i can't decide if i want to marry a man or a woman

[sweetie pie]

hi guys. this is my first post on this site. i'm a 27 yr. old female who is ready to settle down. i have known i'm Bi and lived a bisexual lifestyle since i was six or seven. i currently live with my boyfriend. he is planning on proposing soon.... i love him dearly but i always imagined myself marrying a woman. and, every time we have a disagreement which springs from our being so different (you know, male vs. female bullshit) it really distresses me. and i think, do i want to be with somone so different for the rest of my life?? i've been thinking about my ex girlfriend a lot lately... we always had stuff to talk about. we listened tenderly to each others feelings, she treated me like a princess! and we were engaged. she's always said she keeps the ring waiting for me to come back home to her. so, basically, i have found the man And woman of my dreams. all i need to do now is chose which sex i want to commit to for the rest of my life. being bi has always been a very natural, simple thing for me. but for the first time in my life it's causing me a lot of confusion. any input from other women who have faced this dilema would be greatly appreciated. thanx!

[DuckiesDarling]

I haven't faced this dilemma but I have been married and am planning on getting married again. My simple solution for your problem. Don't get married. You think you are ready to settle down but the fact you had to post this shows you aren't. There are no right or wrong ways and in the end it shouldn't be the gender you settle down with, but the person.

[sweetie pie]

i am literally torn between these two people! in my perfect world, i would marry them both and be only with him and her. but, unfortunately, they don't think like i do and would never share me. this is a true dilema that i am going through and i need to pick one. i can't be the only person on this whole site who's ever felt this way.

[void()]

Not to sound like a cornball but in cases like this, some words that are priceless can be found in a song. "Listen to your heart."

I am married to a very wonderful wife. She knows I would marry my boyfriend, too. If I were to leave her, which I have no desire or plans on doing, but hypothetically, I would be with him. It is about the person, not the gender. And they are not the person you need to look at. Look inward.

In my case it was just simply meeting her first. And yes, I know it hurts like a bitch on steroids. Fortunately, I have a happy middle ground. Maybe you need to consider staying single, if neither one can offer compromise. That might be the best for everyone. Hindsight, if I knew then ...

[Michigan_cpl]

there is a saying..... women know how to please women & men know how to please men. so for you honey, i would say women to women.
i was you and you partner many happy years together.:bipride:

[sweetie pie]

Void Dweller: your wife is ok with you having a boyfriend?

[sweetie pie]

michigan cpl: i think you are right. i am ultra feminine and emotional and sensitive. if i chose her, she will be tender to all those qualities. where as men, just don't seem to understand me. and i don't understand them!

[Darkside2009]

Just the obvious fly in the ointment, if the woman is so wonderful why is she your ex? That would indicate your relationship with her didn't work out. Now you've had a row with your boyfriend you are thinking of leaving again.

A relationship, any relationship, is hard work. It needs effort, the more you put in the more you get out. A lifetime together is a learning process, no matter whom you might marry, a process of give and take and adjustment to one another's feelings and needs.

Your post has been all about what they could give to you, nothing about what you might be offering them in return. As such I would suggest you delay thoughts of marriage to anyone until you have matured a little.

[sammie19]

If you can't then don't cos sods law tells that whichever you decide upon will be the wrong decision. Maybe both would be the wrong decision.

[oralifix8edguy]

Why not both@same time?actually I think a 4sum would be ideal,like the comic CHOISES,2bi men&2 bi women loving each other

[Maggot]

You're not ready to marry yet.

As mentioned above, any relationship, marriage in particular is hard, hard work. If an argument sets you hankering with rose tinted glasses after an ex then you really need to think long and hard about your reasons for wanting to get married in the first place.

[bunvotey11]

I don't think you should marry either. You cite as your reason for getting married is that you are ready to settle down. However, I don't see where you are ready to settle down with either him or her. Why are you ready to marry? You're 27? All of your other friends are married? Your biological clock is ticking? Why do you think it's time?

When you decide that is the person you want to spend your life with, then it is time to marry. You don't seem to relate to your boyfriend. I don't think you should marry him. You are no longer with your girlfriend. I don't think you should marry her either.

Probably not what you wanted to hear from me.

[void()]

Yes, she's alright with me having a boyfriend. Then again I'm sort of an easy guy to get along with. I don't demand a boyfriend or wife really. They love me and stay around. :) Glad they do.

"A relationship, any relationship, is hard work. It needs effort, the more you put in the more you get out. A lifetime together is a learning process, no matter whom you might marry, a process of give and take and adjustment to one another's feelings and needs."

And yes, I agree with this as well. Relationships are work. I don't agree they ought to be hard work, though. If they're so difficult, then apparently something is really wrong on either side or both. But yes, both need to bring plates to the table and hopefully be willing to share in the feast, so to speak. And afterward, both of you wash dishes, do the dirty clothes, walk the dog and so on.

Take your time and listen. No need to rush to jump over the gorge, if you can build a bridge in cohorts with someone on the other side.

[morandi]

This is one of the most difficult things for bisexuals. Some people say here that you have to find somebody who is excepting your needs. But you can't choose to fall in love on just the first one who is that open to sexuallity. They also have their feelings. For example i like men more sexually, but women more emotional. I can fall in love on a women but after a certain time we're living together like brother and sister. If i want sexual fulfillment i have to find that outside my relationship. And i don't want that. I'm exaully in the same position as you are. We can be bisexual but bisexual relationships don't excist. Only hetero and gay relationships. We can accept ourselfs as nonmonagamous but can your do the same. Or press ourselfs in to monogamous behavior, but will we be happy with that. I think: indeed, follow your feelings but do'nt force yourself into anything your not sure about.

[sweetie pie]

MORANDI: thanx for the decent reply. it is so hard on forums to get any one to reply who actually seems to get what you're talking about. especially when talking about relationships people jump to A LOT of conclusions. any way. yes a part of me would honestly love to marry a man and a woman. i also think it could be a great thing for both relationships in some ways. but, as i said, not everybody thinks outside of the box or wants to share the person they love. it's just nice to know that some one out there understood what the heck i was talking about! much love take care

[morandi]

hi sweetie pie,
Yes... on all off this forums you see the same questions and the answers are always predictable. Accepting yourself for who you are. But for the most bisexuals isn't that the problem. The problem are the partners. Only a few percentage of people is bisexual and understand were you talking about.
I'm living in a big city, in a country wich is very open to homosexuality wich is a large gayscene. My vision is that when you choose a label for youself like gay or hetero you don't say with what kind of gender you want sex or a relation ship You exually say what gender you don't want sex or a relationship. When you say i'm bisexual you don't exclude the other sex. Thats for a lot of people unclear and a threat. I have my hotspots to go out in the city and i even have a pub where i meet a certain part people working in the creative branche.
Exually how big the city is everyone knows me. Once i was in a discussion were bisexuals came up. I had to defent myself and in my angryness I came out. On that open moment everybody seems to accept it.
But in the month wich followed i feld it was spoken al around.
Then i meet this nice women, i had a crush on. She also knew about my bisexuality. And just simply turned away from me by saying she knew.
What i want to say here that it is very difficult for yourself to find this relationship. I have always seen myself as bisexual. I was married for over twenty years. And at that time it wasn't a big deal my ex knew about it.
But after my divorce it became a real problem and i'm questioning myself with what gender i want a relationship. I feel i have to make a choice for that. The reason for that is that the gayscene and heteroscene are really split. In one scene i'm gay in the other i'm expect to be hetero. A lot of people here on this site say; you have to be patience and see whats coming on your path.
You fall in love and thats it. What i explain here taht there are two pathts. If i want to meet gay people i have to go out in the gayscene. I know i will meet people there wich i also meet in my hetero world. With that al the women will know i regualry visit gay bars and than i can forget the women.
In heteroscene i sometimes meet gay men but the chance to find somebody is than smaller. What i exually say is that there are a very few people who should like to have a relationship with somebody who is a bisexual out ot the closet. I learned its not that easy, i'm going out in gay bars and often think what the heck. But a lot of my potential partners don't think "what the heck". They care. I'm not the one who got problems with my bisexuallity but i'm forced to stay in the closet untill i have find a love and then tell them.