Confused...

[goovna]

Hey everyone,

I'm new to the site, and struggling with my sexuality, so I was hoping this would be a good place to seek advice.

I'm a female who has had an idea that I was bisexual since my freshman year of highschool (about 4-5 years ago) and have come to accept and regret my lifestyle. I have still yet to come out of the closet except to a few of my closest friends and partners, but I don't have the courage to come out to anyone in my family. My parents, mainly my father, are who I like to call "bible thumpers." They have a real want to push religion and damnation upon the "unholy" even though they are far from perfect themselves.

I feel like a disgrace to my parents when I hear them gay bashing, like my sexual orientation is just another way in which I can never live up to their perfect standards... It's gotten to the point to where I broke up with my girlfriend, so as to not risk getting caught, and am trying to supress my urges.

I'm so confused on what to do... I hate how they view me, but I can't hide this forever. Any advice would help. Thank you :female:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I'm sorry you had to lose your lady over this, Hon. Parents can be a real chore in life sometimes. But ya gotta look at it like this: You either tell them/him and risk all that you've known and be the disgrace of their existance, or go ahead and come out to them, and be free to be you once and for all. Its a hard decision, but you've got to make it sooner or later. I know they/he will rant and rave for a while, and be all indignant, but its Your life, not theirs. And if you live on your own then what you do is your business. If you still live under their roof, then I'd keep things under the QT until you do get out on your own.
Good luck whichever way you go, but think it through long and hard before you come out to them. :}
Cat

[goovna]

Thanks Cat :)

I'm still sadly under their roof for a couple more months, but after that I want to be true to myself. I just hope the remaining time under this roof doesn't brainwash me anymore. I may come out to them one day, despite what they say... It's my life :bipride:

[Realist]

Groovna, I was raised in similar circumstances as you were, only many years earlier. I know, for a fact, they may have been even more apt to kick me out of the house and disown me, if they'd known I was bisexual. (back then it was just QUEER! Being queer was just about as bad as dating/or marrying someone of another race!)

I have to ask you, if you know how your family will react, why do you want to tell them? Your sexuality is YOUR business. I certainly don't want to know my family's sexual idiosyncrasies...so why do they need to know yours?!

I never told my family and most of my friends. I tell my lovers, and some of my very most trusted friends and that's it!

This is NOT advice, you should do what you feel most comfortable with. I'm just telling you my experiences and how I've handled this issue. I'm comfortable with me, but maybe that comes with knowing myself and the age helps, too.

I have a bisexual GF, love her deeply, and will not trade her for anyone as long as she loves me!

Whatever you decide, good luck, Lady.

[taz321]

I have not told my family about being bi the the same reasons that you have stated, but I feel it is not really their buisness so I have just told a few people about it. My ex-wife outed me to my mom a few years ago and I told her that I just experimented with guys and that I was done with it. I know if I told my mom I was bi she would give me the I am going to hell speach and would probably not talk to me again, so I keep my being bi just between me and my girlfriend which I told as soon as we started dating. I struggled for a long time with being bi and have just recently accepted that being bi is who I am and if nobody else likes it, well it's just to bad they must not really be my friends or family for that matter. I know it's hard so keep your chin up and good luck to you sweetheart! :)