Are Cross Dressers Gay?

[shortstroke]

A very close friende of mine has been a cross dresser for years. He is in his late forties now and started when he was pre teen. Here is his problem.
When he was 23, he met and married. She is, in my opinion, a stuck up bitch but, as they say, "Love Is Blind" and there was no stopping my friend. He was able to hide his fetish for almost 25 years but was finally found out; his wife stumbled onto his cache of womens clothes while cleaning the attic.
She is fully convinced that if a man wears womens clothes, he simply HAS to be gay. The fact that they have a very active sex life and he has fathered 4 children doesn't seem to matter to her thinking process. She is so adamant, that he has to be gay, that she has filed divorce papers. He has tried everything he can think of to change her mind, even suggested counseling, but to no avail. She ordered him out of the house but he refused to go.
Any suggestions on how he can convince her he is straight? To the best of my knowledge, he has never had any contact with another man and says he has never wanted to.

[bizel]

being a crossdresser doesn't mean you are gay. my mother, when she was a small tot, was dressed as a boy to suck up to the head of the clan (her grandfather), cos he all wanted was a boy after a long line of girls. she has lived with a desperate urge to dress in men's suits, etc. but mum is not gay. my hubby loves stockings and ladies knickers - not gay. his brother is full-on crossdresser - still not gay. this will not convince her though.

when you love someone, even if you can't understand their need, you accept it and work with it. but when you want out of a marriage, you will use any excuse to end it. it seems to me, from what you've said, there's more than meets the eye on this one. since she won't listen to reason, she may have 'gay' issues from way back and is terrified, or simply doesn't really love him anymore. if she is adamant, there is nothing he can do to change her mind. he may love her, but it doesn't work when only one side is making the effort. he may need to accept his marriage is over. and by doing so, he will open himself to opportunities for a happier existence. he can't be happy living like this. i do feel extemely sorry for the 4 children. they usually become pawns in matters such as this. i'm sorry to say, there's probably little he can do about that either as he can't monitor what she will say to them. the best he can do is live his life with dignity and truth. that's the best example he can set for his kids. i wish him luck.

[transcendMental]

I don't know if research impresses her, but I came across a statistic that 94%of crossdressers are straight males. That should make the odds that your friend is straight pretty high, especially if he has an active heterosexual sex life.

Maybe you can find this statistic (or one like it) on line.

tm

[Bluebiyou]

Who cares?

Sorry, I'm being insensitive.

She is a bitch and she's riding this ticket out. There is no reasoning. She wants to be free (and sacrifice hubby's heart and his soul at her false sense of self alter to Satan) with pocketbook and false ego enriched and nothing will stop her.

Slap your friend about a hundred times until he realizes that
1) nothing good henceforth can come from their relationship.
2) it's over, it's time to think of himself, not her.

His crossdressing is truly irrelevant to their relationship, but she'll hold to it like a life preserver. She's been looking for something like this for years. If she ever loved him, she fell out of love years ago and this is perfect opportunity for her to be the victim. She won't let it go.
He's still in love with her and will let her, like a vulture, pick his bones in a divorce.
She will pick his bones to her temporary enjoyment, then discard him like an empty cup. Perhaps with her false ego flattered by his devotion.


That's what it sounds like to me.

[12voltman59]

That woman is suffering under one of those many falsehood beliefs that our society spins about such things---as others have said----many men who crossdress consider themselves to be totally, 100% heterosexual and never entertained one thought of ever being with another man---they, for whatever reason, do like to dress up in women's clothing--I knew this one man--he was very much the quintessential straight man-and a retired cop to boot--but he loved to cross dress and even went out to nights they had at this one club for men who did----I knew many of them because they went to the church I attended at the time and like my cop friend---they were all very much purely heterosexual.

These guys ran the gamut from college educated professionals to guys who were "bluecollar workers" working in factories building cars or doing things like driving trucks or were welders.

[DuckiesDarling]

It's hard to tell really because we only have the perspective of a third party but it seems as though there is more going on in the marriage than just a discovery of cross dressing. If he hid it for years then there was a reason for his doing so but finding out while cleaning the attic probably threw her into a tailspin. I'm sorry she is believing a lot of the stereotypes out there but this is her gut level reaction. Her fight or flight instincts kicked in and they are telling her to run.

Your friend is just gonna have to take it slow and talk to her. Tell her why he never told her, that it is something he has done since he was a teen. That he never had any interest in men, explain to her why he crossdresses. That's only something he knows and something he should have shared with her long before she found out. 25 years is a long time to live a lie. And that's basically what he forced her to do. So I do hope he is successful in trying again for counseling but right now I'm thinking it's probably more the hidden aspect than the actual crossdressing that is stuck in her craw.

[Wanabee]

Hi all, I'm new here and have been confused about when is one called a gay and when is he called a tranny, TS, cd, etc...
When I was in my teens I was very girly and I prefered female underwear and clothing. I like it because it's nicer and more comfortable to wear. As far as sex is concern, I'm don't have any preference. Man & woman any or both at the same time will do. If I find him or her attractive, that's good enough for me. But society disagree with me and I'm forced to change and act like a man in my early 20's. The way I see it, I'm a gay, a cd, a straight and a tranny regardless of what I put on to cover my skin.

Oh, btw - where is the thread for newbies to introduce themselves?
Thx.

[transcendMental]

Hi all, I'm new here and have been confused about when is one called a gay and when is he called a tranny, TS, cd, etc...
When I was in my teens I was very girly and I prefered female underwear and clothing. I like it because it's nicer and more comfortable to wear. As far as sex is concern, I'm don't have any preference. Man & woman any or both at the same time will do. If I find him or her attractive, that's good enough for me. But society disagree with me and I'm forced to change and act like a man in my early 20's. The way I see it, I'm a gay, a cd, a straight and a tranny regardless of what I put on to cover my skin.

Oh, btw - where is the thread for newbies to introduce themselves?
Thx.

Hi Wannabee and welcome to the site!

A person is gay if they are attracted only to people of the same gender as themselves.

A person is bisexual if they are attracted to both males and females.

A person is a transsexual (or TS) if their gender identity differs from their birth sex. Some people call transsexuals "trannies" and some transsexuals are offended by being called that, because of the associations with the porn industry (and the fact that it's a stupid cutesy word :bigrin:). The key word is "identity". This is completely independent of who you're attracted to, so a transsexual can be gay, straight, or bisexual.

A person is a cross-dresser if they are male-gendered but dress as female, or are female-gendered and dress as male. This deals with how you're dressed, and not with who you're attracted to, so cross-dressers can also be gay, straight, or bisexual (though statistically, most are straight males).

Your description of yourself sounds like a bisexual crossdresser to me.

I hope that helps.

tm

[bikiniman]

As many have already answered below, majority of cross dressers are not gay. I am a 40+ cross dresser and I am certainly not gay.

The question here is not whether or not cross dessers are gay, but how does this man convince his wife he is not gay?

In defence of your friend's wife she must be be very hurt and confused having discovered this after 25 years of marriage, stuck up or not.

My suggestion is that he has to tell his wife the truth about why he cross dresses, if has not already and assuming he knows the reason why. If she can understand why he cross dresses then maybe she can accept that he is not gay.

We all have own reasons for cross dressing, although I would suggest there is alot of common ground.

[bunvotey11]

Just my opinion here, but not necessarily. It depends on why someone would wear clothing from the opposite sex.

Lingerie, panties, bras, pantyhose, and skirts are definitely feminine. A man putting on panties could be equated to putting on a vagina, and putting on a bra could be equated to boobs.

A gay man might put on panties to become a female is putting on a vagina. A straight man putting on panties may be equated to slipping into a vagina.

I'd love to be able to discuss female cross dressers, but they just do it all of the time with impunity.

Why does he wear the lingerie? Why did he hide it from his wife for so long? Why is she pissed? (Could it be just that he hid a part of himself from her, and did not trust her.)

[Papelucho]

Hi, I just wanted to list two famous male crossdressers who are heterosexual: the b-movie film maker Ed Wood, and the comedian Eddie Izzard. Good luck to your friend, it sounds like a tough situation.

[ashleycd]

I agree with bluebi's post as the most likely reality.

As for the OP question whether definitely gay or not necessarily gay, meh, I'll stick with what information is already out there, not necessarily gay.

[Wanabee]

Hi Wannabee and welcome to the site!

A person is gay if they are attracted only to people of the same gender as themselves.

A person is bisexual if they are attracted to both males and females.

A person is a transsexual (or TS) if their gender identity differs from their birth sex. Some people call transsexuals "trannies" and some transsexuals are offended by being called that, because of the associations with the porn industry (and the fact that it's a stupid cutesy word :bigrin:). The key word is "identity". This is completely independent of who you're attracted to, so a transsexual can be gay, straight, or bisexual.

A person is a cross-dresser if they are male-gendered but dress as female, or are female-gendered and dress as male. This deals with how you're dressed, and not with who you're attracted to, so cross-dressers can also be gay, straight, or bisexual (though statistically, most are straight males).

Your description of yourself sounds like a bisexual crossdresser to me.

I hope that helps.

tm

hi transcendMental,
Yes it definitely help me to clarify a lot of things. I have not cd since 1986! when I was 14 I wore my sis's dress once and went to public place, it got me into a lot of trouble. After tat i never dare to go public again until i went to Canada for studies in 1980. While there I cd and walked on the street on every Halloween! I thought western countries (back in the 80's) are more tolerance about gay/bi/cd/etc... Boy was I wrong!

[shewolf50]

Who cares?

Sorry, I'm being insensitive.

She is a bitch and she's riding this ticket out. There is no reasoning. She wants to be free (and sacrifice hubby's heart and his soul at her false sense of self alter to Satan) with pocketbook and false ego enriched and nothing will stop her.

Slap your friend about a hundred times until he realizes that
1) nothing good henceforth can come from their relationship.
2) it's over, it's time to think of himself, not her.

His crossdressing is truly irrelevant to their relationship, but she'll hold to it like a life preserver. She's been looking for something like this for years. If she ever loved him, she fell out of love years ago and this is perfect opportunity for her to be the victim. She won't let it go.
He's still in love with her and will let her, like a vulture, pick his bones in a divorce.
She will pick his bones to her temporary enjoyment, then discard him like an empty cup. Perhaps with her false ego flattered by his devotion.


That's what it sounds like to me.



personaly I have to agree, I've seen this same thing play out many times over.........myself included

[tg Shannon]

As a Bi crossdressing male I think I can help, Years and years ago, blue jeans, pants, britches or whatever you may call them were invented and intended for men not women, yet today nearly all women wear some form of pants, so, does this mean that all women are cross dressers and if so then are all women lesbians or gay, even though I am Bi, I do have alot of crossdressing friends that are straight, how you dress doesnt nessisarily reflect your sexual prefrances, religion or political views, sounds to me like she is looking for an excuse, jmho
shannon

[Herbwoman39]

I've got a dear friend who'd like a son to me and he crossdresses. He's also straight. He just wants to be a girl and when he goes through his process, he'll be a lesbian. But, as others have said, just because a guy crossdresses, that doesn't mean he's gay.

[stungun]

I don't know if research impresses her, but I came across a statistic that 94%of crossdressers are straight males. That should make the odds that your friend is straight pretty high, especially if he has an active heterosexual sex life.

Maybe you can find this statistic (or one like it) on line.

tm

After long & hot talks in the chat room here with fellow married males, I'm inclined to agree with this statistic.

[pantycouple]

Crossdressing does not relate to your sexual preference, they are two separate things. Just because one crossdresses does not mean they are gay. Yes you will find many that crossdress are bisexual, bi curious or gay, but you will also find many who crossdress that are straight. Many men crossdress and its very surprising just how many are expressing that they enjoy crossdressing. Some only wear panties while others wear pantyhose or lingerie and other womans clothing. Crossdressing is such a broad term and many do not understand that it is a broad term and that its totally separate from ones sexual preference. Men from all over the world, of every age, race and background are into crossdressing. Its just like anything someone is into, not everyone is also going to be into it. We are all different and have different interests in life. I have been crossdressing since growing up and my wife knows I enjoy crossdressing and she is very into me dressing up. Its fun and playful for the both of us. We do enjoy meeting others who like to crossdress. Its just like anything that one is into, having others around you that are also into it makes it more fun. Check out our profile for more about us.