Telling my son

[jessicafd]

I have something on my mind,telling my 10 year old son Alexander that I am bi sexual and do not know how to tell him yet.I am out to everyone except him and need to get this off my back.He is a good and respectful kid.My family that is 100% supportive said tell the truth and not to hold this back from him.Any Ideas?Alexander knows me very well and knows I am a very good mother.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Now why in the world would someone want to tell a 10 year old about their sexual matters??? Maybe its just me, but I dont see the reasoning in divulging your sex life to your kids. But...thats just me. Sigh.
Cat

[jessicafd]

Going to tell him tommorrow and we are going to talk.He is very understandful all the time since I am his mother that loves him.I do have a few girlfriends in my life and do go to bi sexual/lesbian bars with a couple of my friends once in a while.

[tenni]

Without knowing more details about your son, your relationship with his father and/or your past discussions about sex in general with him, I would just suggest to keep it simple, age appropriate and casual as possible. If he asks specific questions about more details, then go there but keep it brief. You may or may not want to introduce the word "bisexual" in the first conversation or a second conversation later.

ie.
Sometimes mom likes to kiss men and sometimes mom likes to kiss women. Sometimes mom has been in love/crush with a man (maybe daddy?) and sometimes mom has been in love/crush with a woman. etc.


I think that if you have been open with other people about your sexuality that by the age of ten it would be appropriate to hear it from you rather than one of these other people who may unintentionally let it out.

[RockGardener]

Unless it has become absolutely obvious to him, I wouldn't discuss it with him. When the time comes that you go on a date and he asks questions, or perhaps you bring home a girlfriend, then discuss it with him. A 10 year old boy doesn't need to know.

I have told my 15 yo daughter, because she is fifteen and she is a girl (and she's caught me here waaay too many times :eek:). But I have not told my 11 yo son because the thought Mom is doing anything - w/ male or female - is icky.

The conversations that should be going on now center around letting him know that it's ok to be gay, les, bi, trans... discussing same sex marriage... basically just opening his mind to non-hetero issues. If he's a reader, leave books around for him. But I feel it is not yet time to make it personal.

[gooniegoogoo]

Now why in the world would someone want to tell a 10 year old about their sexual matters??? Maybe its just me, but I dont see the reasoning in divulging your sex life to your kids. But...thats just me. Sigh.
Cat


Agreed.

[tenni]

You are naive if you think that ten year olds do not know the words "fag", "gay", "lezie" and "homo" or homosexual(to a lesser degree). They know what it means more or less as well plus a lot of negativity connected to these words. They may not know the word "bisexual" though. Its better to hear it from mom(or dad) that is a bisexual first.

[gooniegoogoo]

You are naive if you think that ten year olds do not know the words "fag", "gay", "lezie" and "homo" or homosexual(to a lesser degree). They know what it means more or less as well plus a lot of negativity connected to these words. They may not know the word "bisexual" though. Its better to hear it from mom(or dad) that is a bisexual first.

Yeah so? It doesn't mean you have to tell them that YOU are bisexual while they are 10 years old.

[tenni]

Why not?

Six year old should know the meaning of gay, bisexual in an age appropriate way without negative stigma attached to these words. If your friends and family know, they will find out very soon anyway. What they don't need to know are the details of sexual acts of mom or dad.

[maxtor]

kids nowdays know a lot more than we did when we were that age. believe me they know more at 8 than we did when we were 16....i guarantee it!! i had a freind to catch his daughter having sex before she was of a double digit age and the boy wasnt much older in her own bed in the middle of the night!!

i am sure he would understand but i dont think i would volunteer to tell him till later or he asked. he may become ashamed to be with you.

[bizel]

my mum used to be sent all the neighbourhood kids to explain the 'birds and bees' cos she was not embarrassed about it. she used to tell us that boys have their equipment hanging out, and girls have their equipment tucked inside. when consenting loving adults have sex, the boy's equipment slots into the girl's. usually by that time we didn't want to hear anymore cos we wanted to go outside and play. the more embarrasement and emphasis you put on it, the more will come across to your son. if you feel a need to tell him, don't get all technical cos he's probably not that interested in technicals. if he is, explain it simply or if uncertain, tell him you'll get back to him - and make sure you do.

simply tell him that you are what people call bisexual. there are women who fall in love with guys (hetro), women who fall in love with women (lesbian), and women who fall in love with both (bisexual). and it can happen from a guy's point of view too. people get all concerned with the labels, but labels are not important. it's the respect, commitment and love you give your partner, whatever sex, that is important. don't make it into a drama - it's not a tv program. just remember, at this age, he's probably going to talk to his friends about it so be prepared for the word getting about. this is a big subject for a 10yr old so you can't expect him to keep it quiet, if that's an issue for you. remember, you brought this up, not him. personally, i don't think it's necessary unless he brings up the topic of your girlfriends. as an adult, we have to take the responsibility of our choices, not to 'get things off our chests or backs' as you put it, and put it on a child's. that's what being a parent is all about. you educate your child, but not to pass a burden (that's what it sounds like from your post - sorry if i got that wrong). instead, try introducing the subject of sex. sex and partners. gay mardi gras has just been on, does he understand what that's about and why it's important? take it gently, step by step. teach him respect for different lifestyle choices first. then later you can mention yours. just a suggestion. good luck.

[RockGardener]

Yeah so? It doesn't mean you have to tell them that YOU are bisexual while they are 10 years old.

My point exactly!!


instead, try introducing the subject of sex. sex and partners. gay mardi gras has just been on, does he understand what that's about and why it's important? take it gently, step by step. teach him respect for different lifestyle choices first. then later you can mention yours. just a suggestion. good luck.

My daughter, and to a lesser point my son, are very knowledgeable about the LGBT world, but I only brought it home to my daughter this fall right before I moved. I expect both of my children to be at the wedding this summer, so yeah, they'll know everything by then.

[RockGardener]

I agree with Tenni you're naive if you think that a boy that's 10 or 11 years old does not hear the terms bisexual, gay, tranny, shemale, lesbian, queer, straight, or fag at all or has no idea what they mean. Kids hear these terms in school and said by their peers and friends. I heard them at 10 and kids today hear these terms.

How odd, I agree with Tenni also! Children should have positive information on LGBT issues. They don't need to know about what's going on in their parents' bedrooms, straight, gay or all of the above!



Your daughter has probably told your son that you're bisexual.

You live with another man/woman that's a tranny who you're in a relationship with, do you really think that your children don't know that you're not straight? Don't be so naive.



My daughter says she has not told her brother. He knows I live with a girl, and that she is my "friend". Like I've said before, they will both know more by the summer, because it will then be relevant.

I live with a lady that is transsexual. I do not live with a man/woman, nor do I live with a tranny. My daughter knows I am not straight, and I think my son suspects it.

[darkeyes]

There are ways of telling children about the most difficult things. We simply have to find them. Before telling a child one way would be to find out his or her attitudes to whatever that difficult thing is, and discuss it with him or her. A decision to tell doesnt have to be immediate, but taken with care after preparing the ground.. when to tell becomes so much easier once a child's opinions ahve been sought out and even modified through understanding. They are much more adult than we often give them credit for and better able to accept the most problematical things.

Rushing in and telling at the wrong time can often be much worse than not telling them at all. For consequences can accrue which create division and anger. Understanding and acceptance can be made more difficult.. so don't rush it.. not with a child..

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Ignore the people who are saying how you shouldn't because coming out is somehow telling someone else about your personal sex life

In case you didnt read it closely enough, the Poster was asking a question In General for an opinion. Those of us who dont agree with her decision Gave our opinions, it doesnt mean we're closeted or bigoted, it just means we have our own personal opinions and reasonings for doing things. Play nice.
Cat

[darkeyes]

Ignore the people who are saying how you shouldn't because coming out is somehow telling someone else about your personal sex life

In case you didnt read it closely enough, the Poster was asking a question In General for an opinion. Those of us who dont agree with her decision Gave our opinions, it doesnt mean we're closeted or bigoted, it just means we have our own personal opinions and reasonings for doing things. Play nice.
Cat

Cat..'e wudn kno how 2 play nice if nice gorrup an slapped 'im in the face.. mite hav summat 2 do wiv the fact that the gett prob dusn get 2 play in ne way shape or form at all... so 'e gets all uppity an snotty an shows 'imsel up as a rite dick..

God me dus luff trollies sumtimes... they r a rite gud source of fun n entertainment!!!:bigrin:

[DuckiesDarling]

What I find amusing is the number of people responding to this thread that do not have children, let alone a child of the age in question.

There is absolutely no need to tell your child unless he is asking questions or you are bringing your partners home to meet him. Now what hasn't been noted is that from your post your "supportive family" is pressuring you to tell your son. Why? Are they trying to undermine the relationship you have with your child?

Rock gave you excellent advice, follow it please, before you jump into the deep end and forget how to swim.

[JP1986UM]

Cat..'e wudn kno how 2 play nice if nice gorrup an slapped 'im in the face.. mite hav summat 2 do wiv the fact that the gett prob dusn get 2 play in ne way shape or form at all... so 'e gets all uppity an snotty an shows 'imsel up as a rite dick..

God me dus luff trollies sumtimes... they r a rite gud source of fun n entertainment!!!:bigrin:

I have a serious question and its not meant to be anything other than what it is:

Are you Jamaican? Or Scottish?

[tenni]

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage Rock Garden.

Generally, I believe that most parents know the right time and best way to communicate such information to their children. Not all parents are wise in such matters but generally they do the best that they can.

In my decades experience of working/counselling children, I have unfortunately seen some very difficult disclosures made by a parent. The consequences lasted several years in some situations.

I do hope Rock Garden that you are allowing enough time before the wedding for your son to adjust to his new step mom. Only you can make this decision. I hope that your ex is also going to be supportive for his son.

[Canticle]

I think that you asked a very interesting and important question, Jessica, and 99.99% of the answers have given extremely good advice and opinions, in many different ways. Being straight, I can only equate explaining sex and sexuality, to children, from one perspective, but I know that I can say, that without a doubt, any knowledge your son has, about his mother, should come from you. Most definitely.....and you are the only one who can determine, when you think the time is right.

I have three children, two boys, close in age and a much younger daughter. With my sons, they knew ‘’the facts of life,’’ very early on...about 5and 6 years. No sexual education was taking place at the school, but they were learning about the way the body worked, in a very simple and suitable manner, for children of that age. However, books on the body and how it works, cover many things and my younger son brought home with him, a quite amazing book, which described the way the body worked, in terms of it being a machine.....with a lot more involved too.

The section on sex, was quite amazing and my young son, had already found that page. So being the very brave parent, that I was, I said ‘’Read that, then ask questions,’’ which they did. The answers which they received, were appropriate for their age and nowhere, did I talk about my own sex life with their father. The time was right for them and both boys grew up, understanding about how both the male and female body works and they have always understood why female friends, may have been in a certain mood, once a month.

With my daughter, things were quite different, for she never showed any interest in learning where babies came from, or how they got there. So, I played a waiting game and it was only when sex education classes, were going to be part of the curriculum, that we went out, bought a very good book and sat down together and talked about things.

A couple of years along the line, she was coming with me, to my church, one day. I wanted her to know that one of the visiting Mediums was Gay and his partner would be with him. I did not want awkward questions at church, so I asked her if she knew what people being Gay, meant. ‘’Oh, Mummy, you don’t go to middle school for 4 years and not know what Gay means.’’ Apparently there was nothing to explain. Later, she became good friends with the Medium’s partner, who was a drummer in a heavy metal group. As my daughter was by now, a Goth, he became a hero and they would spend hours listening to the music, which they both held dear. She also had gay friends, at school.

It’s not going to be quite that easy for you. This is your son and you are the one who knows him. He might surprise you and show you that he already knows something, because children are extremely perceptive. However, it seems as if you have good family and friends, who will support you, whenever you decide that the time is right. Just make sure that the telling does come from you and not from outside forces. I would never have wanted to have anyone but myself or the father of my children, explain sex to them. You have got a more difficult explanation, but when the time is right, it will manifest itself. Good luck and just digest the many wise words that have been posted.......and remember....he’ll always love you.

[darkeyes]

I have a serious question and its not meant to be anything other than what it is:

Are you Jamaican? Or Scottish?

Just Fran babes.. jus lil me...:)

[clovermoon]

A parents sex life isn't something to share with a child

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Fran's a hottie no matter What nationality she is. Jamaican(Joo-makin-me-crazy) or Scottish, she's still our luffy lil tart. ;)
Cat

[darkeyes]

A parents sex life isn't something to share with a child

In specific and in gory in-depth detail maybe not.. but vis a vis sexuality? Very possibly so... essentially so in many circumstances...

..and as a child grows.. what else is sex education which any decent parent provides for a child? But very much what parents get up to.. and what they know.. and what they feel their child should know so they can go out into the world as well rounded, decent, well informed adults.. so in a sense you are very wrong.. unless you are of the opinion that we keep children ignorant of what lies in store for them.. lots of parents do.. lots of parents dont like schools telling their kids anything either.. lots of parents are quite happy for their children to live in ignorance..

[darkeyes]

lol Fran's a hottie no matter What nationality she is. Jamaican(Joo-makin-me-crazy) or Scottish, she's still our luffy lil tart. ;)
Cat

Jamaican.. lol.. that'll b rite..:tong: luff Jamaica patties tho..an adore Jamaica gingerbread thick wiv Scottish unsalted butta... 2 much of eitha an its pounds on the arse... so its 1ce in a blue moon for both... yum yum.. havn' had Jamaica gingerbread for months... mite just get some wiv this weeks food shop... ta for remindin me...:bigrin:

[JP1986UM]

but the way you type is so, Jamaican?

I am so confused?

Maybe you have jamaican friends.

Orig topic: telling a 10 yr old your sexuality is not a good thing. you wait until they are past 16 to drop that on them. In a way that doesn't interfere or influence their own search for identity.

[sammie19]

but the way you type is so, Jamaican?

I am so confused?

Maybe you have jamaican friends.

Orig topic: telling a 10 yr old your sexuality is not a good thing. you wait until they are past 16 to drop that on them. In a way that doesn't interfere or influence their own search for identity.

I'm sure Fran and Kate's 12 yo will appreciate those kind words as she has known about both her mothers' sexuality since she was 7 and was a bridesmaid at their wedding. And I am sure the younger child in the relationship will appreciate not knowing of her mother and Fran's sexualities as she grows up. Also I am sure glad to hear that my parents' heterosexuality should have been hidden from me until I was 16 or older.

[Canticle]

Jamaican.. lol.. that'll b rite..:tong: luff Jamaica patties tho..an adore Jamaica gingerbread thick wiv Scottish unsalted butta... 2 much of eitha an its pounds on the arse... so its 1ce in a blue moon for both... yum yum.. havn' had Jamaica gingerbread for months... mite just get some wiv this weeks food shop... ta for remindin me...:bigrin:

LOL!!! Fran, I have a confession to make. When I first began to read your posts, I, too, was getting an accent which reminded me of my many school friends, who made the journey from the West Indies, to these shore. I still don't imagine a Scottish accent, when I read them......more an East End of London. Though I can imagine you cursing in a very Scottish accent...LOL!!

Whatever....your posts are a delight and make plenty of sense. Keep them coming.....with your wise and witty words.

[darkeyes]

LOL!!! Fran, I have a confession to make. When I first began to read your posts, I, too, was getting an accent which reminded me of my many school friends, who made the journey from the West Indies, to these shore. I still don't imagine a Scottish accent, when I read them......more an East End of London. Though I can imagine you cursing in a very Scottish accent...LOL!!

Whatever....your posts are a delight and make plenty of sense. Keep them coming.....with your wise and witty words.

Ova time the subject of me postins an the accent has raised its head.. it is NOT Scottish.. it is certainly NOT Jamaican.. an its sure as hell aint London in ne way.. it is but Fran.. or bootgirlspeak 2 give it its propa name.. the language a the bootgirls.. Jambo girls mostly.. fun luffin tarts who like little bettern confusin the hell outa the world.. :bigrin:

An me accent Canticle babes.. is much less rough than sum wud think... Scottish assuredly, but not rough... am a ver nicely spoken lil tart in reality:tong:... now thers a hostage 2 fortune foryas..:eek:

[darkeyes]

Also I am sure glad to hear that my parents' heterosexuality should have been hidden from me until I was 16 or older.

Ya didn find out ya mum an dad wer str8?? Wenya wer jus lil an a babba? God.. thats shockin... ya shudda been taken inta care!!!! Wot wer ya mum an dad thinkin wee Craigie?:tong:;)

[Canticle]

I'm sure Fran and Kate's 12 yo will appreciate those kind words as she has known about both her mothers' sexuality since she was 7 and was a bridesmaid at their wedding. And I am sure the younger child in the relationship will appreciate not knowing of her mother and Fran's sexualities as she grows up. Also I am sure glad to hear that my parents' heterosexuality should have been hidden from me until I was 16 or older.

I quite agree Sammie. Understanding about such things should come gradually and what is appropriate for the age of the individual child, his/her maturity etc. Sixteen, seems to be and odd age to decide, when a child should be told this or that. By 16, my younger son would have been extremely able to tell me what heterosexual sex was like, yet his brother was very different. My daughter, somewhere inbetween.

Of course...we have to remember, that as we grow up....we realise this...only three people, never have sex...Mum, Dad and the Queen.

It's not telling a child intimate details of personal sexual behaviour, but allowing them to understand certain things about people and how we arrived here and are all different.

Jessica fill find the right time and the right words. She will know when.

[Canticle]

Ova time the subject of me postins an the accent has raised its head.. it is NOT Scottish.. it is certainly NOT Jamaican.. an its sure as hell aint London in ne way.. it is but Fran.. or bootgirlspeak 2 give it its propa name.. the language a the bootgirls.. Jambo girls mostly.. fun luffin tarts who like little bettern confusin the hell outa the world.. :bigrin:

An me accent Canticle babes.. is much less rough than sum wud think... Scottish assuredly, but not rough... am a ver nicely spoken lil tart in reality:tong:... now thers a hostage 2 fortune foryas..:eek:

Yes.....I remember you telling me about the ''bootgirls''....You do realise that some people....may become even more puzzled, now. LOL

Your wisdom is clear for all to see.

Now me...I have no accent....:rolleyes:....unless one wants to imagine the Queen Bee talking.....but toned down quite a lot. Blame Mum....who never explained a darn thing about anything.

Discovery was a rather interesting read of her very ancient copy of ''Married life and motherhood''...when I was bored...one Christmas school holiday...and perusing the books in the bookcase....age 13.5 years. I wasn't shocked...just thought ''Oh, so that's it,'' and gave my father, who was deep into riding the range in a Western novel, an amused look.

[Canticle]

I'm sure Fran and Kate's 12 yo will appreciate those kind words as she has known about both her mothers' sexuality since she was 7 and was a bridesmaid at their wedding. And I am sure the younger child in the relationship will appreciate not knowing of her mother and Fran's sexualities as she grows up. Also I am sure glad to hear that my parents' heterosexuality should have been hidden from me until I was 16 or older.

I quite agree Sammie. Understanding about such things should come gradually and what is appropriate for the age of the individual child, his/her maturity etc. Sixteen, seems to be and odd age to decide, when a child should be told this or that. By 16, my younger son would have been extremely able to tell me what heterosexual sex was like, yet his brother was very different. My daughter, somewhere inbetween.

Of course...we have to remember, that as we grow up....we realise this...only three people, never have sex...Mum, Dad and the Queen.

It's not telling a child intimate details of personal sexual behaviour, but allowing them to understand certain things about people and how we arrived here and are all different.

Jessica fill find the right time and the right words. She will know when.

[darkeyes]

I quite agree Sammie. Understanding about such things should come gradually and what is appropriate for the age of the individual child, his/her maturity etc. Sixteen, seems to be and odd age to decide, when a child should be told this or that. By 16, my younger son would have been extremely able to tell me what heterosexual sex was like, yet his brother was very different. My daughter, somewhere inbetween.

Of course...we have to remember, that as we grow up....we realise this...only three people, never have sex...Mum, Dad and the Queen.

It's not telling a child intimate details of personal sexual behaviour, but allowing them to understand certain things about people and how we arrived here and are all different.

Jessica fill find the right time and the right words. She will know when.

If we lived in a mature society, one in which sexuality just was that.. sexuality.. whether people were straight, gay or bisexual, wouldn't be an issue.. we would be whatever we are, and no one would bat an eyelid. Children would grow up with us what we are, and would naturally accept their parents and other peoples sexuality as a matter of course.. much as most children believe their parents are heterosexual.. except that the secretive lives of those "heterosexual" parents would no longer be quite so secretive.. the stigma or a gay parent or one who is bisexual would be gone.. children would grow to be who they are and no one would give two hoots whether that child was gay str8 or anything else.. sexuality would just be.. it isn't like that yet, but...

...Kate and I believe in our childrens future.. we believe in them growing to be who they wish to be, what they wish to be and not ours or anybody else's expectation of who or what they should be.. if my parents gave me nothing else.. they gave that to me.. a complete lack of indoctrination of what was expected of me vis a vis my sexuality.. and an openness which would allow me to decide what I was for myself. No pressure exerted to find nice man and settle down and conform to how society felt I should be.. my brother, sister and I were three young human beings who were allowed to grow without expectation of conforming to the societal "norm". We all grew differently and thought differently.. our sexualities are different.. not because of what the world told us we should be but because we were given the freedom to discover for ourselves.. my brother was a slightly different case in that his heterosexuality and my (then) bisexuality caused him real problems.. the outside influence of the big bad world did get to him in ways no human being should ever be got at.. but it was not the big bad world which dictated his sexuality.. that evolved and grew as it should have been allowed to.. organically.. naturally.. it was other events in his world which gave him difficulties once that sexuality was determined..

Our children will grow and are growing knowing who and what we are.. they know I am a lesbian and that Kate is bisexual.. to arm them for the big bad world it is essential that they know just what being lesbian and bisexual means.. just as it is essential that children of heterosexual parents should know exactly what being heterosexual means.. the younger child as yet does not fully understand it for she is not yet 4. The older is 13 this year and has grown up with it since Kate and I first became an item almost 6 years ago.. no one can seriously suggest that we do not discuss sex and sexuality with our children. This does not mean that we tell them that they should be gay or bisexual.. it merely means we explain to them what being gay and bisexual is and what it means.. that it is not something about which to feel shame...it is also incumbent on us to make them fully aware of heterosexuality, and like most children they are surrounded by heterosexuality, but that does not excuse us from what we see as our duty as parents to tell them what it is and what it means to human beings. Our duty is to allow our children's sexuality to develop naturally.. to be whatever it turns out to be.. it does not mean that because I am gay or that Kate is bisexual that either child will turn out to be either.. indeed the elder child seems to be turning out extremely heterosexual as I have said often in these forums.. time may change this but that does not necessarily follow. My parents are straight, yet I am anything but. The younger child still has regular contact with her father, something we encourage and after a sticky start between us, he fully involves himself with his daughter's upbringing and we discuss at length all issues of importance concerning his child's upbringing.. and he is quite clear.. we are doing ok..

Our children are raised as we believe every parent should raise their children on the great issues of sex and sexuality.. with honesty and by giving them the information they need to decide where their lives go for themselves.. by not indoctrinating them but by explaining to and discussing with them as deeply as they wish the issues which are of importance to make them the decent well rounded human beings we hope that they will grow to be.. whatever their sexuality.. thats not our business.. that belongs to them... but whatever that sexuality eventually is, we will provide all the love, support and help that any decent parent should offer their children..

Our children owe us nothing...not a bloody thing.. they did not ask to be brought into the world.. they did not ask for me to be foisted upon them when I met and fell in love with their mother.. it is we who owe them.. as parents we owe our children the best raising we can give them and help them prepare as best we can for that big bad world.. and both Kate and I will pay our debt in spades with all the love and support we can provide whatever life has in store for them.. whatever their life choices are..

ps.. meant 2 say in an earlier post, but forgotted... silly ole me.. nice 2 cya back Canticle... trust life is treatin ya well..:)

[curious married m]

If we lived in a mature society, one in which sexuality just was that.. sexuality.. whether people were straight, gay or bisexual, wouldn't be an issue.. we would be whatever we are, and no one would bat an eyelid. Children would grow up with us what we are, and would naturally accept their parents and other peoples sexuality as a matter of course.. much as most children believe their parents are heterosexual.. except that the secretive lives of those "heterosexual" parents would no longer be quite so secretive.. the stigma or a gay parent or one who is bisexual would be gone.. children would grow to be who they are and no one would give two hoots whether that child was gay str8 or anything else.. sexuality would just be.. it isn't like that yet, but...

...Kate and I believe in our childrens future.. we believe in them growing to be who they wish to be, what they wish to be and not ours or anybody else's expectation of who or what they should be.. if my parents gave me nothing else.. they gave that to me.. a complete lack of indoctrination of what was expected of me vis a vis my sexuality.. and an openness which would allow me to decide what I was for myself. No pressure exerted to find nice man and settle down and conform to how society felt I should be.. my brother, sister and I were three young human beings who were allowed to grow without expectation of conforming to the societal "norm". We all grew differently and thought differently.. our sexualities are different.. not because of what the world told us we should be but because we were given the freedom to discover for ourselves.. my brother was a slightly different case in that his heterosexuality and my (then) bisexuality caused him real problems.. the outside influence of the big bad world did get to him in ways no human being should ever be got at.. but it was not the big bad world which dictated his sexuality.. that evolved and grew as it should have been allowed to.. organically.. naturally.. it was other events in his world which gave him difficulties once that sexuality was determined..

Our children will grow and are growing knowing who and what we are.. they know I am a lesbian and that Kate is bisexual.. to arm them for the big bad world it is essential that they know just what being lesbian and bisexual means.. just as it is essential that children of heterosexual parents should know exactly what being heterosexual means.. the younger child as yet does not fully understand it for she is not yet 4. The older is 13 this year and has grown up with it since Kate and I first became an item almost 6 years ago.. no one can seriously suggest that we do not discuss sex and sexuality with our children. This does not mean that we tell them that they should be gay or bisexual.. it merely means we explain to them what being gay and bisexual is and what it means.. that it is not something about which to feel shame...it is also incumbent on us to make them fully aware of heterosexuality, and like most children they are surrounded by heterosexuality, but that does not excuse us from what we see as our duty as parents to tell them what it is and what it means to human beings. Our duty is to allow our children's sexuality to develop naturally.. to be whatever it turns out to be.. it does not mean that because I am gay or that Kate is bisexual that either child will turn out to be either.. indeed the elder child seems to be turning out extremely heterosexual as I have said often in these forums.. time may change this but that does not necessarily follow. My parents are straight, yet I am anything but. The younger child still has regular contact with her father, something we encourage and after a sticky start between us, he fully involves himself with his daughter's upbringing and we discuss at length all issues of importance concerning his child's upbringing.. and he is quite clear.. we are doing ok..

Our children are raised as we believe every parent should raise their children on the great issues of sex and sexuality.. with honesty and by giving them the information they need to decide where their lives go for themselves.. by not indoctrinating them but by explaining to and discussing with them as deeply as they wish the issues which are of importance to make them the decent well rounded human beings we hope that they will grow to be.. whatever their sexuality.. thats not our business.. that belongs to them... but whatever that sexuality eventually is, we will provide all the love, support and help that any decent parent should offer their children..

Our children owe us nothing...not a bloody thing.. they did not ask to be brought into the world.. they did not ask for me to be foisted upon them when I met and fell in love with their mother.. it is we who owe them.. as parents we owe our children the best raising we can give them and help them prepare as best we can for that big bad world.. and both Kate and I will pay our debt in spades with all the love and support we can provide whatever life has in store for them.. whatever their life choices are..

ps.. meant 2 say in an earlier post, but forgotted... silly ole me.. nice 2 cya back Canticle... trust life is treatin ya well..:)

OMG Did I just read something from my fav lil tart and AGREE. Get my heaviest winter coat out because Hell has frozen over.
:yikes2::eek:

[darkeyes]

OMG Did I just read something from my fav lil tart and AGREE. Get my heaviest winter coat out because Hell has frozen over.
:yikes2::eek:

Ya cud well b rite ya daft ole coot.. its bloody freezin' 'ere.. bloody middle a March nearly an still havin 2 wrap up in me winter woolies for goin 2 work in mornin.. brrrrrrrr:eek:... just as well me car has gr8 heatin!!:bigrin:

Jus stop agreein wiv me willya Goat Face? Peeps r beginnin 2 talk!!!:tong: