rupertbare
Apr 30, 2006, 5:35 AM
:grouphug: Well hello everyone!!!!!!
Sorry it's been so long..........but.......
On Good Friday I, with Proud Daughter with me for support (and God how I needed her that day!!!), I went into the local Mental Health Unit (the modern name for asylum....lol!!! ;) ) as an "informal" patient (what used to be called a voluntary patient). For the first 24hours I was on close ob.s.....so not allowed to close my bedroom door (nurse had to have me in sight at all times), escorted to the toilet and while shaving, etc, etc. By the end of the first week I was being alowed off the hospital grounds with a nurse escort and as of last Tuesday I now able to come and go as I please, the first visit was to my library......more poetry and fantasy books to devour avidly!!!
I am on one of the post-Prozac S.S.R.I's.......don't feel as depressed....shame is it doesn't allow me to feel ANY emotion!!! lol!!! Oh well, what the fu*k!!!
Still in very dark places, and have reached the most boring of stages in chronic severe depression....the analytical phase. There is another depressive on my ward...came in two days ago after an OD and several on the other three wards......silly really.....we all discuss our suicide failures and therefore improve our techniques!!!!! Madness!!!!! :) We also have several Bi-polar sufferers (used to be know as manic depression)
For me the most dangerous person is not one of the psychotics or paranoid schizophrenics but ME. Suicide still remains an option and the med.s are not useful for dealing with that....the one-to-one doc. stuff is so infrequent as to be useless. But there are those I love that I don't want to become the survivors of a successful suicide that are still very much in my mind and stopping me.....the very reason for going into hospital.
Oh...there are things to do during the day and a coupla evenings.......two of them are sessions for music and poetry appreciation!!! lol!!!! And I have managed to "throw" a pot on just the second attempt after twenty years of not using a potter's wheel!!!! lol!!!!!!!
Thank you all so very very much for your interest in my welfare and I apologise for not letting you all know what was going on.....but the last two weeks before hospital were a bit.....well just a bit crazy to be honest.
My short term memory is still pretty much gone......but my concentration is greatly improved.....so 2Fer....I FINISHED "Blue Moon Rising"!!! Three weeks to read 24 pages and three afternoons to finish the book!!! You have NO idea what a breakthrough that was!!!
I still miss my youngest two children very much and the prospect of being the non-residential parent fills me with dread.....as many of you know this is a second marriage.....I did that trip before....and it stinks!!!!!! Last time I ended up addicted to alcohol.........it is this aspect of my life that is the cause of so much pain and such suicidal thoughts.......a future without daily contact is beyond my imagination.
BUT please, all, understand I AM trying, desperately, to hang on to life.
Well that really is all for now you WONDERFUL people
with so much love to you all!!!!!!!!
Ron (aka Rupe) :)
Sorry it's been so long..........but.......
On Good Friday I, with Proud Daughter with me for support (and God how I needed her that day!!!), I went into the local Mental Health Unit (the modern name for asylum....lol!!! ;) ) as an "informal" patient (what used to be called a voluntary patient). For the first 24hours I was on close ob.s.....so not allowed to close my bedroom door (nurse had to have me in sight at all times), escorted to the toilet and while shaving, etc, etc. By the end of the first week I was being alowed off the hospital grounds with a nurse escort and as of last Tuesday I now able to come and go as I please, the first visit was to my library......more poetry and fantasy books to devour avidly!!!
I am on one of the post-Prozac S.S.R.I's.......don't feel as depressed....shame is it doesn't allow me to feel ANY emotion!!! lol!!! Oh well, what the fu*k!!!
Still in very dark places, and have reached the most boring of stages in chronic severe depression....the analytical phase. There is another depressive on my ward...came in two days ago after an OD and several on the other three wards......silly really.....we all discuss our suicide failures and therefore improve our techniques!!!!! Madness!!!!! :) We also have several Bi-polar sufferers (used to be know as manic depression)
For me the most dangerous person is not one of the psychotics or paranoid schizophrenics but ME. Suicide still remains an option and the med.s are not useful for dealing with that....the one-to-one doc. stuff is so infrequent as to be useless. But there are those I love that I don't want to become the survivors of a successful suicide that are still very much in my mind and stopping me.....the very reason for going into hospital.
Oh...there are things to do during the day and a coupla evenings.......two of them are sessions for music and poetry appreciation!!! lol!!!! And I have managed to "throw" a pot on just the second attempt after twenty years of not using a potter's wheel!!!! lol!!!!!!!
Thank you all so very very much for your interest in my welfare and I apologise for not letting you all know what was going on.....but the last two weeks before hospital were a bit.....well just a bit crazy to be honest.
My short term memory is still pretty much gone......but my concentration is greatly improved.....so 2Fer....I FINISHED "Blue Moon Rising"!!! Three weeks to read 24 pages and three afternoons to finish the book!!! You have NO idea what a breakthrough that was!!!
I still miss my youngest two children very much and the prospect of being the non-residential parent fills me with dread.....as many of you know this is a second marriage.....I did that trip before....and it stinks!!!!!! Last time I ended up addicted to alcohol.........it is this aspect of my life that is the cause of so much pain and such suicidal thoughts.......a future without daily contact is beyond my imagination.
BUT please, all, understand I AM trying, desperately, to hang on to life.
Well that really is all for now you WONDERFUL people
with so much love to you all!!!!!!!!
Ron (aka Rupe) :)