Message from Pluto (A Rupe update)

[rupertbare]

:grouphug: Well hello everyone!!!!!!

Sorry it's been so long..........but.......

On Good Friday I, with Proud Daughter with me for support (and God how I needed her that day!!!), I went into the local Mental Health Unit (the modern name for asylum....lol!!! ;) ) as an "informal" patient (what used to be called a voluntary patient). For the first 24hours I was on close ob.s.....so not allowed to close my bedroom door (nurse had to have me in sight at all times), escorted to the toilet and while shaving, etc, etc. By the end of the first week I was being alowed off the hospital grounds with a nurse escort and as of last Tuesday I now able to come and go as I please, the first visit was to my library......more poetry and fantasy books to devour avidly!!!

I am on one of the post-Prozac S.S.R.I's.......don't feel as depressed....shame is it doesn't allow me to feel ANY emotion!!! lol!!! Oh well, what the fu*k!!!

Still in very dark places, and have reached the most boring of stages in chronic severe depression....the analytical phase. There is another depressive on my ward...came in two days ago after an OD and several on the other three wards......silly really.....we all discuss our suicide failures and therefore improve our techniques!!!!! Madness!!!!! :) We also have several Bi-polar sufferers (used to be know as manic depression)

For me the most dangerous person is not one of the psychotics or paranoid schizophrenics but ME. Suicide still remains an option and the med.s are not useful for dealing with that....the one-to-one doc. stuff is so infrequent as to be useless. But there are those I love that I don't want to become the survivors of a successful suicide that are still very much in my mind and stopping me.....the very reason for going into hospital.

Oh...there are things to do during the day and a coupla evenings.......two of them are sessions for music and poetry appreciation!!! lol!!!! And I have managed to "throw" a pot on just the second attempt after twenty years of not using a potter's wheel!!!! lol!!!!!!!

Thank you all so very very much for your interest in my welfare and I apologise for not letting you all know what was going on.....but the last two weeks before hospital were a bit.....well just a bit crazy to be honest.

My short term memory is still pretty much gone......but my concentration is greatly improved.....so 2Fer....I FINISHED "Blue Moon Rising"!!! Three weeks to read 24 pages and three afternoons to finish the book!!! You have NO idea what a breakthrough that was!!!

I still miss my youngest two children very much and the prospect of being the non-residential parent fills me with dread.....as many of you know this is a second marriage.....I did that trip before....and it stinks!!!!!! Last time I ended up addicted to alcohol.........it is this aspect of my life that is the cause of so much pain and such suicidal thoughts.......a future without daily contact is beyond my imagination.

BUT please, all, understand I AM trying, desperately, to hang on to life.

Well that really is all for now you WONDERFUL people

with so much love to you all!!!!!!!!

Ron (aka Rupe) :)

[Sparks]

Welcome back Ron,
You know the saying....one day at a time, brother. There is no shame with checking yourself into the hospital. It was the appropriate thing to do, and you know it. You just hang tough, brother. YOU have a lot to offer this world! Do some mirror work and believe :-). Take good care.

Fred

[Mrs.F]

(((((((((((Welcome back dear sweet Ron))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) :bigrin:

I am so thankful that you did what you knew must be done. That was so smart on your part..to know that we all love you and your family and kids love you.. Having you back is wonderful and has already cheared me up. You are a sweet man who had more LOVE than anyone I know. You have the biggest heart!

Love you Ron..please take care and know we are here for you. :grouphug: :angel:

[texasman6172003]

Hi Ron, Its good to see you again. I am glad your getting the help. Iknow we never chatted in private, but i feel like ive known your situation from all of the post. Like ive said before if you need to chat feel free to talk to me. Take care Ron,remember we are here for you...

[Michael623]

((((((((((Ron)))))))))) Welcome back! Wishing you good health and prosperity.

Michael

[funtimebiman47]

Dear Rupe, Im glad to hear you are recieving the help you need to work through this low time in your life. Im sure it must be comforting to you, knowing you have so many freinds on this site. I believe that there is only one direction for you to go now, so hang on to the rollercoaster (life) and enjoy the ride up. :bigrin: We are all looking forward to hearing from you again.

Funtime

[jedinudist]

Dear Rupert~

I am new to the site, and somewhat drunk with happiness at having finally met others who understand this whole thing.

I have not had the opportunity to chat with you yet, but I can see from the things you have said that you are one of the good people in the world.

I have to deal with deppression too, and applaud the courage it took for you to take the right step and seek the help you are looking for!

Please do not allow suicide to be an option. Long after I attempted it myself, I ran across a quote that said "Suicide is one of the possible results of a persons pain exceeding their resources to cope with it".

Even to a newbie like myself, a mere glance around this site makes it obvious that there are many, many here who care about you. These people are resources, and from what I see, you will never run out!

It does get better. And like funtime said- life is a roller coaster. When you're up, you're on top of the world. When you're down, you have all these friends to help you out. Please stay with us and enjoy the ride!

I look forward to hopefully getting to chat with you someday soon.

[woolleygirl]

Rupe
Thank you for letting us know how you are doing we miss you and your wonderful views on things. Take care please and remember we are here for you

[APMountianMan]

Rupe,

Very happy to hear from you. Thanks for keeping in touch and I am happy that you are getting the help that you need. Keep the faith.

:cool:

[julie]

hey Ron..

...seems you have had time for reflection whilst being 'incarcerated'.. and have already acheived some clarity despite your numbed emotions..

...day at time though eh.. from(too much) personal experience my understanding is that it takes several weeks for anti-depressents to get properly established in your system...so it is still very early days for you hun..

...also suicidal feelings can become more pronounced during the first few weeks of treatment so please please just try to keep yourself safe and know that these feelings will pass.. and your perspectives WILL change...

... everything will come together in its own time Ron.. please dont worry about anything.. i think every faith under the sun has got folk offering love and prayers for your healing... so consider yourself covered from all angles :bigrin:

..tis gorgeous to hear from you, of course!.. just let your healing come from within now knowing that your most pressing needs of food and shelter are at last being attended to..

huge hugs for you.. love Julie xx

[meteast chick]

Oh Ron, how we missed you, friend. I'm so proud of you for doing what needed to be done. So many people take the 'easy' way out, without regard to their family and friends. You have so many of both, and we are here to support you all the way. Do NOT have shame over what is happening. I have suffered from depression myself and while mine never got to the level of yours, I have had several family members who have, and I understand what an ordeal that is. Take it one step and a time, and if you need to back up a step every now and then, do it. No one will think any less of you for it. You are a nice, kind, man, and every 'test' in life is a risk. Sometimes we try and fail, but you should feel proud that you tried at all. If you hadn't tried that would be the biggest failure of all. To try is to succeed, no matter the outcome.

Take care, my friend ((((((((((((((((((RON)))))))))))))))))
luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxo
meteast

[Mrs. Taz]

RUPER!!!! I love you. I miss you very very much and am so glad you are for the most part better sweetie. I am sorry I cant stay online to write you more but there is a storm getting ready to hit here. I am praying for you.

:grouphug: :smirlove2

[Lorcan]

I glad you made it into the hospital. My father was scheduled to go to a hospital, but he never made it; he committed suicide when i was 2. Therefore i never got to know him, and i wish i did.
Stay alive.

[MotherGoose]

What can I say? My darling precious love is back! I've missed you so much my love! Am so sorry to hear what all you've been going through and just wish that I were with you to help you get through it all.

Everyone has encouraged me to just hang in there, that you'd be back. I'm glad that I did. You are definately worth waiting for, and I do love you so much!

Keep getting the help you need, Honey! And when you're ready, we'll all be here for you. Just take your time, and more importantly, take care of you!

I love you, Sweetheart!

Macy :love87:

[agoodbiwife]

Rupe,

How often I have thought of you. Hope that you were well and getting the attention you so needed. I do not think that I would be mis-stating that we all have at one point in our lives been where you are. It is in the cycle of life. And as such you need to realize that what goes around will come around and your days of trouble will also come to and end or at least to an understanding.

If I may impress upon you one request, do not even contemplate the taking of your life. If you do that, then the other demons in your life will have won. You have children who need you, both young and old. You have so much to give, so much to share. Listen to me for I have been there. Having a good, honest and not affraid to hurt you to be kind friend is what you need, I was lucky to find one special person. Your is right beneath your eyes.

[SweetBlackAngel]

Wow, Ron...you've really had a time of it, haven't you? I'm glad to hear you are getting help and getting better.

Take good care and know that you are loved. :grouphug:

(((Rupe)))

[cassie]

I personally have never chatted with you but I do enjoy your posts.

Glad to hear things are looking up for you.

[BI BOYTOY]

hey their.im so gled to see an update :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: and im also glad to see that you are getting the help you need . :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: im sorry to here that life hes kicked you alot. i realy am ron. you know it is a good sign that you are thingking about the ones that care about you. and we as people dont relize what an impact we have on ther peoples lives by meeting them chating with them. every one of us has a good impact on everybody we meet and enteract with weather it be on the computer or taking the mail from the mail man. somebody once told me that when i thingk im at the end of my rope to tie a not in it and hang on. soHANG IN THEIR RON. i look forward to chat with you again :three: :three: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :flag3:

[mistymockingbird]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ron))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Just know I'm here for you in spirit darlin. Hoping that brighter days are on the way.

Miss you and love you.

Misty