibounce:
mimi
strawberry8302
May 8, 2006, 11:06 AM
Thanks so much everyone, for your advice.